Bad Random Life Tips.

[frustratedthoughts]

Use olive oil and vinegar whilst jerking off, and you can make a nice vinaigrette.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you live alone and have no romance say "I love you baby" into a corner and the small echo will make it seem like another voice is saying it making you feel less alone.

 

[frustratedthoughts]

Feeling like that spark is gone? Use battery cables as nipple clamps.

 

[mnbreastluver]

See a dead body? Dispose the evidence for the murderer so you don't have to waste your time in court!

 

[stickygirl]

If the police ask for your help with a missing person, tell the cops you don't miss them at all and they'll let you off the task

 

[mnbreastluver]

Always ask a pregnant lady to rub her belly, she might say yes and this is the only time you can ask to rub a woman’s belly without coming off as a creep.

 

[stickygirl]

Catch coronavirus now, before the doctors and nurses die and hospitals are stacked high with corpses

 

[mnbreastluver]

Get free home surveillance by publicly planning war crimes and terrorist attacks on social media so the FBI and CIA watch your house!!

 

[frustratedthoughts]

Nervous before a big day at work? Just drink a shot or three of tequila in your car before clocking in. Everyone else in the operating room will be wearing masks just like you, so they’ll never even notice!

 

[mnbreastluver]

Bring an air horn to a funeral to wake the deceased member from their sleep. Its cheaper than a pastor!

 

[frustratedthoughts]

If you need to charge your phone whilst visiting someone in the hospital, feel free to unplug any of the things by their bed. They aren’t really doing anything.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Tired of all the snow and cold weather? Call your local legislators and ask them to ban snow and cold weather in your area.

 

[nutoseen]

bad advice

keep it in your pants

 

[frustratedthoughts]

Gummy life savers make a great snack and a pretty good cock ring

 

[barefootgirl69]

Gummy life savers make a great snack and a pretty good cock ring

Now that's a delicious way to enjoy a snack!

 

[mnbreastluver]

A sandwich bag in a vagina makes for good contraception.

 

[frustratedthoughts]

A sandwich bag in a vagina makes for good contraception.

Saran Wrap around a penis also makes for a good prophylactic.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you ever feel like life is moving too fast, develop an addiction then suddenly take it away. Life will feel slower as a result.

 

[frustratedthoughts]

Partner secretly switch your regular coffee for decaf, and you are feeling worn out? Just put cocaine in the sugar bowl. That will perk you right up.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Start storing up your belly button lint. It makes a perfect nest for mice to breed in your house.

 

[frustratedthoughts]

Paint your nails with ear wax. It will help you break that nasty nail biting habit.

 

[mnbreastluver]

When you're at a hotel with a buddy, wait until only one person is in the hot tub and pour copious amounts of Jell-O into the warm, jet blasting fate tub and hold them down. When you're doing this have your buddy turn off the hot tub and when they're done squirming waiting 15-25 minutes for a snack that'll last you your whole stay and maybe even during the drive home.

 

[frustratedthoughts]

Car slipping on the ice this winter? Throw a couple of dead hookers in the trunk. The extra weight will help with traction on slippery roads. Stay safe!

 

[mnbreastluver]

Pop the lid on your can of soup before microwaving so it doesn't explode and make a mess

 

[VoraciousValue]

Add some crack to that dull chicken salad sandwich to spice up your lunch hour!

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