BDSM: Questions and Answers
- Thread starter cymbidia
- Start date
seXieleXie
trouble
- Joined
- Nov 14, 2001
- Posts
- 8,509
well, i didn't just tell him i didn't think that we could meet ever and hang up. i said i felt really overwhelmed and needed some more time. i said in the message that i would call him again tomorrow because i knew we needed to talk.
i am scared though. thank you cym for putting it so simply. sometimes i just need to see the words in black and white to match them to my feelings.
*sigh*
thanks for not thinking i'm a headcase.
and now back to being a college student...
i am scared though. thank you cym for putting it so simply. sometimes i just need to see the words in black and white to match them to my feelings.
*sigh*
thanks for not thinking i'm a headcase.
and now back to being a college student...
MissTaken
Biker Chick
- Joined
- Jun 30, 2001
- Posts
- 20,570
seXieleXie said:
You aren't a head case, hon. You are a smart girl. A good Dom or even a decent man will understand your apprehension. They will accept it and provide you with genuine space and time to grow into the self that is blooming. It is a difficult step to take and requires time. It isn't just about kink, it is about your inner self evolving.
If He is truly sincere and interested He will NOT give you false reassurances and platitudes. He will NOT try to make you feel guilty. Be wary when you cross this bridge with your new friend.
Just a few notes from personal experience.
hugs and best wishes
Miss T
MysCynthia
Experienced
- Joined
- Dec 21, 2001
- Posts
- 64
A simple flogger
Don't feel ripped off WriterDom; I probably own the same ones you do. I just got sick of paying premium prices for junk and started making things myself.
There is no substitute to well made toys but they are usually expensive.
For the novice who has no clue what certain toys truly feel like,
or for those of us on a budget, it is fun to make your own.
A simple flogger is an easy 1st project.
You will need:
A 6 inch X 1/2 in. wooden dowel
A sheet {24 X 24 inch square is a nice size}
of leather, suade, "tablecloth" plastic, or tightly woven fabric
{they all have wonderfully different textures}
glue
Lay out your fabric and mark lines every 1/2 or 3/4 inch
depending on how thick you want your falls to be.
Cut with sissors or with a rotery cutter & straight edge,
to within 6 inches of the top of the fabric.
Glue the dowel to the uncut edge of the fabric and start to
tightly roll the fabric around the dowel. Glue as you roll.
Hold tightly until glue dries.
You can finish your flogger handle with furniture tacks or coat it with tool dip.
The falls can be left straight or cut at an angle.
This isn't a pretty flogger but it works.
Try different lengths and fabrics. Mix and match two layers
of different colored leather or suade.
Shop at Goodwill for old leather coats.
Most of all, have fun.
Enjoy,
MysCynthia
WriterDom said:
Don't feel ripped off WriterDom; I probably own the same ones you do. I just got sick of paying premium prices for junk and started making things myself.
There is no substitute to well made toys but they are usually expensive.
For the novice who has no clue what certain toys truly feel like,
or for those of us on a budget, it is fun to make your own.
A simple flogger is an easy 1st project.
You will need:
A 6 inch X 1/2 in. wooden dowel
A sheet {24 X 24 inch square is a nice size}
of leather, suade, "tablecloth" plastic, or tightly woven fabric
{they all have wonderfully different textures}
glue
Lay out your fabric and mark lines every 1/2 or 3/4 inch
depending on how thick you want your falls to be.
Cut with sissors or with a rotery cutter & straight edge,
to within 6 inches of the top of the fabric.
Glue the dowel to the uncut edge of the fabric and start to
tightly roll the fabric around the dowel. Glue as you roll.
Hold tightly until glue dries.
You can finish your flogger handle with furniture tacks or coat it with tool dip.
The falls can be left straight or cut at an angle.
This isn't a pretty flogger but it works.
Try different lengths and fabrics. Mix and match two layers
of different colored leather or suade.
Shop at Goodwill for old leather coats.
Most of all, have fun.
Enjoy,
MysCynthia
Oh nipplies, nipplies, how I love to play with nipplies. I have a few suggestions for some "different" toys.
