BDSM: Questions and Answers

[cymbidia]

Cymbidia, how did that meeting go?

Thanks for asking.
It went really well.
I'm seeing him again tomorrow. We're both amazed, i think, at how well it went and need to check to see if it'll go that well again. Cross your fingers for me...



It's way too early (in a few ways) for my heart to be in this thing but my body *really* wants to play. (The slut!) It's been WAY too long since i had something good, something steady, something wet and wild and wonderful and way kinked from someone who really knew how to give it. This man, this Dom, i think he knows how to give it the way i need it.

 

[MissTaken]

Thanks for asking.
It went really well.
I'm seeing him again tomorrow. We're both amazed, i think, at how well it went and need to check to see if it'll go that well again. Cross your fingers for me...

Great news!

My fingers are crosses as well as toes and anything else I may cross, except for my legs, perhaps!

Best wishes.

 

[Natalie Nessus]

Hello all. I'm Des, bi fem sub.

I can't resist a comment... this sort of post sounds kind of like a 12 step group for subs.

I know. I do have a strange sense of humor.

It is lonely for Dommes here I think

 

[HotXBunz]

Originally posted by Desdemona

Hello all. I'm Des, bi fem sub.
I can't resist a comment... this sort of post sounds kind of like a 12 step group for subs.
I know. I do have a strange sense of humor

I loves this!

Doms, Dommes and Subs, HoTXBunz is here tonight to pick up her 23rd post chit. Bunz, can you share a word?

My hope for the world is that their BDSM play be safe, sane and consensual. Oh and peace, world peace of course.

Cymbidia, I am happy to hear the visit went well. This sounds very good.

 

[RisiaSkye]

Oh, don't get me started on lables. I am a crusader in the land of Self Identification.

Excellent. In honor of your crusade, I dub myself thusly (and in high falutin' fancy talk, too): RisiaSkye, MWF bi fem maso Switch graduate of Trailer Park city, B.A. B.S. M.A.

Don't mind me; I'm crazy. Ask anyone.

Nice to meetcha, btw. Welcome to the Kinky Kids' Social Hour; it's nice to have an articulate new voice.

leXie--for what it's worth, I don't think you're at all strange for being scared to take the next step. Dating and sex are scary enough without the added trust issues of our somewhat unusual desires. Don't beat yourself up about it; work through this, and the next step will come. The rewards are worth it. You'll get there.

Harbinger--I understand better now why the phrase "Topping from below" incurs such hostility. Passive-aggressive gameplaying is just another way of not being honest, not really communicating. It doesn't work in the-artist-formerly-known-as-vanilla relationships (), and it sure as hell doesn't work in the many realms of power exchange. Thanks for giving me some new insights.

cym--Heh. More switches indeed. You won't hear me complaining about that anytime soon. Everything else, though, is still up for grabs.
Glad to hear your coffee-time went so well. Have I pre-screened this one, missie? BTW, am I disallowed from doing your safe calls for being a smartass, or did you not *have* one the other day? Spill it, lady...fill me in here. My vicarious life needs frequent updating, you know.

SpectreT--I don't know you, but I do *know* depression, intimately. I've been there personally, and I've been through it with people I love in RL. No pressure on you, and no expectations of you, but if you ever want to talk or unload a bit, or just get out of your head by shooting the shit with someone, drop me a line. I'm a pain in the ass more than my fair share of the time, but I don't bullshit people and I don't do a lot of judging.

WriterDom--dig your girl, Mr. W. *sigh* Ah, poverty. It's times like these when I feel really good about my career choice. ~grumble, grumble~

MissT & KatPurrs--well met, ladies. A pleasure, as always.

cellis--you MUST stop posting these things. First Spectre's av, and now your links. A woman's gotta get some work done, ferfuckssake! Oh, and hiya from Extra-Caffeine land.

Good gawd, this post grew out of control. I must stop *now* before I'm killed by Overdosa Verbosa.

RS

 

[cymbidia]

Glad to hear your coffee-time went so well. Have I pre-screened this one, missie? BTW, am I disallowed from doing your safe calls for being a smartass, or did you not *have* one the other day? Spill it, lady...fill me in here. My vicarious life needs frequent updating, you know

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck ~blushing wildly~ fuck FUCK!
I didn't intend to need one. I didn't think anyone would catch on that i should have had one and didn't. ~still blushing wildly~ My body told my brain to shut the hell up and let it all flow. It wasn't my fault.


And yes, R.
You prescreened him.
You think i would meet anyone you hadn't screened alreay?
No way, Josette!
He's in the same profession as the first one, oddly enough. I've never met any others socially, ever, in my whole life. Now there's two. Well, one. I had to cut the first one loose on a technical foul. (TWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET! Married! You're OUT of here!) ~STILL blushing wildly~ FUCK, R! Can't get anything past you.

 

[Frouwa_Aph]

I keep my fingers crossed for you, Cym. Keep us posted on your potential new Dom. (Ähem - herewith I declare that I am not curious, I just want to know eeeeeverything )

Lexxie, it's normal to get scared, and not even typical only for subs. I'm always nervous as hell, when I meet a new sub. Some one said that already, a good Dom will understand.

