Being in Control vs ?

[curvacious]

Not sure if having control is the other half to the title of the thread.

Something bugged me the other day. We've been looking for another man to join us in the bedroom once to have the experience. Sir would like to see me get fucked by a larger than average cock and I've wanted to try DP for a while. Sir was taking the lead in finding said guy but recently had to adjust his time away from that activity due to work demands. The other weekend we went out of town and on the car ride he looked up ads on Craigslist to see if we could find a guy. That was a fun car ride. The couple of guys we narrowed it too flaked on us but we still had a great weekend. So when we returned home I figured I could place an ad on Craigslist myself and see if I could find an interesting guy or two since Sir doesn't have the time to devote to that at the moment. Sir has pics of me so I would have to check with him first about sending any out. I told Sir that I had been emailing a couple guys and he got pissed. I didn't even get to ask him about being able to send pictures. He stated I should quite talking to the guys and that I should just send him the links of ads I like on Craigslist and he'll handle it. Then he said one thing that's bugged the hell out of me. He stated he "wants to be the one with control over this situation".

My head keeps going over and over that there's a difference between having control and being in control. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone else as it just barely does for me and I don't know how to describe it. Another thing that keeps popping into my head is that we try to have as much control when things seem the most out of control.

 

[bambikiller]

look at it this way. You're going to get fucked by some one other than your man.
That's a big deal to have another man fuck your girl.
He wanting to be in total control of the situation is understandable.
Wouldn't you be a tad bit jelouse if he was talking to a bunch of girls that you knew he was going fuck even if you are particapating in it.

 

[BiBunny]

look at it this way. You're going to get fucked by some one other than your man.
That's a big deal to have another man fuck your girl.
He wanting to be in total control of the situation is understandable.
Wouldn't you be a tad bit jelouse if he was talking to a bunch of girls that you knew he was going fuck even if you are particapating in it.

I'd say if jealousy was a factor, he probably shouldn't be trying to get some other dude to stick his dick in his girl to start with. But what do I know?

 

[Stella_Omega]

Yeah, wanting to have control over things is pretty much the definition of Dominant. It'll trip you up sometimes, in life areas where you weren't expecting it, but-- there you go.

 

[ecstaticsub]

He wants control over the entire situation form beginning to end. That makes total sense to me. Perhaps if you had asked first for permission to go on Craigslist to find a guy he may have agreed (and even been thankful) but doing it without his knowledge takes the control out of his hands.

There is a different feel to a 3some when the guy picks out the other guy as opposed to the female picking out the other guy. There is a huge difference.

 

[knot_sweet]

Not having been in this situation, I can only imagine there is a considerable difference between

"I chose a guy to fuck you, you have no idea if he's attractive or not, you're going to fuck the guy because I want you to"

and

"This guy seems to fit what we wanted, here Sir, I found a guy to join us"

If your Sir indicated his desire to be in control of this particular situation, you taking matters into your own hands is taking back the control you offered him for this particular agreement.

Yes, to have something and to be something are entirely different. Your Sir might ask you to flog him. You have control of the flogger, but he is still dictating how you use it.

One is merely temporary posession, the other is inherent.


(*control* get over used much here??)

 

[Stella_Omega]

(*control* get over used much here??)

Well... it IS BDSM, after all

 

[Aurelia_Malys]

Yeah, wanting to have control over things is pretty much the definition of Dominant. It'll trip you up sometimes, in life areas where you weren't expecting it, but-- there you go.

He wants control over the entire situation form beginning to end. That makes total sense to me. Perhaps if you had asked first for permission to go on Craigslist to find a guy he may have agreed (and even been thankful) but doing it without his knowledge takes the control out of his hands.

Completely agree with both of these ^^