Bad Random Life Tips.

[kurrginatorX]

The kiss of a snapping turtle is a rare, beautiful gift. Search one out immediately.

 

[19jimbo99]

Show up to work late, then smoke a blunt in the parking lot, before you go in ,just to take the edge off from the commute...

 

[kurrginatorX]

It's okay to have a few shots of whiskey before getting behind the wheel of your car. Your nerves are probably shot from worrying about some drunk smashing into you so you need the alcohol to help calm you down.

 

[DarkSimian]

Drinking on the job is sometimes necessary

 

[mnbreastluver]

When you have to be at work but you are stoned, smoke more weed until you are so high that you forget you are stoned and walk in just fine.

 

[kurrginatorX]

When playing "Tag," there is nothing wrong with hog-tying people as you catch them and placing a piercing tag through their skin. This shows your dominance and ownership.

 

[UgliestSon]

Dont do drugs.

 

[UgliestSon]

Drinking on the job is sometimes necessary

Ummmm it really is necessary for me. Daily.

 

[19jimbo99]

On a really cold morning, it's best to drain the oil out of your car's engine then it'll warm up faster once started...

 

[Jada59]

Save time by taking the whole bottle of pills at once.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Save time by taking the whole bottle of pills at once.

Must be why my doctor said, "Take 365 aspirin and call me next year."

Tired of all the quiet time during dinner? Hire someone to chew your food while you enjoy conversation with your family and friends. Then, just have that person birdie-feed you and swallow.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Complete No Nut November easily by ripping your dick off.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Survive the Purge by starting the Zombie Apocalypse.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If a service dog approaches you without a person it means that the owner is hurt, follow the dog to get a free purse/wallet.

 

[19jimbo99]

If you get married to a stripper , you're gonna live happily ever after...

 

[mnbreastluver]

Hate Mondays? Trick your brain into thinking its saturday by drinking heavily on Sundays.

 

[kurrginatorX]

You can always tell yourself bedtime stories to make yourself fall asleep, and there is no rule that says you can't fantasize about having sex with your next door neighbor's wife in those stories.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Are you in debt? Take out a loan to pay it off!

 

[kurrginatorX]

Addicted to crack? Start sucking cock. Your ass fetish will go away in no time.

 

[mnbreastluver]

The best way to counteract imposter syndrome is to never accomplish anything.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Chewing tobacco spit makes a good lubricant for whacking off.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Tired of people looking at your phone over your shoulder in the train or bus? Pull your pants down around your knees like you’re on the toilet and use this little ‘pants cave’ for complete phone privacy.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Tired of people looking at your phone over your shoulder in the train or bus? Begin a random text of, "Oh no. Not again. They're staring at me again. I've killed before, and now they're forcing me to kill again. I'll do it at the next stop--NO! I'll follow them to their home."

 

[19jimbo99]

Helmet laws suck...Drink whiskey and ride fast, remember you can always outrun the police...

 

[kurrginatorX]

Nothing shows your friends how cool you are than to show up at keggers with your parents.