Being autistic and random stuff

[PMarky2]

Sigh.

When one disagreement is enough to seriously dysregulate you for the rest of the day.

...or longer, if it is a bad one. It trips my anxiety off, which I suspect is a common ASD response.

 

[Strixaluco]

...or longer, if it is a bad one. It trips my anxiety off, which I suspect is a common ASD response.

It was at least a short one, and I can avoid the person. But, well, that doesn't prevent being emotionally stuck of course...

And the stress I've had lately doesn't help any. I feel unfit for human contact.

 

[PMarky2]

I can identify - stress is what usually tips the balance with me too.

I am still having a rough time with my BAF, we are pretty much just on 'hi-and-bye' terms at the moment, but at least we are communicating. Regular therapy sessions are helping, and I am beginning to feel that I am waving not drowning with regards to my emotional state.

 

[Bassytian]

And the stress I've had lately doesn't help any. I feel unfit for human contact.

I felt that. I have Asperger's and it's made it nearly impossible for me to connect to anyone no matter how hard I try. I only seem to push people away because I'm "weird".

I feel less than human and invisible. At this point, I'm really starting to wonder if life is even worth living anymore.

 

[stickygirl]

I felt that. I have Asperger's and it's made it nearly impossible for me to connect to anyone no matter how hard I try. I only seem to push people away because I'm "weird".

I feel less than human and invisible.

I’ve found YouTubers pretty helpful in giving me fresh perspectives. Mom on the spectrum is one of my go-tos but have a look around. The feeling I get is that we can be blindsided by being smart! Occasionally I’ll hear a comment that helps break a thought logjam and being able to socialise is just a problem of attitude/approach…
By hey, thanks for stopping by and yea, we hear ya! No judgements here.

 

[PMarky2]

I’ve found YouTubers pretty helpful in giving me fresh perspectives. Mom on the spectrum is one of my go-tos but have a look around. The feeling I get is that we can be blindsided by being smart! Occasionally I’ll hear a comment that helps break a thought logjam and being able to socialise is just a problem of attitude/approach…
By hey, thanks for stopping by and yea, we hear ya! No judgements here.

I find Mom-on-the-Spectrum helpful too, often because she gives me a different perspective on stuff.

 

[Bassytian]

I’ve found YouTubers pretty helpful in giving me fresh perspectives. Mom on the spectrum is one of my go-tos but have a look around. The feeling I get is that we can be blindsided by being smart! Occasionally I’ll hear a comment that helps break a thought logjam and being able to socialise is just a problem of attitude/approach…
By hey, thanks for stopping by and yea, we hear ya! No judgements here.

Thanks for the welcome!

I'll give those a look. I've had difficulty making friends since childhood and even to this day, and I'm 41!

I try not to come off as desperate, but anyone I begin to form a connection, I think "ooooooh, friend", and seemingly either scare them off or they lose interest. It's made dating next to impossible as well. I'm so touch/love starved at this point that I can't imagine ever finding true love anymore.

 

[Strixaluco]

I felt that. I have Asperger's and it's made it nearly impossible for me to connect to anyone no matter how hard I try. I only seem to push people away because I'm "weird".

I feel less than human and invisible. At this point, I'm really starting to wonder if life is even worth living anymore.

Among other neurodivergent people our weirdness is embraced. I don't even bother trying to connect with just anyone, pretty much all my friends are autistic and/or adhd. (I suspect my partner is, too.) Though I have mostly found them without either of us knowing about us being divergent. I've just never meshed with people who are typical.
"Let your weird shine through, so other weirdos can find you!"



Sometimes I just feel incompatible even among most friends and family. Stress brings dysregulation, and that brings all kinds of nasty disagreements. There are very few people that I can enjoy then. And only 1-on-1.

 

[Bassytian]

Among other neurodivergent people our weirdness is embraced. I don't even bother trying to connect with just anyone, pretty much all my friends are autistic and/or adhd. (I suspect my partner is, too.) Though I have mostly found them without either of us knowing about us being divergent. I've just never meshed with people who are typical.
"Let your weird shine through, so other weirdos can find you!"



Sometimes I just feel incompatible even among most friends and family. Stress brings dysregulation, and that brings all kinds of nasty disagreements. There are very few people that I can enjoy then. And only 1-on-1.

I think everyone around me is neurotypical, or if they aren't then I haven't caught on.

