Bad Random Life Tips.

[mnbreastluver]

Lose weight while you sleep, just add tapeworms to your diet.

 

[JenniferSimms]

Tell your boss what you really think of him/her.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you’re a convicted felon receiving the Death Penalty and you request Olive Garden’s never ending pasta bowl as your last meal, legally they cannot kill you.

 

[SMNaughtywife]

“Fuck a duck” is not ever to be taken literally. Well, only if you’re a duck.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you recently got married, and there is a giant inflatable penis in your living room from the bachelorette party, smack your SO if the head with it at unexpected times.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Thirsty? Drink some oven cleaner. The hydrochloric acid in your stomach will neutralise it, leaving some nice, refreshing water.

 

[Jada59]

Think you're cold? Eat some ice in the nude. You'll realize that you weren't really as cold as you thought.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Have a houseful of pets? Sleep nude. Every night will be filled with awakening to new possibilities.

 

[Polranny]

Advice on my mother's knee: don't eat the yellow snow

 

[AlpineFresco]

Don't wash pans between meals - anything left on them will just deeper the flavour of future dishes.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Tired of the sweet taste of bubblegum? Gnaw a piece of gristle. That savory goodness will keep your mouth happy for hours on end.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Can't get your career started as a porn star? Become a debt collector. Either way you're getting paid to fuck people.

 

[kurrginatorX]

To avoid paying a waitress a tip, order your meal, then once she sets it before you ask for carry-out boxes.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Using a public bathroom and need to cover the seat with toilet paper? Lick the seat. Your saliva will make the paper stick better.

 

[DarkSimian]

Hungry? Just go to a Mexican restaurant, and fill up on the free chips and salsa

 

[kurrginatorX]

This coming April Fool's Day go to the ER and tell them you're having a heart attack. When the doctor sticks the stethoscope to your chest, fart as loudly as you can, then jump up and say, "Whew! It was only gas."

 

[mnbreastluver]

Eat a few wet wipes after each meal so you never have to clean you bum after a poop!

 

[Jada59]

It's Halloween! Hide in the bushes wearing a scary clown mask then leap out at the children as they approach the door. Later, sit down and enjoy all the candy that you didn't have to give out.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Every year 15 planes crash. If you shoot 15 down yourself you're sure yours won't crash and there's no reason to be afraid. Crisis averted.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Instead of buying large bags of candy to give out to trick-or-treaters, just survey their bags and adjust accordingly by reaching into the fullest bag and distributing equally among those who have less.

 

[mnbreastluver]

When breaking into a house at night, pretend to use the fridge and microwave to lower suspicion.

 

[Jada59]

Save all the salt from your bags of pretzels. You never know when you might need it.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Lock people in the trunk of your car to check who loves you.

 

[kurrginatorX]

To cut down on toilet paper cost, keep your junk mail. Just ball it up, roll it around your hands a few minutes, and viola, soft, tissue-quality paper.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Drop your eye drops straight into your bong water before use to avoid the red eyes afterwords!