Being autistic and random stuff

[stickygirl]

I've been thinking about starting this for a while, not as a vanity thread, but because there isn't one at Lit. So this is a first for Lit AFAIK.

Being autistic doesn't mean we like sex more or less than anyone else, but we probably think about it more, because we think about everything more. There are plenty of autistic forums - there are dozens on Reddit alone, but because auties have had to learn to behave and be prime and proper, they seldom get a chance to say 'a slow tendril hung from the heat of her sex, thick with lust and hungry for his hard flesh to consume her' without a Mod jumping in to censor you... autie chat rooms are uncomfortable with sex.

I keep finding out new things about being autistic, usually through someone else's experience or remarks. Here's a couple of facts I discovered recently -

• Autistic people represent a disproportionate number of victims of sexual abuse
• Alexithymia can leave you suddenly fighting back tears because you don't understand your own emotions.

Like any chat room, Lit provides the opportunity of walking away from a question, thinking about it for an hour, then coming back with a thoughtful answer. It can also mean you totally misunderstood the nuances in the discussion, the topic has moved on and your carefully written response was a wasted effort. My trash is full of brilliant and entirely irrelevant replies to the question I only thought I'd been asked.

TLDR
Just post stuff about autism

I'm going to add links to some resources and you're most welcome to PM me with more suggestions. I'll tidy them up as we go.

Mom on the Spectrum
What is Neurodivergent? a useful intro to typical traits that may prompt you to find out more.
Autism from the Inside
Why socialising can be painful explaining the accepted rules of socialising and how sometimes we find them difficult.
What Women With Autism Want You to Know interviewed women offer insightful thoughts on being autistic

 

[Smal3hard5cfnm]

Also stimming because of clothes, materials, and temperature.
Subjectives thinking people on the spectrum are not allowed relationships, or can't do them or want.
We just want love and to be loved.
Relationship wit the body is often destroyed thrugh shamming a bullying; am I ugly, is is/are they too small.

Sorry about the bullet point styleof reply but I just wanted to ge ideas out.
thanks for posting.

 

[stickygirl]

Also stimming because of clothes, materials, and temperature.
Subjectives thinking people on the spectrum are not allowed relationships, or can't do them or want.
We just want love and to be loved.
Relationship wit the body is often destroyed thrugh shamming a bullying; am I ugly, is is/are they too small.

Sorry about the bullet point styleof reply but I just wanted to ge ideas out.
thanks for posting.

Nothing wrong with lists but the next step along is to describe how one of those traits has affected a relationship or lack of one. Maybe how you felt if you made an idiot of yourself on a thread and why ( I've faceplanted many times here ).

The common perception is that we're unfeeling, geeky people who are happy on our own. Some are, but then that's true of allistic people too. Some autistic people are great at math but then people assumed we're all like that.

To kill off one myth is that 'it's a super power'! I wish it fucking was - most of the time it feels like I put my shoes on the wrong feet again today.

 

[Escierto]

Nothing wrong with lists but the next step along is to describe how one of those traits has affected a relationship or lack of one. Maybe how you felt if you made an idiot of yourself on a thread and why ( I've faceplanted many times here ).

The common perception is that we're unfeeling, geeky people who are happy on our own. Some are, but then that's true of allistic people too. Some autistic people are great at math but that people assumed we're all like that.

To kill off one myth is that 'it's a super power'! I wish it fucking was - most of the time it feels like I put my shoes on the wrong feet again today.

Shoes on the wrong feet. OMG. My five year old grandson is a smart little guy but invariably his shoes are on the wrong feet. You can count on it. I always wonder, doesn’t it feel uncomfortable?

 

[stickygirl]

Shoes on the wrong feet. OMG. My five year old grandson is a smart little guy but invariably his shoes are on the wrong feet. You can count on it. I always wonder, doesn’t it feel uncomfortable?

