Bad Random Life Tips.

[Polranny]

If you are chopping onions and happen to get the tip of one of your fingernails, just cook the onions at a lower temp for a bit longer so the lost nail will soften and not be noticed in the meal.

Why bother, just serve

 

[Jada59]

It is acceptable to call 9-1-1 if Popeye's runs out of their chicken sandwiches.

Here they are dialing 911 hen they run out of toilet paper.

 

[mnbreastluver]

For women: Nickname your boobs "dick and balls" so that if a creepy dude ever comes up and asks how you're doing, you can just say something like "fine I guess, although my dick and balls are kinda sore today" and he'll leave you the heck alone!

 

[stickygirl]

Play golf with a tennis ball: they're easier to hit and then find in long grass

 

[stickygirl]

Short on toilet paper? Use your fingers - it's not like you can shake hands anymore

 

[DeckardNYC]

Houses guests won't leave? Replace the toilet paper with a roll of sandpaper!

 

[mnbreastluver]

Vegetarians can eat animals, as long as those animals are vegetarian.

 

[mnbreastluver]

For guys: After you're done taking a piss, hike your pants up extra high so the piss stain on your pants is extra low. That makes it look like your dick hangs lower than it actually does. This is great for picking up girls or establishing dominance on public transportation.

 

[stickygirl]

For girls: leaving a little stain up front shows how funny you found his jokes

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you have alzheimer's disease, just remember stuff.

 

[VoraciousValue]

A bar called A Hole In The Wall is generally a good place to look for a glory hole.

 

[stickygirl]

To keep air-borne viruses out of your home, keep the extractor fan switched on. Any viruses gonna get blown out

 

[stickygirl]

You know how people say two steps forward, one step back? If you stand still for one step you won't go back

 

[mnbreastluver]

Everything cooks faster with gasoline. The more you use, the better it will taste!

 

[stickygirl]

Don't throw used toilet paper away: it can easily be dried and reused

 

[mnbreastluver]

If your food isn’t spicy enough, add some more burn by putting fiberglass in it.

 

[Misshotndeep]

Ask a neighbor to barrow 5 sheets of Tp every two hours. They will hardly share.

 

[mnbreastluver]

When grocery shopping peel your fruits and vegetables there to save costs on the weight.

 

[philos]

If you love and care for your partner enough, they will eventually do the same for you.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Struggling to wash your hands thoroughly? It takes humans 20 seconds to empty their bladder on average, and 20 seconds to properly wash your hands. Piss directly onto your soapy hands to save water and keep yourself safe!

 

[mnbreastluver]

Get cardboard cutouts to party with during the quarantine.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Plan to commit a crime? Carry koalas around and ensure they touch surfaces and weapons. Their prints are indistinguishable from humans and cops won’t suspect a thing.

 

[VoraciousValue]

Sulfuric acid is mighty tasty.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Coworker being mean? Be a mature adult by telling them you had sex with their mother last night.

 

[stickygirl]

Stop using contraception and start having babies. Self-isolation is a message. The world needs more people