BDSM: Questions and Answers

[WriterDom]

And don't be so narcisistic--not everyone is a leather freak. What if she find the perfect bottom in a strict vegetarian who lives that way for moral reasons?
Yep, that velcro could look mighty desirable at that point....

I'll have you know I am a founding member of P.E.T.A

People who Eat Tasty Animals.

 

[SteamyChik]

Re: cym & WD

Thanks for the suggestions. Steamy, if you're around, please e-mail me your web address. I'm broke, but I can window shop and plan, right?

I did, however, forget to take the handcuffs and chain off the ceiling fixture. Hubbie's family was not amused. But I was.

LOL. I had to laugh at that last part. I was in front of the City Council complaining about something and I actually said, "Master and I..." when I meant of course, "Hubby and I...". I didn't even realize I had said it until my friend the reporter asked me about it later! Now talk about public outing! LOL. However, it was overlooked I think, mostly. *gulp*

And RisiaSkye I emailed you Master's link

 

[SteamyChik]

Willfullbrat said - That, and you may die of thirst if you ask a Gorean kajira for a drink, by the time she brings it. LOL

ROFL - A product of IRC GOR no doubt? If I took as long to serve a glass of wine as they do on IRC i would be one naughty slave!

 

[Creidhne]

OK, here's my personal outlook on the whole velcro controversy.

I hate 'em!

BUT!!! More important is how your sub/slave feels about them. For instance if cym approached me tomorrow and said she was no longer comfortable in the leather cuffs, I'd be bummed. But you can bet your ass that next time we played, we'd play in velcro.

As for floggers, I'd agree that variety is the spice. We have floggers of several varieties and in a long session, they pretty much all get used. Be experimental.

"I am One with the crop"
MS.

 

[WriterDom]

so SteamyChik

Does your Master have a website for his floggers? I'm well stocked at the moment, but someone else might be interested.

 

[SteamyChik]

WriterDom said: So Steamy, does your Master have a website for his floggers? I'm well stocked at the moment, but someone else might be interested.

Yes Sir thank you for asking. I have sent you an email.

Creidhne said - As for floggers, I'd agree that variety is the spice. We have floggers of several varieties and in a long session, they pretty much all get used. Be experimental.

And I would bet that cym loves that Sir!

SteamyChik
*who is in love with Master's single tails and knives at the moment*

 

[Blackbich]

(BB, I am not trying to indicate that you are not researching and learning as much as possible before playing. I am well aware that this is a public board and that others are likely reading that may not be aware that it is NOT as simple as grabbing whatever item is handy....)

Don't worry about it, sweetheart. I didn't take it that way.

Originally posted by SteamyChik

Well, I may be biased but my Master is a flogger craftsman. His floggers have been sold all over the US and several countries outside the US. A quality flogger will come with a lifetime gaurentee. It will feel perfect in your hand and fly true when swung. The traces will stay together when thrown and not fly all over the place. The braiding and knots will be woven tightly with no gaps showing. The handle will be weighted and balanced. The leather will be of good quality and appropriate thickness for your needs. All of these things make up a good quality flogger. I have watched my Master make hundreds of floggers, the time and effort involved is impressive, the concentration and standards admirable and the beauty of the floggers breathtaking (especially when used on my backside!)

I've heard from one of the Tops/Mistresses I truly respect some of the same things you said in this post. I feel better knowing there are other people who put an emphasis on quality. So, SteamyChik, what a sista gotta do to get this website addie?

My friend has decided to take me on a trip to the tack shop - if she can keep me from drooling anyway. <weg> I had her cracking up because I 'made' a whip out of paper and kept swinging it around. It was just for fun but it put us both in a better mood. She keeps saying "I've created a monster". It's pretty funny.

I'm going to spend a lot of time trying to get familiar with what's out there. I do know that I HAVE to get some electrical equipment.

 

[SteamyChik]

BlackBich said: I've heard from one of the Tops/Mistresses I truly respect some of the same things you said in this post. I feel better knowing there are other people who put an emphasis on quality. So, SteamyChik, what a sista gotta do to get this website addie?

