Coping Mechanisms

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I do believe you. I think you've done some serious good and had some serious ideals and now you're glad you tried and you are glad you know what you know, but knowing that means you'd like to do things differently now and not throw your life and effort away on someone else's problems who is more likely to curse you for it than thank you.

I felt that way after joining a cult and seeing "Wow, these guys have a lot of great ideas, but everybody hates them and to be fair, some of them are complete assholes."

It seems you came that way through organized social services, I came that way through joining a cult in the same way that Nelly Bly joined an insane asylum.

There is nothing I can do about people's stupid. Many people that I want to help will only kick me for interfering. I will help...if asked, and if I can. I do not feel compelled to be a Superhero and right wrongs. As Mr. Incredible says "No matter how many times you save the world, it always ... Can we keep it clean for... for ten minutes!"

Ulaven once pulled his bike over to protect a woman who was being beaten by a man in a car on the side of the road. He pulled him out and started to hit him and had to stop because the woman was trying to kill Ulaven also to "protect" her abuser.

Many relationships on earth between people and their lives and ideas are entirely codependent and the only thing I will get for trying to provide reason is a punch in the face and a few nasty names for my trouble.

Sure. Ulaven deserves some attaboys.

Before my mother killed herself I let my grandmother and aunts talk me out of committing her (she made suicide attempts all the time), so I did nothing and she died. And the guilt on both sides destroyed the family. They enraged cuz I was right, and me enraged cuz I was afraid to cross them. So I learned to do the right thing cuz the piper will be paid whatever you do or don't do.

 

[SigmundFraud]

I remember watching that movie with Goldie Hawn and Susan Sarandon that were once groupies and how AWSEOME being a groupie was and why aren't we groupies now!

She saved Susan Sarandon's stuck-up life by bringing groupie back! Go "Banger Sisters!"

I always say "Thank You Irresponsibility Fairy!" to those ridiculous stories.

Act like those chicks and you'd have been dead 15 years ago to all sorts of fun diseases. Same goes to the pretty ladies in "Sex And The City"

I have never watched "Sex in the City."

That chick that Matthew Brodbeck married is ugly.

 

[Aphro]

Pretty nearly all are certain I'm Hannibal Lecter but I'll let you in on a secret. I have 4 great kids and 10 excellent grandchildren, using whatever scorecard you like. A social worker who lives down the street (and disliked me) has two sons and a husband in their graves and a daughter who's trash. Another neighbor, most of her kids and grandkids have criminals records. And theyre typical. I'm the whacko with the stirling progeny.

I'm not religious, never go to church, and generally dislike clergy. But I discovered something 45 years ago. When things are awful its usually just you and God there on the scene. And if you believe that there's something like RIGHT and GOOD in the world, that's the God part, and you feel less alone.

I think you enjoy playing the asshole on the internet for personal amusement and distraction. As do many on the web. It's easier to be a dick to someone when you are not looking them directly in the eyeballs.

I suppose when I think of what's right and good, I don't think in terms of God, as in the big man in the sky. I like to think of people as being somehow interconnected, like a global human motherboard, and that when it comes right down to it, most people are good at heart, and that they balance off the truly evil ones.

 

[Recidiva]

Sure. Ulaven deserves some attaboys.

Before my mother killed herself I let my grandmother and aunts talk me out of committing her (she made suicide attempts all the time), so I did nothing and she died. And the guilt on both sides destroyed the family. They enraged cuz I was right, and me enraged cuz I was afraid to cross them. So I learned to do the right thing cuz the piper will be paid whatever you do or don't do.

Schizophrenia runs deep in one side and also suicide. My brother tried several times and finally succeeded.

I tried to do the right thing and all that meant is that he wouldn't talk to me because I had a successful record of talking him out of it.

He was amazing and he loved me and when he was dead I was sad but not shocked. I hoped he wouldn't but I thought he would. I did not grieve or feel as betrayed as others did because I really, really did get it.

There was absolutely nothing wrong with the man other than the fact that he was brilliant, beautiful, talented and funny, but he was also gay and he couldn't accept himself.