I often feel as though I don't belong in this world, I suppose being around people who aren't like you would do that. But yeah, I can only do 1-on-1. I also have ADHD, my attention only goes so far!

 

[Strixaluco]

"the connective tissue as the common element that could provide an explanation regarding the coexistence of functional alterations in multiple organs in neurodivergences and particularly in autism spectrum disorder."

https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychiatry/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2024.1436796/full

It's a theory, but it's interesting. Connective tissue disorders like EDS (and HSD) have crazy high comorbodity with autism.Though EDS and HSD are seriously underdiagnosed, even worse than autism. In some comorbodity rate studies they therefore examine symptoms, not just official diagnoses.

 

[Strixaluco]

I think everyone around me is neurotypical, or if they aren't then I haven't caught on.

We are a minority indeed. And not all ND people are the same, I don't get along with all autistic people.

I have found other ND people among hobbies - the more passionate the better. Many associations are basically dependent on neurodivergents! (Who else is passionate enough to give time and effort to a hobby, to run the association so that it benefits others, too? It may take a special interest, or at the very least a hyperfixation.)

Also, BDSM scene is full of ND people. Even in the majority, it seems. If you suspect EDS or HSD, those groups have plenty of ND folks.

And many places and circles where you see quirky people not conforming to the norm. Just not know themselves yet.

Discord is one place. I don't like all ND groups, but some are simply awesome. I call one my online home. (Been there for hours already today.)

I often feel as though I don't belong in this world, I suppose being around people who aren't like you would do that. But yeah, I can only do 1-on-1. I also have ADHD, my attention only goes so far!

It's indeed icommon to have them both, if you have one.

Finding "our kind of people" can make all the difference. Even if it's online, because you then get at least mental support. And some of us are more comfortable online than live, really. Even only chatting with text. It took me a long time to build my friendship network of ND people - it may be hard, but it's also doable.

 

[Bassytian]

We are a minority indeed. And not all ND people are the same, I don't get along with all autistic people.

That's true. NDs and autistics are diverse as well.

Finding "our kind of people" can make all the difference. Even if it's online, because you then get at least mental support. And some of us are more comfortable online than live, really. Even only chatting with text. It took me a long time to build my friendship network of ND people - it may be hard, but it's also doable.

It certainly is tough. My efforts so far have ended in failure. It's like I scare them off or something.

 

[MasterDarcy]

Not to go into much detail, cuz I don't wanna.

I'm undiagnosed but i'm for definite on the spectrum.

Personally, I wouldn't have it any other way. I would honestly hate to be "normal" and conform to normalistic ways.

I don't understand people hating being on the spectrum and looking at it as if it's a curse. It is a curse. But not all curses are bad.

"Embrace it and love yourself" would be my message to everyone.

 

[Strixaluco]

I don't understand people hating being on the spectrum and looking at it as if it's a curse. It is a curse. But not all curses are bad.

I do. Because it's indeed a spectrum, and for some the negative effects are ln the forefront. Probably made worse by their environment.

 

[MasterDarcy]

I do. Because it's indeed a spectrum, and for some the negative effects are ln the forefront. Probably made worse by their environment.

Oh. I know all about that.

My personal outlook is to accentuate the positives and eliminate the negatives.

My negatives are vast and many, my positives are few, but they far outweigh the negatives.

 

[Strixaluco]

Oh. I know all about that.

My personal outlook is to accentuate the positives and eliminate the negatives.

My negatives are vast and many, my positives are few, but they far outweigh the negatives.

While I personally have plenty of the positive sides, I can understand that for some the negative sides are simply unbearable and cannot be eliminated or outweighted.

 

[Bassytian]

While I personally have plenty of the positive sides, I can understand that for some the negative sides are simply unbearable and cannot be eliminated or outweighted.

It can be, I was literally just there.

But now that I'm thinking more clearly, I'm trying to focus more on the positives and less on the negatives.

We're different, there's no denying that. But different doesn't mean better or worse, different is just that, "different". We have unique perspectives and gifts that we can share. We also have strengths and weaknesses just like anyone else does.

 

[MasterDarcy]

While I personally have plenty of the positive sides, I can understand that for some the negative sides are simply unbearable and cannot be eliminated or outweighted.

Oh. I can definitely understand it. Everywhere you look, from social media, the media and life, we're constantly being barraged by images and messages of what's "normal."

It's human nature to want to conform and fit it. It makes life easier. Especially for children.

