AskADumbSlut says "Ask ME anything!"

[AskADumbSlut]

You're not really getting

Beastiality, huh. I'm not sure Lilminx will like that,(let alone, ME!!!!!!)*shivers* I guess if I get to have Lilminx, I can deal with it.

You're not really getting the carpet situation I'm afraid. Oh well, a thread's eye view of lilminx sounds like it's as close as you'll ever cum - ooops - forgot we aren't speaking to one another in chat, make that come.

 

[AskADumbSlut]

I'm a great fan

Is it really true that pabloback posts the most interesting threads bar none?

of his personally. But how many ways can he continue to rant about self-abuse and his thinly veiled sexual identity issues? I hope the man lives to see 40.

 

[AskADumbSlut]

Oops, I thought you were me for a minute!

I'm madly in love with a certain member of Lit. I can't say his name because I fear that others will make fun of me....I'll just call him P.C. for short. Anyway "PC" and I want to get it on, but he's got an extra testical that gets in the way of his tiny penis. AADS, as one slut to another, what should I do? I love the guy.

Just kidding, I knew who you were. (And yes you do get the professional discount, babe)

The Cosmos has two words for you, hun. Phillipine Psychic Surgery. Ok I realize that's three, but I don't want to piss off the Cosmos again. The last time that happened I dealt with assholes through three lifetimes. But not to worry, I've watched this procedure done many times on Discovery Channel. There's always a crab or broken glass or an extra-testicle stuck in there. While the psychic surgeon has him 'opened-up' as it were, slip the guy one of those big kielbasa's I'm so fond of... Well, what I meant to say was 'that are so tasty', yeah, that's the ticket. Slip the surgeon one of those tasty polish sausages and ask him to make a little deposit. They come two to a pack, so if things don't work out with PC you'll always have one waiting in the freezer at home.

Kiss, kiss girlfriend.

 

[AskADumbSlut]

I'm sorry

We're sorry, AskADumbSlut can't come to the board right now. Please leave a detailed question and your Literotica nic and she'll get back to you once she's finished communing with the stars. This is a recording. Hang up now asshole. I mean 'valued customer.'

 

[lilminx]

Re: Promise you won't tell anyone?

Ok, you're obviously a nice guy. Promise you won't tell anyone this? The other advantage of being in the apartment will be getting to watch Lilminx 'walk the dog' if you get my meaning. Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge. Just between us right? And that Great Dane is hung like the men on this board all claim to be.

Ick. Please leave me out of anything that has to do with screwing animals. And Nasty, silly, I'm not in NYC, exactly. I'm in Queens.

 

[xzchief]

Lilminx, are you still awake?

 

[AskADumbSlut]

Re: Re: Promise you won't tell anyone?

Ick. Please leave me out of anything that has to do with screwing animals. And Nasty, silly, I'm not in NYC, exactly. I'm in Queens.

Spoken like a true New Yorker. No! Not the part about not screwing animals, lots of New Yorkers do that!

The part about not being from NYC, but from Queens. Queens has been part of the City since before 1900, but the residents still talk about 'Going into the City'. You can't even get a direct subway connection to Brooklyn without passing through Manhattan (unless you go down to the Rockaways and Howard Beach). Course, Claire would never admit to being part of New York City.

But Rudy would claim you lilminx, and so would I, Hun! Now if we weren't so exposed, I'd ask "what neighborhood you from?"

And have a heart about the Great Dane thoughts. Poor nasty's days are numbered and I wanted to give the boy something to look forward to.

 

[lilminx]

Re: Re: Re: Promise you won't tell anyone?

Spoken like a true New Yorker. No! Not the part about not screwing animals, lots of New Yorkers do that!
The part about not being from NYC, but from Queens. Queens has been part of the City since before 1900, but the residents still talk about 'Going into the City'. You can't even get a direct subway connection to Brooklyn without passing through Manhattan (unless you go down to the Rockaways and Howard Beach). Course, Claire would never admit to being part of New York City.
But Rudy would claim you lilminx, and so would I, Hun! Now if we weren't so exposed, I'd ask "what neighborhood you from?"

And have a heart about the Great Dane thoughts. Poor nasty's days are numbered and I wanted to give the boy something to look forward to.

Well, it's just that most people think of Manhattan when they think of "NYC". I was just trying to clear up any confusion that may occur. If you want to PM me, we can talk...

 

[AskADumbSlut]

And the answer to your question is --

Lilminx, are you still awake?

She was this afternoon, she taught school all day, she'll probably get back to you tonight.

Next question.

 

[AskADumbSlut]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Promise you won't tell anyone?

Well, it's just that most people think of Manhattan when they think of "NYC". I was just trying to clear up any confusion that may occur. If you want to PM me, we can talk...

Hun, my only confusion is how you managed all those gyrations in your sig av without pulling a muscle. I'm doing my part entertaining the troops, but it's mostly on my back or my knees. None of those circus performer flips you appear to be so adept at. You could teach this old girl a thing or two I'm sure.

 

[darrenfate]

AskADumbSlut

Oh, great seer,

I love your carpet eating answer so much I'm still laughing, and I thought of this question follow up question. How does a guy work into a conversation with a woman that he's loves carpet munching?

Darren

P.S. I Live in fear of being labeled another valued customer !!

 

[Pan718]

AskADumbSlut

Oh, great seer,

I love your carpet eating answer so much I'm still laughing, and I thought of this question follow up question. How does a guy work into a conversation with a woman that he's loves carpet munching?

Darren

P.S. I Live in fear of being labeled another valued customer !!

Don't worry Darren, honey, I consider very few of you valued customers. I call most of you a number of other things!

