Bad Random Life Tips.

[Jada59]

Run out the door of a store with an expensive item that you didn't pay for to see how god their security is.

 

[Illnevertell79]

Always look at the road when crossing the street you don't want to step on a crack.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Are you a passive guy who can't break a conversation when you need to urinate? Get an erection. This will allow you to continue conversing without the urge to pee. Plus, it shows you are interested in what the person is saying.

 

[Jada59]

Place a banana peel in someone's path to give them a little surprise.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Can't dance? Tell everyone you suffer from seizures! That way, nobody can make fun of your shitty dancing without feeling really bad about it! And, hey, you might start a new dance craze!

 

[Jada59]

Save a tree. Don't use toilet paper.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Spray your asshole with pam, the shits will slide right out and you won’t even have to wipe barely!

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

make sure to use plenty of teeth when giving a blow job, it really drives them wild

 

[ChainedUp]

The yellow light means accelerate, you’ll be fine

 

[DarkSimian]

Men:Want to impress that attractive woman at work? Whip out your dick, and she will never forget you.

Women: Show him your tits

 

[mnbreastluver]

Before fantasising over a work colleague obtain permission by detailing the lurid fantasy to HR

 

[DarkSimian]

Guys, go ahead and randomly PM Rubenesque Aphrodite, she loves that shit. Bonus points if you send her a dick pick.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Don't pay for a boob job for your girlfriend. Get her pregnant, when the baby comes, sell it on the black market for thousands. Then you will have big milk tits to play with and $$$$.

 

[Taegul]

School zones are the proper location to test your car's 0-60 and quarter mile times

 

[mnbreastluver]

Short a few dollars? Leave a set of fake dentures under your pillow and beat the crap out of the tooth fairy when she arrives.

 

[Diemcarpe]

Be sure to poke holes in your condom so your penis gets some air.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Have a small penis? Just pour a bit of water half way down the inside of your thigh. People will think it’s urine drip and that you’ve got a huge dong!

 

[Taegul]

I highly recommend Bill Cosby's book The Definitive Mixology Guide. It's a must-read for all singles.

 

[mnbreastluver]

You can weaponize your anus or vagina by inserting a knife, handle first.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Propose to your partner in public, so if he/she rejects you, they seem like the asshole.

 

[lovetopleasewomen]

indigestion? Draino works wonders.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Tired of periods? Just get pregnant!

 

[Jada59]

Bored? Call all the workers you can find and ask for a free estimate.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Get A Tattoo On Your Penis that says, “Powered by Viagra.” It can only be read when it’s true.

 

[Jada59]

Out of lube? Try motor oil.