I know you dislike gay people seeking equality for your own reasons and that is what it is. You are not someone who would take a dig at me and say "Recidiva had a fag brother who killed himself because he was a fag and he was built wrong and that proves it!" because I think that would be appalling and so would you.

So since you don't go there, I don't go there.

I can talk to you and you can know things about me and you might tease me about them or make tasteless jokes, but I believe you would never go that low because you know it's low and you would prefer to be fictionally evil, but not really evil.

 

[subdued_passion]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EmOtWyjs8iU

 

[Recidiva]

I have never watched "Sex in the City."

That chick that Matthew Brodbeck married is ugly.

I watched a few. Pure fantasy. Not that realism is what's the norm on TV. Good banter, abysmal consequence to behavior ratio.

I am suspicious of pretty until it can prove it is also smart. She is smart. I like her. Watched her in stuff since she played a nerdy girl in "Square Pegs"

You can tell girls are nerdy and ugly and unpopular because they wear glasses and don't have smooth and shiny hair. It has nothing to do with their features because clearly Amy Linker was also ugly because she wore padding and braces.

 

[Recidiva]

I think you enjoy playing the asshole on the internet for personal amusement and distraction. As do many on the web. It's easier to be a dick to someone when you are not looking them directly in the eyeballs.

I suppose when I think of what's right and good, I don't think in terms of God, as in the big man in the sky. I like to think of people as being somehow interconnected, like a global human motherboard, and that when it comes right down to it, most people are good at heart, and that they balance off the truly evil ones.

I do believe in the basically good majority. Because although the world is screwy in many ways that are understandable, it is also functional in many, many ways that wouldn't exist unless the majority of us agreed. We agree money is worth something as a group. We believe traffic laws are a good idea as a group. We agree children should be educated as a group.

The Dalai Lama also said that to raise children with love can be seen in the world and the majority of parents love their children, and that in itself is a signal of goodness in the world. I agree with him.

I think the good guys are out there doing the hard stuff and taking no credit and they never get on TV, but I can drive on the roads they built and read the books they wrote and meet the children they raised.

 

[Recidiva]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EmOtWyjs8iU

What would I think if you sang out of tune? I would say "Dude, your voice sucks!" But encourage you to sing and I would sing with you.

Or is it sang out a tune. I always hear sang out of tune.

I like my way better.

 

[subdued_passion]

What would I think if you sang out of tune? I would say "Dude, your voice sucks!" But encourage you to sing and I would sing with you.

Or is it sang out a tune. I always hear sang out of tune.

I like my way better.

I've always heard it as sang out of tune. And a good friend would sing with you any way.


Music and the company of good friends, great way to cope with anything.

 

[Aquagal]

I retreat, shut down from the world. Dive head in to my hobbies. Showers are great for crying.

 

[subdued_passion]

I retreat, shut down from the world. Dive head in to my hobbies. Showers are great for crying.

Yeah, as women sometimes we just need a good cry and we're fine afterwards (or is it just me).


I wonder, do men ever feel the need to indulge in catharsis?

 

[SigmundFraud]

I watched a few. Pure fantasy. Not that realism is what's the norm on TV. Good banter, abysmal consequence to behavior ratio.

I am suspicious of pretty until it can prove it is also smart. She is smart. I like her. Watched her in stuff since she played a nerdy girl in "Square Pegs"

You can tell girls are nerdy and ugly and unpopular because they wear glasses and don't have smooth and shiny hair. It has nothing to do with their features because clearly Amy Linker was also ugly because she wore padding and braces.

She does have a banging body so she gets a free pass.

I still would make her wear a paperbag during the sex stuff though.

 

[Recidiva]

I've always heard it as sang out of tune. And a good friend would sing with you any way.


Music and the company of good friends, great way to cope with anything.

That's one of my great joys. I have music playing all the time. Ulaven sings with me and if the family is in the car, we'll all sing something together.

Good food, music, good TV (or TV that's good to mock), good books, good games.

It can be hard to find, and I have to do reruns often, but I've built up a large library of stuff to entertain and comfort and there's always something new to try.

 

[subdued_passion]

That's one of my great joys. I have music playing all the time. Ulaven sings with me and if the family is in the car, we'll all sing something together.

