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ICT not having enough time with my sub this week. It's so disappointing.
I hope not!
I confess that in between searching databases for journal articles to use in my literature review, I was watching porn tonight. A little business, a little pleasure...
sounds like a plan.
my wife had set it up with the other wife they had planned it all out. came to find out that she had never told her husband about it after four hours my wife finally said ok are we going to fuck or not if not you need to leave because i am horny. the man said what?
they left soon after.
I'm so new to it, I'm not sure if they do.
In our case, we used to swing with this couple for years.
Other woman wanted me to leave with her, I said no.
She left, leaving her hubby devastated.
He became my best friend, while we still had 3 sums.
I found emails between the two of them expressing feelings beyond casual sex, meanwhile I was going through a spiritual renaisance.
I accepted their feelings for each other and came to realize we are capable of loving more than one person at a time.
The problem lies, in the odd person out being made to feel less important. I have lost in this transaction, because she is expending emotional energy on him that I'm not benefitting from. This isn't his fault or problem, it's for me and wifey to work out.
That could be balanced if I had another woman to replace those debits, but I don't have a desire to go look for one. And I doubt wifey could be as accepting of my external interests. I do have a girl I fool around with occasionally, but very F.B.ish. As silly as it sounds, I love my wife enormously and all I want is her happiness, therefore I'm not gonna stress her unduly. I just have to get her to understand my P.O.V..
If she keeps me happy, considers my feelings when he's around, then I am happy that she has another person to help me fulfill her. And fill her.
It's unknown territory and we have to work on it. 2 steps back and 3 steps forward. But I hope it will last for years to come.
Sorry for the ramble.
Another reasoning that they can last is because the consensual adults participating in any poly relationship are mature enough to understand what they are getting in to and are able and willing to discuss their feelings and set emotions and jealousy aside. I have heard it said many, many times... "It is not for everyone." Some people make it work, are happy, and absolutely love the abundance of attention and love they get from multiple partners. Other's can't get past the attitude of posession and monogamy. Monogamy is historically a man-made institution that was brought about by religion and modern society. Humans are not scientifically meant to be monogamous. Most humans just let their minds be controlled by the generations before them who tell them that you should only ever be with one person. Any poly relationship is a state of mind. A state which many peopled do not, and never will understand. Furthermore, it is a state that many people choose to judge negatively without respecting those who are in that sort of relationship.
I'm certainly interested in exploring a poly lifestyle, and have talked about this with my wife, but I think one of the main issues is simply time. I don't have enough time right now to do the things I need to, and we have small kids, so spending time seeking or maintaining another lover seems pretty unfair. Maybe this is something that we can do in 5-10 years though. It really does interest me, but I would only want to do it with her blessing and participation.
All...
A very dear friend, who incidentally is poly-amorous, told me the other day that she was impressed by how I "choose" to love someone. She said it seems so much more methodical than most cases. Yes, I suppose it has its benefits. I'm not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing...
Sorry for the severe tangent. It's one of those nights, I suppose...
OH MY! How could you do all that and not tell your husband? Wow.....well, still glad you got some, but I bet it made for a rather awkward night!
ICT I am happy to have the evening to myself (hubbie is out) but also a little sad since I don't have anything fun to do
Time is one of our main problems. Time for us to be alone. Time for her and him to be alone. The compromises cause some problems.I'm certainly interested in exploring a poly lifestyle, and have talked about this with my wife, but I think one of the main issues is simply time. I don't have enough time right now to do the things I need to, and we have small kids, so spending time seeking or maintaining another lover seems pretty unfair. Maybe this is something that we can do in 5-10 years though. It really does interest me, but I would only want to do it with her blessing and participation.
Time is one of our main problems. Time for us to be alone. Time for her and him to be alone. The compromises cause some problems.
Regarding love:
I believe if there is a connection, you can make yourself love. many years ago when wifey and I were having problems I considered leaving. She had changed and I didn't understand, so I thought about starting over. But I did love her and and I wanted what we'd had. So whenever I thought bitter or negative thoughts I forced myself to consider what we'd had, what I loved about her, and what good qualities she still had. I found myself falling in love with her again. And it turned out she suffered with depression. With changes we were able to rebuild our relationship.
Something I read somewhere; If you want to show someone you love them, don't do what you think they want you too. Try to find out what they want, and do that. Sometimes you can tell the way they want to be treated by the way they treat you.
I think time is what ultimately kills or makes relationships of any type work. Unfortunately, this is usually discovered after so much of the damage is done, and you can end up realizing you don't even know the other person anymore. I know for me, in past relationships, it has been the ultimate death sentence...
For what it's worth, I wish you the best!