Can women enjoy sex without emotions?
- Thread starter Shannon
- Start date
My thoughts on this (and this is one thread I'm eager to wade into) -- is no. Without the emotions, sex is a bit empty and not satisfying (somewhere in a post I have stated this before). I'm struggling to put this into terms a guy can understand better. Sure sex is nice, but nothing matches an emotional loving sexually connection! What can I say in terms guys might connect with?
No love in sex is like;
masturbation with out orgasm (both sexes)
a Ferrari, on a back road full of pot holes
a pellet gun with no pellets
erotic female pictures with the bottoms torn off (I thinking in terms of male pictures, and reversing)
warm beer on a hot day
B/W TV, when color is available
Help me here guys, I'm struggling with your point of view. I think what she is trying to tell you is that sex is her expression of love.
From my post "sex with uncle" please read the entire post for the full meaning.
>Please note one of the most import ideas in my story is the connection of emotions to sex. With out love,
>to me sex is meaningless. I think those (both sexes) who participate are only cheating themselves out of the complete experience.
My vote on this is; Love and emotions are need for the best sex. As for your fantasy about another man sharing her - it is your fantasy, not hers, as such you would be better off reading about it on Literotica. Of course I could be wrong, it is your wife - she may fantasize about you being taken by another man.
No love in sex is like;
masturbation with out orgasm (both sexes)
a Ferrari, on a back road full of pot holes
a pellet gun with no pellets
erotic female pictures with the bottoms torn off (I thinking in terms of male pictures, and reversing)
warm beer on a hot day
B/W TV, when color is available
Help me here guys, I'm struggling with your point of view. I think what she is trying to tell you is that sex is her expression of love.
From my post "sex with uncle" please read the entire post for the full meaning.
>Please note one of the most import ideas in my story is the connection of emotions to sex. With out love,
>to me sex is meaningless. I think those (both sexes) who participate are only cheating themselves out of the complete experience.
My vote on this is; Love and emotions are need for the best sex. As for your fantasy about another man sharing her - it is your fantasy, not hers, as such you would be better off reading about it on Literotica. Of course I could be wrong, it is your wife - she may fantasize about you being taken by another man.
G
Guest
Guest
My wife says that she can only have sex if she is emotionally involved. Is this true? Can a women just enjoy sex only for it's physical pleasures without any emotional attachment at all? I just wonder because I always fantasize about my wife taken by another man.
Well, yeah, some people can...others can not. Everyone is different. She obviously knows that she wouldn't enjoy herself without the emotional attachment, so you will have to respect her wishes on that. Of course, people change, and she may be willing to try it....one never knows.
Fallen Angel
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Nov 22, 1999
- Posts
- 350
Rolly you are doing fine. I love some of the comparisons.
Sex is not love and love is not sex but they do walk hand in hand. I can have sex with my hand but I don't have to love it.
We too often think of those two words as being the same. It would be nice if we all waited to have sex with someone we were in love with but it usually doesn't happen that way. We get in a hurry and just have sex with someone who is convenient. We may love our spouse but temptation may get the better of us and cause us to go have sex with another.
How often does it happen that after having good sex we start trying to add in the emotions, or try to deny that we still love other? Sex is best when it includes a love relationship. The emotions intensify the other feelings and make them better and more meaningful.
The fantasy of a wife with others is one I share. Why? I don't know except that as much as I enjoy giving her pleasure I sometimes wonder if someone else might ring her bell louder than I can. It is not really one I care to risk as I would be hurt if they could do something for her I haven't.
Sex is not love and love is not sex but they do walk hand in hand. I can have sex with my hand but I don't have to love it.
We too often think of those two words as being the same. It would be nice if we all waited to have sex with someone we were in love with but it usually doesn't happen that way. We get in a hurry and just have sex with someone who is convenient. We may love our spouse but temptation may get the better of us and cause us to go have sex with another.
How often does it happen that after having good sex we start trying to add in the emotions, or try to deny that we still love other? Sex is best when it includes a love relationship. The emotions intensify the other feelings and make them better and more meaningful.