I have to admit, we bought a few really awful whips at book stores when we first started. And the very first one we bought I still love! It fell apart but I'm thinking of weaving it into a pillow You don't have an email so check your PM's for the web site.

 

[WriterDom]

So how and when did everyone get interested in this lifestyle?

Recently I had an old memory surface of spanking my girlfriend when I was 18 or so during doggie-style sex. She started crying not from the pain, but she associated spanking with doing something wrong. That pretty much cured me of even having spanking fantasies for years.

I was reading a lot of Anne Rice. I picked up the first Sleeping Beauty book not really knowing what it was about. There was something about the first few chapters that really struck a cord deep inside me. It took a while, and I'm not sure how it happened, but gradually I learned that there were like minded people in the world.

I've always been very giving sexually. Almost all of my fantasies have been and are about pleasing my partner rather than pleasing myself. I think one of the misconceptions about Dom/mes is that they are into what they do to please themselves or to more or less take advantage of a submissive. The thrill for me is not taking a sub where I want her to go, but rather guiding her where she wants to go. It's not always the easier of the two roles and there is so much to be learned.

 

[Silverlily]

side note on velcro v. leather

I prefer leather, it has a sensual quality that I don't find in velcro and nylon.

BUT, velcro does have it's uses. Sometimes we deliberately leave the restraints loose, forcing whoever is bottoming to keep themselves still. Velcro is great for that, the slightest move and there goes that unmistakable velcro sound.

WD, light restraint isn't always for sissies. You try forcing yourself to remain absolutely motionless with nothing more than your Top's command. (It isn't as easy as it sounds.)

 

[WriterDom]

I don't really think Velcro is for sissies. Lets try to keep a sense of humor here. I'm not "anti" anything except raw onions and brussel sprouts and the designated hitter rule. (well maybe a few other things) I do think a quality set of leather restraints belong in a newbie Top's toy bag. But that's just my opinion based on doing without them for years.

 

[Hecate]

May I ..... a "quote" from my message board since I didn't get many answers there ...

A little question that has been spinning round my mind now and then:

Is it more erotic / turn on to have a sub tied up or to have him/her simply order to lay still and take whatever is coming their way?

I am wondering this because I like to have not only the physical control but as well I like to know that my sub is willing to take my minstrations. So I am sometimes torn between real bondage or just tying the restraints so loosely that my sub can hold on to them but could as easy slip out, thus making it a "battle of wills" more than a physical thing.

Knowing that my sub thakes whatever I am giving although indeed he/she COULD turn away if wanted - that for me is real thrill at times too.

Opinions anyone? Which variation is prefered? And why?

 

[SteamyChik]

How did you get into it?

I started reading the Gor books when I was around 13. That is where my first fantacies originated. They became real when my husband and I began to explore the D/s lifestyle when I was 32 and he was 33. Simplified version

WriterDom: I also got hold of the Sleeping Beauty books and read them all as quickly as I could. Of course, half the things they did would kill someone in real life but they were sure fun to read!



WriterDom inspired us with: I think one of the misconceptions about Dom/mes is that they are into what they do to please themselves or to more or less take advantage of a submissive. The thrill for me is not taking a sub where I want her to go, but rather guiding her where she wants to go.

From only my personal experience, the above explains the difference between D/s and S/m. I think in a loving dominant/submissive relationship, the Dom is in fact trying to please the submissive and take her to places he/she wants to go. I think in S/m - the top is going where they want to go for their own personal pleasure. Of course within the bounds of safe, sane and consensual.

Kitten Eyes explained: You try forcing yourself to remain absolutely motionless with nothing more than your Top's command. (It isn't as easy as it sounds.)

That made me smile. In the beginning we use to use very unescapable restraints, padlocks and keys. Recently we have been using the voice commands for restraint. And let me vote with Kitten Eyes, it ain't easy! I still enjoy restrictive bondage especially if what we are doing will be pushing my limits. I can't trust myself not to flinch or move when that could be dangerous for me. Then I want to be tied up, tight! But I find the voice command to "stay" very effective, a great head trip.

