I don't usually share deeply personal stuff on the boards because most of it is just that...personal. I really want to know how other people feel about this, though for some reason. This is going to be a long post, I hope at least some of you have the patience to read it. 
I "broke up" with my mother last week. I've had enough years of distance from her (nearly 15) now that I can see her for what she really is: a self centered, self righteous, blame shifting, complaining, awful woman with a martyr complex.
You see, she's a manager at a gas station, a position she whined herself into. She was passed over for it the first time, thinking she should get it because she works the most hours, has the most seniority and on and on. She didn't take into account her attitude at work or her merit for the position. I know it's not brain surgery, but you're dealing with the public and other employees. It came up a second time, and she was passed over again. This time she complained to the company about unfair hiring practices or some such, and the head manager, instead of having to go to company hearings and months of crap, gave her the job.
Now that she has it, she forgot how she got it and thinks she walks on water. Not only that, it's all she can talk about on the rare occasions she calls me or my siblings or returns our calls. My brother, who's more outspoken than I am, has tried telling her a hundred times if he's told her once how much she's hurting us, and she just says we "don't understand".
She thinks she has to keep a 15 room house that only she lives in any of us are afraid to go in because it's so fucking nasty. The bathtub, which used to be light yellow, is now black and has laundry piled up in it. The chairs have no pattern anymore that you can see through all the cat hair, the coffee table is piled up 6 feet high with newspapers...you get the idea.
Every word out her mouth is how she makes all these sacrifes because she "has to", even though she really doesn't, and no one works as hard as her, no employee is as good as her, kids don't want to work any more, etc. She takes each of us out for our birthdays, something she's always done, and this year when it was mine, I got in about 2 sentences of what was going on with me, and the rest was her job.
So all we kids wrote her a letter. Gave her an ultimatum and explained that while we're happy to listen to a story or 2, she needs to stop ignoring her kids. We told her, basically, to rethink her priorities since in truth, we could all die any day, and how how she feel if she ignored our calls, or made one just to ask a favor as she always does. How would she feel if one her of children died believing she didn't care? Or she died with bad blood between her and her kids?
She called my brother last week Monday and told her how hurt SHE was that her own children would "kick her in the teeth after all she's done for us" (like drink and abuse us, both physically and emotionally, and spend all our college money), completely disregarding how we felt. So we all got together, my brother, sisters, and I, and decided we won't have any more contact with her.
There's more to it than that, but this has gotten long enough. I'd like to hear from anyone else that's done this with their parents, or any parents whose kids have told them something similar. It hurts all of us, but I think, as far as my siblings and I are concerned, we can put it behind us eventually and move on now, something we should all have done a long time ago. If you don't want to post here, PM or e-mail me.
I "broke up" with my mother last week. I've had enough years of distance from her (nearly 15) now that I can see her for what she really is: a self centered, self righteous, blame shifting, complaining, awful woman with a martyr complex.
You see, she's a manager at a gas station, a position she whined herself into. She was passed over for it the first time, thinking she should get it because she works the most hours, has the most seniority and on and on. She didn't take into account her attitude at work or her merit for the position. I know it's not brain surgery, but you're dealing with the public and other employees. It came up a second time, and she was passed over again. This time she complained to the company about unfair hiring practices or some such, and the head manager, instead of having to go to company hearings and months of crap, gave her the job.
Now that she has it, she forgot how she got it and thinks she walks on water. Not only that, it's all she can talk about on the rare occasions she calls me or my siblings or returns our calls. My brother, who's more outspoken than I am, has tried telling her a hundred times if he's told her once how much she's hurting us, and she just says we "don't understand".
She thinks she has to keep a 15 room house that only she lives in any of us are afraid to go in because it's so fucking nasty. The bathtub, which used to be light yellow, is now black and has laundry piled up in it. The chairs have no pattern anymore that you can see through all the cat hair, the coffee table is piled up 6 feet high with newspapers...you get the idea.
Every word out her mouth is how she makes all these sacrifes because she "has to", even though she really doesn't, and no one works as hard as her, no employee is as good as her, kids don't want to work any more, etc. She takes each of us out for our birthdays, something she's always done, and this year when it was mine, I got in about 2 sentences of what was going on with me, and the rest was her job.
So all we kids wrote her a letter. Gave her an ultimatum and explained that while we're happy to listen to a story or 2, she needs to stop ignoring her kids. We told her, basically, to rethink her priorities since in truth, we could all die any day, and how how she feel if she ignored our calls, or made one just to ask a favor as she always does. How would she feel if one her of children died believing she didn't care? Or she died with bad blood between her and her kids?
She called my brother last week Monday and told her how hurt SHE was that her own children would "kick her in the teeth after all she's done for us" (like drink and abuse us, both physically and emotionally, and spend all our college money), completely disregarding how we felt. So we all got together, my brother, sisters, and I, and decided we won't have any more contact with her.
There's more to it than that, but this has gotten long enough. I'd like to hear from anyone else that's done this with their parents, or any parents whose kids have told them something similar. It hurts all of us, but I think, as far as my siblings and I are concerned, we can put it behind us eventually and move on now, something we should all have done a long time ago. If you don't want to post here, PM or e-mail me.