The easiest one is an old fashioned "horn" type breast pump. I have bought several on eBay for $10 or so. I always ask if the rubber is still plyable and the seal around the glass tight before I bid. The newer ones have been designed to be much more tame but in the right hands can still produce a significant amount of sensation.
Another is a 20cc syringe modified for play. I get mine from my vet. You need a sharp knife to cut the adaptor end off of the barrel. Remove the plunger first. Replace the plunger in the opposite end of the barrel. The flanged end will be next to the skin and the rough cut end will be at the other end unless you want a better bite then leave the rough end as the business end. A bit of moisture in the barrel helps with the suction. Works well on the clit too.
I have never thought of using things from the sewing section. This suggestion was wonderful. I was wondering if drapery rings (for cafe curtains) dipped in that rubber product would work? Gee and I though I had really done something when I found the perfect clothspin.
Shopping at the Marts will have a whole new meaning.
The easiest one is an old fashioned "horn" type breast pump. I have bought several on eBay for $10 or so. I always ask if the rubber is still plyable and the seal around the glass tight before I bid. The newer ones have been designed to be much more tame but in the right hands can still produce a significant amount of sensation.
Another is a 20cc syringe modified for play. I get mine from my vet. You need a sharp knife to cut the adaptor end off of the barrel. Remove the plunger first. Replace the plunger in the opposite end of the barrel. The flanged end will be next to the skin and the rough cut end will be at the other end unless you want a better bite then leave the rough end as the business end. A bit of moisture in the barrel helps with the suction. Works well on the clit too.
I have never thought of using things from the sewing section. This suggestion was wonderful. I was wondering if drapery rings (for cafe curtains) dipped in that rubber product would work? Gee and I though I had really done something when I found the perfect clothspin.
Shopping at the Marts will have a whole new meaning.
Natalie Nessus
Gypsy Soul
- Joined
- Apr 27, 2001
- Posts
- 5,740
It is not the tools, it is the mind
{Okay, big deap breath} In the spirit of sharing that so many of you have been so kind to do I will share a bit about my ideas on the topping from the bottom topic. Until I stumbled upon this thread I had never given much of a thought to the philosophy behind what I do so I am in the early stages of sorting out my values and opinions so please bear with me.
During my odessy on this thread I learned much about the exchange of power. I guess I would have to consider myself a Switch because my partner has a "whatever you do to me I can/will do to you" rule. You can see where I may have to be the initiator at times. I prefer the headiness of sub space but can be a very effective Top.
The exchange of power is very subtle in our play. A mere "kiss" can become a command. It is immediately understood. I guess this is all about familiarity but when my SO in in control I obey and I expect obedience when I command it. Much of our play is very mental (move and be punished) because to dig out the toy box would really mess with the spontaneous play at the time. We went through our custom made toy experience and had many very enjoyable scenes but kept coming back to the good old fashion mind fuck.
I am with someone I trust with my life so my limits go as far as she will push me. There are times I crave more but know I would be pushing her hard limits. She will not do anything invasive and I respect this.
I read with rapt interest the Dom/sub posts. One thing mentioned was that people who switch are not as respected by some as those who do not. It reminded me of the people who say bisexuals are confused and yet as I read I got it. It isn't about what you do it is about who you are. So, my thoughts about someone trying to Top from the bottom is that they may be challenging that part of of a Dom/Domme.
It has been mentioned that some "instruction" needs to come from below for safety sake, if the Top is less experienced or if the bottom is trying to communicate the need for a more intense experience. In my opinion these are reasonable actions. For me it is a green light to push harder and in no way meant as disrespect. However, if a bottom is questioning or challenging the Top's authority this must be dealt with. If what we do is mostly about participating in a consentual power exchange, however it is we do it, that Top power has to be respected.
During my odessy on this thread I learned much about the exchange of power. I guess I would have to consider myself a Switch because my partner has a "whatever you do to me I can/will do to you" rule. You can see where I may have to be the initiator at times. I prefer the headiness of sub space but can be a very effective Top.
