BDSM: Questions and Answers

[catalina_francisco]

Thank you, Marquis. Now if we can just get a sticky designation on it...

http://www.estudiodesigns.com/emotes/signs/dontgetit.gif It has always been linked in the forum sticky ...
...just most people don't read stickies I am told. http://www.estudiodesigns.com/emotes/shocked/wtf.gif

Catalina http://www.estudiodesigns.com/emotes/dirty/coldshower.gif

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

Cat, I think what he means is that it's buried in a huge sticky that no-one reads. It should have a sticky of its very own. Meaning, that the thread itself should be a sticky, not be buried in that huge boring ass read.

I think it would get alot more traffic that way. And it might cut down on some of the "what is bdsm" questions, as well.

~Anelize

 

[catalina_francisco]

Cat, I think what he means is that it's buried in a huge sticky that no-one reads. It should have a sticky of its very own. Meaning, that the thread itself should be a sticky, not be buried in that huge boring ass read.

I think it would get alot more traffic that way. And it might cut down on some of the "what is bdsm" questions, as well.

~Anelize

LOL, sorry it is so long and boring but I tried....perfect I am not!! I still find no matter how short or long, if it is a sticky 9 times out of 10 they don't read them it seems in any of the forums here or elsewhere...view figures alone on all the forums show that they are not even opened by most to find whether they are long, short, boring, interesting, or otherwise...and I do seem to recall a discussion here where people said they preferred to have less stickies as opposed to more, some even suggesting none at all.

I still think there is room for people to ask a question that may have been answered 2-3 years ago, or open a discussion previously had, simply because no 2 people are going to have the same experience or viewpoint to exact precision, so re-opening a topic allows for new input, new ideas, new persectives, and a chance for newer posters to have their voice heard too instead of just dropping in to read a bunch of words by people who may or may not have been in a similar place as them.....I find even if it is the same ole same ole to us at times, it is always fair to validate another's experience by giving them a place to voice what they are feeling and experiencing, sometimes just being able to talk it out, type it and discuss, provides a clearer answer or path than reading something disconnected on a screen.

Even the question 'what is BDSM?' always seems to get a wide variety of answers no matter how many times it is asked, so having an answer in a sticky is only going to present the answers given by those people at that time, not perhaps what people today are feeling it is as applied to their world and their experience. If it is not a topic someone feels they want to answer for the 100th time or any other reason, as I sometimes have, they just can pass by it and let others do it. If we begin deciding what no longer needs answering, discussing, we are censoring what can be discussed and we may as well also tell the publishers of D/s and BDSM publications to stop any new books as it has all been answered before and is now redundant as a subject for new material.

We have all been there after all, have had questions, posed thoughts, and experienced the positive vibes from having those questions and ideas discussed and acknowledged as valid or not as the case may be at times. LOL, I have found through participating in discussions, reading what others have said/experienced, that our journey has grown in leaps and bounds in various directions which have been more exciting for us than just remaining in the same position of accepted stereotypical D/s year in year out...without challenging our views and opening ourselves to the experiences of others both new and old, we would probably have grown very slow, if at all, and remained in a place where we did the same thing year in year out and that would have spelled disaster and boredom in the extreme for both of us.

Even on other sites like Bondage, the same things are being asked over and over simply because though new things do arise from time to time, there are never going to be enough newer things to fill a board each day with purely and solely non-repetative topics, and because people do like to feel they are allowed to speak and be part of the present community and discussions, not just readers of a time passed. Both past and present have their place, but neither should rule out the value of other.

Catalina

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

Cat, I'm not going to quote you. But, I'm not going to argue with you about the stickie thing either. You are most likely right. *shrugs* Doesn't really matter to me. Let me clarify my position on the "cutting down of traffic". Consider the thread another resource, like the library. You are right. People are going to continue to post their questions over and over. It's just the nature of the beast on ANY board. Here, b.com, collar.me, whatever. Without those questions, like you said, we wouldn't have any board at all.

Consider me....corrected.

Can I have a caning now? Pretty please?

~Anelize

 

[catalina_francisco]

Cat, I'm not going to quote you. But, I'm not going to argue with you about the stickie thing either. You are most likely right. *shrugs* Doesn't really matter to me. Let me clarify my position on the "cutting down of traffic". Consider the thread another resource, like the library. You are right. People are going to continue to post their questions over and over. It's just the nature of the beast on ANY board. Here, b.com, collar.me, whatever. Without those questions, like you said, we wouldn't have any board at all.

Consider me....corrected.

Can I have a caning now? Pretty please?

