Bad Random Life Tips.

[mnbreastluver]

Struggling to put on latex gloves? Wet your hands first. The lubrication from the water will allow the glove to simply slide on.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Do not refer to your proctologist as an astronaut or a hemorrhoid as an asteroid.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Every gas station has free bags of ice if your man enough.

 

[mynameisben]

When slitting your wrists, don't cut across the wrists like most simple fools do. Cut lengthwise, along the vein. You'll bleed out much faster with a far greater chance of being dead before someone discovers you.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Want to save money on the flight/train/bus/etc. home when traveling internationally? Overstay your visa, then drop some hints to the immigration authorities. Free trip home!

 

[Jada59]

Walk around glaring at people to assert your superiority and authority!

 

[mnbreastluver]

Legally change yourself to a female so that you have a longer life expectancy.

 

[de_valmont]

Ask for allowance for everything to do and excuses for everything to not do.

 

[Jada59]

When you can't think of the word for something, tell people that you can't remember the word in English. People will think you're bi-lingual. Not stupid.

 

[dashie33]

Don't try and eat a mountain. They make look delicious with whipped cream on top, but they're tough and grainy.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Want to sell your car but know you’d get more for it if the mileage was lower? Drive everywhere in reverse.

 

[Jada59]

Attract attention by putting "Just Married" and tying some cans to the back of your car. Put a giant stuffed animal in the passenger seat. It'll be fun!

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you ever get pulled over for speeding just say your blind and didn't see the sign.

 

[Jada59]

If you get pulled over, demand that the officer say the alphabet backwards.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Need more romance in your life? Simply distress some damsels.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Brillo Pads can be safely used when washing your vehicle.

 

[Jada59]

Be sure to eat your pizza as soon as it comes out of the oven. It might not be rib sticking, but it will stick! To the roof of your mouth!

 

[curiouschattycouple]

They say the best way to make a woman fall in love with you is to save her life. Problem is, its difficult to find the right lady in these circumstances, so you have to arrange it. However, you need to be on your lifesaving game, because it can be very awkward explaining to the police when you lose one.

 

[BadAmy]

Always never try not to keep up with the Jones'.

 

[mynameisben]

The next time a homeless person asks you for money give them you Visa card. That way, you get a record of your charity in your monthly statement that will come in handy come tax time. While you're at it, give them your driver's license too. That way they'll have your address and will know where to send the card back to you when they are done with it.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Best way to figure out if you’re gay or not, is to suck a dick. If you liked it, you’re gay. If not, then you’ll need to suck another dick just to be sure you’re not gay.

 

[Jada59]

Tap dance your way through the grocery store. It will make people smile!

 

[mynameisben]

The best way to impress your girlfriend for Valentine's Day is to get her something on the day AFTER. Candy and flowers are as much as half price on the fifteenth, and she'll admire you for your thriftiness.

 

[Misshotndeep]

Always say the first thing that comes to mind. No filters, thinking or second guessing. Brain to mouth. Best way!

 

[Jada59]

If you get lost, spin around until you get dizzy and fall. Then head off in that direction. You never know. It might be right.