The exchange of power is very subtle in our play. A mere "kiss" can become a command. It is immediately understood. I guess this is all about familiarity but when my SO in in control I obey and I expect obedience when I command it. Much of our play is very mental (move and be punished) because to dig out the toy box would really mess with the spontaneous play at the time. We went through our custom made toy experience and had many very enjoyable scenes but kept coming back to the good old fashion mind fuck.
I am with someone I trust with my life so my limits go as far as she will push me. There are times I crave more but know I would be pushing her hard limits. She will not do anything invasive and I respect this.
I read with rapt interest the Dom/sub posts. One thing mentioned was that people who switch are not as respected by some as those who do not. It reminded me of the people who say bisexuals are confused and yet as I read I got it. It isn't about what you do it is about who you are. So, my thoughts about someone trying to Top from the bottom is that they may be challenging that part of of a Dom/Domme.
It has been mentioned that some "instruction" needs to come from below for safety sake, if the Top is less experienced or if the bottom is trying to communicate the need for a more intense experience. In my opinion these are reasonable actions. For me it is a green light to push harder and in no way meant as disrespect. However, if a bottom is questioning or challenging the Top's authority this must be dealt with. If what we do is mostly about participating in a consentual power exchange, however it is we do it, that Top power has to be respected.
KatPurrs
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jul 24, 2001
- Posts
- 540
Re: Re: WriterDom
cellis, I know what you mean. I, too, would love to have an original. The prints are affordable though..... for po' folk like us
Kat~
cellis said:
My thoughts exactly, KatPurrs... and I am so jealous WD.... the artist has a nude I want badly, but sadly cannot afford...
cellis, I know what you mean. I, too, would love to have an original. The prints are affordable though..... for po' folk like us
Kat~
Harbinger
Basic Limerent Object
- Joined
- Jul 30, 2001
- Posts
- 5,134
Topping from the bottom
It's interesting to me that there are several points of view on what this means. I had an experience a few years ago that illustrates what it means to me.
I had begun a relationship with a submissive woman that I had met through mutual acquaintances. It wasn't long before we acknowledged that she had sub tendencies and I had dominant ones. We both had past experience. We spent a lot of time discussing our likes and dislikes, in person and on the phone, exchanging erotic e-mail and so on, so we felt that we had common ground. So far, so good. In play her desire was to be very submissive, with none of cym's mischievous testing. (That's so cute! I love it when they struggle. You would never escape my bonds, cym dear. )
The problem was this: It became apparent over time that she was engaging in a passive/aggressive effort to control the relationship, and to control me. Since a healthy BDSM relationship is actually consensual, she had the power to play mind games if she chose to. She wanted to role-play submission, but she wanted to manipulate me at the same time. I confronted her and soon after decided to end the relationship. That's what I think of as "trying to top from the bottom."
It's interesting to me that there are several points of view on what this means. I had an experience a few years ago that illustrates what it means to me.
I had begun a relationship with a submissive woman that I had met through mutual acquaintances. It wasn't long before we acknowledged that she had sub tendencies and I had dominant ones. We both had past experience. We spent a lot of time discussing our likes and dislikes, in person and on the phone, exchanging erotic e-mail and so on, so we felt that we had common ground. So far, so good. In play her desire was to be very submissive, with none of cym's mischievous testing. (That's so cute! I love it when they struggle. You would never escape my bonds, cym dear.
)The problem was this: It became apparent over time that she was engaging in a passive/aggressive effort to control the relationship, and to control me. Since a healthy BDSM relationship is actually consensual, she had the power to play mind games if she chose to. She wanted to role-play submission, but she wanted to manipulate me at the same time. I confronted her and soon after decided to end the relationship. That's what I think of as "trying to top from the bottom."
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WriterDom
Good to the last drop
- Joined
- Jun 25, 2000
- Posts
- 20,077
Re: Re: Re: WriterDom
I got number 47 of 350 so there are lots more if he is going in order. You should get one.
He does custom work from photos. That would make a great gift but where would you hang it?
KatPurrs said:
cellis, I know what you mean. I, too, would love to have an original. The prints are affordable though..... for po' folk like us
Kat~
I got number 47 of 350 so there are lots more if he is going in order. You should get one.