From my earliest memories I knew that I was different and I loved it. I embraced my individuality.

 

[Strixaluco]

Oh. I can definitely understand it. Everywhere you look, from social media, the media and life, we're constantly being barraged by images and messages of what's "normal."

It's human nature to want to conform and fit it. It makes life easier. Especially for children.

From my earliest memories I knew that I was different and I loved it. I embraced my individuality.

But it's not only that.

Imagine for example having very intensely hypersensitive senses, and not being able to move to a place where you aren't daily seriously overloaded. For example due to being dependent on support, and needing to live with your family because you can't afford anything else. And possibly family being very ableistic, even bullying. I know one poor person that has all that, though the sensory issue is mainly their family, and they can't even find friends because living in the middle of countryside, not being able to get a driving license, and people they used to know have moved away. They might be able to work some, but not enough to make it on their own, and lack of driving licence makes the options very limited. They are basically stuck on the mercy of their family. Finding a way out in such a situation is very hard.

It's so much easier for me, being at least some 70% able to work (most of the time), having a supportive family and generally being able to function on my own. Oh and living in a welfare state. I haven't heard as miserable stories from autistic people in my country.

 

[MasterDarcy]

But it's not only that.

Imagine for example having very intensely hypersensitive senses, and not being able to move to a place where you aren't daily seriously overloaded. For example due to being dependent on support, and needing to live with your family because you can't afford anything else. And possibly family being very ableistic, even bullying. I know one poor person that has all that, though the sensory issue is mainly their family, and they can't even find friends because living in the middle of countryside, not being able to get a driving license, and people they used to know have moved away. They might be able to work some, but not enough to make it on their own, and lack of driving licence makes the options very limited. They are basically stuck on the mercy of their family. Finding a way out in such a situation is very hard.

It's so much easier for me, being at least some 70% able to work (most of the time), having a supportive family and generally being able to function on my own. Oh and living in a welfare state. I haven't heard as miserable stories from autistic people in my country.

Everyone has their own story and their own individual crosses to bear.

Of course some people have it worse than others, but you could say that about all walks of life and all different people who suffer from mental and illnesses and those who don't.

It's a lop-sided world when 8 people own 50% of the world's wealth.

Unless you're privileged, life is a struggle.

This is actually what makes my advice more pertinent and valid; life is hard enough and people are going to put you down enough without you being you joining in.

 

[Strixaluco]

This is actually what makes my advice more pertinent and valid; life is hard enough and people are going to put you down enough without you being you joining in.

Sometimes it's about admitting that you ARE down, even deep deep deep down, and asking to see it any other way is, in those cases, toxic positivity.

 

[Strixaluco]

And of course the same applies to other things as well. Many health issues have only a minimal amount of positive sides and plenty of negative. One visible person with EDS and another genetic issue talks a lot about how you don't have to love your body, and it is, in fact, freeing view among all the body positivity.

She is, in fact, a very positive person. But she doesn't love her body which is basically failing her in many ways, daily. She takes care of it as well as she can, but saying you must love something that is innately a failing system would be only an emotional burden. Of course she can be mad at her body, that imposes much more limitations than opportunities in her case.

 

[MasterDarcy]

Sometimes it's about admitting that you ARE down, even deep deep deep down, and asking to see it any other way is, in those cases, toxic positivity.

Well, obviously. If you're down and depressed then you should admit to it and see help.

I'm talking about a general sense of self care and perspective. You're talking about one specific case. A sad one, at that.

Generally, it's healthier and more productive to view your differences in a positive light rather than a negative one.

Some people are just negative and they'll focus on the rain when a rainbow is adorning the sky.

 

[Strixaluco]

Well, obviously. If you're down and depressed then you should admit to it and see help.

I'm talking about a general sense of self care and perspective. You're talking about one specific case. A sad one, at that.

Generally, it's healthier and more productive to view your differences in a positive light rather than a negative one.

Some people are just negative and they'll focus on the rain when a rainbow is adorning the sky.

I did not talk about ONLY one case. It was an example of the many that I know. It is not exceedingly rare for autism to be first and foremost a disability more than a source of positive things.

And it does not mean that depression is the real issue - it is usually the end result, because life is just harder than what they can manage with autism.

There are also those for whom autism itself screws over the good sides they get from autism so that they cannot enjoy the good sides. I cannot blame them for hating being autistic.