Good food, music, good TV (or TV that's good to mock), good books, good games.

It can be hard to find, and I have to do reruns often, but I've built up a large library of stuff to entertain and comfort and there's always something new to try.

Don't tell me you are like the Von Trapp family, because then I'm jealous! I do enjoy singing harmonies, it's one of those simple joys that just helps me transcend.

 

[Recidiva]

I retreat, shut down from the world. Dive head in to my hobbies. Showers are great for crying.

I realized once as I watched movies that some people have not mastered the art of crying without making a sound or a shudder or even moving.

And then I thought...wow. I am competitive about concealing grieving and pain.

Having migraines means that there are times where I can't think and I can't protect myself and the people around me can do immeasurable harm to me in that state and I can't do anything about it.

Over time I just concealed that I was in any pain at all, didn't mention it and wouldn't acknowledge it, and I could cry without being heard in any situation. I would go to work and in an effort to maintain my job, just suffer excruciating pain and not know what the phone was when it rang or not remember my name. My daughter would notice that I would be five shades paler than I normally would be (which is hard, I'm pretty damned pale) and ask "Do you have a head ick?" but nobody else would care or notice.

I am now loved and supported and my family and even my pets tend to be careful with me and give me what I need, but most of my old habits are based on not being seen and appearing to be absolutely nothing but completely average and ordinary and not in any way a source of concern or comment. Camouflage.

So I suppose being able to be on Lit and be brassy and outrageous and nobody can lie in wait and make me suffer for it when I'm sick is liberating in its own way.

 

[Recidiva]

Yeah, as women sometimes we just need a good cry and we're fine afterwards (or is it just me).


I wonder, do men ever feel the need to indulge in catharsis?

Ulaven will cry at movies and it's funny that everyone will assume he won't because he's so scary looking and Alpha male-ey.

When we watch movies my son will often get up and get everybody a tissue and sit back down. He did it once when one of my daughter's male friends was over and said "Oh, I'm sure he doesn't need a tissue, he would never be caught crying."

We didn't correct him, but there was a lot of little snorts and snuffles that might have sounded like crying.

 

[Recidiva]

She does have a banging body so she gets a free pass.

I still would make her wear a paperbag during the sex stuff though.

Perhaps they could do a revival movie just for you. I wouldn't watch it, but you'd have to promise to, and that would be punishment enough.

 

[SigmundFraud]

Ulaven will cry at movies and it's funny that everyone will assume he won't because he's so scary looking and Alpha male-ey.

When we watch movies my son will often get up and get everybody a tissue and sit back down. He did it once when one of my daughter's male friends was over and said "Oh, I'm sure he doesn't need a tissue, he would never be caught crying."

We didn't correct him, but there was a lot of little snorts and snuffles that might have sounded like crying.

Such a little Mary.

 

[Recidiva]

Don't tell me you are like the Von Trapp family, because then I'm jealous! I do enjoy singing harmonies, it's one of those simple joys that just helps me transcend.

We are. My daughter and I when we were alone would prepare a song for Thanksgiving.

At our family reunions half the family drags instruments and everybody sings.

Orr favorite is "The Unicorn Song" and all ages sing it without rolling their eyes and do in fact request it from the guys that do the most dramatic delivery.

Here's a version that is less rowdy than our version.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4bc9UwZsYs

My dad would sing "She'll Be Comin' Round The Mountain" with a guitar and multiple nieces and nephews learned guitar and we will literally sit around the campfire all day making breakfast, dinner, lunch and dinner and marshmallows, and singing.

I am also probably the only person I know that adores the Kingston Trio and has to have "Desert Pete" on her play list.

 

[Recidiva]

Such a little Mary.

Yup. He will walk down the hall at work and sing "Hat In A Box" from "Hedwig and the Angry Inch"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=740TB17Dsn0

His reactions are Usually the women delightedly saying "I didn't know you could sing!" and the men unwilling to make any comment whatsoever.

 

[subdued_passion]

Ulaven will cry at movies and it's funny that everyone will assume he won't because he's so scary looking and Alpha male-ey.