And lots of men use creative opening lines like "There's something I forgot that's on the tip of my tongue, spread your legs and I think I may remember." If you don't get slapped you may be dining in for the price of one drink.

We women love men who get to the point, and put their mouths where their minds are. Humor is always a turn on too, lines like "Is that tuna I smell?" are guaranteed babe magnets. On a crowded bus, try "I've got someplace you can sit, baby." and then give her a heartfelt leer while flicking your tongue. Sure, women on boards will tell you how lame it is and how we hate it, but ask yourself, Darren, all of those asshole ex-husbands and abusive boyfriends we complain about? Just what opening lines do you think they used to get us in the sack? Hmmm?

I have it on good authority that Lyle Lovett's opening line to Julia Roberts was "Ever been licked by a Brillo pad?"

My personal favorite was always being told "When I look at you, I want to be a Lesbian." Hello, sailor!

What's the matter, son, cat got your tongue? Don't forget to thank me when this advice gets a big reaction from some lucky girl.

 

[Pan718]

Confidential reply to PM from:

(Sienna) name screened to protect anonymity.

Lot's of men have pretended to be women on bulletin boards and in chat rooms. Just say you're sorry and confess, I'm sure this group will forgive and forget all about it. Hell, it doesn't just happen online. Why at least once a week, some schmuck on Jerry Springer tells his wife he's dumping her for the girlfriend. Then she turns around and confesses that SHE'S really a man. Happens in my trailer park all the time.

And you Brits are always pretending to be women. It made Monty Python and Benny Hill a fortune. We Yanks think of it right up there with masochism when we think of Merry Olde England.

Chin up, lad. I bought the pregnancy story too, but I'm still smiling.

 

[AskADumbSlut]

Laughing hysterically...

"Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!"

"I the great OZ command it!"

 

[modest mouse]

It seems the gig may be up.

 

[Rubyfruit]

Opps!

*laughing so hard I'm almost peeing my panties!*

That was very funny, Pan. You handled it with grace and humor.

Ruby

 

[Pan718]

Dammit!

I was hoping to playfully work everybody into the thread before I let on my true identity.... And to tweak enough playful indignation to start a party with... I didn't manage to provoke one Aussie reaction after Mouse's Wanker comment.

I obviously didn't choose the nom de plume 'DumbSlut' without justification!

Actually keeping up with it was more work than I had imagined - even in this short thread. I'm amazed at what AACS has accomplished. I'd be without income if I tried that for long.... ; )

Thanks to all the good sports who played along. Discovered in the process that lilminx and I were nearly neighbors a couple years ago! Sorry I couldn't keep it up long enough to give you the answer you deserved Darren. Thanks Ruby. There were Rita Mae Brown references just waiting in the wings for you my dear.

Pan

 

[modest mouse]

Pan,

I loved it while it lasted. Well done.

The shit with nasty pulled it on a tangent.

Brought some needed humor at just the right time.

I always new goats could not be trusted.

 

[AskADumbSlut]

Getting the Last word

Pan,

I loved it while it lasted. Well done.

The shit with nasty pulled it on a tangent.

Brought some needed humor at just the right time.

I always new goats could not be trusted.

He's a total idiot, Mouse!

I'm the brains and wit behind the whole sham. He makes it sound like he's OH SO CLEVER, and OH SO BUSY! But while I was cleverly crafting responses he was looking at the girlie pictures in the amateur pic section. Can you really believe he typed all those responses? ONE-HANDED? As if! This working relationship is over, OVER DO YOU HEAR ME! "Sisters are doing it for themselves!"

I'm out of here. Tell the asshole I'm gone!

 

[felixdakat]

who would you rather be stranded on a desert island with, giligan, the skipper, marry anne, ginger, mr howl, mrs howl, or the professer, or buggs bunny in a hula skirt playing a ukalali(sp)

 

[AskADumbSlut]

BACK IN BUSINESS! CAVEAT EMPTOR

who would you rather be stranded on a desert island with, giligan, the skipper, marry anne, ginger, mr howl, mrs howl, or the professer, or buggs bunny in a hula skirt playing a ukalali(sp)

(In deep resonant Obi Wan voice) "Trust the Force, Felix... Only you can choose your future way."

Personally, it depends which appetite is drivng me at the moment. Sexual appetite? I've gotta go with Ginger and play the bi-sexual island girl ("I didn't want to... but we were soooooo alone." Innocent simpering look.) But if we're talking foodstuffs? I'd take the fat ship-wrecked sailor that gets shipwrecked on bugs bunny's island (along with the skinny tall sailor). But come to think of it, you could probably roast the skipper and last a month or so.

And remember felix, I'm always here to help you with life's difficult questions. TRUST ME - TRUST ME - TRUST ME

 

[modest mouse]

Re: Getting the Last word

He's a total idiot, Mouse!

I'm the brains and wit behind the whole sham. He makes it sound like he's OH SO CLEVER, and OH SO BUSY! But while I was cleverly crafting responses he was looking at the girlie pictures in the amateur pic section. Can you really believe he typed all those responses? ONE-HANDED? As if! This working relationship is over, OVER DO YOU HEAR ME! "Sisters are doing it for themselves!"

I'm out of here. Tell the asshole I'm gone!

I know Pan is little more than a marathon stroker, but he did type with one hand. That says alot about a man. Cut him slack, I mean he is half goat for fucks sake. Have you seen goats? Watched them? Seriously, the man half of Pan must be a helluva guy to overcome that miserable goat.

But ladies dig the hooves.

 

[Laurel]

Re: Opps!

*laughing so hard I'm almost peeing my panties!*

Almost? I need to clean my chair...

That was a classic Lit BB moment.

 

[lavender]

 

[Guru]