The fantasy of a wife with others is one I share. Why? I don't know except that as much as I enjoy giving her pleasure I sometimes wonder if someone else might ring her bell louder than I can. It is not really one I care to risk as I would be hurt if they could do something for her I haven't.
Weird Harold
Opinionated Old Fart
- Joined
- Mar 1, 2000
- Posts
- 23,768
I think you done good Rolly. Your thoughts apply equally well to men as to women.
I've always said that I'm not going looking for casual sex. But if somebody shoves it in my face, I'm going to eat it. If it's dropped in my lap I'll fuck it.
The reason I don't go looking for sex, is that I'm too busy looking for friends. If I find a woman I can be friends with, the sex will happen or not all by itself.
For me, casual sex is not 'sex' at all. It's masturbation by using someone else's body parts. Ok, so I'm wierd. You knew that when you saw who posted this.
For me, there's always been more than hormones involved in being attracted to someone. I'm not a particularly gregarious person in RL so there's got to be some emotional attachment for a woman to get close enough to 'shove it my face'
I can say from experience that most can... I've continued to have sex with just about all the girls I've broke up with as or after we left each other. It's kind of like how you give a girl a massage. You are just giving her a more involved type of massage and using things besides your hands...
Hecate
Lady Hecate will do
- Joined
- Mar 18, 2000
- Posts
- 1,657
As a matter of fact - I do not have to be head over heels in love with a man to have sex with him .. but I need a certain basic level of liking the perosn for sure . I have had times when I couldn't really "back out" of an intimate situation .. but rather than being fucked by a person I was not realy comfy with I rather gave the guy a blowjob or just used my hands to make him cum ... I do not know if I am making a lot of sense here ... but what I was intending to say is that SOME level of mutual understanding is needed for good and thus enjoyable sex for me, but it does not need as "intense" as I would describe love.
Fallen,
Heeeey, I LOVE my hand.
Jane, honey, sorry but what's true for you ain't necessarily so, for others.
When two people are physically attracted to each other they most certainly can have and ENJOY sex together. It may have something to do with that Propagation of the Species Imperative.
Up until I hit age thirty or so, I had 'hundreds' of casual sexual encounters with women. I wanted sex, they wanted sex, "I saw, they came, we conquered." Just thought I'd throw in a little historical variation of Julius's to lighten the mood a bit.
As I matured (God I hate it when that happens), I discovered something important was missing.
It wasn't until after I finally had sex with someone I loved that I FINALLY realized what I had been missing.
You're right about that Jane, there is absolutely no comparison between casual sex and the great sex that occurs with someone you love!
When the 'mind fuck', 'heart fuck' and 'body fuck' all cum together, allegorically speaking, it's one heavenly orgasm.
Consequently, I have shied away from casual sex for many years. Once you've had sex with someone you love, there is no going back. It does get lonely on occasion but then...
God, I LOVE my hand!
Heeeey, I LOVE my hand.
Jane, honey, sorry but what's true for you ain't necessarily so, for others.
When two people are physically attracted to each other they most certainly can have and ENJOY sex together. It may have something to do with that Propagation of the Species Imperative.
Up until I hit age thirty or so, I had 'hundreds' of casual sexual encounters with women. I wanted sex, they wanted sex, "I saw, they came, we conquered." Just thought I'd throw in a little historical variation of Julius's to lighten the mood a bit.
As I matured (God I hate it when that happens), I discovered something important was missing.
It wasn't until after I finally had sex with someone I loved that I FINALLY realized what I had been missing.
You're right about that Jane, there is absolutely no comparison between casual sex and the great sex that occurs with someone you love!
When the 'mind fuck', 'heart fuck' and 'body fuck' all cum together, allegorically speaking, it's one heavenly orgasm.
Consequently, I have shied away from casual sex for many years. Once you've had sex with someone you love, there is no going back. It does get lonely on occasion but then...
God, I LOVE my hand!