Hecate asked: Opinions anyone? Which variation is prefered? And why? (on to tie or not)

This is one of those either/or types of questions. Depending on the sub and where they are at in their journey, being tied up for them may be more erotic than just being told to be still. For me, I enjoy the challenge of holding position without restraints. But that is just where I am right now. On the other hand, one Dom may really enjoy the struggle of the bottom to stay just to please, obey. Another Dom, the art of bondage is part of their thrill. Bondage is one of those things that can be experimented with and see which is the best for everyone. And practice is so much fun!

One time my Master tied me with regular sewing thread and told me not to break it. Um, I won't say how I did! LOL

Changing the subject - Master has finally chosen a tattoo for me!!!! I'm so excited. I have wanted one for years. I hope to have it done within the month and I want to show it to ya'll. This is one of the nicest group of people I have ever experienced on the web. MUAH!

Steamy

 

[RisiaSkye]

Re: Re: cym & WD

LOL. I had to laugh at that last part. I was in front of the City Council complaining about something and I actually said, "Master and I..." when I meant of course, "Hubby and I...". I didn't even realize I had said it until my friend the reporter asked me about it later! Now talk about public outing! LOL. However, it was overlooked I think, mostly. *gulp*

And RisiaSkye I emailed you Master's link

Thanks for the link. And it's gratifying to know that I'm not the only one who's been unintentionally "outed" by an oversight. It was mildly embarassing, but at least it was his brother, and not his parents. Now that would have been funny. His mom's a very traditional, 50's kinda woman. She might be able to handle the idea of D/S, but certainly not the idea that her son could be submissive. Ye Gods!

Your story actually reminds me of a co-worker friend who had an amazingly similar experience. I don't suppose you were protesting Starbucks coming into your beach community, were you?

On floggers
Variety, yes. But always quality. I'm personally biased in favor of soft, plentiful, unbraided leather. Though lengthy braids are good for a nice, stinging whipping that won't leave major or debilitating marks. I'm headed to Nevada tomorrow...gotta love those permissive Western states.

On Gorean slavemasters
Like anything, nice ideas can be taken too far. I know that I'm not calling anybody Master, outside of occasional playtime. I'm a much better Mistress. But far be it from me to decide for anybody else. Wanna be a slave? Okay with me. I just don't want one, or to be one. Live and let live, right? If we go around asking for acceptance, how can we sit in judgement of others? Just be safe; trust is doubly important if you're entering a 24/7 non-safeword relationship with a sadistic Master/Mistress.

 

[SteamyChik]

RisiaSkye asked: Your story actually reminds me of a co-worker friend who had an amazingly similar experience. I don't suppose you were protesting Starbucks coming into your beach community, were you?

Heh! No, I was bugged about something else. Speaking of talking before city council's, I would recommend it to anyone. It's great fun and watching a city council meeting is better than Saturday morning cartoons.

Now I'm off to a paint your subbie party. I have no idea what Master has planned!

 

[WriterDom]

One thing that is fun is to have your naked sub hold coins between opposing fingertips and then raising them over their head and order them not to drop them no matter what evilly delicious things you do to them. This is best done on a hardwood or tile floor so you get the audio effect when they do finally drop one. (or more)

 

[Blackbich]

One thing that is fun is to have your naked sub hold coins between opposing fingertips and then raising them over their head and order them not to drop them no matter what evilly delicious things you do to them. This is best done on a hardwood or tile floor so you get the audio effect when they do finally drop one. (or more)

WD, this is wickedly evil. I like it!

How did you get into it?

As you know, I'm a newbie. I had decided I was some sort of freak and never knew there were people like me in the real world who liked this sort of thing. A conversation with my friend made me realize that people really did the stuff I had dreamed/fantasized about. She gave me the Anne Rice Beauty books to read. I knew it was for me when, um, my loins became instantly heated! I haven't come out to anyone, although my mom would probably be cool with it. My dad, on the other hand - we won't even go there.