I'm dominant, mostly het (I've scened with women, it was OK, but I like men better), I love mind fucks and don't like giving severe pain, but give me a cute butt to spank any time
Here subbie, subbie, subbie

Monika

 

[RisiaSkye]

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck ~blushing wildly~ fuck FUCK!
I didn't intend to need one. I didn't think anyone would catch on that i should have had one and didn't. ~still blushing wildly~ My body told my brain to shut the hell up and let it all flow. It wasn't my fault.

Um-hmm, thought so. Doesn't wash, honey. I've used this excuse myself too many times to let you get away with it. You know *better*. Okay, lecture over.

And yes, R.
You prescreened him.
You think i would meet anyone you hadn't screened alreay?
No way, Josette!

Hehe. Sorry, I forgot how Super Important I am, just for a second there. No, really. I am important, dammit. Respect My Fuckin' Authorita!

He's in the same profession as the first one, oddly enough. I've never met any others socially, ever, in my whole life. Now there's two. Well, one. I had to cut the first one loose on a technical foul. (TWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET! Married! You're OUT of here!)

Upon reflection, it makes a lot of sense. People who crave authority, right?

Glad to hear you've moved on from the first one. You know how I felt about that one anyway. Though I'm glad you got your fill-in sex in the interum, as I know how you needed to have that right kind of touch again, after everything you've gone through to finally be *free,* you deserve someone willing to give as much energy to being true about who they are and what they want as you give. Again, lecture over.

Heh. I apparently really liked playing teacher today. I'm still in lecture mode. Apologies, cym.

~STILL blushing wildly~ FUCK, R! Can't get anything past you.

That's the idea, sugar-pie. That's the idea. Somebody's gotta watch your back. ~chuckling~

 

[Natalie Nessus]

Cym, a Domme/Dom does no see it as you after one scene, be careful not to build on that scene

 

[cellis]

cellis--you MUST stop posting these things. First Spectre's av, and now your links. A woman's gotta get some work done, ferfuckssake! Oh, and hiya from Extra-Caffeine land.
RS

Actually, it is KatPurrs fault... she posted the original link and I just found the nudes I wanted...

To all who are interested it is
http://www.paintedlady.com or http://www.darksecret.com

He has lovely nudes including the one that WD bought...

Oh and Nessus, you might want to add theses links to already thousands that you have stored away...

 

[ShyGuy68]

*stands up shyly, clearing his voice and says* Ok I admit that I'm a Dom straight guy, there is just something about a womans ass in the air, ready to be spanked! *drool*

But I'll admit that I also like the vanilla sex as well, it's wonderful just to be intimate together.

 

[SpectreT]

For those few who didn't know.....

The Labels. (shudder) The mental shorthand for my particular combination of gender and sexuality is as follows:

Male, "switch", more BD/DS than SM, hetero, with some minor gender issues, crossdresser. I'm also a Taurus, which seems to have influenced me somewhat as a sensual hedonist, a lover of tastes and textures and.... sensations. I've found through some informal polling that most Taurii (that I know well enough to ask these kind of questions of) enjoy being spanked. I'm certainly one of them.

There. I've just created a tidy little pigeon-hole to tuck myself into. I don't have major issues with labels, as I think of them as mental shorthand.

 

[seXieleXie]

labels

we're all so much more than these words will ever tell. that's okay though, i'll play the game:

single, bisexual, biracial, submissive female

there are other labels that apply to me of course, but they're not really relevant

 

[MysCynthia]

It is not the tools, it is the mind

You are correct Nessus. But the tools are so much fun!!!
I am going to try to post other easy projects when I can.

Responding to another of your posts;
I don't feel it is lonely for Dommes here. Some of us are just so busy reading we have little time to write. I hadn't noticed that there are more posts from subs and Doms than from Dommes.

I have great intentions of answering posts but Cym always seems to express my thoughts before I can put pen to paper {or fingers to keyboard} and she does it with much more grace than I ever could.
I guess I should probably reply that I agree with her {and so many others} but I HATE one line responses. If I disagree with someones opinion, unless I think they are promoting something that isn't safe, I have no need to make my opinion known.

Cym, please NEVER stop writing here. I value your comments and frequently pass them on and BTW Thank you for the welcome.

 

[KatPurrs]

Actually, it is KatPurrs fault... she posted the original link and I just found the nudes I wanted...

To all who are interested it is
http://www.paintedlady.com or http://www.darksecret.com

He has lovely nudes including the one that WD bought...

I love taking the blame for this one! I was very pleased to lead WD to the Painted Lady site.

cellis, I tried the 2nd url (darksecret). I don't think it's the one that is associated with Painted Lady.

Kat~

 

[Guest]

I believe that the correct address is http://www.darknsecret.com

Hope that help everyone.

 

[~tehya~]

Ya know...i really need to start posting more so that i can get the hang of it. Then maybe i'll remember to log in BEFORE i post...