Beebeeblue
Wise Woman
- Joined
- Oct 4, 1999
- Posts
- 3,281
Without emotion??? No, I dont think so. Without Love?? Yes. It can be done. Ive had sex with men just cause I wanted too. Emotions? Yes, sex is emotional. You just dont go to that high with someone without sharing something. And thats my say.
Prince:
I'm interested in the thread you posted, particularly from the standpoing of whether or not it is a gender thing or whether it is an issue involving what a man or woman wants from the relationship at the time. Despite all the talk about which respective planet the different sexes come from, I don't think liking sex without emotional attachment is a gender issue. If there are more women who can't enjoy sex without emotional involvement, I'm pretty certain that is social programing. This is my take:
I think there is a question about what is emotional involvement. I tend to love, or love something about, just about everyone I would consider having sex with. That by no means means I'm going to have to be emotionally involved, except on a certain sociological level. And that would of course would be, regard for humanity in general. Love takes different forms. I can love someone for something they just said about loving a certain blues song, or the way they tell a story about the mundane, or the fact that a person loves a certain painting or movie the way I do. But that isn't the kind of love that makes you want to spend your life with someone, or even an entire weekend, although it could turn to that. But you just might want to sleep with them.......especially if they have a nice smile and a soothing voice and you like the way you'd imagine they would kiss. So there is that attraction thing......I think its emotional......and I guess that is what I'm saying here. And the sex there can be incredible.......or it can be torrid.
When you love someone......that is emotional attachment plus all the relationship that lead you to that point, sex becomes more complicated. You love them so the sex is fantastic because of that added extra......intimacy in not only body and anticipation but familiarity. Of course, it can become routine, so you have to be creative in making it something that is fantastic to last......and exciting......again and again and again and again. I like that challenge and the feeling of being comfortable and safe and with a person who knows what you look like when you get up in the morning......how you like your coffee....who is your favorite author. And the sex in those situations is not always the most incredible sex (only because it is not new sex)or it can be the most incredible......certainly it is the most uncomplicated. Got to love all those spooning moments before and afterwards, conversations about people and things you're both familiar with, small discussions about what is at your core.
Anyway, I've done a long diatribe here.....all this to say......yes, women can enjoy sex without emotional attachment. It's a question of whether or not they are interested in the consequences, how they might feel about themselves afterwards, and how much they think it might impact a relationship (like the one you are in) that they are taking seriously. Sex just for sex is something that is out there. I don't do it anymore but I have and I've enjoyed it. Sometimes over lunch or at a club I think about how the man I'm talking to might be in bed. Now, instead of finding out, I just think about him smiling and describing his best meal ever, telling me unexpectantly that he loves my favorite short story or telling me about his plans to spend the next vacation studying trilobites or renovating his home, or that he wants to learn Portuguese, or that he wants to start back packing. Would you consider those feelings emotional? You tell me cause I don't know.
Anyhow, there was something else I wanted to say, but in all this rambling I've forgotten it now.
Boo
I'm interested in the thread you posted, particularly from the standpoing of whether or not it is a gender thing or whether it is an issue involving what a man or woman wants from the relationship at the time. Despite all the talk about which respective planet the different sexes come from, I don't think liking sex without emotional attachment is a gender issue. If there are more women who can't enjoy sex without emotional involvement, I'm pretty certain that is social programing. This is my take:
I think there is a question about what is emotional involvement. I tend to love, or love something about, just about everyone I would consider having sex with. That by no means means I'm going to have to be emotionally involved, except on a certain sociological level. And that would of course would be, regard for humanity in general. Love takes different forms. I can love someone for something they just said about loving a certain blues song, or the way they tell a story about the mundane, or the fact that a person loves a certain painting or movie the way I do. But that isn't the kind of love that makes you want to spend your life with someone, or even an entire weekend, although it could turn to that. But you just might want to sleep with them.......especially if they have a nice smile and a soothing voice and you like the way you'd imagine they would kiss. So there is that attraction thing......I think its emotional......and I guess that is what I'm saying here. And the sex there can be incredible.......or it can be torrid.