SteamyChik, thank you for the website info. I'm definitely keeping it handy for future reference

 

[BlondGirl]

<<<"
One thing that is fun is to have your naked sub hold coins...
">>>

I have also read about having the subbie hold ice water while standing or balance a coffee cup of ice water on his/her belly or sternum during such play (while lying supine).
; )

I do like that sewing thread idea--that would be awesome--especially when sewn to the carpet--a single thread across the arms and upper chest and another at the hips. Perhaps another at the ankles.
Oh yeah--the potential is great....

There are just too many variations in play to try them all!

 

[cymbidia]

Ceremony ideas?

So, any thoughts on incorporating BDSM tenents into a wedding ceremony?

I know it's highly individualistic.
I know everyone has to decide for themselves to what extent the BDSM can show.

But...
How did you do it?
How do you intend to do it?

I'm interested in some sincere brain picking in this subject. Thoughts. Fantasies. What worked or didn't work. What might be important to you to include.

We'll be able to be pretty overt with it, something we know even though the actual event is still 1-2 years away.

 

[Hecate]

A wonderfull thought to ponder....

... I will let you know about my ceremony thoughts in a little....

*smiling happily now and having all sorts of deliciously naughty pictures in mind mixed with a good dose of hopeless romanticism*

who said a Domme can't be romantic? *winks*

 

[WriterDom]

In many states, notary publics can perform weddings. I know a sub in South Carolina near the beach who was thinking about starting a part time business doing BDSM weddings.

hey cym, what kind of flower is this? It's really tall, about 5'
came in a mixed wild flower pack

 

[cymbidia]

In many states, notary publics can perform weddings. I know a sub in South Carolina near the beach who was thinking about starting a part time business doing BDSM weddings.

hey cym, what kind of flower is this? It's really tall, about 5'
came in a mixed wild flower pack

I'll check Las Vegas, where we'll likely have ours, to see if there's anyone like that. I'd love a lifestyler to be the one to do it; so much easier for the rest of us.

All you here are coming, right? After all, you've got a year to plan the visit...


Your flower is likely a cosmos. They're gorgeous and so-effective all massed together but they look a little lonely all by themselves, don't they? Does the top of it look like this: http://www.unity.edu/sari/1999/mwhitney/Cosmos.jpg ?

 

[WriterDom]

Hard to tell from that pic. I did find a huge grasshopper making a meal of it when I looked. Which is a little surprising since I'm on the second story. Must be a yummy flower.

 

[Hecate]

I'll check Las Vegas, where we'll likely have ours, to see if there's anyone like that. I'd love a lifestyler to be the one to do it; so much easier for the rest of us.

All you here are coming, right? After all, you've got a year to plan the visit...

IF you want us ... I will be there for sure*s* .. and I bet "das kleine Schwarze" (=the little black one, as reference to the classik party dress in Germany) is gonna get a completely different meaning for that occassion.

Mhhh - this afternoon I had pleasant visions of the bride kneeling at the grooms feet and being ceremoniously collared in the sense of the word ... he placing a collar around her gracefully bent neck - then handing her a tiny padlock with a key, her placing and locking a tiny padlock in return to fasten the collar and handing him the key in return .. sorry, so clichee but I just like those silly clichee romance thingies ....

Anyway darling cym , let me know in time so I can come up with a speech *lol*

EDIT: on another thought ... maybe there should be a leash attached t the collar and the "handle" of it can be given to the groom by the bride while still kneeling at his feet as a symbol of giving herself into his complete care and posession?

*soft smile* see what you did? let me dig out my mushy side

 

[Ticklish Girl]

One thing that is fun is to have your naked sub hold coins between opposing fingertips and then raising them over their head and order them not to drop them no matter what evilly delicious things you do to them. This is best done on a hardwood or tile floor so you get the audio effect when they do finally drop one. (or more)

Wow! I like that one a lot. Sounds like it'd work really well in a tickling scenario. I think I'll tell my tickler friend about it, and see if it gives him any ideas for scenes to play out with me.