Banter!

[AWhoopsieDaisy]

Your quips. Hand em over. I wanna see your favorite banter or conversation from your works. Dialogue only! No narration in this thread please.

Edit:
No narration doesn't mean you have to find a scene that's only dialogue. It means I'm asking you to remove the narration for the purpose of this thread.

 

[AWhoopsieDaisy]

"Who says I'm done?"

"Your dick just turned into a limp noodle."

"That's what happens when you insult me."

"Sorry, I didn't realize your boner inflated with your ego."

 

[AWhoopsieDaisy]

"Don't you have a dude in a morph suit to track down?"

"Turns out crazy people in spandex need sleep too. You should try it sometime. I've got a bed if you'd like."

"You think you're funny, don't you?"

"No. I think I'm really bad at flirting."

 

[Rustyoznail]

"Hey Blake…"

"I swear Jacki, just watch the movie. I told you the plot was ordinary."

"So-ree. But it wasn't about the plot."

"Oh, ok. So what was it?"

"Don't hide what you're doing. It's pretty obvious."

"What?"

"It's not that dark in here, and I can hear your hand beat in your pants."

"Crap. I thought I was being subtle."

"Nope. Like an elephant dancing on a million peanut shells. Plus, your breathing sounds like you're running a marathon."

"Sorry. I'll stop if you want."

"No, doesn't worry me. Flop it out, if you want."

"You'd be ok with that? Seriously?"

"Oh, oh, it's a wicked, nasty penis coming to corrupt my sensitive female brain. Whatever am I to do?" She waved at the screen. "I'm watching porn with my brother. Too late for that."

"Fair enough. Just don't watch. That would be weird."

"Right… And this isn't."

 

[TarnishedPenny]

To her Japanese lover…

‘Oh! Is that a bonsai?”

 

[Kumquatqueen]

"What?" Will's back.

"Nothing," I tell him. "I've had a second date, is all. And I'm not saying any more for a good long while. Don't want to jinx it."

"Sheesh! Who took your head and left a wise man?"

I extend a middle finger to him and swivel it.

"So, you'll not be wanting any of my Malteser traybake this night?" he teases.
... [slagging off marching bands]

"Just cos you can't play a tune on anything. Pink flute, maybe." Will manages to insult my musical ability and call me a poof in one go. Good one.

I shrug. "Eh, I've got talent and the looks to pull the boys; you's got a face like me ma's hole."

"They've gone round yer ma's hole's as much as Piccadilly Circus." Classic insult, relocated to London, implying one's mother is a whore.

"Aye, and did your ma know your da?" Resorting to the playground, now.

"Your ma is your da!"

The only possible retort to that is 'your ma!', so instead I snap a Malteser ball off the chocolate cake and fire it at him.

Adrian and his friend Will, Smoking Hot Ch.3

 

[BobbyBrandt]

“That was easy enough, now let’s move on to the rest of your proposal. Shall we?”

“Definitely!” Amanda said as she dropped the sarong to the floor and smiled at DeMarcus.

“Show me what you’ve got DeMarcus.”

“Here?” he asked, looking around the room and outside to the pool area.

“Why not? We’re alone, and unless you’re more modest than I assumed, I would like to see if the rumors are true. Why don’t you start by taking off your shirt for me?”

“How do you like the view?” he asked as he removed his shirt.

“You have a very nice physique DeMarcus, and I’m sure it will do for our purposes, but you know what I want to see.”

“What da fuck is so funny? Ain’t you ever seen a real man’s dick before?”

“A real man? I’ve seen bigger wankers than that on Koala bears.”

 

[Bramblethorn]

"I wouldn't do her with a rented dick."

Which led to:

"You borrowed his dick for sex, without asking."

"Yeah. That's not the worst part."

"Do go on."

"We, uh. She was pretty enthusiastic and, uh, we sort of broke it."

"You broke Ed's dick?"

"Yeah. Not my best moment."

"So that's why the two of you split up? I'm sorry, I didn't—"

"Well, it wasn't a big part—"

"Rephrase!"

