Ask the Demon

[VandalHeart]

yeah... I do...




"what did I miss?"

Well, while you were gone at least three people confessed their undying love for me, but it didn't work out because they wouldn't surrender their souls in the bargain, and I took over the world using nothing but hot dog buns and a squeegy.

Is that a good update, or do you want to know more?

 

[littleone77]

*hands on hips*

Hey, I never got a hot dog. *pouts*

 

[VandalHeart]

Dear AbbyDemon,

I have a ticket for one trip through time and space. Just one trip. Do I go back and try to fix things with my ex wife or go forward to see how things turn out for the "single" me?

Option 3: burn it. My own theories on time travel are very cynical, and I'll explain them if you like, but it basically boils down to, "even if you see what happens, it might not be your actual dimension, and even if you change something, either it won't effect your life now, or it will and you won't like the consequences."

Actually, there is a fourth and fifth option.

The fourth option is go somewhere else entirely. Somewhere you don't belong. Infinity exists, my friend, and if that ticket can take you anywhere, then go into the world of a story you like, a dream you had, a book you love. Jake from the Gunslinger series said "there are other worlds than these" and he was right. If this one isn't working out for you, go find another one.

The fifth option is give it to me so I can do so, because I know for a fact this world isn't too great, in my opinion.

 

[Lady Reiha]

Well, while you were gone at least three people confessed their undying love for me, but it didn't work out because they wouldn't surrender their souls in the bargain, and I took over the world using nothing but hot dog buns and a squeegy.

Is that a good update, or do you want to know more?

Wait a minute, back this up. They confess their love for you, and wouldn't give their souls to you? Clearly they don't love you if they can't give you their souls! Psh.

 

[VandalHeart]

Wait a minute, back this up. They confess their love for you, and wouldn't give their souls to you? Clearly they don't love you if they can't give you their souls! Psh.

I'm sayin!

 

[VandalHeart]

*hands on hips*

Hey, I never got a hot dog. *pouts*

You snuck this one in on me, didn't you, little?

Sorry I didn't catch it earlier. As for your request, you know the price.

Until then, have one of the chocolates you brought.

 

[Lady Reiha]

I'm sayin!

If I didn't love Chronie, I'd so give you my soul for the taking ^^

 

[VandalHeart]

If I didn't love Chronie, I'd so give you my soul for the taking ^^

That is so sweet. By the way, have you seen the link near the end of my signature?

 

[littleone77]

You snuck this one in on me, didn't you, little?

Sorry I didn't catch it earlier. As for your request, you know the price.

Until then, have one of the chocolates you brought.

Us little ones tend to be good at sneaking, heh but I refuse to sell you my soul for a hot dog.

What does a gal need to do to get some food around here - I cannot live on chocolate alone

 

[VandalHeart]

Us little ones tend to be good at sneaking, heh but I refuse to sell you my soul for a hot dog.

What does a gal need to do to get some food around here - I cannot live on chocolate alone

You need only ask, and it shall be provided. And I was joking. I don't want your soul just for a hot dog...I'll give you more in return for that, I assure you.

*conjures a hot dog and hands it to the lovely littleone*

 

[SexyCleric]

You need only ask, and it shall be provided. And I was joking. I don't want your soul just for a hot dog...I'll give you more in return for that, I assure you.

*conjures a hot dog and hands it to the lovely littleone*

I have missed much, it seems.

But, I stand confused. If you are but Lawful, does that not make you a Baatezu?
Or do you simply use demon as an honorific?

Ohhh! We're trading souls for hotdogs!
Whoo!

*Clicky*

 

[VandalHeart]

I have missed much, it seems.

But, I stand confused. If you are but Lawful, does that not make you a Baatezu?
Or do you simply use demon as an honorific?

Ohhh! We're trading souls for hotdogs!
Whoo!

*Clicky*

As far as the residents of Greyhawk are concerned, I am a beyonder, meaning that I am from a place outside even the ethereal planes. I still count as a Lawful Evil outsider, but the laughable Baatezu are beneath my notice, for they are smelly and stupid.

 

[littleone77]

You need only ask, and it shall be provided. And I was joking. I don't want your soul just for a hot dog...I'll give you more in return for that, I assure you.

*conjures a hot dog and hands it to the lovely littleone*

Awww A bun with rat meat filler, just what I always wanted.

*sitting there, swinging my legs* So what does Little One's soul get these days?


Btw, O Sage...My desktop icons are highlighted in blue when they should not be. What did I do?

 

[SexyCleric]

As far as the residents of Greyhawk are concerned, I am a beyonder, meaning that I am from a place outside even the ethereal planes. I still count as a Lawful Evil outsider, but the laughable Baatezu are beneath my notice, for they are smelly and stupid.

Huh.
I won't argue with the smelly part.

But I think Little One had a valid question; what's the exchange rate on souls now a days, o' sagely-evil-dateless-demon?

I mean, an already corrupted, despotic, cleric soul like mine can't be worth much... I figure one hot dog might be a good deal.

I'll take my dog with a side of cheese!

 

[littleone77]

Huh.
I won't argue with the smelly part.

But I think Little One had a valid question; what's the exchange rate on souls now a days, o' sagely-evil-dateless-demon?

I mean, an already corrupted, despotic, cleric soul like mine can't be worth much... I figure one hot dog might be a good deal.

