Bad Random Life Tips.

[mnbreastluver]

When you meet people at parties, tell them youre a stunt man. If you get too fucked up later and fall all over the place they will all go, "hes so gooood!"

 

[kurrginatorX]

If you work in a restaurant and you're thinking about quitting, bring a bottle of Ghost Pepper sauce to work with you on your last day and put some on every plate before it reaches the table. The patrons will appreciate the surprise and tips will flow like honey.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Contracts signed on leap-day are invalid. If you have a large purchase to make, do it Feb 29 on credit, you are not responsible for payments!

 

[stickygirl]

Discourage your children from keeping or petting mice, which carry human viruses and illness and often have to go to hospital.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Start every conversation with “Sorry, I’m a cunt” Then people will accept that you’re talking shit.

 

[frustratedthoughts]

Run out of exfoliant? Just use kitty litter! The grit is perfect, and it’s packed with all natural antioxidants for a youthful glow.

 

[stickygirl]

If you're attending a baby shower, ask who the father is, no, who he really is

 

[mnbreastluver]

Tired of not falling asleep and staying up until 2:00 in the morning? Get a bottle of chloroform and a rag. You'll be out in 6 seconds flat! Problem solved!

 

[stickygirl]

To separate the white from the yolks, pop the chicken in the washer at 1000rpm spin cycle, 10 minutes.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Tired of looking for parking spots? Chug 3 bottles of cough syrup before driving. You will look disabled, so you can get away with using the handicapped parking spot scot-free!

 

[DeckardNYC]

Rubbing sunburned skin vigorously with steel wool will clean off the sunburned skin (and end the pain) in mere minutes.

 

[frustratedthoughts]

Wasp nests make great, inexpensive piñatas, and they are fun for the whole family!

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you are not sure if your phone is accepting calls or if the ringer is off - simply dial 911 and hang up.

 

[DeckardNYC]

Yell in your loudest voice "oink oink oink" whenever you see a policeman.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If your house is on fire and your trapped inside, just stand in the shower. The water won’t let the fire touch you.

 

[frustratedthoughts]

Stop wasting time and water by washing your clothes, and just shower while dressed. You and your clothes get clean at the same time.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Find lost items by asking yourself where you had them last and lost them, then just go there and pick them up.

 

[DeckardNYC]

If you're in a falling elevator, don't worry, just jump as high as you can right before it hits the ground.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you ever need glue but can't find any, jerk off and let the cum dry to stick the objects together.

 

[stickygirl]

Need a surrogate father but hate men? Wait till your donor has gone to work and check his wash bin for a damp sock. Preggo

 

[RcyMtnGrl]

Don’t use (street) drugs while pregnant (with twins) and then be angry that Child and Family Services takes custody of your premature, drug addicted babies.

 

[Just4AFriend]

Just for fun! Piss off the woman taking care of your babies

 

[mnbreastluver]

Much like how guys with the best fireworks have the least fingers, you can tell the quality of your Meth by how few teeth your dealer has.

 

[stickygirl]

Smoking while pregnant is bad for your baby, but you've got a few months of having a life before that little fucker comes along takes it over forever. Small babies are cute

 

[asianmom42]

Smoking while pregnant is bad for your baby, but you've got a few months of having a life before that little fucker comes along takes it over forever. Small babies are cute

Drinking and driving is a good thing. If you get in an accident, at least it won't hurt.