Bad Random Life Tips.

[mnbreastluver]

If you let out/smell a fart in a crowded space like in a car or elevator, loudly announce "Mmmm! Something smells like popcorn!". Everyone else will then inhale deeply expecting sweet butter caramel to tickle their noses. This help will dissapate the fart faster out of the air.

Also ensures maximum damage if you were the source.

 

[Trubbycat]

The best way to tell if a wasp nest is empty is to whack it with a stick.

 

[NoUseForAnyName]

You fight fire with fire so you should constantly burns things in case of a fire.

 

[HotBrand]

Is everyone around you getting the flu?

Make sure you walk as slowly as possible and you'll be too slow to catch it.

 

[HotBrand]

Want to prolong your climax?

Pull out a nose hair just before orgasm.

 

[mnbreastluver]

You don't actually have to pay for anything. when you get sent a bill, rip the bill up!
Tell the people who sent you the bill to go fuck themselves, too!

 

[mnbreastluver]

When you move into a new apartment building and you want to meet your new neighbour's, set off the fire alarm at 3am and you can meet them all at once.

 

[Misshotndeep]

Call up your crush drunk and tell them all the dirty things you just did to them in your head. Make sure it’s your random crush.

 

[HotBrand]

Strengthen your relationship by constantly saying "Almost there!" during sex.

The longer they try, the better the relationship.

 

[HotBrand]

If you tattoo a ruler to your penis, you can put the length as anything you want, and they'll have to believe you.

 

[HotBrand]

They say to judge a person by the company they keep.

Kidnap your favourite celebrity and imprison them at your home.

 

[HotBrand]

Want your money's worth from your condom?

Turn it inside out after orgasm and you can use it again!

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you let your cum sock dry long enough, you can walk around with the sound of crunchy leaves all day.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you’re having a difficult time with a government agency, remind them that you are a “taxpayer,” and that you “pay their salary.” They will love it, and immediately do whatever they can to help you.

 

[VoraciousValue]

The property next to that toxic waste dump is a real bargain. . . .

 

[stickygirl]

If someone tells they have cancer congratulate them on their nurturing, compassionate, self-protective character and ask about their goofy fun sense of humour

 

[mnbreastluver]

If your wife or SO doesn’t give you enough room in bed, just piss her off right before you go to sleep and then try to cuddle her. She will get as close to the edge of the bed as possible leaving you plenty of room.

 

[VoraciousValue]

If you tattoo a ruler to your penis, you can put the length as anything you want, and they'll have to believe you.

Kind of like how men in medieval times did the same thing with codpieces.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Put lots of anti-police stickers all over your car. When you get pulled over, the cop will want to prove how cool he is and let you off.

 

[Shenanigans90]

If you have illegal drugs in your vehicle make sure you have a headlight out to remain incognito.

 

[mnbreastluver]

When dividing money, split it 90/40. This will give 130%, meaning you have more money. Repeat

 

[Ratchetman1982]

Never use condoms. You don't want the guy to enjoy it less, do you???!

 

[mnbreastluver]

Instead of tipping your waiter with money. Give them good advice instead. They'll love it.

 

[HotBrand]

Make sure to keep business and pleasure separate by refusing to do any of the work during sex.

 

[VoraciousValue]

Run out of toilet paper? Use this fluffy dog!