Bad dialogue.

[CyranoJ]

"It's lethal to bats... but deadly to humans." - Morbius, from Morbius
(Someone didn't get the message that lethal and deadly mean the same thing.)

"Future events such as these will affect you... in the future." - Narrator, from Plan 9 From Outer Space
(This is ironically appreciated by the latter-day B-movie nerd... but it takes on a melancholy cast when you realize that this was Ed Wood genuinely trying to create good dialogue.)

"From my point of view, the Jedi are evil!" - Anakin Skywalker, from Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith
(It's a pretty badass lightsaber duel, but this was serious cringe. Could do a whole post just with dialogue from the prequel films, really, but this particularly stands out for dropping with a clang in the midst of one of the better sequences.)

"Are you a Mexican or a Mexican't?" - Agent Sands, Once Upon a Time in Mexico
(What makes it worse is that he's speaking to Danny Trejo, whose character is written to respond to this like it's a serious question and says: "I'm a Mexican." No joke.)

"If you save the world, we can do it in the asshole!" - Princess Tilde, Kingsman: The Secret Service
(Yeah, I get they were trying to make fun of the "James Bond gets rewarded with sexytimes" trope in every 007 movie. It does not land for me. One of the most jarringly stupid lines I can remember from any context.)

"Kenner, just in case we get killed, I wanted to tell you... you have the biggest dick I've ever seen on a man." - Johnny Murata, Showdown in Little Tokyo
(This is spoken by a buddy cop to his partner in a B-grade Dolph Lundgren actioner. No, they're not gay, and there is no indication that they've ever been naked in one another's vicinity, so this really comes out of the blue.)

"I'm gonna take you to the bank, Senator Trent. To the blood bank!" - Mason Storm in Hard to Kill
(A true anti-classic of Steven Seagal mumbling. I'm so glad we're past the time of even pretending to take that fucking guy seriously.)

 

[Emilymcplugger]

"It's lethal to bats... but deadly to humans." - Morbius, from Morbius
(Someone didn't get the message that lethal and deadly mean the same thing.)

"Future events such as these will affect you... in the future." - Narrator, from Plan 9 From Outer Space
(This is ironically appreciated by the latter-day B-movie nerd... but it takes on a melancholy cast when you realize that this was Ed Wood genuinely trying to create good dialogue.)

"From my point of view, the Jedi are evil!" - Anakin Skywalker, from Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith
(It's a pretty badass lightsaber duel, but this was serious cringe. Could do a whole post just with dialogue from the prequel films, really, but is particularly stands out for dropping with a clang in the midst of one of the better sequences.)

"Are you a Mexican or a Mexican't?" - Agent Sands, Once Upon a Time in Mexico
(What makes it worse is that he's speaking to Danny Trejo, whose character is written to respond to this like it's a serious question and says: "I'm a Mexican." No joke.)

"If you save the world, we can do it in the asshole!" - Princess Tilde, Kingsman: The Secret Service
(Yeah, I get they were trying to make fun of the "James Bond gets rewarded with sexytimes" trope in every 007 movie. It does not land for me. One of the most jarringly stupid lines I can remember from any context.)

"Kenner, just in case we get killed, I wanted to tell you... you have the biggest dick I've ever seen on a man." - Johnny Murata, Showdown in Little Tokyo
(This is spoken by a buddy cop to his partner in a B-grade Dolph Lundgren actioner. No, they're not gay, and there is no indication that they've ever been naked in one another's vicinity, so this really comes out of the blue.)

"I'm gonna take you to the bank, Senator Trent. To the blood bank!" - Mason Storm in Hard to Kill
(A true anti-classic of Steven Seagal mumbling. I'm so glad we're past the time of even pretending to take that fucking guy seriously.)

Amazingly enough I’ve seen the last two and can confirm they are that bad, although I can’t help but think it was an absolute tragedy what happened to Brandon Lee on the cusp of stardom. He’s great in Showdown and Rapid Fire, even with bad dialogue.

I’d probably add a number of the corniest lines before the kills in the 80’s with “let off some steam, Bennett!” being among the most terrible (Commando).

 

[MelissaBaby]

I don't understand why you think it's bad dialogue???