Meh - it's just an expression. I've grown up this way so I have to borrow other people's experiences and language which makes it difficult to to describe more eloquently.

One analogy that works quite well is comparing iPhone and Androids, but don't dig any deeper or else you end up talking apps and computer code and then people leap to - 'Ah, she's autistic so of course she must be a computer programmer...' and miss the point.

Without being aware of your autism can mean you are only, finally, diagnosed because of an acute situation as an adult. Most of the time you get by, but then all the pieces (traits) fall into place for a psychiatrist. There's also a gender bias, because traditional diagnostic methods were based on male traits - girls are often better at fitting in and fly under the radar.

Gender bias isn't uncommon in medicine - did you know the symptoms of a heart attack present differently between men and women? Heart disease is the most common cause of death in women.

I can only speak from my experience. If you've met one autistic person, you've met one autistic person. We're all different just like neurotypical folk, but have much in common. Hence the thread - to reach out and share.

Oh a couple of terms we hear and they rankle. We do not 'have autism' - we are autistic. A certain charitable group thinks since we 'have autism' we can be cured with bleach enemas and electrotherapy. Seriously we don't need to be mended, just understood.

 

[Plasmaball]

Grabs some chicken nuggets.

 

[stickygirl]

It would be good to talk about sex and autism. I've got no problem with sex - I love all the sensations and closeness. I also write about it and those have been received quite well and I know a couple other authors who've posted some great stories. It's not as though we can't do sex

 

[Smal3hard5cfnm]

Nothing wrong with lists but the next step along is to describe how one of those traits has affected a relationship or lack of one. Maybe how you felt if you made an idiot of yourself on a thread and why ( I've faceplanted many times here ).

The common perception is that we're unfeeling, geeky people who are happy on our own. Some are, but then that's true of allistic people too. Some autistic people are great at math but that people assumed we're all like that.

To kill off one myth is that 'it's a super power'! I wish it fucking was - most of the time it feels like I put my shoes on the wrong feet again today.

Let me go through them then. Also stimming because of clothes, materials, and temperature. I get hot and most of the time, unless it's cold, I itch and would just prefer to be naked which I think the scratching would make a lady uncomfortable never mind just stripping off.

Subjectives thinking people on the spectrum are not allowed relationships, or can't do them or want. I have had my last proper relationship forewatch a marriage was on the cards.

We just want love and to be loved. That one speaks for it's self.

Relationship wit the body is often destroyed through shamming a bullying; am I ugly, is it/are they too small. Most women I know on the spectrum have been hounded by the mean girls, and boy's including me have been ridiculed for making an approach.
thanks for posting.

 

[butters]

I can only speak from my experience. If you've met one autistic person, you've met one autistic person. We're all different just like neurotypical folk, but have much in common. Hence the thread - to reach out and share.

Oh a couple of terms we hear and they rankle. We do not 'have autism' - we are autistic. A certain charitable group thinks since we 'have autism' we can be cured with bleach enemas and electrotherapy. Seriously we don't need to be mended, just understood.

this^^

 

[Plasmaball]

On a serious note I worry about my kid when he is adult and dealing with these things. He doesn't understand why you can't do certain things.

 

[stickygirl]

Let me go through them then. Also stimming because of clothes, materials, and temperature. I get hot and most of the time, unless it's cold, I itch and would just prefer to be naked which I think the scratching would make a lady uncomfortable never mind just stripping off.

Subjectives thinking people on the spectrum are not allowed relationships, or can't do them or want. I have had my last proper relationship forewatch a marriage was on the cards.

We just want love and to be loved. That one speaks for it's self.

Relationship wit the body is often destroyed through shamming a bullying; am I ugly, is it/are they too small. Most women I know on the spectrum have been hounded by the mean girls, and boy's including me have been ridiculed for making an approach.
thanks for posting.

Yea, stimming... I've heard people say 'why do you stand that way' or 'you're talking too loud' so as a learned skill? I sit on my hands and wait until I'm in a one-to-one or a small group before I'll be relaxed enough to speak.

