Coping Mechanisms

[Debbie]

On a side note, I didn't know what a PIA was and I love "ning nongs" as an insult. It is self explanatory.

I'm not sure I've met bigrednz in my travels here, I don't remember the name. But I'd like to!

I think that's part of what makes me careful about people, the idea that someone is having a really bad day.

When other people sees someone swerve in traffic they might think "What an asshole!" and I might think "I wonder if their mother just died."

Yes, I generally err on the side of "cutting people huge swaths of slack" in reality. It might get me a label of naïve sometimes, but I'd rather err that way than the other. I usually give people plenty of time to show their true character and opportunities to do so. I watch, but I don't tell them who they are first, or that's me making it true. I let them be a good person in theory until they prove me wrong.

If you give people the opportunity to be kind in the context of being kind to them, they'll be suspicious, but they might give it a try. It is also the only way to meet truly nice, generous people.

If you think that the best way to treat people is to "get yours first" then the only people willing to hang out with you will be likeminded. And then you will have confirmed by your own behavior that the world is a terrible place. Maybe YOUR world is. You will also inspire people to do the same to you because you so clearly deserve it, whether they would have otherwise. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy. I try to leave space for surprises.

You've always been a wonderful posting presence, and I'm glad you're here.

PIA is a pain in the ass.

bigrednz is my ever tolerant, humourous husband. I have no idea how he has put up with the crazy I bring to our marriage but he has done so for many years.

I try to see the good in most people and most situations.
But I will channel Mama tiger and bear my teeth and unsheathe my claws if needed to protect my family, friends and strangers who seem to be in need at the time. When the danger passes my knees knock and go like jelly as the adrenaline or bravado disperses. I'm a bit like the cowardly lion.

Being nice isn't going to earn me a place in heaven but it's not going to hurt me either.

I have my coping mechanisms and when I meet someone for the first time I usually eye them up and watch them as discreetly as possible to gauge who they are.

I hate California because everybody hugs and kisses each other on the cheek. So phoney.

I don't know anything about the California thing but I have a big thing about my personal space. I do not like strangers trying to hug me or kiss me unless they are trying to express gratitude or are in shock and may need human contact as solace.

 

[butters]

nowadays, i let a whole lot of stuff pass over me without it hurting - i've been in far worse situations.

for things that are looming, but there's no way i can hurry them along or get there any faster, i wait till i get to the bridges before attempting to cross them. then, when i get there and the bridges are down, i can get pretty inventive about finding ways across to where i need to be. in other words, i try not to trouble trouble, but i've learned resilience, determination, and the depths of my own abilities. if none of them are gonna suffice, then i can turn my back on it, let it go, and (maybe after a few tears in private and a calming down period) take a deep breath, knuckle down and move on with stuff.

there's always someone worse off than me - and i can often do a lot about improving things myself.

a good book, talking stuff through with friends, a sometimes sense of the absurd, and often just time alone can all work wonders. cleaning works too, if i get really really angry about something. man, that's a great time to do the housework!

i dream hugely. lifetimes. and frequently ridiculously. perhaps my brain is busy coping by doing that kind of stuff but i asked it and it won't tell

 

[Aquagal]

I hate California because everybody hugs and kisses each other on the cheek. So phoney.

I grew up there and the only ones I hug are family and old friends. I will say there is incredible phoniness and pretentious people in my home town, the more north you go, the less so. Jive shake, phony air kisses? That's a stupid eye rolling inducing mannerism.

And here's the biggest beef I have about handshakes, this doesn't matter where I am...but fucking shake my hand properly! I hate those wimpy handshakes that people attempt just because I'm a woman. I'm not talking to hurt my hand, but shake it with intent, not with a limp wrist. Not only does it look stupid, it feels stupid.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I grew up there and the only ones I hug are family and old friends. I will say there is incredible phoniness and pretentious people in my home town, the more north you go, the less so. Jive shake, phony air kisses? That's a stupid eye rolling inducing mannerism.

And here's the biggest beef I have about handshakes, this doesn't matter where I am...but fucking shake my hand properly! I hate those wimpy handshakes that people attempt just because I'm a woman. I'm not talking to hurt my hand, but shake it with intent, not with a limp wrist. Not only does it look stupid, it feels stupid.

I find that women usually like a good grip with just a dollop of a squeeze or finger press. Men like something with a higher proof.

 

[Recidiva]

PIA is a pain in the ass.

bigrednz is my ever tolerant, humourous husband. I have no idea how he has put up with the crazy I bring to our marriage but he has done so for many years.