I'll take my dog with a side of cheese!

*ahem* My soul is pathetically good even though I can't spell worth a damn.

So if you are worth one hot dog and cheese than mine is worth...A fully loaded hot dog with lobster bites on the side?

Can you tell I am hungry among other things?

 

[SexyCleric]

*ahem* My soul is pathetically good even though I can't spell worth a damn.

So if you are worth one hot dog and cheese than mine is worth...A fully loaded hot dog with lobster bites on the side?

Can you tell I am hungry among other things?

Hell, you're lookin at two dogs, minimum.

Hungry? That makes two of us.

 

[littleone77]

Hell, you're lookin at two dogs, minimum.

Hungry? That makes two of us.

I just had a brownie

Do you know why my desktop icons are highlighted in blue all the time?

*waves a plate of food -hot dog, salad, beans and a brownie-under your nose*

 

[VandalHeart]

Awww A bun with rat meat filler, just what I always wanted.

*sitting there, swinging my legs* So what does Little One's soul get these days?


Btw, O Sage...My desktop icons are highlighted in blue when they should not be. What did I do?

The soul and it's barter value have been a point of theological debate over the centuries. But all it basically boils down to is the age old trap that masquerades as a question, "What would you like?" As all my fellow demons would have you believe, there is nothing that cannot be granted in the exchange of a soul. It's the same story with the Djinni (Genie) of the lamp and the ring, and countless other tales of ecumenical "buyer beware."

As for your desktop icons, try this: Go into your control panel and look for the Display option. Go to Appearance, and then Effects, and check the box for "Use Large Icons." Apply the changes, then check to see if the blue highlight is gone. If so, then go through the process again, then uncheck the box for Large Icons. If that doesn't work, then get back to me.

 

[Daizie]

Bart Simpson signed over his soul to Millhouse.

Hi Vandalheart...oh Great Sexy Bringer-of-Doom. Can I skip the hotdog and just have a chocolate?

 

[VandalHeart]

Huh.
I won't argue with the smelly part.

But I think Little One had a valid question; what's the exchange rate on souls now a days, o' sagely-evil-dateless-demon?

I mean, an already corrupted, despotic, cleric soul like mine can't be worth much... I figure one hot dog might be a good deal.

I'll take my dog with a side of cheese!

Baatezu are stupid-heads, and you won't convince me otherwise.

See my last post, but to expand on the point that you brought up, souls are souls. Unless the soul in question is pure and innocent (hehehe...yummy), it's just a soul. Even the souls of the most unholy and horrible people are still good for bartering. Basically, innocent souls are like pure platinum, and every other soul is at least 10 karat gold. And for the record, the souls of clergy are automatically 14 karat gold, no matter how corrupt.

 

[VandalHeart]

Bart Simpson signed over his soul to Millhouse.

Hi Vandalheart...oh Great Sexy Bringer-of-Doom. Can I skip the hotdog and just have a chocolate?

*puts another chocolate on his fingertip and holds it out to the sexy Daizie*

Open up, lovely.

 

[Lady Reiha]

*puts another chocolate on his fingertip and holds it out to the sexy Daizie*

Open up, lovely.

*ahem*




Vandy, why is Squirtum the Emperess Bitch?

 

[VandalHeart]

*ahem*

Vandy, why is Squirtum the Emperess Bitch?

Wonderous ReiRei, allow me to explain.

A little known, yet very important paper written by the social feminist Deanna Morris explains the importance of the bitch as a positive female role model in modern society. In it, she points out several prominent women in the heights of their bitchiness, and in most cases, those cases are what made them both famous and the most respected women in the world. Lucrezia Borgia may or may not have actually poisoned the men whose absences made her a widow, but it was well known that she was a wicked bitch who was just as feared and respected, if not moreso, than her brother and father. Rosanne Barr isn't exactly my speed of comedy, and to tell you the truth, the woman is annoying as hell to me, but when she sang the Star-Spangled Banner to start a baseball game without an ounce of reverence or refinement, she pissed off a lot of people, but she made quite a few others think about what we have become as Americans...and how ashamed we likely should have been at that point. Rumors of lesbianism aside, Hillary Clinton proved to the world that what her husband did had no effect on who she was and what she was capable of, even if she is the target of more jokes than you can shake a stick at.

The point is, ReiRei, she is an Empress because of her innate bitchiness, and that is one of many things that makes her so wonderful. Becaue of this, I wouldn't have her any other way. Even you have a touch of bitchiness in you, even though it is nothing apporaching a defining characteristic.

In short, it's a good thing, kiddo.

 

[Daizie]

*puts another chocolate on his fingertip and holds it out to the sexy Daizie*

Open up, lovely.

MMM thank you sweet VandalHeart. *licks the chocolate tentatively off your finger*

Oh great VH, do you take all souls or is there a criteria that must be met? Curious.

 

[SexyCleric]

Baatezu are stupid-heads, and you won't convince me otherwise.

See my last post, but to expand on the point that you brought up, souls are souls. Unless the soul in question is pure and innocent (hehehe...yummy), it's just a soul. Even the souls of the most unholy and horrible people are still good for bartering. Basically, innocent souls are like pure platinum, and every other soul is at least 10 karat gold. And for the record, the souls of clergy are automatically 14 karat gold, no matter how corrupt.

14K. Hot damn.

Where's my hotdog, dammit!?