In the context of another thread, sexymom, made the following statements:
"There is also an attempt to link dominance with sexuality by innuendo. I don't know of many people in real life who see bdsm as a primarily sexual thing, since vanillas often tend to have more active, and satisfying, sex lives than people in the bdsm world. Many people get interested in bdsm because it is a sex substitute."
Not wanting to hijack that thread, I asked sexymom if it would be OK with her if I used her comments as the basis for a new thread. She agreed. I spent a day reading in the Library and while I never found a discussion about the fundamental relationship between D/s and sex, I did find many discussions which touched on this issue. (I would recommend the "What is a D/s relationship?" thread in the "Relationships" section as a good place to start, if you are interested.)
Regarding my own relationship, this is something that I have been thinking about a lot recently. For A. (my sub) and I, D/s came into our relationship, originally as a sexual thing. Initially we would simply incorporate various D/s elements into our lovemaking, but it was something that stayed exclusively in the bedroom. So for us, it did begin as a primarily sexual thing, and in my experience, it was a vehicle to a more satisfying and active sex life, just the opposite of sexymom's description above.
A. and I are about to go 24/7. It has taken better than 5 years for us to get to the point where we feel secure enough in our identities as D. and s. to take this step. The funny thing is, in this 24/7 relationship D/s will not, cannot, be primarily a sexual thing. What's more, I suspect that being 24/7 will affect our sex life, not necessarily making it less active or satisfying, but certainly more deliberate and considered. After reading and thinking about sexymom's comment, I would have to say that for us D/s has replaced sex as the foundation for or intimacy- - something like a "substitute".
In short, I feel like while D/s began in our bedroom, it was only once we began to see D/s in a broader perspective that we realized that it might be able to come into our lives more generally. If I hadn't become acquainted with this community, I would feel that seeing D/s in anything other than a sexual way was unusual to say the least. After all, I cannot recall ever having read a bdsm story here, nor seen a bdsm website, that did not portray bdsm as, basically, a sexual or erotic thing.
So what about all of you? I would really like to hear how others would respond to sexymom's statements.
Tollo
"There is also an attempt to link dominance with sexuality by innuendo. I don't know of many people in real life who see bdsm as a primarily sexual thing, since vanillas often tend to have more active, and satisfying, sex lives than people in the bdsm world. Many people get interested in bdsm because it is a sex substitute."
Not wanting to hijack that thread, I asked sexymom if it would be OK with her if I used her comments as the basis for a new thread. She agreed. I spent a day reading in the Library and while I never found a discussion about the fundamental relationship between D/s and sex, I did find many discussions which touched on this issue. (I would recommend the "What is a D/s relationship?" thread in the "Relationships" section as a good place to start, if you are interested.)
Regarding my own relationship, this is something that I have been thinking about a lot recently. For A. (my sub) and I, D/s came into our relationship, originally as a sexual thing. Initially we would simply incorporate various D/s elements into our lovemaking, but it was something that stayed exclusively in the bedroom. So for us, it did begin as a primarily sexual thing, and in my experience, it was a vehicle to a more satisfying and active sex life, just the opposite of sexymom's description above.
A. and I are about to go 24/7. It has taken better than 5 years for us to get to the point where we feel secure enough in our identities as D. and s. to take this step. The funny thing is, in this 24/7 relationship D/s will not, cannot, be primarily a sexual thing. What's more, I suspect that being 24/7 will affect our sex life, not necessarily making it less active or satisfying, but certainly more deliberate and considered. After reading and thinking about sexymom's comment, I would have to say that for us D/s has replaced sex as the foundation for or intimacy- - something like a "substitute".
In short, I feel like while D/s began in our bedroom, it was only once we began to see D/s in a broader perspective that we realized that it might be able to come into our lives more generally. If I hadn't become acquainted with this community, I would feel that seeing D/s in anything other than a sexual way was unusual to say the least. After all, I cannot recall ever having read a bdsm story here, nor seen a bdsm website, that did not portray bdsm as, basically, a sexual or erotic thing.
So what about all of you? I would really like to hear how others would respond to sexymom's statements.
Tollo
It does seem to me some find D/s opens up their sexual experiences and things they do in that context, but that was not my experience. I was always open to new experiences sexually and experimented a lot so tried things such as anal, oral, bondage, toys, enema's, exhibitionism, bisexual, etc., all while younger and vanilla...now those things continue and are more frequent.....guess I'm just a kinky girl at heart. 