I try to see the good in most people and most situations.
But I will channel Mama tiger and bear my teeth and unsheathe my claws if needed to protect my family, friends and strangers who seem to be in need at the time. When the danger passes my knees knock and go like jelly as the adrenaline or bravado disperses. I'm a bit like the cowardly lion.

Being nice isn't going to earn me a place in heaven but it's not going to hurt me either.

I have my coping mechanisms and when I meet someone for the first time I usually eye them up and watch them as discreetly as possible to gauge who they are.

I don't know anything about the California thing but I have a big thing about my personal space. I do not like strangers trying to hug me or kiss me unless they are trying to express gratitude or are in shock and may need human contact as solace.

Ah! Here it's PITA. I was thinking...Pia Zadora...was she pretty, did she have acne?

I am...amazed that Ulaven chose me and won't ditch me for the clearly better models. But if he says so, then I just consider myself incredibly lucky and blessed.

There was a point where I was struggling over whether or not the world was good or bad and I said "The world has good people in it. Because I'm one of them." And that's why I made that choice. You can't have faith in good unless you do it yourself. You can't have faith in love unless you fight for it. These things will be fictional and mythical and rare upon the Earth unless you create them yourself. It paid off. Doing good is hard. I became less judgmental of ultimate results and intentions in myself and others.

I am an easy hugger, but I try to watch and see if people are hugging others first, and hugging people of the same acquaintance level as I am with them. I won't make the first move unless I feel someone is receptive.

 

[SigmundFraud]

I grew up there and the only ones I hug are family and old friends. I will say there is incredible phoniness and pretentious people in my home town, the more north you go, the less so. Jive shake, phony air kisses? That's a stupid eye rolling inducing mannerism.

And here's the biggest beef I have about handshakes, this doesn't matter where I am...but fucking shake my hand properly! I hate those wimpy handshakes that people attempt just because I'm a woman. I'm not talking to hurt my hand, but shake it with intent, not with a limp wrist. Not only does it look stupid, it feels stupid.

It may have to do with the business I was in. But on the east coast the same business we are not huggy kissy with people we are not familiar with and business people do not give jive hand shakes.

 

[Recidiva]

nowadays, i let a whole lot of stuff pass over me without it hurting - i've been in far worse situations.

for things that are looming, but there's no way i can hurry them along or get there any faster, i wait till i get to the bridges before attempting to cross them. then, when i get there and the bridges are down, i can get pretty inventive about finding ways across to where i need to be. in other words, i try not to trouble trouble, but i've learned resilience, determination, and the depths of my own abilities. if none of them are gonna suffice, then i can turn my back on it, let it go, and (maybe after a few tears in private and a calming down period) take a deep breath, knuckle down and move on with stuff.

there's always someone worse off than me - and i can often do a lot about improving things myself.

a good book, talking stuff through with friends, a sometimes sense of the absurd, and often just time alone can all work wonders. cleaning works too, if i get really really angry about something. man, that's a great time to do the housework!

i dream hugely. lifetimes. and frequently ridiculously. perhaps my brain is busy coping by doing that kind of stuff but i asked it and it won't tell

I'm much more easily worked up over someone else's situation. I can fret to no end about my son or daughter or husband, but I usually restrain myself from interfering or having my way. I will chew out the inside of my mouth before I chew someone else out I love unless I KNOW, absolutely know that I'm right. I will worry about anything and everything. Ulaven will call me if he's going to be five minutes late because I'm SURE...I'm sure. I'm POSITIVE. That he is dead. But I'm not going to call the police and I am not going to panic. Of course I'm going to panic, I'm just not going to have the outward appearance of panicking.

When I was in the hospital it was almost like a vacation. Nothing to do, I might die, but I don't have any secrets to tell, I don't have any problems to resolve. Everybody knows I love them, so...let's go into surgery and see what happens.

My biggest issue was begging the nurses to let me take a shower. Please. Please God. Let me have a shower. "You should be weak and in bed." "I stink and I want a shower. I promise I will not fall down. And if I do, I'm in a hospital, right?" They gave in.

 

[Recidiva]

I grew up there and the only ones I hug are family and old friends. I will say there is incredible phoniness and pretentious people in my home town, the more north you go, the less so. Jive shake, phony air kisses? That's a stupid eye rolling inducing mannerism.

And here's the biggest beef I have about handshakes, this doesn't matter where I am...but fucking shake my hand properly! I hate those wimpy handshakes that people attempt just because I'm a woman. I'm not talking to hurt my hand, but shake it with intent, not with a limp wrist. Not only does it look stupid, it feels stupid.