When you love someone......that is emotional attachment plus all the relationship that lead you to that point, sex becomes more complicated. You love them so the sex is fantastic because of that added extra......intimacy in not only body and anticipation but familiarity. Of course, it can become routine, so you have to be creative in making it something that is fantastic to last......and exciting......again and again and again and again. I like that challenge and the feeling of being comfortable and safe and with a person who knows what you look like when you get up in the morning......how you like your coffee....who is your favorite author. And the sex in those situations is not always the most incredible sex (only because it is not new sex)or it can be the most incredible......certainly it is the most uncomplicated. Got to love all those spooning moments before and afterwards, conversations about people and things you're both familiar with, small discussions about what is at your core.
Anyway, I've done a long diatribe here.....all this to say......yes, women can enjoy sex without emotional attachment. It's a question of whether or not they are interested in the consequences, how they might feel about themselves afterwards, and how much they think it might impact a relationship (like the one you are in) that they are taking seriously. Sex just for sex is something that is out there. I don't do it anymore but I have and I've enjoyed it. Sometimes over lunch or at a club I think about how the man I'm talking to might be in bed. Now, instead of finding out, I just think about him smiling and describing his best meal ever, telling me unexpectantly that he loves my favorite short story or telling me about his plans to spend the next vacation studying trilobites or renovating his home, or that he wants to learn Portuguese, or that he wants to start back packing. Would you consider those feelings emotional? You tell me cause I don't know.
Anyhow, there was something else I wanted to say, but in all this rambling I've forgotten it now.
Boo
Hi Gil, No need for apologies. I was stating my opinion on the question and I hope I didn't sound preachy - that was not my intent. How boring this BB would be if we all had the same views!
Gosh ... you are sexually experienced <'hundreds' > , and speak from a much more authoritative position on the subject than myself. Also loved your comments about your hand! I like a man that is confident enough to admit he masturbates (... well you understand my story). Actually you seemed to have confirmed what a knock out, blissful power, emotionally-connected-loving-sex can be. Also, maybe I should back up a little and say, sure sex might be fun without love. I think I mentioned the word nice on my first post, (I have to admit, I'm not that experienced with this). The main idea of my posting is that sex is at its absolute best with the powerful emotions of love involved. Several of the posting seemed to have confirmed that idea, interestingly enough not all by other females. Gil, you are an amazing person, glad you posted on the discussion - a warm smile from me.
Why are women always looking for this strong bond and males may not? Possibly this is the main question here: my thoughts on this;
Historically, women care(d) for the children and have had the main responsibility of raising them. After the sex act there is no escape for the female. The pregnancy is started and we need support. This goes back to the beginnings of humans. On the other hand if sex was casual there is a higher probability that the male may disappear - offering no material or social sustenance. Hence, it is in the best interest of the female to have the strong love bond. This might be the social programming referred to above that is brought on inherently from the past, by necessity. With advent of modern birth control this is changing, but basic human instincts are hard to remove or move.
Well... again, this is all from my female view.
Respectfully ... Jane
[This message has been edited by Rolly (edited 04-05-2000).]
Gosh ... you are sexually experienced <'hundreds' > , and speak from a much more authoritative position on the subject than myself. Also loved your comments about your hand! I like a man that is confident enough to admit he masturbates (... well you understand my story). Actually you seemed to have confirmed what a knock out, blissful power, emotionally-connected-loving-sex can be. Also, maybe I should back up a little and say, sure sex might be fun without love. I think I mentioned the word nice on my first post, (I have to admit, I'm not that experienced with this). The main idea of my posting is that sex is at its absolute best with the powerful emotions of love involved. Several of the posting seemed to have confirmed that idea, interestingly enough not all by other females. Gil, you are an amazing person, glad you posted on the discussion - a warm smile from me.