I didn't know cutting labels out of clothes was a thing until I read that auties get super annoyed by them. I do avoid certain fabrics, but I'd always seen that as a choice.

Surely all people are body-shy and self conscious, especially when they're younger but if you had strangers policing your physical movements all your life, you going to expect further harsh judgement in the bedroom.

 

[AWhoopsieDaisy]

Getting bored during sex/masterbation and stopping before anyone has climaxed is a pretty normal autistic thing. It doesn't happen to everyone all the time but it's definitely a thing.



I'm very sensitive to smell to the point of having to leave the house when someone showers. I'll avoid that bathroom and that person for a few hours if their soap or shampoo choices set me off. Im not one to ask a partner to change their soaps because that's a mutual autistic understanding, but like she doesn't always get why I won't shower on days when she does.

 

[juttjaw]

Nothing about sex in my experience. My oldest daughter was diagnosed, with autism, in her very early 20s. She is complex, funny and brutally smart. She is kind, empathetic, polite and respectful. She has a personality that I'm very proud of her for. She has struggled, failed and given up. Shes an addict, in recovery, like her dear old Dad. She is one of my best friends. It was a bit of a struggle for her growing up, not only is she a child of divorce, but she was a confused teen. Got into things she shouldn't have, rebounded and made great decisions. She's a force.

When learning about the diagnosis, we sat down and researched together. It was at a time in my life, where I was largely ignorant to autism. I never considered it, ever. I was typically misinformed about it. Thoughts of rainman and the kid in my grade that didn't talk and covered his ears when he heard a loud noise. I had no idea of the nuances and misunderstanding of daily life with autism. The more I learned, the more it blew me away. I had no idea.

Her friends would (and have) discribed my daughter, as one of those people you meet in your life and they change it forever. Even within her toughest times, she has always been her. The kids personality, doesn't waver. She is the same now as she was when she was cut from her Mother's uterus.

I've come to realize a lot of things since finding out, but none of them has made any impact on my views of her. Why would it? Autism (in our case) isn't an answer to questions, or a salution to a problem, it's just there. The diagnosis may help her navigate the feelings she has, by providing a road map, that points out potential alternative routes. She always has been and always will be a gem. We'll keep learning together.

Sorry, this maybe off topic, but I wanted to share my experience with my kid. I hope it's OK.

 

[Chernosoth]

An autistic writer mentioned a few aspects of his "fried nervous system." He's clumsy and ambisinister. His dominant hand switches hands periodically. A relative is autistic. He is basically a child emotionally, with a very messy hoarder's home and compulsive angry reactions to some noises.

 

[stickygirl]

Getting bored during sex/masterbation and stopping before anyone has climaxed is a pretty normal autistic thing. It doesn't happen to everyone all the time but it's definitely a thing.

Doesn't everyone? *looks round the room to blank faces* Oh, that's a new one on me.

I'm very sensitive to smell to the point of having to leave the house when someone showers. I'll avoid that bathroom and that person for a few hours if their soap or shampoo choices set me off. Im not one to ask a partner to change their soaps because that's a mutual autistic understanding, but like she doesn't always get why I won't shower on days when she does.

Urgh - there's a shop in town sells bath-bombs and cheap perfumes. I have to cross the street to avoid the smell which is like chilli pepper to me. Same with some colognes that'll give me a headache.

Nothing about sex in my experience. My oldest daughter was diagnosed, with autism, in her very early 20s. She is complex, funny and brutally smart. She is kind, empathetic, polite and respectful. She has a personality that I'm very proud of her for. She has struggled, failed and given up. Shes an addict, in recovery, like her dear old Dad. She is one of my best friends. It was a bit of a struggle for her growing up, not only is she a child of divorce, but she was a confused teen. Got into things she shouldn't have, rebounded and made great decisions. She's a force.