 

[cymbidia]

I have great intentions of answering posts but Cym always seems to express my thoughts before I can put pen to paper {or fingers to keyboard}

~cringing~
You're kind, so kind, to offer such a lovely assessment of my inclination to, uh, be first in line with answers, MC.

Around here, though, we all know i get just plain selfish about it sometimes. It gets away from me, that "answering" thing. And since both you and SpectreT have noted it of late, it must be getting away from me again. I'll pull back a bit. Sorry, all.

 

[SpectreT]

~cringing~
You're kind, so kind, to offer such a lovely assessment of my inclination to, uh, be first in line with answers, MC.

Around here, though, we all know i get just plain selfish about it sometimes. It gets away from me, that "answering" thing. And since both you and SpectreT have noted it of late, it must be getting away from me again. I'll pull back a bit. Sorry, all.

How many times do I have to tell ya, it's yer thread, ya silly orchid?

We expect your $0.02 on just about anything posted here. Most of us don't mind, either, since your two pence is absolutely priceless, in terms of insight, in terms of care in word choice, in terms of experience to back your opinions up.

I rib ya on it, give ya the business sometimes, but that's how we do the friendship thing in New York. Even outside the Big Apple. We're wiseasses. We're known for it.

 

[cymbidia]

Forgive me, T.
You too, MysCynthia.
(I'm not really a nutcase, MC. Much. Too often, anyway.)

And it's not *my* thread. WD and i talked about something like this for a long time before i so-impulsively made the first post to it. It could just as easily have been him. In any case, it's a community thread. It lives or dies by the wit and kindness and insights and all-round good humaneness of those who read and post here.




Tomorrow is MS' birthday.
We had big plans for tomorrow, plans we'd been making for a year or more.
It... oh gods!... it hurts. Again. Still. Intolerably.
I thought i was moving past this part of it.

I'm not asking for sympathy and would feel horror at any more time or attention given to my small ache in the midst of everyone's aches, you know? But i'm off balance right now and instead of trying to cover it up, i'll just admit it. You know why it hurts. You understand.

I'm going now.
(No, no, no. Just for a little little while, just until i feel a little more level.)

Thanks, T.
Really.

 

[WriterDom]

~cringing~
I'll pull back a bit. Sorry, all.

I wish you had my online collar

I'd cyber spank you each time you said you'd pull back.

No one wants that cym. We all love you.

 

[seXieleXie]

oh cym
we all you. (sorry, just wanted to use one of the new smilies). if you pull back because you're afraid of monopolizing the thread i'll cry. you wouldn't want to make me cry would you? no, i thought not.
i love to read yours posts. i love your insite. it's amazing how you can cut through bullshit with a single swipe and find the heart of the matter.
everyone else should post their thoughts too. i don't care if it's redundant. something like "i agree with cym... and here it is in my words". i want to hear everyone's opinions, even if they differ only slightly.


as for the pain... i am terribly inept when talking to others about such matters. you know there is no way around this, you have to go through it. you have to experiance the holidays and birthdays and anniversaries. when you feel the darkness start to swallow you, think of all those who care about you. we're pulling for you cym, as hard as we're able. we're here to be leaned on, just as we've leaned on you. we're here to be vented to, just as you listen to us vent. we're here. your aches are as valid as mine, as T's, as MissT's, as anyones. we all ache for you now, as you have ached for us when we come to the board with our hurts. you don't owe us anything, but please allow us to extend to you the kindness and compassion you have delt out so many times before.

 

[Natalie Nessus]

Cym

Stop this This thread has value and without you it would not be here

You may not like it but you are a role model here


Until told otherwise, yes? You continue?

N

 

[cymbidia]

Right. It's MS' birthday. We all have them. We'll all keep having 'em, too. So what?

~warm, very grateful hugs and kisses from me to WD, lexie, and Nessus~
Thank you, friends.

Y'all here are wonderful, caring people and i'm lucky to have you in my life, even the bit i do. I remain amazed at the pool of care and understanding that flows without pause, you to whomever needs it. It's astounding, that kind of whole-hearted affection and concern. It's uncommon in the world today.

I have to add this, too: Risia is a gift in my life.
Earlier, she read this... this... today's stuff. Then she called me. She talked and listened and i talked and listened and we ended up swapping stories and horrors and fears and hopes and the wistful longings of long-cherished dreams and generally being good little therapists for each other, as usual, for the last hour and a half or something. She's a marvel in my life, that girl is. I really don't know how i would have gotten through the last couple months without her there to be something akin to a shock absorber for me.

Love you, R.

 

[RisiaSkye]

Re: Right. It's MS' birthday. We all have them. We'll all keep having 'em, too. So what?

Love you, R.

For once, I am bereft of sarcasm and ready replies. (and b, you know how rarely *that* happens) I love you too, b. And, as you also know, I don't kick those words around lightly. If you saw what I see, you'd realize you aren't the lucky one in this friendship; I am. *many hugs*

Now, remember to light your candle before taking your recently rediscovered friend out on the "date" you oh-so-casually mentioned.