Bad Random Life Tips.

[mnbreastluver]

Keep your keys loose instead of putting them on a keychain so there's a smaller chance you'll lose all your keys at once.

 

[Colo567]

When working with peppers and chiles make sure to rub your eyes frequently to keep then moist.

 

[HotBrand]

Words cannot truly express the loss of a loved one.

Instead, give your eulogy through the art of interpretative dance.

 

[GoodGuy69]

When lifting heavy items, always lift with your back in a violent, jerking motion.

 

[Ginmill72]

Always trust a man when he says, "It'll just be another five minutes"

 

[Shenanigans90]

If you need some quick cash put baking soda in a baggie and sell it for cocaine.

 

[HotBrand]

Has your partner said they are worried you aren't invested in your relationship?

Take out life insurance on them and let them know.

 

[Shenanigans90]

If you decide to rob a bank, write a note to the teller on the back of your deposit slip so they don’t recognize your voice.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Practice driving with your eyes closed so if you ever go blind, you can still drive.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Don’t know the name of a person you regularly see and you are past the point of asking? Marry them! The priest will say their name in the ceremony and you’ll be in the clear.

 

[NaughtyPartyGirl]

Be honest and tell everyone in the elevator you're the one that farted.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Establish dominance in public by NOT hiding your erection.

 

[saustin5432]

When you tattoo your girlfriend's face on your body, make sure it's in a place where it will stare at her when she takes your clothes off.

 

[Shenanigans90]

Always lie to women you are interested in because they love surprises.

 

[saustin5432]

^ can confirm. Old Diddle fingers here gives the worst life advice ever.


You want her face right near your dick.

You're not talking about the tattooed one here are you?

 

[mnbreastluver]

Always jerk off before a job interview and shake everyone’s hand. If they don’t give you the job at least they touched your dick hand.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Don't want to pay for a personal trainer? Just stand next to one that's working with another client and do everything they do.

 

[HotBrand]

Every creature has its role to play in the local ecosystem.

Do your bit by releasing a swarm of Executioner wasps into your local community.

 

[HotBrand]

Not received defibrillator training and someone has gone into cardiac arrest?

Put the paddles onto their body and make a "tzzzz!" noise.

With luck, the placebo effect will work, and the person will be fine.

 

[NoUseForAnyName]

Feeling lonely? Noone to talk to? Dial 911, a line for free comversations.

 

[HotBrand]

It's always better safe than sorry.

Next time you accidentally insult someone, knuckle-bump them and say "safe" instead.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Bringing your knife to a gunfight is a sure-fire way to lose the fight. Instead, bring it to a pillow fight for an easy win.

 

[HotBrand]

Do you find it awkward to settle the bill at the end of your date?

Excuse yourself, get up, and walk out.

Awkwardness averted.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you ever get burned and are in pain, do yourself a favor…burn yourself to the bone. This will destroy those nerves and immediately bring your pain to 0.

 

[HotBrand]

Is someone going through a really difficult time?

Keep them company by talking about your own problems instead.

They'll appreciate the distraction.