coming out bi?

[yr_sissy_toy]

So, I wanted to pick your collective brain for a moment, if possible, and ask about folks' experience coming out as bisexual. I guess this piggybacks off the gay/bi relations post a bit. I'm pretty new to the whole coming out process -- I've only really told a few close friends. And most of those times has been a really odd, awkward transition to the topic. I don't want to come out awkwardly! But it's really hard to "telegraph" being bi -- one can send pretty obvious signals about being straight or gay, but with bisexuality, it's harder (or so it seems to me).

Any suggestions on not making an awkward arse out of myself?

 

[monteJ]

i fought it for alot of years, i think when i finally admited to myself that i had bi tendencies it was actually alot harder than i thought, i spent the next few years being very confused trying to figure out where to go with my feelings and desires, it still consumes me at times but i consider my thoughts and desires to be o.k., i waited till after i was married to fess up to myself and i wish i didn't, i wish i would have accepted my desires before i got into a commited relationship so i could have experimented a little, i love my wife very much and don't mind never knowing what could have been couse the life i have now is very fullfilling and happy, i don't think theres anything wrong with how you're feeling, and i wish you luck on your journey.

 

[Jander1]

i fought it for alot of years, i think when i finally admited to myself that i had bi tendencies it was actually alot harder than i thought, i spent the next few years being very confused trying to figure out where to go with my feelings and desires, it still consumes me at times but i consider my thoughts and desires to be o.k., i waited till after i was married to fess up to myself and i wish i didn't, i wish i would have accepted my desires before i got into a commited relationship so i could have experimented a little, i love my wife very much and don't mind never knowing what could have been couse the life i have now is very fullfilling and happy, i don't think theres anything wrong with how you're feeling, and i wish you luck on your journey.

My experience has been similar. I have only come out to a few friends,and thankfully my wife has been understanding. I was not honest with myself at first and even after I was and became OK with myself over it I just did not want to be labeled as bi. I still do not think it is everyone's business so why go around advertising it? It was a long process for me, that may have been easier if I had grown up in a less conservative area.

 

[groove_kid]

I guess for awhile I wasn't honest because though I wouldn't deny
things,I wouldn't admit them either.Then I realized there will always
be rumors anyway,so a lot of people do know.

 

[texharley]

i fought it for alot of years, i think when i finally admited to myself that i had bi tendencies it was actually alot harder than i thought, i spent the next few years being very confused trying to figure out where to go with my feelings and desires, it still consumes me at times but i consider my thoughts and desires to be o.k., i waited till after i was married to fess up to myself and i wish i didn't, i wish i would have accepted my desires before i got into a commited relationship so i could have experimented a little, i love my wife very much and don't mind never knowing what could have been couse the life i have now is very fullfilling and happy, i don't think theres anything wrong with how you're feeling, and i wish you luck on your journey.

This is so close to my story that I had to look to make sure I did not write this. I have not sucked a cock in over 40 years but I still am bi because I fantaisze about sucking cock. it is not anyone's businsee that I have these feelings. My wife knows and it bothers he but she thinks I deny these feeling completely.

 

[Xmrah23]

This is so close to my story that I had to look to make sure I did not write this. I have not sucked a cock in over 40 years but I still am bi because I fantaisze about sucking cock. it is not anyone's businsee that I have these feelings. My wife knows and it bothers he but she thinks I deny these feeling completely.

Sorry to hear that tex. I'd let you suck my cock.

 

[Little Bird]

I remember that I thought, it would be much easier if I were gay.
"Hey mom, I'm gay." isn't half as akward as saying that your bisexual.

When I had my first homoerotic fantasy at 21, one night, I was amazingly confident about it. I never thought about men sexually before, but that moment I noticed "you're fantasizing about sex with a man." And my reaction was just "hm, okay."
I told some friends the next day, that I realized my bisexuality, and they were all completely okay with it. We had a short talk, but it really wasn't anything to make a fuss about, so that about was it.
Coming out to my parents was more difficult. I know before that they would completely support me and that it wouldn't really change anything, but it was just akward. I've no problem about stating my sexuality when the issue comes up, but I'm not the kind of person who starts a conversation to tell other people about my sexuality. I think it put it off for about a year. At that time, I was visiting my parents and talked with my mother, for maybe an hour or less. I assume that she understood that I made no secret about it and talked with my father about it. But it never arose in conversation again, and she just might have thought I would want to tell him myself once I'm ready for it. I hope they talked about it, that would really make things akward at a later moment.
I don't think I ever talked about it with my brother, but he knows. I think from bits I said in conversation with other people. Well, I think he knows! Oh boy, there's a lot of possible akwardness to happen in the future.

As I think it much more likely for other man, who are attracted to me, to actually act on it if they know I'm not exclusively into women, it's of course a very good idea to make my bisexuality publically known with my friends at university. But again, how to bring it up without appearing narcistic or exibistionistic? I think it was just after a few months that a conversation I can't remember led to one female friend next to me saying "I guess it's hard as a gay man.". I don't remember what she was referring to, but I took the chance and outed myself.
It was quite crowded and loud there, and the people of our group where having two or three conversations at the same time. So I don't know who heard it and who didn't.
But in our group of close friends, there's at least one other woman who I strongly suspect of being at least slightly bi-courious and as I'm the only man in our group, we had lots of conversations that made my sexuality pretty clear to them.

But I think I brought up the word bisexuality in conversation only three times in all those years.

On the other hand, very few people know about my androgyny.

 

[silver_eyes]

"I still do not think it is everyone's business so why go around advertising it?" - Jander 1

So very very true! The only person that needs to know my sexual orientation is the person I'm in bed with. I've never bothered to "come out of the closet" because I've never considered myself in the closet.
So unless they want to jump in bed with me, I let them know, "It's none of your business."

 

[Ezri]

There is nothing wrong to make people know you are bi or lesbian. Anyway, why should we think everyone think women want men or men want women.

So be it, but being with a woman I enjoy.

 

[silver_eyes]

There is nothing wrong to make people know you are bi or lesbian. Anyway, why should we think everyone think women want men or men want women.

So be it, but being with a woman I enjoy.

True, but what I've never figured out is why anyone would want to know unless they're wanting to get together with you. In context, if someone wants to know my orientation that's fine. But to ask someone's orientation out of the blue is just rude. They might as well ask, "Do you have hemorrhoids?"

 

[Ezri]

Yes, but if you do not ask you may not find the girl you want.

 

[silver_eyes]

Yes, but if you do not ask you may not find the girl you want.

Exactly. That's what I mean by in context. If a gay man was trying to seduce me and wanted to know if I were interested in men, that's perfectly fine. I might say "No" (I'm not interested), "Sorry, but I'm not (available, interested, etc)" (I'm not interested), or "Yes" (Keep doing what your doing and you won't be going home alone tonight).