Hi. I'm a married man, and I'm involved in a very special relationship with a married woman. The only catch is that we are not married to each other. Just how special our relationship has become is something I'd like to share with everyone.
We met online several months ago, and because of just how similar our personal lives are, we became close friends very quickly. After only a short time we reached a point where we would spend most evenings together online discussing common interests, along with situations arising from our professional lives and our marriages. I know for me this time we spent together in the evenings became a very important part of my day. I also came to realize very quickly that I could share anything with her and she would not judge me. Considering the role I play in my marriage (dependable, supportive husband) and at my job (strong authority figure), it became very important to me to be able to show a more emotional and vulnerable side of myself that I am not normally able to show. My relationship with her allowed me to share these thoughts and feelings that I hadn't been able to share with anyone in a very long time.
Just when our relationship began to change, I'm not sure either of us know. I do know that I was not expecting anything more than a friend when we first met. My marriage may not be the most exciting in the world, but I had by this point resigned myself to living out my life as it is - with a solid, but passionless, marriage. I think I had truly been able to convince myself that the trade off for having a solid marriage was to lose the passion, which we never really had in the first place. (I do want to mention that we are both fairly young--early 30's.) Imagine my surprise when I met a woman who was coming at this from the other direction. She is living in the same kind of passionless marriage, but is convinced that it is possible to have something "more".
The first gift she gave me was a book that tells of just the kind of relationship that she believes she can and should have. Before she sent me my copy, she re-read it, and then sent a very emotional email describing how the book made her feel, and why she was crying while she read it. As touched as I was by her reaction, and her need to share something this intimate with me, I was still not expecting to react that way myself. However, as I read this book, I could see pieces of her life - as she'd described it to me - coming alive on almost every page. I couldn't imagine how she could read this and not cry. What amazed me even more, as I neared the end of the book, were the tears forming in my own eyes. As I finished I became overwhelmed by my own feelings about her life, and my own, and the idea of pure love, and I cried like I hadn't cried since I was 6 years old. It was at that moment that I realized just how special our relationship had become.
Since then we've sort of struggled to actually define what our relationship is. Neither of us has really expressed a desire to leave our spouses over this. Because of the distance that separates us, there's been no chance of a face-to-face meeting happening anytime soon. And for this same reason I'd say it would be almost impossible to engage in a physically sexual relationship, although I'd say that what does pass for our "so-called sex life" has been extremely intimate and satisfying in its own way. What began as an online relationship has definitely moved off-line (phone), but I believe we both cling to the distance, and our marriages, as a buffer and "safety net" to prevent us from doing anything "more".
So, I guess what we want to know is whether or not people think that what we have is REALLY wrong. I mean, I'm sure there are people who will look at our relationship and immediately condemn us for "cheating" on our spouses even if there has been no physical consummation. And in a perfect world they may be right. If you could just slice this world up in to two piles and call one "right" and one "wrong", this would be very easy to judge. But I don't believe the world works that way. How exactly do we fit in? Have any other married persons experienced something like this? I would hope people would take the time to search their hearts before answering.
Is it really wrong for us to find and enjoy a little slice of happiness in this way?
[Edited by Nicholas on 08-24-2000 at 01:40 AM]
We met online several months ago, and because of just how similar our personal lives are, we became close friends very quickly. After only a short time we reached a point where we would spend most evenings together online discussing common interests, along with situations arising from our professional lives and our marriages. I know for me this time we spent together in the evenings became a very important part of my day. I also came to realize very quickly that I could share anything with her and she would not judge me. Considering the role I play in my marriage (dependable, supportive husband) and at my job (strong authority figure), it became very important to me to be able to show a more emotional and vulnerable side of myself that I am not normally able to show. My relationship with her allowed me to share these thoughts and feelings that I hadn't been able to share with anyone in a very long time.
Just when our relationship began to change, I'm not sure either of us know. I do know that I was not expecting anything more than a friend when we first met. My marriage may not be the most exciting in the world, but I had by this point resigned myself to living out my life as it is - with a solid, but passionless, marriage. I think I had truly been able to convince myself that the trade off for having a solid marriage was to lose the passion, which we never really had in the first place. (I do want to mention that we are both fairly young--early 30's.) Imagine my surprise when I met a woman who was coming at this from the other direction. She is living in the same kind of passionless marriage, but is convinced that it is possible to have something "more".
The first gift she gave me was a book that tells of just the kind of relationship that she believes she can and should have. Before she sent me my copy, she re-read it, and then sent a very emotional email describing how the book made her feel, and why she was crying while she read it. As touched as I was by her reaction, and her need to share something this intimate with me, I was still not expecting to react that way myself. However, as I read this book, I could see pieces of her life - as she'd described it to me - coming alive on almost every page. I couldn't imagine how she could read this and not cry. What amazed me even more, as I neared the end of the book, were the tears forming in my own eyes. As I finished I became overwhelmed by my own feelings about her life, and my own, and the idea of pure love, and I cried like I hadn't cried since I was 6 years old. It was at that moment that I realized just how special our relationship had become.
Since then we've sort of struggled to actually define what our relationship is. Neither of us has really expressed a desire to leave our spouses over this. Because of the distance that separates us, there's been no chance of a face-to-face meeting happening anytime soon. And for this same reason I'd say it would be almost impossible to engage in a physically sexual relationship, although I'd say that what does pass for our "so-called sex life" has been extremely intimate and satisfying in its own way. What began as an online relationship has definitely moved off-line (phone), but I believe we both cling to the distance, and our marriages, as a buffer and "safety net" to prevent us from doing anything "more".
So, I guess what we want to know is whether or not people think that what we have is REALLY wrong. I mean, I'm sure there are people who will look at our relationship and immediately condemn us for "cheating" on our spouses even if there has been no physical consummation. And in a perfect world they may be right. If you could just slice this world up in to two piles and call one "right" and one "wrong", this would be very easy to judge. But I don't believe the world works that way. How exactly do we fit in? Have any other married persons experienced something like this? I would hope people would take the time to search their hearts before answering.
Is it really wrong for us to find and enjoy a little slice of happiness in this way?
[Edited by Nicholas on 08-24-2000 at 01:40 AM]