He does custom work from photos. That would make a great gift but where would you hang it?
cymbidia
unrepentant pervert
- Joined
- Mar 8, 2001
- Posts
- 8,786
Really lovely, WD. I have a few S&N prints, nudes, not BDSM themed. I'd love to get more, and more that illustrate the inherent beauty in what we do but not until, i think, my kids are a older.
Harbinger, with all due respect... bring 'em on, dude. I'm game to try.
(Are you about ready to discuss that other piece of biz we had touched on before Christmas?)
In News From the Switch Front: Active Players:
Here we have it folks... HotXBunz and Risia: similarily kinked!
Oh glory be, R! You're not alone anymore. (And he's even rather literate, too, as an extra added bonus.)
All this while another new-to-us face, MysCynthia, calmly and collectedly goes about the business of trying to shop us that we need not spend all our cash in those godawful expensive BDSM toy stores in order to fill our toyboxes with wicked and warming delights of all kinds. Very, very, cool, MysCynthia. Keep 'em coming... and feel free to join in the discussions, too, of course.
SpectreT? I am so sorry for the gray of your spirits. I'm sorry it's so hard for you to take the step from your self-containment and self-chosen isolation into adventures with others with regard to all your needs. You've shown me - and others, many others - over the last year or so that there's a core of strength and will and resolve that permeates you in a very basic manner. You only have to allow it out, allow it to rule you, to run you, even just a little bit.
Try in on in small ways. You can put it away again if it doesn't feel right, can't you? Then try it on again, later. Just do something small like buying a locking file case for your room into which you can put the personal things you want to share with your family. You can go out of town to buy some lingerie and then wear it under your clothing at work one day (if you haven't done this already). You can begin a correspondence with someone (try bondage.com) who might be the answer to part of your needs - and force yourself to stick with it.
I know you can do these things.
You're strong and you're smart.
You've got the blues about it all, yes, and you're not feeling strong and smart right now but the blues, well, they're temporary. They go away when you will them away.
Take a few steps, even small steps, toward strength and purpose, toward adventure and sexuality, T. It'll be okay. Trust me.
Maybe you can come visit me after my life gets all settled down, i'll take you to San Francisco, and we'll go cruising around down there. That ought to get your motor running...
Harbinger, with all due respect... bring 'em on, dude. I'm game to try.
(Are you about ready to discuss that other piece of biz we had touched on before Christmas?)
In News From the Switch Front: Active Players:
Here we have it folks... HotXBunz and Risia: similarily kinked!
Oh glory be, R! You're not alone anymore. (And he's even rather literate, too, as an extra added bonus.)
All this while another new-to-us face, MysCynthia, calmly and collectedly goes about the business of trying to shop us that we need not spend all our cash in those godawful expensive BDSM toy stores in order to fill our toyboxes with wicked and warming delights of all kinds. Very, very, cool, MysCynthia. Keep 'em coming... and feel free to join in the discussions, too, of course.
SpectreT? I am so sorry for the gray of your spirits. I'm sorry it's so hard for you to take the step from your self-containment and self-chosen isolation into adventures with others with regard to all your needs. You've shown me - and others, many others - over the last year or so that there's a core of strength and will and resolve that permeates you in a very basic manner. You only have to allow it out, allow it to rule you, to run you, even just a little bit.
Try in on in small ways. You can put it away again if it doesn't feel right, can't you? Then try it on again, later. Just do something small like buying a locking file case for your room into which you can put the personal things you want to share with your family. You can go out of town to buy some lingerie and then wear it under your clothing at work one day (if you haven't done this already). You can begin a correspondence with someone (try bondage.com) who might be the answer to part of your needs - and force yourself to stick with it.
I know you can do these things.
You're strong and you're smart.
You've got the blues about it all, yes, and you're not feeling strong and smart right now but the blues, well, they're temporary. They go away when you will them away.
Take a few steps, even small steps, toward strength and purpose, toward adventure and sexuality, T. It'll be okay. Trust me.
Maybe you can come visit me after my life gets all settled down, i'll take you to San Francisco, and we'll go cruising around down there. That ought to get your motor running...
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Ack, before there is any confusion the Bunz is a lezbun.
Sorry for being so generic in my posts. I hope I don't have to slink off into the darkness now.
