Caution: Rant Inside

[TN_Vixen]

OK, I have a question. A couple of women in my office are also friends of mine. Several times in the recent past they have come to me with problems involving work/pay/bonus, etc. and I have given them advice yet honored their request to keep their concerns to myself rather than share them with the boss. I am loyal that way (or totally naive).

Anyhoo (grin), I had issues last week about something specific and I mentioned it to both women, expressing my desire just to rant and that I would personally address it with the boss when I got the time. I found out today that they both went to him with it before I had a chance to talk to him. He was not happy - and rightfully so - that I had discussed matters with others rather than come to him first. I would be angry if I were him as well.

Problem is, what do I do about my relationship with the two women now? I don't even want to have any kind of relationship with either one because of this. I realize that it is mainly my fault for assuming that they would be as equally loyal to me as I was to them, but STILL shouldn't I be angry? Hurt? Upset? And how can I approach them about it without them going running back to the boss?

Fuck this. I think it is just wrong.

 

[Gilly Bean]

OK, I have a question. A couple of women in my office are also friends of mine. Several times in the recent past they have come to me with problems involving work/pay/bonus, etc. and I have given them advice yet honored their request to keep their concerns to myself rather than share them with the boss. I am loyal that way (or totally naive).

Anyhoo (grin), I had issues last week about something specific and I mentioned it to both women, expressing my desire just to rant and that I would personally address it with the boss when I got the time. I found out today that they both went to him with it before I had a chance to talk to him. He was not happy - and rightfully so - that I had discussed matters with others rather than come to him first. I would be angry if I were him as well.

Problem is, what do I do about my relationship with the two women now? I don't even want to have any kind of relationship with either one because of this. I realize that it is mainly my fault for assuming that they would be as equally loyal to me as I was to them, but STILL shouldn't I be angry? Hurt? Upset? And how can I approach them about it without them going running back to the boss?

Fuck this. I think it is just wrong.

Pointedly stare at them next time they come to you, and ask them if they want the boss to know or not. Hopefully, they will take a hint. Do that before they even start in. If they get it, they may even have the grace and decency to blush and apoligize. If they don't, go to the boss, and see how they like it.

 

[Purple Haze]

I would do everything I could to make things right with the boss, and to hell with the back-stabbers. Let them wallow in their own shittiness. I've been burned by those I trusted before.

 

[shadowsource]

Well -

Is there any chance that either of them thought they were trying to help you?
If not, I'd never trust them again, in any way.
If so, I wouldn't trust them to be intelligent, but I wouldn't try to kill them. Some people are merely stupid.

 

[Thumper]

Re: Well -

Some people are merely stupid.

True...but are they happier that way???

Walk up to them and say "Thank you so much for sharing that bit of information with the boss after I asked you not too. I'll be sure to return the favor! Bless your hearts!"

Then let'em stew in their own worry that yuou actually might.

 

[Desert Amazon]

 

[Shylady]

Re: Re: Well -

True...but are they happier that way???

Walk up to them and say "Thank you so much for sharing that bit of information with the boss after I asked you not too. I'll be sure to return the favor! Bless your hearts!"

Then let'em stew in their own worry that yuou actually might.

I like this idea, Thumper!

 

[miles]

Rule #1: If you want to keep something confidential, don't tell anyone who doesn't have a need to know.

At this point all I would do is tell them what happened without attacking them personally. Once it becomes personal, fugeddabout it.

 

[TN_Vixen]

thanks everyone

for the advice. I agree that I should've known better than to believe that the confidence I keep would be returned. I doubt these women are malicious, just not very smart.

I will address it with both of them and tell them that although I realize it was my fault for opening my mouth to begin with, I would never have run to the boss with the information they divulged in me. I will explain that my feelings were hurt and trust damaged and that from this point forward, our relationship will remain strictly professional.

Still, it does help to add to my increasingly cynical view of life.

heehaw, aren't we having fun now? ~sigh

 

[bluntforcemama]

Take the high road, because karma will always come back to kick them in the ass (good or bad), and do talk to your boss about it, too. Keep your cards close to your chest, and don't divulge any information to those women again. Sorry it happened to you, honey.

 

[lobito]

TN, I too have been in this situation, but at the time it really was a friend, a guy who still lives down the street from me. He even got me the job at the place this happened at.

We were often alone at the business basically running it for the bosses who would rather have been out screwing people over as I later found out, than trying to make their business legitimate and successful.

One situation I was in was that the bosses screwed a customer over so bad that he came to the office and actually physically threatened me. Told me he would kick my ass if I didn't tell him where the owners were, meanwhile my "friend" sat in the back office listening to it all. Didn't bother to come out front to try to settle things down, to try to help a co-worker, he protected his sorry ass.

Another situation was this, the owners bounced a few checks on me, so I complained to this guy who I thought really was my friend before being my co-worker, after all, his check bounced too. Well this guy was such an ass kisser that he called the bosses right away, and they were there within 30 minutes to FIRE ME. They told me what I knew before they told me, and that was never to trust anything you say to a co-worker to be confidential.

Sometimes unfortunately it takes something bad like this to happen, before we find out that the people we trusted, really can't be trusted at all.

 

[Cheyenne]

I will explain that my feelings were hurt and trust damaged and that from this point forward, our relationship will remain strictly professional.

I agree with telling them your feelings were hurt, but I'd leave out the part about how your relationship will remain strictly professional from now on. I would be very careful around them, but don't make an issue of being strictly professional when you speak to them. THAT could get back to your boss and make you look bad, too. Just do it, but don't necessarily say it.