 

[PennameWombat]

"Since it's your fault that my spare time for reading has been reduced as your insatiable sex drive causes you to force yourself upon me repeatedly, you need to help me with something," Yvonne said as we sat at the coffee shop, not loudly but staring a bit into space and obviously thinking of something.

"Ok, shoot," but I thought I saw slight movement over her shoulder.

"How does the gate network in 'The Expanse' work? What is outside the slow zone?"

"Um, I haven't read 'The Expanse' series."

"What? Say what? Why am I allowing a wannabe nerd like you access to my sweet womanhood? How do I not already know this disturbing fact about you?"

Her smile had softened the words just enough. Then my eyes flicked over her shoulder to the change in the redhead's posture and I could tell she was trying not to laugh, or what I could see of her mouth at that angle seemed to indicate that. It was obvious she was enjoying the show. I could also see but couldn't read that she was in an ongoing text conversation.

"Your private detectives looking into my background really were incompetent," I said, "hire better ones for your next boyfriend."

"That I'll do!"

"But anyway," I said in my defence, "you haven't read 'Night's Dawn.'"

"I'm talking good space opera, not crap space opera."

"What, 'The Expanse' is better because Corey is actually two people who between them managed to blow enough telly execs to get a show made and Hamilton can only to get to half that number because he's a solo author?"

My eyes darted again to see the redhead fire off a text then go still and then I saw Yvonne's eyebrows raise, then her eyes flicked to her left then back to me. I nodded slightly and pointed to my phone on the table and mimed typing then nodded quickly over her shoulder. She put on the smile that I'd only seen a couple of times when she was discussing the specific methods she'd used to dispose of the dry, withered corpses of vanquished business competitors.

"Hmmf. Ok, here's the deal. We each get to challenge the other to something. Until that's done, we get to block something. Ok?"

"Blind deal? Ok. I'll bite," I saw the redhead's head tilt slightly, as if she really didn't want to miss the coming punchline.

"You have to read the first three 'Expanse' books, that's how far I was before your insatiable rooting distracted me," Yvonne started, "and until you do no more fucking me up the arse."

I saw the redhead's jaw drop and it looked like the bit of her one eye I could see blinked rapidly then her fingers went nuts. Then again, I had much the same reaction except for the fingers.

"Those books are huge! What am I supposed to do while I'm reading and need more than pussy or mouth, hit that place on Commonwealth Street?"

"Remember, my wire can cut flesh and bone," she said, "but after the first book you can bugger me once, one more time after the second, after the third, my sphincter will be unprotected."

"You're mixing genres now on that first part. I call foul," she nodded her head in acquiescence at only that point, then I said, "right. Ok. You have to read the 'Night's Dawn' trilogy and until then no pegging MY arse. Same terms, one dildo intrusion per first two books, then yeah. Off we go. The rest of me is fair game."

Yvonne's eyes darted to her left again then back in a question, the redhead seemed to be twitching just a bit at the moment but apparently unable to summon the physical control to text. I wondered if medical attention might be needed. I smiled then opened my mouth in a silent laugh.

"I'm not sure that's fair," she said, "you've done my arse twice a day in past and that's the least you want so you have lots of incentive, but I only want yours after very, very, annoying conference calls for work."

"You have three of those calls every day," I said, "and that's on a Sunday."

"You've got a point there, butt boy," she conceded without conceding, "we have a deal?"

"Deal, butt girl. Shake?"

We shook hands and I saw the redhead's jaw clench and she swallowed, I think the stroke had passed but brain damage was severe. I nodded to Yvonne and she subtly turned herself to be able to see the redhead out of the corner of her eye, her smile wicked. To tell the truth, I wasn't sure how much of the amusement was at the redhead's expense and how much at mine. Oh well, I needed some new reading material and I really had been wanting to read the 'Expanse' series.

 

[MrPixel]

"Ha! They'll see my phone number on the caller ID and it'll be all over but the cryin'. You guys using my forms for the sales contract?"

"Yes."

"Good boy. You get a cookie."

I crack up. "You're awful. We'll pass the forms when she and Phil are done with 'em. It'll be easy -- she's paying cash."

"Really?"

"We extended a lover's discount, obviously."