~Anelize

LOL, now which cane do you want?...the thick MF'er, thin and whippy, or something in between......or is chrome plated too flashy? Hey, I gotta practice on someone before getting set loose on these soft and tender male subbie butts again!!...don't want to damage anything.

Catalina

 

[alice_underneath]

Bump

"Fact is that for one reason or other D/s-inclined persons get stuck in relations / marriages with not so inclined people."

On a different thread this morning, Hecate posted a link which led me to an old post of hers. I am bumping it now because I have noticed many people here who might find her comments thought-provoking.

To find the context, skip back to page 40 of this thread. (This is post #979, from 1/16/02).

Hello mrsmarried,
your initial post made me reflect about a few things that I have repeatedly been asked, so forgive me if I drift maybe into a more general response, which nevertheless I intend for you as well.

Fact is that for one reason or other D/s-inclined persons get stuck in relations / marriages with not so inclined people.
Fact is that hardly any of the D/s inclined people find happiness in a not so oriented relation.
Fact is that D/s inclined people can not simply switch off their desires for that kind of lifestyle/activity etc.
Why do people think this is not the same for the Non-D/s-inclined partners?

Why do we think the other part of “us” should change if we ourselves can’t? Why do we think they may be happy doing things they don’t feel like doing? Why do we think we have the right to ask them to change at all?

How come I hardly ever see someone ask: My partner is into BDSM – how do I get him/her to turn into a “vanilla” lover and enjoy it? How would we answer that? “You can’t! It is part of what he/she is and part of the person you love!”

So – why do we think we may ask our partners to change? Because we are “special”, different, the odd-balls, the freaks and maybe our partners are like us, right? They just don’t know it yet? And once they tried we are sure they will like it ! Crap – they are as aware and wise as each of us (at least we should give them the benefit of doubt) to know who and what they are.

Thinking about this I realize that I can adapt to a certain degree and find a place of “content” in a non-BDSM relation, for a while at least ... but the “real me” comes through and in the long run I get restless and unhappy. Asking to “become BDSM” from my partner may even be more of a stretch than it is for me to suppress it and will for sure lead to the same results in the long run - uneasiness, unhappiness.

That leads to next line of thought... finding a Dom/me or sub outside the basic relation to satisfy those desires.

Just one question: How would you feel if your partner told you that he really needed to go and see that “other person” to satisfy his craving for cuddly romantic totally non-BDSM 100% pain-free moments? I guess we would be VERY MUCH surprised and telling him that no way are we happy with this and there is nothing he/she can’t get from us, right? But are we being honest? No, we are not – cause we are not being 100% satisfied when sex and love only happen on that level and this is basically not fair towards our SO since it is not his/her fault.

On this same thought – what right do we have to ask our SO to allow us those out-of-relation contacts to get what we need but what is not being provided by our partners? (specially knowing how much closeness and “soul-stripping” is involved with a D/s relation it is hard for me to think my partner wouldn’t mind me sharing that special bond with someone else even if I tried to keep the sexual act itself out of it)

The answers to all the above questions may vary widely for each of us, depending on duration and depth of relation, depending on the specific needs we have in regards to BDSM and our own ways of “settling” for more or less. I can not answer them for anyone but me – and even with that I am having a damn hard time.

 

[merideth]

married, but i am searching for a Domme?

i got married right out of college, so never really did the whole single/dating thing. Astonishingly enough, Wwe are still married, and have over the last year, chosen to play at BDSM. i am on some kind of hormonal overdrive and would love to be topped every night, but my husband has less and less time these days and has given his guarded go ahead for me to play with someone else.

my question is this - how do i meet someone willing to work through it with me? i am submissive only at play, manage a home and family and have a succesful sales rep job, and don't think i've ever met folks in the lifestyle in the circles i travel in.

She would have to be willing to guide me, probably first online. Are there Domme types looking for a part time sub?

Thanks in advance to Aall...

merideth

 

[Etoile]

*blink* Hey, a Meredith who doesn't spell it like I do! I bet your name gets spelled right all the time, because that's how mine usually gets spelled by people who've never met a Mer(e/i)d(i/e)th...

 

[ganja42]

lots of good info thx.

 

[WriterDom]

Where it all started.

 

[Etoile]

Three year old bump. That's gotta be some kind of record! And kudos to cymbidia for starting the thread, wherever she may be.

Interesting to note that I did get email notification for this bump, which means that the last time I accidentally unsubscribed from all threads was over three years ago! Congratulations to myself for not accidentally clicking that link in three years.

 

[Heartless Bastard]

Where it all started.

Interesting bump as Etoile said as none of you know me but I have found somehow in this subconscious realm I know you.