One of the weirdest manner things is the fact that Northerners can't stand to be called ma'am. It's a common Southern greeting of respect, but in the North it's tantamount to calling someone an old bitch. Bewildering.

Half of my family is deep South and half is as Yankee as you get. Night and Day, the customs and expectations.

My mom gets mad when I make sweet cornbread. "It tastes like cake!" "That's why I like it!"

 

[Debbie]

And here's the biggest beef I have about handshakes, this doesn't matter where I am...but fucking shake my hand properly! I hate those wimpy handshakes that people attempt just because I'm a woman. I'm not talking to hurt my hand, but shake it with intent, not with a limp wrist. Not only does it look stupid, it feels stupid.

My Grandfather was a big part of my life as a child and he taught me how to shake hands properly with confidence and a firm grip. Not a death grip nor a constricting blood flow or a bone crusher grip.

I still enjoy a persons reaction when a lady shakes the hand that is extended to them.

I almost shudder when I am given the limp wristed, cold fish handshake.

 

[Recidiva]

I find that women usually like a good grip with just a dollop of a squeeze or finger press. Men like something with a higher proof.

There have been too many stupid books about what a handshake "means" and too many people do it like an aggressive act.

 

[Aquagal]

I find that women usually like a good grip with just a dollop of a squeeze or finger press. Men like something with a higher proof.

Typically, shaking another woman's hand has more chances of being pansy ass. Women, shake my hand like you mean it!

It may have to do with the business I was in. But on the east coast the same business we are not huggy kissy with people we are not familiar with and business people do not give jive hand shakes.

Jive shakes are stupid, along with fist bumps. In ANY business.

I think as I age I'm becoming less tolerant of general stupidity.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

There have been too many stupid books about what a handshake "means" and too many people do it like an aggressive act.

True, It shouldn't be aggressive, it should have some enthusiasm and fondness in it.

 

[Aquagal]

My Grandfather was a big part of my life as a child and he taught me how to shake hands properly with confidence and a firm grip. Not a death grip nor a constricting blood flow or a bone crusher grip.

I still enjoy a persons reaction when a lady shakes the hand that is extended to them.

I almost shudder when I am given the limp wristed, cold fish handshake.

This!!

Maybe if I hadn't spent time in Europe as an older teen, I might have become a limp wrister, I don't know. Both my sisters are, and I look at them with disgust over this simple act. They probably should just hug everyone.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

There have been too many stupid books about what a handshake "means" and too many people do it like an aggressive act.

I'm very concrete when it comes to meanings. Shaking hands means what it is, I WANNA TOUCH YOU AND EMBRACE YOU A LITTLE.

 

[RedNeckGurl68]

The world is a terrible, cruel, random place. Humans can try to mitigate that terror, cruelty and random sense of events, but they can't eliminate it. They can also be more terrible, cruel and targeted in their venom that it seems like the world is fine but it's us that's wrong.

Mine are humor and entertainment where I can shut off having to think about all the wrongs in the world and let my brain deal with fiction for a while and relax. I try to choose smart fiction to give me the relationship with smart writers or creators and feel that there's good company on the planet and things worth appreciating and preserving. Good food, good company, dropping what I can if it's too much of a burden.

I also mitigate some of my interest in making the world a better place by putting the idea of free will in place. That way I resist the impulse to reach into someone else's life and try to move them into the "correct" position according to what I believe to be true.

I used to want to save the world and now I believe that even if the world needed to be saved, which is doubt because it might be right where it needs to be to get to the next spot in its evolution, there's very little I can do about it and most attempts to "change" people are tiresomely evangelistic and naïve.

So everyone is Creation's own special snowflake but I don't know what Creation is and I don't know what the snowflake's about, but if it tries to kill me, I will kill it back, otherwise leave it alone unless I feel I can make a real difference or symbolic difference that will add up over time if enough people participate.

How do you cope?

You start the most interesting threads. Well for me..I keep a positive attitude no matter what. But it took me 51 years to be able to do so, and I smoke weed.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

You start the most interesting threads. Well for me..I keep a positive attitude no matter what. But it took me 51 years to be able to do so, and I smoke weed.

Loser.

 

[RedNeckGurl68]

Loser.

Thanks lol

 

[Recidiva]

Typically, shaking another woman's hand has more chances of being pansy ass. Women, shake my hand like you mean it!

I tend to mirror other people's actions. So I would figure out what kind of handshake you like and do that. I can respect someone who stands up for their handshake rights.

 

[Recidiva]

This!!

Maybe if I hadn't spent time in Europe as an older teen, I might have become a limp wrister, I don't know. Both my sisters are, and I look at them with disgust over this simple act. They probably should just hug everyone.