"No... really? With interest rates as low as they are now? She'd be money ahead by messing with a mortgage and investing what she would have paid."

"Not much to gain with that small an amount. Besides, one of my guiding financial principles is to own your home outright when possible. That way it's not at risk if the going gets tough and you have to decide who not to pay on time. Or at all."

"Well, whatever. That's your area, anyway, so I'll let it go. Bankers hate folks like you. Good thing I'm your mouthpiece."

"Yeah. They don't mind that you're sure nice to look at, too."

"Prick!"

"Cunt!"

 

[MelissaBaby]

A few from The Gold Dollar Girls:

“What’s with that thing you do with your hair?” Roxanne asked her, “That ponytail that comes straight up on the top? You look like one of those dancing horses.”

“Fuck you, four eyes,” Clover said. “They should call you Roxy the flying squirrel.”

“Yeah, okay, Bullwinkle.”

“Bitch, want to watch me pull a rabbit out of your ass?”

Mildred returned and set their food down on the table. They both looked up, smiled and thanked her.

Clover jabbed a corner of toast into her egg yolks and took a bite. When she had swallowed it, she said, “They’re called Lippenzanners. Those horses. My dad took me to see them once.”

“You met your dad?”

“I met your dad. He wanted me to pee on him but i told him that was extra.”

“Joke’s on you, my dad is gay.”

“So how did you get here?”

“He was a slow learner.”


***

“Nice meeting you guys,” Maya said as she slipped out of the booth.

“It probably wasn’t,” Clover said, “But thanks for saying so.”

***

“Who is the old dude the new girl’s with?” Roxanne asked, “Is that her boy friend?”

“Her sugar daddy,” Misty said.

“Oh Jesus Christ.”

Misty rolled her eyes and nodded.

“Which guy was that?” Clover asked.

“The one that looked like that Fantasy Island dude,” Roxanne told her.

“Her sugar daddy is a midget?”

“Not the midget,” Roxanne said, “The Spanish guy.”

“Ricardo Montalban,” Misty said, closing her locker.

Clover sat, looked in the mirror and wiped off her lipstick. “Hey, a customer tonight told me I was zaftig,” she said.

“You know that’s the German word for fat, right?” Roxanne said.

“It is not. It means volumptuous.”

“No it doesn’t. Volumptuous isn’t even a real word.”

“It’s Yiddish.” Misty said, “And it means more like plump, buxom.”

“Fat,” Roxanne muttered.

Misty nodded, “Yeah, pretty much.”

Clover held up both of her middle fingers. “Well, here are three words in English. Fuck you bitches.”

***

"Hey, you know something I don’t understand?”

“I know a lot of things you don’t understand,” Roxanne said.

***

“Sure, sure,” Tony said, holding up a finger, “But I was just wondering how the new girl is doing?”

“Miss Teen USA?” Clover snorted, “She suffers from G.P.S.”

“G.P.S.?” Tony asked.

“Golden Pussy Syndrome,” Sherry said.

Clover nodded. “She thinks hard ons were her invention.”

***

Clover slurped her coffee.

“Jesus, you’re loud,” Roxanne said, “Is that what you sound like when you suck cock?”

“Bring your new boyfriend around and find out,” Clover replied.

Maya laughed. “You guys crack me up with all your back and forth.”

“Well, we ain’t playing,” Clover said, pushing back her egg smeared plate. “We are bitter rivals. I am like the deadly cobra, and she’s the pissy little mongoose.”

“The mongoose usually wins,” Roxanne smirked.

“Bullshit,” Clover snapped, with an expression of exaggerated outrage. “Maybe if a bunch of mongeese ganged up on a cobra…”

“Dumbass, if the mongoose never won, why would they be bitter rivals?”

“The plural of Mongoose is mongooses, not mongeese,” Misty interjected.

“Oh, now I got two know it all bitches to deal with,” Clover muttered.

 

[Candy_Kane54]

I entered, somewhat surprised that Bonnie wasn't waiting for me. I called out, "Bonnie?"

"In here," Bonnie replied from my bedroom.

As I took off my coat and set down my luggage, I asked, "Are you naked?"

"That depends," she came back.

"On?" I queried, a big smile spreading across my face as I headed for the bedroom.

