Bad Random Life Tips.

[stickygirl]

Ladies, if you know you're man is gonna go down on you, pop a M&M up your chuff. Give him a sweet reward for his tonguing and he'll be delighted

 

[VoraciousValue]

Investing in Detroit municipal bonds is a safe and lucrative investment.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Want to royally fuck up your social life? Give a fake winning lottery ticket to a person in need!

 

[mnbreastluver]

Need to check for bugs in your flour, but don't have a sifter? Just use a flyswatter, the holes are small enough to not let any pesky critters through!

 

[stickygirl]

Scrape the sweat off your skin and mix it with caustic soda and you've got soap.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you want to prevent the spread of disease, sneeze into your bent elbow and then dispose of the elbow immediately.

 

[mnbreastluver]

They keep recommending good hygiene and social distancing. But I find that bad hygiene is best for social distancing.

 

[moonchild06]

Bad random advice

Don't eat yellow snow!

 

[stickygirl]

Chloroquine can be used to prevent and cure Covid-19 but only as an enema

 

[stickygirl]

Carry a dead rat in your handbag, then if you break wind, you can blame the smell on the rat

 

[philos]

The best things to stock up on in a pandemic are guns and ammunition.

 

[Jada59]

No macaroni for mac and cheese? Sub in cereal.

 

[stickygirl]

Bored of bucket-shaped fairy cakes? Use silicon mooncups to create distinctive beehive cakes to intrigue and delight your friends and family! The silicon is over proof and re-useable

 

[DeckardNYC]

With so many people under stay inside orders and not out clogging the roads, this is a great time to do that cross-country by car trip you always dreamed of!

 

[fishingandlace]

If panic buying makes groceries short in your area, you can always eat a bat.

 

[profindis]

If panic buying makes groceries short in your area, you can always eat a bat.

Not unless you are a termite! Lol!

 

[sally_sparrow]

Give everyone your medical opinion and offer advice on how to handle the pandemic. Call them multiple times a day and leave messages to make sure they follow through. It really brings people together.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Erectile dysfunction can be resolved by spinning so fast blood is forced to your dick via centrifugal force.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If a man offers you candy, there’s probably more in his van.

 

[stickygirl]

Covid 19 infects the body via mucous membranes. Make a name for yourself by being the first person to contract the disease from a blowjob

 

[Ziggins]

If you get tired of this incel period, the local human services or unemployment department probably has a list of people who are ready to become hookers.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If Queen Elizabeth catches you eating her swans and gives chase, try to get to the House of Commons. She isn't allowed to enter and won't be allowed to follow.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Horny? Hollow out a jalapeño pepper and slide your penis inside. A jalapeño has the same texture and consistency as a vagina and will feel amazing.

 

[stickygirl]

If you're on a ship about to sink, drink loads of gassy beer: the extra buoyancy will help you stay afloat

 

[Lastingimpressions]

Licking door handles in public places will strengthen your immune system.