Bad Random Life Tips.

[kurrginatorX]

Neighbor's dog keeps shitting in your yard? Break out that wedge club and practice your chip shots. Score one under par if you hit the front porch.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you're packing for a long trip and your trunk is full, remove the spare tire for extra trunk space.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Guys, teach your SO to drive a standard transmission by using your cock as the stick shift.

 

[stickygirl]

Ladies - tired of workmen making lewd suggestions as you pass by? Steal a baby and hand it to one of them: his friends will be impressed and they won't bother you again.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Stick peanut butter in your pussy if it’s loose and that way once he gets it in, his dick will get stuck and he’ll just think your pussy is tight.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you go to urgent care and pretend you lost your tampon you get a free fingerbang that's covered by your insurance.

 

[Jada59]

Get one of those cat toys on a stick. Doesn't matter which one. Mouse, feathers, ribbon... Walk around dangling it in front of people's faces, for they need their exercise!

 

[mnbreastluver]

Never feel guilty about cheating if you wore a condom. Because then technically you didn't have sex with a person, you had sex with a thin piece of rubber. They just held it for you.

 

[frustratedthoughts]

Impress your date with a fancy home cooked meal with a main course of balsamic glazed chicken breast cooked medium rare.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Tired of walking your dog just break your legs so it won’t be as exhausting to walk them as you’ll be in a wheelchair

 

[frustratedthoughts]

Fill your nasal spray bottle with bleach, and dispense two sprays in each nostril three times per day to help cleanse your mind of dirty thoughts.

 

[mnbreastluver]

When your vacuum cleaner nozzle is too large for some hard to reach places, you can get them spotless by sucking the contents out through a straw.

 

[frustratedthoughts]

Stop wasting the lint from your dryer by throwing it away! Save it to make cute crafts for family Christmas gifts.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Tired of all those mosquitos sucking out your blood? Simply inject poison into your bloodstream to deter them away!

 

[stickygirl]

Getting crushed in the crowded train? Recite the Lords Prayer at the top of your voice and behold, there will be space and it will be good. Works best in the quiet zone.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Getting crushed in the crowded train? Recite the Lords Prayer at the top of your voice and behold, there will be space and it will be good. Works best in the quiet zone.

Not bathing works really well also.

 

[stickygirl]

Stop wasting the lint from your dryer by throwing it away! Save it to make cute crafts for family Christmas gifts.

Gentlemen, what could be more caring than lint saved from your belly-button, fashioned into a cute mouse, or owl ... something grey... for your gf?

 

[stickygirl]

If you keep missing the bus, buy a semi-automatic and nail the sucker

 

[fisherfella]

next time on a cruise, go ahead and touch all of the door knobs aboard the ship...

 

[DeckardNYC]

Coronavirus can't touch you if you have a constant blood alcohol level above .15 -- it's killed by the alcohol.

 

[frustratedthoughts]

Pam cooking spray makes a great lube. Use Butter flavored for those extra romantic nights.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you want to know what your female friend’s genitals smell like, just sniff her TV’s remote control.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Ladies, want an extra-large, over-sensitive clit? Just let hornets sting it. Five should do the trick.

 

[stickygirl]

Tired of airport security delays? Undress in the queue and pop you clothes into your flight bag: no more worries about small change or keys in your pocket

 

[mnbreastluver]

Climbing to the top of a radio antenna will give you a better view of a thunderstorm.