Can Y/you go back

[Shadowsdream]

Assuming for this conversation...you have been in a BDSM relationship that felt right, but for some reason either in or out of your own personal control...ended.
When you have given that relationship a second or third chance...were you successful in recapturing or improving the original relationship?

 

[phace5]

Shadowsdream........

I'd love to find a BDSM relationship in the first place.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Assuming for this conversation...you have been in a BDSM relationship that felt right, but for some reason either in or out of your own personal control...ended.
When you have given that relationship a second or third chance...were you successful in recapturing or improving the original relationship?

Nope. Like most vanilla relationships, I have found it does not pay to go down the same road twice.

 

[Hecate]

I admittedly have never "reanimated" a relation that was completely over for whatever reasons. ... no wait - did once but it was loooong before I knew I wanted BDSM. We got back together for another period of time but it didn't work out in the end, we are still close friends today, 10plus years later.

A BDSM relation - nope, don't have any expereince there .

 

[Richard49]

So far
no

I have my hopes

 

[WynEternal]

Assuming for this conversation...you have been in a BDSM relationship that felt right, but for some reason either in or out of your own personal control...ended.
When you have given that relationship a second or third chance...were you successful in recapturing or improving the original relationship?

I've never been in a relationship that broke and got back together. But Mistress has express often that if certain circumstances weren't in play, I would be accepted back with open arms. When I married, it was thought that we would see each other more often than we are now.

 

[bunny bondage]

i've always been under the impression that once a relationship is dead, it's time to write a euology cuz it's not coming back. the closest i've come to this is with the guy i dated for almost five years but then we ended it. it wasn't a bdsm relationship in the truest sense of the word, we were only in our D/s roles in the bedroom. but he and i have remained very close friends, and still talk often. it's hard to share so much of yourself with someone and then just remove them from your life completly. he knows me better than anyone, even my current Dom, and this will probably always be true since we did so much growing up together.

 

[Richard49]

IMHO

and hell I know nothing

the loss of that someone that knows you so well
is the torture of a relationship ending

and replacing that part seems to
IMHO
a job that is very tiring

very tiring in deed

perhaps a job I no longer want

 

[MoonduskSub]

My first relationship that was bliss...and ignorance was definitely a part in that. Both the Dom and I were horribly new. We came from different backgrounds and different upbringings. He was perfect for me, or so I thought (and sometimes still do), but I was not for him. He asked to release me and it was very hard on me. A second chance was given to us both, but it did not last long and was like watching storm clouds roaring in during a sunny day. It has lost it's passion, its lust, and it's depth. Unfortunatly, recapturing or improving the relationship did not prove true for us.


Moonie

Assuming for this conversation...you have been in a BDSM relationship that felt right, but for some reason either in or out of your own personal control...ended.
When you have given that relationship a second or third chance...were you successful in recapturing or improving the original relationship?

 

[navarre]

Re: Re: Can Y/you go back

Nope. Like most vanilla relationships, I have found it does not pay to go down the same road twice.

I agree wholeheartedly.

 

[James G 5]

Doubtful
I am close with one person I've had such a relationship with
we were friends first and are friends now after
We agree that the reasons we couldn't make it work the first time would prohibit it again and see no reason to risk our friendship by trying
There is at least ONE person I would be willing to give another try with but she ran off & got married
Even then tho we are different people with different lives, so I just don't know

(and you KNOW who you are, so here's a for you )

 

[cellis]

No... I don't think you can go back.

I have been there and done that... It did not work the first time, but we kept trying until we were both miserable.

There is no going back.... only forward.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Thank you all for joining this conversation...it can be difficult to let go of an old relationship often because it is familiar and comfortable. Unfinished emotions can also call O/one back.
Going back and picking up where W/we leave off is almost impossible, the only road back that can and very occassionally does work is when both parties wish to discover MUCH more depth than they previously enjoyed. When they let go of yesterday and embrace tomorrow with a new vision rather than seeking a band-aid solution to fix an old wound.
As in the original relationship..it takes two to really desire the reconnection not one with the desire and one with the guilt or obligation to flog a dead horse.

 

[Richard49]

I have been told
that you have to close one relationship before you
can have a new one
even if it is with the same person

IMHO a person/former SO/former dom/sub

that refuses to assit in clousure is
abusive

 

[Ebonyfire]

I have been told
that you have to close one relationship before you
can have a new one
even if it is with the same person

IMHO a person/former SO/former dom/sub

that refuses to assit in clousure is
abusive

I personally do not rely on anyone to help me with closure. I can only control Me, and sometimes I am a hand full.

Other people have to do what is best for them, and I realiize I may not like their decision. So I work on myself and leave others to their own devices. I move on.

 

[lark sparrow]

Autonomy

Breaking up includes some distance for me as well. I need time to regroup myself; attain some individual perspective and direction. If things did not end horribly I usually become friendly with them in time, but personal space is necessary in true closure for me.

I've never gone back to an old relationship with the same intent. I did once try to have a "friends with benefits" relationship with an ex of 5 years (after several months apart) and it ended badly when she become emotionally involved on a level we had not intended in the arrangement, and I did not. It wasn't worth it. It's best for me to move forward and make space in my life for new experiences.

I've also had a couple of experiences with relationships that seemed "perfect", but we could never quite get it together, no matter how many chances given - those ever tempting ones that have never really been tested in any firm reality. Nice head spinning fantasies and great gut wrenching drama, but rarely hold the promise sought. The whole "Dancing with Maya" concept. Although I may still nibble at the bait, I've generally learned not to swallow the hook.

 

[James G 5]

I'd like to clarify something
The person I said I would likely go back with & I didn't seperate because of each other
We were involved thru a 3rd party, and it was problems between me & she (the 3rd party) that seprated myself and the lady in question
I don't know if it would work between us on our own, but if our lives were arranged in such a way that it was feasible to try (like both of us not now being involved with others LOL) I'd be willing to give it a shot

 

[JustMe-Jae]

I don't have experience in a D/s relationship. But, I can say from experience that once you break up with someone, you can't ever really go back or continue.
Often times there are too many hurt feelings, and broken trust, and the original problems are still there.
I would think that since a BDSM relationship is built on trust, a couple could never get to that level they were at before the split.

If both people wanted it deeply and worked hard to overcome the original problems that caused the breakup, and of course a lot of forgivness and forgetting. Then maybe there is a chance... But I've found that it just isnt worth it sometimes.

Jae