"What are your intentions?"

"I intend to make you cum, screaming my name," I returned, opening the bedroom door.

"In that case, I am naked," Bonnie said, spread eagle on the bed, wearing nothing but a smile.

 

[MelissaBaby]

More Gold Dollar Girls, from White Castle Christmas:

"I liked that movie, Elf," Clover said. She nudged Roxanne with her elbow. "You kind of look like the girl that he falls in love with, Zoey DeWhatshername."

"You kind of look like Ed Asner."

"That midget guy from Game Of Thrones was in it. Is it weird that I think he's kind of sexy?"

"Peter Dinklage?" Roxanne said, "I'd fuck him."

"You know what sucks? All the kids in school probably called him Dinky."

"What did they call you?"

Clover was silent for a moment, then said, "Big Bird." When Roxanne didn't respond, she asked, "Ain't you got some smartass remark?"

"Nope, I'm not as mean as you."

"Yes, you are, you are just sneaky about it."

"It only seems that way because I'm so much smarter than you."

"What about you? What did they call you in high school?"

"Rhonda."

"Fuck you, that's your name. What about a nickname?"

"Some of my friends called me Ronnie."

"See that's what I'm talking about. That's sneaky mean the way you played that."

***

"You wonder though, who the fuck would name a reindeer Blitzen? What is he, a Nazi reindeer?"

"I bet Rudolph was originally Adolf the Red Nosed Reindeer and they changed it during the war or something."

***

"If you could eat your own pussy, would you do it?"

"How the fuck do you even think of shit like that?"

"I had an ex-boyfriend who could suck his own dick."

"So why the fuck did he keep you around?"

"He didn't. I told you he's an ex-boyfriend. Hey, you know what we should do?"

"Stop at 7-11 so you can blow the clerk?"

 

[Lifestyle66]

"You do this for the fantasies?" I asked in an inquiring tone.

"Yeah," Ted said. "We watch porn together. Didn't you and your wife ever do that?"

"No," I admitted. "She wasn't into anything like watching porn, saying 'That's disgusting'. She wasn't into sex much at all after the kids were born."

"Jan likes watching porn." Ted said. "So, we talk a lot about fantasies. She would watch an MFM scene and say, 'I wonder what that would be like.' So, we found we could do it with this lifestyle, and still stay together."

"And you don't get jealous?" I asked.

"Jan's attitude is 'You only have one life, so live to enjoy it'," Ted said. "She likes living out her fantasies. If I got jealous, she's said she'll stop our lifestyle activities. But I know she'd feel like she's missing something. And I think it's that kind of 'feel like missing something' that causes some spouses to cheat. So, I won't give her that temptation. I'll make the best of it by finding other women to fuck for my own fantasies. And I know she deliberately drains me to keep me from having too much fun. That's how she tries to control me, and it's a win-win for me."

 

[BiscuitHammer]

"I can't believe you just tripped that kid."

"That's what happens when you let your crotch fruit rampage around the cafe bothering everybody. The science of looking innocent right after is key."

"I don't think tripping children is a science."

"That's because it's an art."

 

[MelissaBaby]

From The Last Time I Met Clara:

(The scenario: two women in the back of a police van, on their way to prison)

"I'm Janice."

"How much you get?"

"A year. Guy I was with got pulled over for speeding. He stuffed three grams of coke and an unregistered handgun in my purse. Told the cops they were mine."

"What did he get?"

"Probation."

"Fuckers."

"You bitches are always innocent ain't you?" The deputy growled. "Always blaming the husband or the boyfriend."

"Not me," Clara said, "I'm guilty as fuck." She turned to me and said, "You know how in cartoons and shit people are always bashing each other in the head with frying pans?"

"Yeah."

"That shit really works."

"Who did you bash?"

"Bitch that was fucking my ex. Busted her jaw. Put her ass in a coma, but only for about a week."

"If he was your ex, why did you care if she was fucking him?"

"I don't know, just general principles, I guess."

"What did you get?"

"Three year bid."

"Damn, that's a pisser."

"Yeah, well, she coulda died. On the bright side, she ain't gonna be sucking his dick for a while."

