Bad Random Life Tips.

[mnbreastluver]

Better still, threaten it publicly by pointing and shouting loudy, shaming it so all can see!

That would work too!

Wanna feel better about yourself? Get a bumper sticker that says "Honk if you think I'm Sexy" and just sit at green lights

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you approach an intersection and the light turns yellow, just accelerate until you reach 40% of the speed of light. The yellow light will be blue-shifted to green.

 

[TTawhere]

When measuring the distance between battery terminals, be certain to use a metal measuring tool.

 

[Stillrandy]

Be sure to test the depth of the water with both feet....

 

[mnbreastluver]

Avoid parking fines by putting police tape around your car and a mannequin under a blanket in the drivers seat.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Instead of having hold your pee all night because you dont want to “break the seal” Simply swallow toilet paper to absorb all of the liquid.

 

[fisherfella]

People will be more tolerant of you if you tuck one of your pant cuffs into your sock

 

[mnbreastluver]

When trapped in a room that is on fire, start exercising. Your body will use more oxygen, and thus deny the fire fuel to continue burning.

 

[Shi_One81]

Immediately bite into a Hot Pocket when you remove it from the microwave.

 

[nights1717]

Excellent

I love this thread
There is some amazing pearls here

I love imagining hearing them as actual advice

Thank you all

 

[mnbreastluver]

Get your dick pierced so everytime you go through a metal detector you get a free hand job.

 

[mnbreastluver]

To stay safe in bear country, always carry a small pocket knife and hike with a friend. If a bear attacks, stab your friend in the leg and run.

 

[LostGirlTink]

Make jokes at customs, they LOVE that.

 

[mnbreastluver]

When making a sex tape, play Disney music on the background. Even if it is leaked online, Disney lawyers will take them all down.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you ignore all of the laws, you can do pretty much anything you like.

 

[Jada59]

Take all the labels off of your spice bottles. Surprise yourself with your cooking!

 

[mnbreastluver]

Remember, because this year is a leap year, the five second rule has become the six second rule. Save that precious food!

 

[Misshotndeep]

When making a sex tape, play Disney music on the background. Even if it is leaked online, Disney lawyers will take them all down.

That is actually ingenious!

 

[mnbreastluver]

Save valuable time and energy inserting butt plugs by simply swallowing them first.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Always put duck tape over your license plate number. That's your personal information. Don't let anybody see that.

 

[DarkSimian]

Make jokes at customs, they LOVE that.

Hit on/ flirt with the TSA agents. I'm sure they are lonely, and you might get a free strip search

 

[mnbreastluver]

Tired of making small talk while in various lines? Drop your pants and unleash explosive diarrhea.

 

[DeckardNYC]

If pulled over by the police, save them the walk by jumping out of your car and walking briskly toward the police car while getting your wallet out of your back pocket.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Get power of attorney over your wife, then you can file for divorce on her behalf. You can then sign as yourself to make it final.

 

[mnbreastluver]

You can dress as a spooky scary skeleton this Halloween by bathing in strong acid for a day or two