Where it might of all started for some as everything has to start somewhere but for some reason I think of all this litness as a fond rest stop along the way. Be well

 

[Etoile]

Interesting bump as Etoile said as none of you know me but I have found somehow in this subconscious realm I know you.

Where it might of all started for some as everything has to start somewhere but for some reason I think of all this litness as a fond rest stop along the way. Be well

I think WD was referring to the BDSM Talk forum when he said that; this thread was the first bdsm thread on Lit - where THIS all started.

 

[Heartless Bastard]

I think WD was referring to the BDSM Talk forum when he said that; this thread was the first bdsm thread on Lit - where THIS all started.

ahhh yes

 

[cymbidia]

Three year old bump. That's gotta be some kind of record! And kudos to cymbidia for starting the thread, wherever she may be.

Interesting, indeed.

So, late on an otherwise ordinary Saturday evening (or very early on Sunday, take your pick) I went to check the contents of an email addy I haven't been to in a couple years. Once there, I found notification of a fairly recent msg posted to a very, very old thread in a place I haven't been to in more than a couple years.

Synchronicity, anyone?

Who would have thought anyone from then would still be around now, and dragging out moldy old fossils of threads?

While I started the thread in question, there was a lot of talk in other threads about bdsm back then. Lit.com simply wasn't the built-up place you see today with all the snazzy fora and topical divisions and such. Though quite a lot smaller, it was--even then--filled to the brim with chatty, contentious, opinionated, ribald, argumentative, literate, amusing people of all kinds. Much the same as it is now, I would guess, despite your present-day big-city atmosphere. (Ahem. Comparatively speaking, of course.)

Hello WriterDom, and aloha!

 

[Azwed]

Holy crap talk about voices from the past. How have you been Cymbidia?

 

[WriterDom]

Interesting, indeed.

So, late on an otherwise ordinary Saturday evening (or very early on Sunday, take your pick) I went to check the contents of an email addy I haven't been to in a couple years. Once there, I found notification of a fairly recent msg posted to a very, very old thread in a place I haven't been to in more than a couple years.

Synchronicity, anyone?

Who would have thought anyone from then would still be around now, and dragging out moldy old fossils of threads?

While I started the thread in question, there was a lot of talk in other threads about bdsm back then. Lit.com simply wasn't the built-up place you see today with all the snazzy fora and topical divisions and such. Though quite a lot smaller, it was--even then--filled to the brim with chatty, contentious, opinionated, ribald, argumentative, literate, amusing people of all kinds. Much the same as it is now, I would guess, despite your present-day big-city atmosphere. (Ahem. Comparatively speaking, of course.)

Hello WriterDom, and aloha!

Hello to you my friend. I couldn't believe it was you!

 

[Harbinger]

Synchronicity, anyone?

Synchronicity, indeed.

I've been mostly away from Lit for 3 years, and thought I would check out the old BDSM forum, just put my head into this thread of all places. Good to see you, cym.

 

[ncm50]

is it pssible to have an online dom? I have enquired on some websites, but always get laughed off. I may be interested in r/t, but need to move slow. It is something that has been in my mind and i think i must try, it will not go away.
Thanks

 

[ecstaticsub]

is it pssible to have an online dom? I have enquired on some websites, but always get laughed off. I may be interested in r/t, but need to move slow. It is something that has been in my mind and i think i must try, it will not go away.
Thanks

Yes, it is possible. The level of commitment will be something the two of you will have to negotiate. Do you want a role play type of situation on line? Do you want to have a situation where once you close your computer then life goes back to normal, or would you rather have him control parts or all of your life off-line, too?

I would recommend being honest with him about your expectations and hopefully he will do the same.

 

[emraoz]

My mistress, a prospective one, has told me to mull over 'our' thing for a few days. She told me in no uncertain terms, that she would be dealing with two other subs other than me, one of whom definately would take preference over me, about the other one she didnt say.

What should i do, Will she have the time for me, its already a tenuous thing as it is online, will she properly be able to enact the relationship, as in my experience, whenever i get a pair of pets, i have a favorite, that pet always gets the most of me, the other gets only pity love and such. So what should i do. The mistress was kind enough to tell me about this, so i was wondering if any of you guys who know more could help out ?

 

[emraoz]

bump ?

 

[Alyssa1]

Well, I can't be of much help, xD

But I think it depends on the person, and since she has already told you, I think, that she has a sub she will put before you, then it does sound like what you were saying about the pity love.

Of course, I could be wrong, but that's what it sounds like to me.
Sorry, I couldn't really help.

 

[emraoz]

thank you for your reply Alyssa1 appreciated.

 

[midwestyankee]

Bumping for a friend's convenience.