 

[firmbutgentle]

"Daniel used to spank me, and sometimes I did like it, less for the spanking than for being bent over and treated that way. But then it would hurt too much and I'd want it to stop but sometimes he would keep going."

"Kevin and I talked about an intervention, you know," Chloe said. "We were relieved when you dumped him."

"I shouldn't have let it go on so long," her friend said. "But when it was good it was so good."

"Laurence seems nice," Chloe said.

"He would never treat me like that," her friend said. "But then, you know, he would never treat me like that."

(From “Introductions and Exposures”)

 

[yowser]

"Don't you guys always name your cocks anyway?" asked Arlene, wide-eyed and smiling. "Didn't you call yours John?"

She imitated Lenny's high school voice, "'Hey, I'm gonna get John up you tonight one way or another!' you used to say. Or 'How's about a goodnight kiss to the ol' Johnboy?' while you waved your penis in my face after a good fuck."

Lenny grinned broadly. "Yep, 'John' it was. You remembered!"

Arlene turned to me. "Alright, what's your cock's name?"

"Shemp," I said, face reddening, while Lenny doubled over laughing.

"Don't ask, it's a long story."

"Shemp?" Arlene asked incredulously. "Like one of the Three Stooges?"

"Look, I answered you," I said with some heat, "I shouldn't be penalized for telling the truth."

"Okay, okay," Arlene laughed while holding up a hand.

"Shemp it is. John vs. Shemp. Gotta be a winner in there somewhere," she said, gazing at our pouches.

"Better be," she said under her breath.

 

[Whanmore]

"I told you we didn't do anything," Jennifer said.

"Well, I wouldn't say we didn't do anything," her boyfriend interrupted. "I mean a BJ is something, right?"

"Hell yeah, that's something," Darin said, reaching for a high five as Jennifer scowled.

"Wait. So she sucked your dick, but you didn't eat her pussy?" Kaci asked, narrowing her eyes at Jennifer's boyfriend.

"Naw. I'm not a carpet-muncher" he said.

"So you're a selfish lover," Jayson said, smiling.

"No........I just don't do that," he said, shaking his head.

"Poor Jennifer," Ash said. Everyone was laughing.

"I thought black men didn't like to...lick it," Jennifer said, looking from Jayson to Darin.

"Somebody lied to you," Jayson said, shaking his head at the floor.

"Yeah, if Darin didn't eat pussy, I wouldn't even be here," Erica said, laughing.

"Like here in the dorm?" Jennifer asked.

"Like here at USI," Erica replied.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Your quips. Hand em over. I wanna see your favorite banter or conversation from your works. Dialogue only! No narration in this thread please.

*polite coughing*

 

[AWhoopsieDaisy]

*polite coughing*

*nods*

 

[ElectricBlue]

*nods*

I went looking for some straight banter dialogue in one of my stories. Couldn't do it, I have too many narrative grace notes going on.

I don't think long stretches of dialogue can carry a full scene - that's either a play, or unnatural dialogue. People don't talk in turns, like some of the examples quoted. It's a balance thing, and can be tricky to get right.

 

[AWhoopsieDaisy]

I went looking for some straight banter dialogue in one of my stories. Couldn't do it, I have too many narrative grace notes going on.

I don't think long stretches of dialogue can carry a full scene - that's either a play, or unnatural dialogue. People don't talk in turns, like some of the examples quoted. It's a balance thing, and can be tricky to get right.

I actually took out the narration in my samples. That's all I meant by "no narration."

So instead of copy pasting and hitting send immediately, just hit the backspace key and hold it.

 

[pink_silk_glove]

I knocked a bunch of narration out.

///

"Hey," he greeted her with widening eyes.

"Money?" she asked him.

"Otto's coming," he replied, looking past her as he stood.

"Who the fuck is Otto?"

"You know," he shrugged.

"A new man," she answered for him as she wiped Talia's drool from her shoulder with the heel of her thumb. "200 bucks. You promised," she reminded him. "I gotta pay rent in three fucking days."

"We gotta pay Otto."