I can dig that someone's grandfather valued it. That's cool.

 

[Recidiva]

You start the most interesting threads. Well for me..I keep a positive attitude no matter what. But it took me 51 years to be able to do so, and I smoke weed.

Welcome! And thank you. You get out what you put in, and there's lots of fun people to talk to if you ask the right questions.

Pleasure to meet you. They're considering legal pot in my area and I won't smoke (can't risk harming my lungs or voice) but I'd make a brownie or two.

 

[Debbie]

Ah! Here it's PITA. I was thinking...Pia Zadora...was she pretty, did she have acne?

I am...amazed that Ulaven chose me and won't ditch me for the clearly better models. But if he says so, then I just consider myself incredibly lucky and blessed.

There was a point where I was struggling over whether or not the world was good or bad and I said "The world has good people in it. Because I'm one of them." And that's why I made that choice. You can't have faith in good unless you do it yourself. You can't have faith in love unless you fight for it. These things will be fictional and mythical and rare upon the Earth unless you create them yourself. It paid off. Doing good is hard. I became less judgmental of ultimate results and intentions in myself and others.

I am an easy hugger, but I try to watch and see if people are hugging others first, and hugging people of the same acquaintance level as I am with them. I won't make the first move unless I feel someone is receptive.

Anyone who finds someone who loves them for their good bits and their flaws then both parties are not just lucky but fortunate to have found each other in this big, wide world.

I try not to run screaming from strangers who want to hug me but it isn't easy.

I guess it is a bit weird. I'll give a busker small change, I'll try and intervene if someone is being abused and seems vulnerable but if you try and hug me I will allow you to and only my loved ones will recognize the restrained inner recoil and almost horror of the situation.

For me doing good isn't hard. It is second nature. Being angry isn't easy for me. I do not like anger at all and that goes back to my religious childhood and being taught anger was not an acceptable emotion and that it was sinful.

It still pleases and surprises me when others do things I think are kind. My grown sons think it is weird.

I'll say: "Did you see that?" That lady waited for me and let me into the traffic."

Son: "Uh, you do it all the time. Why wouldn't she do it for you?"

Silly Mum. Of course some strangers do kind things for others.

 

[RedNeckGurl68]

Welcome! And thank you. You get out what you put in, and there's lots of fun people to talk to if you ask the right questions.

Pleasure to meet you. They're considering legal pot in my area and I won't smoke (can't risk harming my lungs or voice) but I'd make a brownie or two.

Yep when you filter out the oned who just want to be nasty. Pleasure is all mine.I do the medical marijuane....

 

[Recidiva]

Anyone who finds someone who loves them for their good bits and their flaws then both parties are not just lucky but fortunate to have found each other in this big, wide world.

I try not to run screaming from strangers who want to hug me but it isn't easy.

I guess it is a bit weird. I'll give a busker small change, I'll try and intervene if someone is being abused and seems vulnerable but if you try and hug me I will allow you to and only my loved ones will recognize the restrained inner recoil and almost horror of the situation.

For me doing good isn't hard. It is second nature. Being angry isn't easy for me. I do not like anger at all and that goes back to my religious childhood and being taught anger was not an acceptable emotion and that it was sinful.

It still pleases and surprises me when others do things I think are kind. My grown sons think it is weird.

I'll say: "Did you see that?" That lady waited for me and let me into the traffic."

Son: "Uh, you do it all the time. Why wouldn't she do it for you?"

Silly Mum. Of course some strangers do kind things for others.

Yes, it was fun to realize that people are so unaccustomed to honesty and kindness that it's an event.

When we go shopping, it is not unusual to have people stop us and say "I really like your energy."

My daughter will say "Of course you do! We're awesome!"

But it's much better to make someone's day than ruin it. I think creation is harder than destruction. I try to oppose the entropy of the second law of thermodynamics.

I'm a rebel. So I'm doing the hard stuff and I might be doing it alone, but every now and then you meet the other awesome people and you can sit with them at the awesome table and it's all worth it.

 

[Recidiva]

Yep when you filter out the oned who just want to be nasty. Pleasure is all mine.I do the medical marijuane....

There are a lot of them. I'm not terribly worried though, as they appear to not be all that bright.

It's a corrosive thing to keep all that much of a stock of hate. I'm not evangelical and I do know it's useless to tell an ass they're being an ass, but it might benefit someone in the crowd who does actually have a conscience and a choice.

If I could do the medical thing I would. And if it's legal, I will!

 

[eyer]

You start the most interesting threads.

...I smoke weed.

Too friggin' funny...