Bad Random Life Tips.

[mnbreastluver]

Making a soup and you're out of vegetables? Grab the closest person in a wheel chair. Problem solved!

Okay, I know this one’s pretty bad.

 

[philos]

Of you want to show someone that you are interested in them, try whistling or catcalls.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Have incredible debt? Create a situation so you’ll be placed in Witness Protection Program!

 

[kurrginatorX]

On that all-important first date, be sure to pick your nose and fart. if your intended can handle that, s/he can handle the fact that you're a serial killer.

 

[stickygirl]

On Tinder, use a picture of your genitals as your profile - it'll save a lot of time

 

[mnbreastluver]

Avoid paying for therapy by hiding stuff from yourself.

 

[stickygirl]

There's no such thing as an alcoholic: don't complain that you "have a problem". If you have a problem, have a drink and it'll stop being problem.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you're having trouble not touching your face to avoid the virus, satisfy the urge by touching other peoples' faces.

 

[Kat73]

Drinking bleach and snorting coke will make you immune to all viruses.

 

[Codeman93]

Drinking bleach and snorting coke will make you immune to all viruses.

playing In dirt alone is enough todo it!

 

[Jada59]

Out of weed? Smoke catnip.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Keep a knife in your car's glovebox. If a cop pulls you over for speeding, stab yourself in the stomach and tell him you were attacked and are on your way to the hospital.

 

[kurrginatorX]

The next time you see a Loomis or some other money-transfer truck employee exit the vehicle, run at him screaming as loud as you can. If you're lucky enough, this will get you a nice vacation at Club Fed.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Worried about bumping into your ex and making awkward small talk? Just immediately bring up something deeply personal they told you in confidence to break that tension.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Toes and fingers are interchangeable, so don't be afraid transplant a big toe if you ever lose a thumb.

 

[stickygirl]

Butter both sides of your toast, then if it falls on the floor you'll still have a good side without fluff or grit

 

[Jada59]

Put Whoopee cushions on all your furniture. Your guests will love you!

 

[stickygirl]

Acquiring dysentery has an upside: anal sex is self lubing

 

[kurrginatorX]

Women: Next time you visit home, strip off your clothing so Daddy can see how much you've grown. It's okay. He used to change your diapers, after all. It's not like you're showing him something he hasn't already seen.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Buy the smallest condom size you can find and use the ultra large box for them. Then when a woman wants you to use a condom, you can prove that condoms don't fit because you are just too big.

 

[stickygirl]

Home Dentistry #8

Molar extractions are straightforward: apply some stretch tape to the jaws of pliers for better grip. Placing the jaws of the pliers either side of a molar, press into the jaw firmly & rotate the tooth 90 degrees. Often you'll hear a clunk as the root comes away. Top tip have some wetted balls of cotton wool to add pressure to the tooth socket.

 

[stickygirl]

Single women: if you're feeling a bit lonely, lift the toilet seat and drop a couple of pubic hairs on the rim. You'll remember why you kicked him out

 

[mnbreastluver]

Not sure how safe your car is? Buy a cheap test dummy and crash the car into a wall. Free safety test!

 

[stickygirl]

When you stub your toe barefoot, the pain is awful. If you kick it again, the original pain will disappear.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Unsure if the prostitute is a cop? Just strip naked. If she sucks your dick she’s not a cop.