When we watch movies my son will often get up and get everybody a tissue and sit back down. He did it once when one of my daughter's male friends was over and said "Oh, I'm sure he doesn't need a tissue, he would never be caught crying."

We didn't correct him, but there was a lot of little snorts and snuffles that might have sounded like crying.

I feel very weird when a guy cries in front of me, actually if anyone cries in front of me. I get uncomfortable with any overt display of emotions. It's weird but I've helped women puking in the bathroom, but if I walk in on anyone crying I will dash out and pretend like I didn't see anything and ask someone else to go check on them.

 

[Recidiva]

I feel very weird when a guy cries in front of me, actually if anyone cries in front of me. I get uncomfortable with any overt display of emotions. It's weird but I've helped women puking in the bathroom, but if I walk in on anyone crying I will dash out and pretend like I didn't see anything and ask someone else to go check on them.

Yeah, I don't get that at all. Crying to me is something you do like sneezing. If you have something in your nose you sneeze. If you have something in your brain you cry. It isn't a judgment. It's a reflex.

It's definitely a socialization thing that I am completely immune to, that I think is silly and I will never get even if it's explained to me over and over.

I also think it's a way to demoralize and minimize women, so I think it's bullshit. Men should be allowed to cry or wear bright colors and not be beaten into the ground like an abomination that will immediately kill us all if allowed to live.

It's one of the ways to tell men they're acting girly and girly is wrong. I don't think girly is wrong and I don't think crying is only in the brains of girls.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I think you enjoy playing the asshole on the internet for personal amusement and distraction. As do many on the web. It's easier to be a dick to someone when you are not looking them directly in the eyeballs.

I suppose when I think of what's right and good, I don't think in terms of God, as in the big man in the sky. I like to think of people as being somehow interconnected, like a global human motherboard, and that when it comes right down to it, most people are good at heart, and that they balance off the truly evil ones.

Most people aren't good at heart.

I've had my ass kicked plenty of times for saying whats on my mind, its bred into me.

I have a newspaper clipping here somewhere, my mother went to court and sweetly asked the judge how much the fine was for contempt of court. She asked to approach the bench, pulled out her billfold and asked, WILL THE COURT ACCEPT TWENTIES? The judge answered, YES MA'AM. She then gave him 5 twenties and said, LET ME KNOW WHEN MY TIME IS UP.

I'll post an old account of my 3rd great-grandfather taking on the state legislature alone.

Now you may believe I'm a poser, and youd be very wrong. Youd be wrong because my ass has been whupped too many times and I like trying to hurt the people I fight with. I cant take a beating trying to get at his testicles, whats more, as many times as I've lost no one has ever come back for a re-match.

 

[subdued_passion]

We are. My daughter and I when we were alone would prepare a song for Thanksgiving.

At our family reunions half the family drags instruments and everybody sings.

Orr favorite is "The Unicorn Song" and all ages sing it without rolling their eyes and do in fact request it from the guys that do the most dramatic delivery.

Here's a version that is less rowdy than our version.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4bc9UwZsYs

My dad would sing "She'll Be Comin' Round The Mountain" with a guitar and multiple nieces and nephews learned guitar and we will literally sit around the campfire all day making breakfast, dinner, lunch and dinner and marshmallows, and singing.

I am also probably the only person I know that adores the Kingston Trio and has to have "Desert Pete" on her play list.

OK. Officially, I'm jealous!!

That does sound like a lot of fun. My family members and all my friends (but one) are tone deaf (in my opinion), I'm either wincing or laughing when they sing. And they compensate for singing out of tune by singing really loud.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I think you enjoy playing the asshole on the internet for personal amusement and distraction. As do many on the web. It's easier to be a dick to someone when you are not looking them directly in the eyeballs.

I suppose when I think of what's right and good, I don't think in terms of God, as in the big man in the sky. I like to think of people as being somehow interconnected, like a global human motherboard, and that when it comes right down to it, most people are good at heart, and that they balance off the truly evil ones.

http://quod.lib.umich.edu/m/moajrnl/bac8387.0054.324/889:11?page=root;rgn=main;size=100;view=image

Major WARD is my ancestor.