Bad Random Life Tips.

[mnbreastluver]

If you ever get burned and are in pain, do yourself a favor…burn yourself to the bone. This will destroy those nerves and immediately bring your pain to 0.

 

[Shenanigans90]

Leave the blanket at home when planning sex on the beach, sand enhances the pleasure.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If someone steals your credit card info, don’t worry, the debt now belongs to them & they will make the payments for you.

 

[NoUseForAnyName]

Feeling cold? Set yourself on fire...you'll be warm for the rest of your life.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you're a claustrophobic man, just think with your penis. That guy loves tight spaces!

 

[mnbreastluver]

To make sure you stay within budget, only pay for around half of the items you bring home

 

[WishesforRome]

Don't want to pay for a personal trainer? Just stand next to one that's working with another client and do everything they do.

oh I so have watched whole sessions from a treadmill...

Tell your accountant you didn't like one of your jobs and quit it so you aren't turning in that W2

 

[mnbreastluver]

oh I so have watched whole sessions from a treadmill...

Tell your accountant you didn't like one of your jobs and quit it so you aren't turning in that W2

Guilty of that myself.

Don’t steal packages off porches, follow the truck and when they deliver a package steal the whole truck.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you get sad cutting onions, just remind yourself that if the tables were turned, they would be completely without remorse.

 

[mnbreastluver]

It's not too late to find a special someone for Valentine's Day! Disable adblocks go to a website to find hot singles in your area.

 

[mnbreastluver]

A little known Valentines tip for romantic men is that if you eat the petals of 6 roses per day for 20 days your flatulence will smell like flowers, so you can blow your lady a true surprise when she goes down on you.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Don’t forget to microwave the Valentine dinner leftovers in foil to lock in the moisture.

 

[LourdMorpheus]

Wanna impress the crowd? Have a bitchfest on vd about your ex…..

 

[mnbreastluver]

If your phone isn’t getting any cell reception, throw it into the air as high as you can and let it hit the ground. Now you have a broken phone and you can buy a new one with better cell reception.

 

[Crankbait88]

If you see a woman walking alone at night. Make sure you follow her to ensure she gets home safe.

 

[Shenanigans90]

Never wear protection if you have a STD. Give your partners something the will never forget.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Bump into 2 people instead of one to get the most out of your “sorry”

 

[mnbreastluver]

Take milk thats about to expire and put it in a container that doesn’t have an expiration date and it will last forever.

 

[HotBrand]

Started a new relationship?

Talk incessantly about the good things you can remember about your ex.

This will allow your new partner to know what your expectations are and rise to the challenge accordingly.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you’re attacked by a bear play dead. It’s good to practice when you die a few minutes later.

 

[stickygirl]

If you're accused of a crime, then it's best to offer a lot of money to the plaintiff to show how innocent you are

 

[mnbreastluver]

Always drive with High Beams on, you can see more and other drivers will be able to see you sooner. You are at the advantage.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you ever steal a pair of pants, immediately squat in them. You can now claim squatter's rights and keep them.

 

[HotBrand]

Want to get your money's worth out of toilet roll?

After wiping off some poo with a sheet, turn it over, and use the other side.

Double the utility!

 

[HotBrand]

Everyone knows that holding a pillow over your head can block out sounds ...

... but your partner's sleep apnoea isn't your fault, is it? Why should you have to use the pillow?

Righteously, put the pillow over their head. Soon, that grating breathing sound will stop, and you can have a peaceful rest.

100% sleep success.