~ snip ~

Sorry, this maybe off topic, but I wanted to share my experience with my kid. I hope it's OK.

Thanks for sharing. Bang on topic. Made me tear up

An autistic writer mentioned a few aspects of his "fried nervous system." He's clumsy and ambisinister. His dominant hand switches hands periodically.

I once asked a group of people 'which eye they saw the world through?' to blank faces. I think that was a classic aspie moment. I see through my left eye. I can shoot off either shoulder. The things the writer describes are on the autistic menu but it depends what you find on your plate.

A relative is autistic. He is basically a child emotionally, with a very messy hoarder's home and compulsive angry reactions to some noises.

I have a family lives nearby with a non-verbal son and an elder sister who is neurotypical. He spends an hour decompressing after school: he skips around in bare feet and calls out to himself. When I see his sister I wonder if she realises she's going to end up his guardian for the rest of her life.

Autism is often misdiagnosed as OCD and/or borderline personality disorder and health issues don't always come singly so there can be comorbid issues.

Broadly speaking we are unsettled by change and don't like surprises, so your relative may see things are a mess, but 'that's where he put that pile of old newspapers and he'd like them to be in exactly the same place tomorrow, thank you' - that can look like OCD, but isn't necessarily.

I used to wonder why other people didn't react to noises, especially loud screechy ones, the way I did. I thought I just had super sensitive hearing. If his brain translates some noises into physical pain, then his reaction makes sense. I totally understand his sensitivity.

Yeah, emotionally a child. I understand what you mean and it's a quick way to guide someone who hasn't met him before. If his autistic thinking is being overwhelmed by over-stimulation 24/7 then it must be impossible to grow.

 

[Chernosoth]

your relative may see things are a mess, but 'that's where he put that pile of old newspapers and he'd like them to be in exactly the same place tomorrow, thank you' - that can look like OCD, but isn't necessarily.

His home looks like a nest. I have wondered if he wants piles of trash as physical barriers to keep unwelcome people out.

 

[stickygirl]

His home looks like a nest. I have wondered if he wants piles of trash as physical barriers to keep unwelcome people out.

It's impossible to draw conclusions on any individual. All I can do is take a punt that, because auties can forget the social importance of personal hygiene, that he sees the things as a comfort. Other folk might simply be lazy but eventually snap and decide to do a clean up.

 

[Smal3hard5cfnm]

Getting bored during sex/masterbation and stopping before anyone has climaxed is a pretty normal autistic thing. It doesn't happen to everyone all the time but it's definitely a thing.



I'm very sensitive to smell to the point of having to leave the house when someone showers. I'll avoid that bathroom and that person for a few hours if their soap or shampoo choices set me off. Im not one to ask a partner to change their soaps because that's a mutual autistic understanding, but like she doesn't always get why I won't shower on days when she does.

I absolutely hate artificial smells, it feels like a physical assault. I know that smell is an important aspect of sexual arousal.

 

[stickygirl]

I absolutely hate artificial smells, it feels like a physical assault. I know that smell is an important aspect of sexual arousal.

It is but not those chemical smells. They're like chilli pepper.

I've had an adviser call at our house a few times and he wears the most awful, clinging scent. After he's left, I wipe every surface he's touched with kitchen cleaner. I thought I noticed everything last time, but he must have sneakily touched the kitchen door and it took me a couple of hours to find the source! Ha. We've gotta laugh at ourselves sometimes

 

[stickygirl]

On the sex side of things, I think I do sex quite well. It has helped to have had hands on experience of both physical layouts so I do know how a dick feels from a male perspective. I had a patient girl friend who indulged my curiosity in letting me explore her genitals for educational purposes. ( Yes I'm pan )
"I can see your pee-hole!" I exclaimed.
'Can you? What's it like?' she replied and we laughed ourselves silly.