Why are women always looking for this strong bond and males may not? Possibly this is the main question here: my thoughts on this;
Historically, women care(d) for the children and have had the main responsibility of raising them. After the sex act there is no escape for the female. The pregnancy is started and we need support. This goes back to the beginnings of humans. On the other hand if sex was casual there is a higher probability that the male may disappear - offering no material or social sustenance. Hence, it is in the best interest of the female to have the strong love bond. This might be the social programming referred to above that is brought on inherently from the past, by necessity. With advent of modern birth control this is changing, but basic human instincts are hard to remove or move.
Well... again, this is all from my female view.
Respectfully ... Jane
[This message has been edited by Rolly (edited 04-05-2000).]
Hi Jane,
I think you're spot on in referring to that old societal (genetic?) trait wherein, women have (had?) a need to find a provider and protector for their brood.
In today's modern/changing (For the better, I often wonder?) Society, I think guys and girls expectations and priorities may be changing (Hmmm...Maslov's Heirarchy of Needs?).
Everyone, of either gender, depending on their age and maturity level, eventually seeks a strong bond with another. I used to be frequently asked "When the hell are you going to grow up?" And I always responded, "I just don't see any future in it."
Nowadays, I'm not so sure. Most guys and girls I think, no I hope, are looking to base this 'bonding' on such issues as: True and loyal friendship, RESPECT, total acceptance for who they are (past, present and future), love (MMMmmm...maybe I should start a thread asking what's important to people who are looking for a mate.) etc.
Everytime I see a couple fighting with each other in public, I wonder, "How in the heck can they treat each other like that; why are they still together?" and, "Is their sex-life THAT great?"
Speaking of abuse, (great segue, huh?), I certainly hope Onan doesn't prove to be my Life Partner, but finding the right person to bond with on 'the road of life', ain't easy! For some, there'll be many 'pit stops' for casual sex, along the way. I'm choosing to ignore all exit signs, until I get where I'm going.
I can hear it now from the girls, "Just like a man; never wants to stop and get directions."
I think you're spot on in referring to that old societal (genetic?) trait wherein, women have (had?) a need to find a provider and protector for their brood.
In today's modern/changing (For the better, I often wonder?) Society, I think guys and girls expectations and priorities may be changing (Hmmm...Maslov's Heirarchy of Needs?).
Everyone, of either gender, depending on their age and maturity level, eventually seeks a strong bond with another. I used to be frequently asked "When the hell are you going to grow up?" And I always responded, "I just don't see any future in it."
Nowadays, I'm not so sure. Most guys and girls I think, no I hope, are looking to base this 'bonding' on such issues as: True and loyal friendship, RESPECT, total acceptance for who they are (past, present and future), love (MMMmmm...maybe I should start a thread asking what's important to people who are looking for a mate.) etc.
Everytime I see a couple fighting with each other in public, I wonder, "How in the heck can they treat each other like that; why are they still together?" and, "Is their sex-life THAT great?"
Speaking of abuse, (great segue, huh?), I certainly hope Onan doesn't prove to be my Life Partner, but finding the right person to bond with on 'the road of life', ain't easy! For some, there'll be many 'pit stops' for casual sex, along the way. I'm choosing to ignore all exit signs, until I get where I'm going.
I can hear it now from the girls, "Just like a man; never wants to stop and get directions."
G
Guest
Guest
Sex by its very nature seems to me to be an emotional experience. Therefore, sex without emotion is impossible. Sex without love may or may not be enjoyable. There are different levels of love, and it seems that in all my sexual relations at least one of these is involved. Although every man I have sex with is not one I love in the deepest and most pure sense of the word, there is always some sort of feeling involved. I cannot have any sexual relations with a man I do not care about in some way. But, yes, there can be much enjoyment for both people even if the love is not of the type typically expected.
Fallen Angel
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Nov 22, 1999
- Posts
- 350
Whoa up there Prince. It would seem to me that with no emotion it also means no hardon. A man has to find someone or something exciting or it is just a limp noodle. Ture it might not be the object or person you are with but a mental scenario that is whipping the emotional reins but there needs to be something.