I hate this part of new relationships but hey, honesty is the best policy.
Sorry for being so generic in my posts. I hope I don't have to slink off into the darkness now.
I hate this part of new relationships but hey, honesty is the best policy.
cymbidia
unrepentant pervert
- Joined
- Mar 8, 2001
- Posts
- 8,786
Ms. Fix-The-Fuckup is on the job:HotXBunz said:
In News From the Switch Front: Active Players:
Here we have it folks... HotXBunz and Risia: similarily kinked!
Oh glory be, R! You're not alone anymore. (And She's even rather literate, too, as an extra added bonus.)
seXieleXie
trouble
- Joined
- Nov 14, 2001
- Posts
- 8,509
don't worry. we love lesbians here. though some of us love lesbians differently than others
MissTaken
Biker Chick
- Joined
- Jun 30, 2001
- Posts
- 20,570
HotXBunz said:
It is tii bad that you feel you need to qualify your sexuality. But certainly understandable.
I have been thinking alot lately about how society and the human psyche works so hard to fit everything into little "boxes" or categories. Sexuality included. What strikes me is that sexuality is actually nebulous and intangible, yet we feel a need to label ourselves.
Describing myself in terms of my sexuality is almost more impressive than using my education. lol
"Hello. I am Miss T, bi fem sub."
Anyway, bunz....you are in good company. Welcome once again!
Oh, don't get me started on lables. I am a crusader in the land of Self Identification. People I work with know if I am going to speak up about something it will usually boil down to a person's right not to be labled. I suppose I could have just said I am female and let everyone make their own inferences.
Nonetheless, I am happy I have not been banished.
Cymbidia, how did that meeting go?
WriterDom I love your print. She is lovely. We have a figurine of Andromeda nude, chained to the rocks. Hurts me.
Nonetheless, I am happy I have not been banished.
Cymbidia, how did that meeting go?
WriterDom I love your print. She is lovely. We have a figurine of Andromeda nude, chained to the rocks. Hurts me.
SpectreT
Knight in Tarnished Armor
- Joined
- Mar 1, 2001
- Posts
- 1,905
cymbidia said:SpectreT? I am so sorry for the gray of your spirits. I'm sorry it's so hard for you to take the step from your self-containment and self-chosen isolation into adventures with others with regard to all your needs. You've shown me - and others, many others - over the last year or so that there's a core of strength and will and resolve that permeates you in a very basic manner. You only have to allow it out, allow it to rule you, to run you, even just a little bit.
Try in on in small ways. You can put it away again if it doesn't feel right, can't you? Then try it on again, later. Just do something small like buying a locking file case for your room into which you can put the personal things you want to share with your family. You can go out of town to buy some lingerie and then wear it under your clothing at work one day (if you haven't done this already). You can begin a correspondence with someone (try bondage.com) who might be the answer to part of your needs - and force yourself to stick with it.
I know you can do these things.
You're strong and you're smart.
You've got the blues about it all, yes, and you're not feeling strong and smart right now but the blues, well, they're temporary. They go away when you will them away.
Take a few steps, even small steps, toward strength and purpose, toward adventure and sexuality, T. It'll be okay. Trust me.
Maybe you can come visit me after my life gets all settled down, i'll take you to San Francisco, and we'll go cruising around down there. That ought to get your motor running...
Hmmm. A line or two from a song, first:
Why then is God still protecting me, even when I don't deserve it?
Though I am blessed with an inner strength, some, they would call it a penance.
- Iron Maiden, The Sign of the Cross, from the album, The X Factor
My favorite song on the album.
To a certain extent I am my strength, and your words nearly echo the core of my thoughts as I struggle with lonliness and Depression.
"I am" is greater than anything that can be used to finish that sentence: for example; "I am angry", "I am alone", "I am afraid" or "I am depressed".
"I am" is a constant. All else is transitory. Even the circumstances which constrain me, a few of which are valid barriers, others are constructs of my own fears. And as for traveling to CA? Let me think about this....... Sounds like it could be pretty cool. I get the right combination of time and cash, you just may have a visitor over there on the left coast.
Not a Bird, Not a Plane, Just.....
The Beast.