When it comes to rolling naked I'm fine with it, which is great. So long as it's someone I have feelings for and trust. Orgasms yes, pillow talk yes, but snorers nope. I get my foot tapping pointed out in bed. I tap my foot when I'm happy but I understand it could be irritating.

Sometimes I can be so exhausted from masking that I don't have the energy for it or sometimes when I get thought circles. Then again, finding a hard cock in your hand can break the circle and snap me out of being so pre-occupied.

^^ That's my admission - who's next?

 

[Smal3hard5cfnm]

On the sex side of things, I think I do sex quite well. It has helped to have had hands on experience of both physical layouts so I do know how a dick feels from a male perspective. I had a patient girl friend who indulged my curiosity in letting me explore her genitals for educational purposes. ( Yes I'm pan )
"I can see your pee-hole!" I exclaimed.
'Can you? What's it like?' she replied and we laughed ourselves silly.

When it comes to rolling naked I'm fine with it, which is great. So long as it's someone I have feelings for and trust. Orgasms yes, pillow talk yes, but snorers nope. I get my foot tapping pointed out in bed. I tap my foot when I'm happy but I understand it could be irritating.

Sometimes I can be so exhausted from masking that I don't have the energy for it or sometimes when I get thought circles. Then again, finding a hard cock in your hand can break the circle and snap me out of being so pre-occupied.

^^ That's my admission - who's next?

According to the late great author Terry prattchet, a marriage is made up of two people that swear only the other one snorers.

 

[Tigersman]

If you would like to learn more about autism then you need to read the series by DestinyReader. The author has Asperger's.

 

[stickygirl]

If you would like to learn more about autism then you need to read the series by DestinyReader. The author has Asperger's.

The name ( Asperger ) has dropped from use because it's been revealed he was complicit in sending autistic kids to the gas chambers or for Nazi experiments. He's also accused of stealing the work of the Russian researcher, Grunya Sukhareva, who published a clinical description of autism in 1925. When communism cut off Russians from the rest of the world, she was unable to further the research. Sukhareva doesn't roll off the tongue so easily!

Temple Grandin is also critical of removing the descriptor by calling all autistic people by the same word. She argues, rightly IMO, that different people have different needs and typically people with Asperger's could function in society and live independent lives whereas autism was often used to describe those who would always need support.

I know someone originally diagnosed Asperger's who was a nice enough guy, smart but had a weakness for alcohol and ended up doing petty crime. The local police did everything to try and keep him out of jail because they knew that wasn't the solution, but in the end he got a couple of months. I think he's back in control of things and has a job.

 

[Tigersman]

The name ( Asperger ) has dropped from use because it's been revealed he was complicit in sending autistic kids to the gas chambers or for Nazi experiments. He's also accused of stealing the work of the Russian researcher, Grunya Sukhareva, who published a clinical description of autism in 1925. When communism cut off Russians from the rest of the world, she was unable to further the research. Sukhareva doesn't roll off the tongue so easily!

Temple Grandin is also critical of removing the descriptor by calling all autistic people by the same word. She argues, rightly IMO, that different people have different needs and typically people with Asperger's could function in society and live independent lives whereas autism was often used to describe those who would always need support.

I know someone originally diagnosed Asperger's who was a nice enough guy, smart but had a weakness for alcohol and ended up doing petty crime. The local police did everything to try and keep him out of jail because they knew that wasn't the solution, but in the end he got a couple of months. I think he's back in control of things and has a job.

Although I don't know very much about DestinyReader I do know his original series gives the reader a glimpse of what he has gone through and how he handled different situations. I'm his editor for both of his series.

 

[stickygirl]

Although I don't know very much about DestinyReader I do know his original series gives the reader a glimpse of what he has gone through and how he handled different situations. I'm his editor for both of his series.

I'll look them up. I've done the same in my more recent stories, probably more than I realise. Bramblethorn introduced an autistic woman in Anjali Scarf, and that was an interesting series.