Come sit on Santa's lap 2012

[IhateClowns]

Yes boys and girls. It is time for the annual come sit on Santa's lap thread. Every year I put on my red onesie, grow my beard out and allow you the joy of sitting on my lap and telling me what you want for Christmas.

So boys and girls. Well preferably girls. Have you been naughty or nice? What would you like for Santa to plant under your bush, I mean tree this year?

By the way my onesie is at the cleaners so this will have to do until I get get it back. See how much weight I have lost from the stones?????

 

[Sensualdreamer]

*shudders*

 

[IhateClowns]

*shudders*

HO HO HO. Merry Christmas SD

 

[LadyVer]

*shudders*

LOL Ditto! I have a pic of me any my kids at the mall, all of us in Santa's lap. Thankfully that Santa was underweight.

 

[newbiebabe]

Apparently, you're not working for Nordstrom's this year..

 

[lexieredefined]

Apparently, you're not working for Nordstrom's this year..

I heard about that. Too bad there isn't a Nordstrom's near me. I'd go shop there just to support them.

 

[IhateClowns]

LOL Ditto! I have a pic of me any my kids at the mall, all of us in Santa's lap. Thankfully that Santa was underweight.

I remember that day well LV...Your kid gave me nightmares.

 

[IhateClowns]

Apparently, you're not working for Nordstrom's this year..

Nordstrom's pension package sucks my jingle balls.

 

[IhateClowns]

I heard about that. Too bad there isn't a Nordstrom's near me. I'd go shop there just to support them.

And for supporting those Christmas haters, you get this for your stocking.

 

[BiGuyMN]

Have you lost weight?

 

[IhateClowns]

Have you lost weight?

200lbs. I can almost see my belly button.


No one is sitting on my lap. What do you fuckers want for Christmas???????????

 

[LadyVer]

I remember that day well LV...Your kid gave me nightmares.

LOL... What's with the lamb av? At least it's not the overweight Santa....

 

[Sensualdreamer]

HO HO HO. Merry Christmas SD

Damn it my phone auto corrected me...I meant to say snickers

How ya doing IHC?

Hmm what I would enjoy for Christmas...

Lingerie
A Marine...prefer blue, green or grey eyes *grins*


That would work... I'm not super picky

LOL Ditto! I have a pic of me any my kids at the mall, all of us in Santa's lap. Thankfully that Santa was underweight.

an underweight Santa? Sacrilege!

 

[lexieredefined]

And for supporting those Christmas haters, you get this for your stocking.

They don't hate Christmas. I don't hate Christmas. I love it. I just like it in December. AFTER Turkey Day.

Geez.

For Christmas I want some winter gear. A coat, snow boots, etc. I'm gonna need 'em! And some sexy lingerie to go under it all would be nice as well.

 

[IhateClowns]

LOL... What's with the lamb av? At least it's not the overweight Santa....

What lamb AV???????

Yes at least I am not fat

 

[LadyVer]

Damn it my phone auto corrected me...I meant to say snickers



an underweight Santa? Sacrilege!

Compared to ihc's pic, my Santa was skinny at about 220 lb

 

[LadyVer]

What lamb AV???????

Yes at least I am not fat

WTH! I've only had my limit of 2 glasses of wine after a bummer day. Nice Santa av!

 

[IhateClowns]

Damn it my phone auto corrected me...I meant to say snickers

How ya doing IHC?

Hmm what I would enjoy for Christmas...

Lingerie
A Marine...prefer blue, green or grey eyes *grins*


That would work... I'm not super picky



an underweight Santa? Sacrilege!

He is sorta shy..didn't want to show his entire body on the first date. Here ya go. HO HO HO

 

[IhateClowns]

They don't hate Christmas. I don't hate Christmas. I love it. I just like it in December. AFTER Turkey Day.

Geez.

For Christmas I want some winter gear. A coat, snow boots, etc. I'm gonna need 'em! And some sexy lingerie to go under it all would be nice as well.

Mmmmmhmmmm. I work my ass off for all those snotty kids. My little men and women make toys all day long. Turns out they don't need to be making toys because all anyone around here wants is smut and men to drool on.

I found a lovely winter coat and boots for you this year.

HO HO HO MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!

 

[IhateClowns]

WTH! I've only had my limit of 2 glasses of wine after a bummer day. Nice Santa av!

I just took it.

 

[lexieredefined]

Mmmmmhmmmm. I work my ass off for all those snotty kids. My little men and women make toys all day long. Turns out they don't need to be making toys because all anyone around here wants is smut and men to drool on.

I found a lovely winter coat and boots for you this year.

HO HO HO MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!

OMG! Can I have the pants too!?!?

 

[IhateClowns]

'Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat

The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat

The doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hook

It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.

Momma in her teddy, and I in the nude. Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube

When out on the lawn there arose such a cry, That I lost my boner and poor momma went dry.

Up to the window I sprang like an elf, Tore back the shade while she played with herself.

The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built, Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.

With a fat little driver, half out of his sled, A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head.

Sure as I'm speaking, he was as high as a kite.

And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.

Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz, Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts.

Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree, Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee.

They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub, Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub.

And then from the roof we heard such a clatter, As each little reindeer now emptied its bladder.

I was donning my jacket to cover my ass, When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.

His suit was all smelly with perfume galore, He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore.

That was some brothel, he said with a smile, The reindeer are pooped, I'll just stay here awhile.

He walked to the kitchen, himself poured a drink, Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.

I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee, The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.

Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack, But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed.

The first thing he found was a pair of false tits, The next was a handgun with a penis that spits.

A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find, And a six pair of panties, the edible kind.

A bra without nipples, a penis extension, And several other things that I shouldn't even mention.

A cock ring, a G-string, and all types of oil, A dildo so long, it lay in a coil.

This suff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will shit, So I'll leave 'em here, and then I'll just split.

He filled every stocking and then took his leave, With one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve.

He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead, Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead.

In time he was seated, took the reins of his hitch, Take me home Rudolph, this night's been a bitch!

The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout, The best thing about sex is that it never wears out!

 

[IhateClowns]

OMG! Can I have the pants too!?!?

Ok now don't get too greedy, you haven't been THAT good this year!!!


HO HO HO MERRY CHRISTMAS

 

[lexieredefined]

Ok now don't get too greedy, you haven't been THAT good this year!!!


HO HO HO MERRY CHRISTMAS

That'll work! Thanks Santa!

 

[IhateClowns]

That'll work! Thanks Santa!

Ho HO *gulp* HO you are very welcme.

I need to take a piss.