Bad Random Life Tips.

[Esslemont]

If your kid is being a little shit, hide the dog and cook steak for dinner, then tell your kids half way through that they're eating the dog. That will shape the little fuckers up.

That just totally rocks....
Lol...got me with that one... well said.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Tired of brown poops? Drink some food coloring!

 

[mnbreastluver]

Tell your sex parters, if you have any, that you think they should get checked. When they tell you the diagnosis, you just got a free STD check.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you want to write graffiti on something but not get caught, simply write "g-spot". If you are questioned, simply say "it doesn't exist"

 

[Jada59]

If your waiter is wearing a name badge, be sure to tell him your name. He might need to know it. For that matter, introduce everyone at the table!

 

[mnbreastluver]

Your water in bath tub is getting colder? Drop a hairdryer in tub so it doesn’t cool down!

 

[DeckardNYC]

Don't worry about those flashing hands in the sign across the street -- there's always time to run across.

 

[DeckardNYC]

No, don't be dumb, one way signs are not for bikes, just go wherever the fuck you want!

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you see someone's drink getting drugged at a party, calmly walk over to it, pick it up and chug it.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Ladies, have your husband change his name to "Married," so that if any other woman introduces herself to him, he will have to say "Hi, I'm Married."

 

[BadAmy]

Yes, you may be on a bicycle...but the roadways were made for you. Honest...ride right down the middle..its okay

 

[LostGirlTink]

When you know you've had enough to drink, and someone offers you a shot, take 3.

 

[mnbreastluver]

For every drink of alcohol you've consumed, drink an energy drink and you'll eventually become sober enough to drive

 

[DeckardNYC]

If you drink long enough without stopping, you'll drink yourself sober, and be ok to drive.

 

[BadAmy]

Crushed up aspirin is as effective as swallowing...if snorted.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you replace your shoelaces with earphone wires, your shoes will tie themselves.

 

[DeckardNYC]

Insurance is for idiots

 

[mnbreastluver]

Want a spa day but not the hassle? Switch off your car on a hot day and relax for hours for a guaranteed sauna-like experience.

 

[Jada59]

Put the butter and jam on before you put the bread in the toaster!

 

[mnbreastluver]

Need a unique tattoo idea? Get a tattoo of your social security number.

 

[DeckardNYC]

Brushing your teeth will rub off the enamel. Don't brush more then once a month.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Anytime you fantasize about having sex with someone, immediately tell them so in the hopes that they have fantasized about you.

 

[DeckardNYC]

Go to a Thursday night NFL game and streak across the field.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you have an unwanted boner in public, threaten your penis in your mind with a rusty hacksaw in the most gruesome way possible.

 

[Jada59]

If you have an unwanted boner in public, threaten your penis in your mind with a rusty hacksaw in the most gruesome way possible.

Better still, threaten it publicly by pointing and shouting loudy, shaming it so all can see!