Bad Random Life Tips.

[mnbreastluver]

Does your vegetarian partner not like giving oral? Tattoo your penis to look like a carrot, or your vagina to look like a tomato! Enjoy the sexy times!

 

[Apisto42]

Never go to a licensed tattoo parlor. Do them yourself at home.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Walk into any dojo unannounced and pick a fight with the sensei. It might take several years, but eventually you will win the fight and everyone will have to call you "master."

 

[skin2win]

Make huge life decisions during the most chaotic life events...

 

[kurrginatorX]

Don't be afraid to smack your parents around. Respect is a two-way street.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Get hoarders addicted to crack so they’ll have to sell all their shit to pay for it.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If a woman wants a dirty picture from you and you're not comfortable with it, don't worry! Google "Average Sized Penis" and send her one from the 3rd page of results! She'll never find it!

 

[maybee79]

If a woman wants a dirty picture from you and you're not comfortable with it, don't worry! Google "Average Sized Penis" and send her one from the 3rd page of results! She'll never find it!

An amusing thought, but I'm one of those people who do Reverse Image Search as a matter of course. Been burned too many times by fakers.

 

[mnbreastluver]

An amusing thought, but I'm one of those people who do Reverse Image Search as a matter of course. Been burned too many times by fakers.

Too bad it’s a reality that you have to do that. Yes, not every guy has as big of a penis as they claim.


If your gym buddy dies from being crushed under the weight he was lifting, put on a couple of extra weights on the bar before the EMTs arrive.

 

[DarkSimian]

Wanna help CSI at the crime scene? Do chalk outlines of all the victims before they arrive.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Got a burnt tongue? Fix it by cutting your tongue off.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Ice-covered windshield? Boiling water will fix that in a jiff.

 

[Shi_One81]

Don’t put on a winter coat until it’s at least 2°F

 

[Shi_One81]

Ice-covered windshield? Boiling water will fix that in a jiff.

I remember my mom doing this once *

 

[mnbreastluver]

Want abs fast? Take a sharp knife and carve them into your own flesh.

 

[kurrginatorX]

I remember my mom doing this once *

Friend of mine did the same.

Don't have the money to take your six year old to Disney World? Drive around until you find a house that has caught fire and announce that the fun park has burned to the ground.

 

[DarkSimian]

Save time by leaving ALL of your holiday decorations up all year round.

 

[alwaysaway]

Make sure you assume everything. Not sure if someone is pregnant? Congratulate them anyway!

 

[kurrginatorX]

Assure your family and friends that you use Wikipedia to fact check all information before engaging in a debate.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Sneak in anywhere by covering yourself in invisible ink.

 

[Taegul]

MAGA hats are a stylish accessory to wear at family reunions and holiday get-togethers.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Need head? Just name your dick leaf then leaf blowers will have to suck your dick.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Men, hard to find a date in the hetero world? Pass yourself off as a lesbian. When the time for sex comes, just say you have been blessed with an enormous clit.

 

[LikeableMe]

When people follow these tips, they should come back and post to let us know how they got on

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you hate packing before a move, get all your stuff in a pile then set it on fire so you dont have to pack anything.