I watched that. It wasn't a bad line, just poorly timed, IMO.

 

[MelissaBaby]

In entertainment it should always either move the plot forward or show dialogue.

I like trains.

If not why have it in there. Removing that would not have made any difference to the scene, and better wording could have moved to plot or shown character.

As my example shows, when you have superfluous dialogue it sticks out like a swollen nose and takes you out of the moment.

A character giving directions to another character may not be the best way to move the plot forward, but it does do so.

 

[Seadog777]

I watched that. It wasn't a bad line, just poorly timed, IMO.

What was the show???

I'm watching re-runs of Bones on AP.

 

[Djmac1031]

"It's lethal to bats... but deadly to humans." - Morbius, from Morbius
(Someone didn't get the message that lethal and deadly mean the same thing.)

"Future events such as these will affect you... in the future." - Narrator, from Plan 9 From Outer Space
(This is ironically appreciated by the latter-day B-movie nerd... but it takes on a melancholy cast when you realize that this was Ed Wood genuinely trying to create good dialogue.)

"From my point of view, the Jedi are evil!" - Anakin Skywalker, from Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith
(It's a pretty badass lightsaber duel, but this was serious cringe. Could do a whole post just with dialogue from the prequel films, really, but this particularly stands out for dropping with a clang in the midst of one of the better sequences.)

"Are you a Mexican or a Mexican't?" - Agent Sands, Once Upon a Time in Mexico
(What makes it worse is that he's speaking to Danny Trejo, whose character is written to respond to this like it's a serious question and says: "I'm a Mexican." No joke.)

"If you save the world, we can do it in the asshole!" - Princess Tilde, Kingsman: The Secret Service
(Yeah, I get they were trying to make fun of the "James Bond gets rewarded with sexytimes" trope in every 007 movie. It does not land for me. One of the most jarringly stupid lines I can remember from any context.)

"Kenner, just in case we get killed, I wanted to tell you... you have the biggest dick I've ever seen on a man." - Johnny Murata, Showdown in Little Tokyo
(This is spoken by a buddy cop to his partner in a B-grade Dolph Lundgren actioner. No, they're not gay, and there is no indication that they've ever been naked in one another's vicinity, so this really comes out of the blue.)

"I'm gonna take you to the bank, Senator Trent. To the blood bank!" - Mason Storm in Hard to Kill
(A true anti-classic of Steven Seagal mumbling. I'm so glad we're past the time of even pretending to take that fucking guy seriously.)

And who could forget this classic? Or the fact that it works???

 

[Britva415]

"You drive, I'll navigate."

 

[CyranoJ]

And who could forget this classic? Or the fact that it works???

That is truly awful, LOL.

 

[Emilymcplugger]

I watched that. It wasn't a bad line, just poorly timed, IMO.

But here’s the thing, most authors on here have come up with stories (from real life) that show character and humour. It would have been easy to do and provided a counterpoint to the tension, instead it was noticeably bad, but we can agree to disagree.

 

[onehitwanda]

I've begun replying with "Thanks, Tawny." (A reference to Tawny Madison on Galaxy Quest, whose sole job in the series was to repeat what the computer says. "It's a stupid job, but I'm going to do it!")

https://media.tenor.com/r4TTLd5-RxEAAAAd/lotr-so-you-have-chosen-death.gif

 

[gunhilltrain]

A lot of conversations in life are "superfluous".
Just shows that the character is more human and relatable.

Of course, these are just our opinions.
I like hearing POVs that are different from my own.

Written dialogue is never quite going to be a "transcript" of how people really talk. It's a kind of art I guess to make it a bit artificial and yet believable at the same time. Don't ask me how to do it.

A digression: for some reason, I found the dialogue in the 1999 The Haunting movie to be so bad that I was inspired to write an entirely different script with a different plot. It probably would have been a five-hour movie in my hands, but my experiments with that and other screenplays led me to prose and eventually to Lit.

 

[Seadog777]

Written dialogue is never quite going to be a "transcript" of how people really talk. It's a kind of art I guess to make it a bit artificial and yet believable at the same time. Don't ask me how to do it.

An author can make their characters talk like themselves or other people that they know, therefore making the dialogue more realistic to the reader.