"We?" she prompted. "I gotta pay 800 bucks. I'm only asking for two, so I'm paying six. Besides, I thought you already got shit," she reasoned. "Lemme put her down." She carried her daughter into the bedroom.

"Yeah, from Otto," he explained.

"But you don't even have it," she said as she laid Talia down in the crib with care before leaning over the rail to press her lips to her forehead.

"He's coming," said Corey as he followed her back into the living room.

"CC cut you off," she deduced aloud.

"Otto's got good shit," he deflected.

"Have you tried it?" she asked him point blank. "How do you know?"

"I got a hundred, and we can get some shit from Otto."

"You're living on my couch for fucking free, you cheap bitch," she argued, her frustration growing. "You agreed 200."

"I'll get it tomorrow," he explained. "Jay owes me."

"I need it now," she said gritting her teeth to try to keep her voice down now that Talia was asleep.

"You need it Monday," he dismissed. "Okay, I give you this hundred, then you can pay Otto," he schemed as she turned her back and headed to the kitchen to open the fridge.

"And you drank all the beer?" she asked, her incredulity only matched by her sarcasm.

"No, Ben had some."

"Ben? Ben was here?" she hissed. "I told you not to let that racist twat in my place," she spat as she let the cool air of the fridge soothe her sweaty skin. "Is there even a toke here?"

///

"Got it," said Corey with a glint in his eye as he shut the door behind him. "Got a rig?" he asked as he nodded towards her bag on the kitchen table.

"Junk?" she asked point blank. "I thought it was coke."

"Otto doesn't sell coke."

"I haven't done junk in like two years," she said. "Besides, I don't shoot. I never shot up. You know that."

"Fuck," he huffed.

"You want to shoot heroin and you don't even have needles?" she posed. "Like I'd let you bring any in here anyways, you dumb shit. I have a baby in the house and she crawls and grabs things."

"Pipe, then," he strategized, hastily changing the plan.

"There's glass on the patio," she shrugged. "Fuckin' crack pipe," he complained.

"Stop being a bitch. If you don't like it, go out and get your own," she told him. "Or go to the fucking needle exchange and get in line with the downers, but don't come back here if you do, and you'll still owe me 200 dollars."

 

[pink_silk_glove]

Some excerpts from an old mob story

"Da-yamn bru-thah," he let his words take their own time. "It all right to kill a ma-yan faw his shewz aint it now?"

"How do you think I got 'em?" Joaquim joked back.

///

"You know what will happen if he catches us," I whispered as I calmed my breathing.

"I'm sure he'd kill me," Martin suggested.

"Worse." ... "You should carry a gun," I advised him as I wiped myself.

"Why? So I could shoot my way out of here?" he asked rhetorically. "I don't know the first thing about using a gun."

"All you need to know is to point at the roof of your mouth and pull the trigger," I told him.

///

"What the hell are we eating?" he asked to no one in particular as he eyed the roll.

"Artichoke," said GG who was there with his wife again that night.

"Artichoke?" Paul tossed my half eaten appetizer, fork and all, back with the rest of them, stood and lifted the entire plate. "Hey! Waiter!" he called. "What the fuck is this?"

"Sir?"

"Artichoke?" Paul spat. "What do you think we are, some sort of Bohemian new age grease stain hippies?"

///

"Elevators are sexy," Coco winked at Joaquim as the attendant let us in. "How many floors are there?" she asked.

"Thirty," her date answered as he pointed at the destination number button obviously lit on the panel.

"That's a long way," she remarked as we passed the third floor. When the number six blinked she perked up again. "I bet I make you cum before we reach the top," she said looking up at Joaquim mischievously, then slinked down the side of his body to kneel before him.

"Better hurry," Joaquim teased her. "We just passed nine." ... "Sixteen," he grinned.

"And Leo doesn't have a date tonight," remarked Paul as he eyed Christy-Ann's ghastly thin physique. "It's a good thing because the girls that he likes can't be brought into this elevator."

"Twenty-five," Joaquim called off the current floor.

"Put that thing away," Paul ordered. "We're in a restaurant. People are eating."

"You were supposed to cum," whined Coco.

"But I didn't," Joaquim replied. "So what do I win?" he asked cheekily as he put his arm around her.