Comedy Of Errors

[Guru]

ADRIANA


His company must do his minions grace,
Whilst I at home starve for a merry look.
Hath homely age the alluring beauty took
From my poor cheek? then he hath wasted it:
Are my discourses dull? barren my wit?
If voluble and sharp discourse be marr'd,
Unkindness blunts it more than marble hard:
Do their gay vestments his affections bait?
That's not my fault: he's master of my state:
What ruins are in me that can be found,
By him not ruin'd? then is he the ground
Of my defeatures. My decayed fair
A sunny look of his would soon repair
But, too unruly deer, he breaks the pale
And feeds from home; poor I am but his stale.

 

[Guru]

LUCIANA


Self-harming jealousy! fie, beat it hence!

 

[Guru]

ADRIANA


Unfeeling fools can with such wrongs dispense.
I know his eye doth homage otherwhere,
Or else what lets it but he would be here?
Sister, you know he promised me a chain;
Would that alone, alone he would detain,
So he would keep fair quarter with his bed!
I see the jewel best enamelled
Will lose his beauty; yet the gold bides still,
That others touch, and often touching will
Wear gold: and no man that hath a name,
By falsehood and corruption doth it shame.
Since that my beauty cannot please his eye,
I'll weep what's left away, and weeping die.

 

[Guru]

LUCIANA


How many fond fools serve mad jealousy!

Exeunt

 

[Guru]

SCENE II. A public place.



Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse




ANTIPHOLUS

 

[Guru]

OF SYRACUSE


The gold I gave to Dromio is laid up
Safe at the Centaur; and the heedful slave
Is wander'd forth, in care to seek me out
By computation and mine host's report.
I could not speak with Dromio since at first
I sent him from the mart. See, here he comes.

Enter DROMIO of Syracuse

How now sir! is your merry humour alter'd?
As you love strokes, so jest with me again.
You know no Centaur? you received no gold?
Your mistress sent to have me home to dinner?
My house was at the Phoenix? Wast thou mad,
That thus so madly thou didst answer me?

 

[Guru]

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE


What answer, sir? when spake I such a word?
ANTIPHOLUS

 

[Guru]

OF SYRACUSE


Even now, even here, not half an hour since.

 

[Guru]

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE


I did not see you since you sent me hence,
Home to the Centaur, with the gold you gave me.
ANTIPHOLUS

 

[Guru]

OF SYRACUSE


Villain, thou didst deny the gold's receipt,
And told'st me of a mistress and a dinner;
For which, I hope, thou felt'st I was displeased.

 

[Guru]

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE


I am glad to see you in this merry vein:
What means this jest? I pray you, master, tell me.
ANTIPHOLUS

 

[Guru]

OF SYRACUSE


Yea, dost thou jeer and flout me in the teeth?
Think'st thou I jest? Hold, take thou that, and that.

Beating him

 

[Guru]

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE


Hold, sir, for God's sake! now your jest is earnest:
Upon what bargain do you give it me?
ANTIPHOLUS

 

[Guru]

OF SYRACUSE


Because that I familiarly sometimes
Do use you for my fool and chat with you,
Your sauciness will jest upon my love
And make a common of my serious hours.
When the sun shines let foolish gnats make sport,
But creep in crannies when he hides his beams.
If you will jest with me, know my aspect,
And fashion your demeanor to my looks,
Or I will beat this method in your sconce.

 

[Guru]

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE


Sconce call you it? so you would leave battering, I
had rather have it a head: an you use these blows
long, I must get a sconce for my head and ensconce
it too; or else I shall seek my wit in my shoulders.
But, I pray, sir why am I beaten?
ANTIPHOLUS

 

[Guru]

OF SYRACUSE


Dost thou not know?

 

[Guru]

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE


Nothing, sir, but that I am beaten.
ANTIPHOLUS

 

[Guru]

OF SYRACUSE


Shall I tell you why?

 

[Guru]

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE


Ay, sir, and wherefore; for they say every why hath
a wherefore.
ANTIPHOLUS

 

[Guru]

OF SYRACUSE


Why, first,--for flouting me; and then, wherefore--
For urging it the second time to me.

 

[Guru]

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE


Was there ever any man thus beaten out of season,
When in the why and the wherefore is neither rhyme
nor reason?
Well, sir, I thank you.
ANTIPHOLUS

 

[Guru]

OF SYRACUSE


Thank me, sir, for what?

 

[Guru]

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE


Marry, sir, for this something that you gave me for nothing.
ANTIPHOLUS

 

[Guru]

OF SYRACUSE


I'll make you amends next, to give you nothing for
something. But say, sir, is it dinner-time?

 

[Guru]

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE


No, sir; I think the meat wants that I have.
ANTIPHOLUS