A digression: for some reason, I found the dialogue in the 1999 The Haunting movie to be so bad that I was inspired to write an entirely different script with a different plot. It probably would have been a five-hour movie in my hands, but my experiments with that and other screenplays led me to prose and eventually to Lit.

If you broke it down into 2 movies, that'd be OK.

 

[gunhilltrain]

An author can make their characters talk like themselves or other people that they know, therefore making the dialogue more realistic to the reader.

If you broke it down into 2 movies, that'd be OK.

You must be tongue-in-cheek. Which two movies? I don't want to digress into what was wrong with it, because the thread drift would be epic.

 

[MelissaBaby]

What was the show???

I'm watching re-runs of Bones on AP.

The Night Agent on Netflix.

 

[gunhilltrain]

An author can make their characters talk like themselves or other people that they know, therefore making the dialogue more realistic to the reader.

Yes, talk like themselves is the answer. Yet it seems so easy but it is not!

 

[MelissaBaby]

But here’s the thing, most authors on here have come up with stories (from real life) that show character and humour. It would have been easy to do and provided a counterpoint to the tension, instead it was noticeably bad, but we can agree to disagree.

Certainly. All I can do is offer an opinion, no better or worse than another.

 

[Seadog777]

You must be tongue-in-cheek. Which two movies? I don't want to digress into what was wrong with it, because the thread drift would be epic.

You said with "your" dialogue would've made the movie 5 hours long.
I cracked the joke, that as long as it was broken down in 2 parts, I'm good.

 

[Seadog777]

The Night Agent on Netflix.

I'll look it up tonight or tomorrow morning.

 

[Seadog777]

Yes, talk like themselves is the answer. Yet it seems so easy but it is not!

I put the way I talk into my characters.

 

[Paul_Chance]

One thing to keep in mind when we're trashing movie dialogue is all the places in scripts where the dialogue is deliberately bad. Often, when writing and subsequently making B movie, the dialogue is campy, awkward, and bad as an attempt at humor. You have sizeable audiences that watch bad movies because they like bad movies. They don't want award winning dialogue. They want stupid people saying stupid things while they do even stupider things.

When bad dialogue pops up unintentionally, it's often due to either the filler effect (have an action, have to fill in some dialogue) or the dialogue made sense in the writers room, but got changed or cut before print.

 

[Djmac1031]

You said with "your" dialogue would've made the movie 5 hours long.
I cracked the joke, that as long as it was broken down in 2 parts, I'm good.

Nah, man, everything's gotta be a trilogy these days, don't ya know?

 

[Emilymcplugger]

Certainly. All I can do is offer an opinion, no better or worse than another.

Tbf the show builds tension VERY well and it’s really impressive but that line stuck out.

I think that’s the thing about why it stuck out because the rest of the show was ticking along nicely. It reminded me of Ingrid Bergman’s awful dialogue in CASABLANCA. It takes you out of the rest of the film at that moment, thankfully the rest of the film then picks up the slack.

 

[SamScribble]

In another life, I was called in to tidy up the dialogue in a number of film scripts.

In a couple of cases, the original scripts had been written by a chap who had great visual ideas – but a ‘tin ear’. In real life, he was barely literate. But the director and the producers loved his ‘pictures’.

In other cases, the problem often seemed to be due to the script having been written by a committee: three or four writers, the director, and various producers all contributing their tuppence worth. This can work with a TV series, where the characters are already established. Not so much with a standalone movie.

 

[12oclocktales]

Bad dialogue? How about Rocky IV where The Rock says, "We're changing --we're like turning into ordinary people."

But seriously, think of the conversations you've had with a partner after sex that seemed very meaningful as they advanced the plot of your relationship, but to the fly on the wall it was, "Please somebody swat me so I don't have to listen to this drivel." The fly might be more truthful, but that's not what goes in the story. Who would want it to?

 

[Zootonius]

With out a doubt, the worst dialog ever was in The Conqueror. The only thing worse was the premise, John Wayne as Genghis Khan.

The only dialog I recall was Genghis Khan, arriving in camp, sees his mother (played by Agnes Moorehead) and says "My Mother!" To which the reply is, "My Son!" witty...