Ask the Demon

[asian_princess]

Appy, I mean this in the kindest way. I just want you to know that.

What in the name of Sweet Zombie Jesus is an offwine?

You can't fool me.

Sweet Zombie Jesus would know I mean those pop up message things you get from the Yahoo Gods when you log on to your messenger.

Offwines.

 

[VandalHeart]

Hard to fulfill those sexual favours if you insist on covering your ass though.

When did I say I was going to make it easy on her?

Dear SmartHartFart.

Thank you for your advice.

As per your direction, I packed the offending rotting lunch snack into a plastic bag and flung her (gender assignment, only one step below naming it) atop the steaming rubbish pile.

I must've underestimated how long Sandwich had been squatting at my office however, as it seems limb formation had already occured. Sandwich hot-tailed herself to the local welfare office and now I'm being sued for neglect of a dependent.

Please advise on following steps to take.

xo

First off, keep a positive outlook. This is not the worst that could have happened. We've been over this, so it's not necessary to go back over it again.

Second, demand a DNA test. There is NO WAY that you and it (screw gender assignment...I can beat that with good old fashioned xenophobic bigotry) could have that much genetic similarity. Now, if it somehow assimilated your genetics into itself, this plan will backfire on you. In which case...

Kill it. I suggest a vat of chemicals a la Roger Rabbit, since at this point, we can't be entirely sure what will work, and wholesale destruction of it's body is the most likely guessed plan that will. You can't be prosecuted for it, since it is neither an animal or a person. If they fuck with you on this fact, send them to me. I have a few things to mention, such as the current Taco Bell radio ads (in which food is constantly trying to be included in human activities and is constantly denied), the non-animal status of mold, and the possible implications of a hostile leftover takeover. That'll make them stop and think (that I'm crazy).

You can't fool me.

Sweet Zombie Jesus would know I mean those pop up message things you get from the Yahoo Gods when you log on to your messenger.

Offwines.

Oh, those. No, once they are kidnapped, it's all over. Just like a soul snagged by a demon, once it's gone, it's gone. Eaten. Gobbled. No prisoners. Sorry.

 

[Lady Reiha]

Sorry, I keep forgetting about that. Getting someone else to read them for you works just as well. Remember that I do not condone the exchange of sexual favors for this sort of thing...I don't disapprove, either, though...I'm just covering my ass.

*looks at Vandy all cutely and stuff* Will you read to me in exchange for a Vandy plushie?

 

[VandalHeart]

*looks at Vandy all cutely and stuff* Will you read to me in exchange for a Vandy plushie?

Payment in advance, personal delivery, and sure, I'll read to you.

 

[Lady Reiha]

Payment in advance, personal delivery, and sure, I'll read to you.

*flies down to Vandyville, delivering his plushie* You made my sexy list, now read to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 ^^




Thank-you

 

[VandalHeart]

*flies down to Vandyville, delivering his plushie* You made my sexy list, now read to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 ^^




Thank-you

That's funny...cuz...from the looks of things you don't care about me unless I'm reading your signature line.

Yeah.

Good ol' "sexy Vandy" ain't on the "Reiha cares for" list.

Uh-huh.

 

[Lady Reiha]

That's funny...cuz...from the looks of things you don't care about me unless I'm reading your signature line.

Yeah.

Good ol' "sexy Vandy" ain't on the "Reiha cares for" list.

Uh-huh.

Honestly, you want to know why?

it's because I can't add anyone else -_-" I exceeded my 1,000 words lol.

but I do really care about you- which is better than being on that list. You had ME say it. You know what? Fuck it. *takes off slowrider* he never talks to me anyway.

 

[VandalHeart]

Honestly, you want to know why?

it's because I can't add anyone else -_-" I exceeded my 1,000 words lol.

but I do really care about you- which is better than being on that list. You had ME say it. You know what? Fuck it. *takes off slowrider* he never talks to me anyway.

Ya know what? I was wrong on the nerd thread. I said on there that I was complete when I went to my first rock concert. I was wrong. NOW I'm complete.

ANYHOW, back to the original purpose of this thread.

Who has a question for the Demon?

 

[Lady Reiha]

Ya know what? I was wrong on the nerd thread. I said on there that I was complete when I went to my first rock concert. I was wrong. NOW I'm complete.

ANYHOW, back to the original purpose of this thread.

Who has a question for the Demon?

Actually I do. ( a serious one)



As posted on the nerd thread recently, how come gamer girls are stereotypically known as girls who pretend to know about video games, but clearly don't? Is this some kind of turn-on to men or something? I am aware not of Morgan and Blair, but that's just 2 girls. How come noone actually mentions real girls with their REAL knowledge?

 

[VandalHeart]

Actually I do. ( a serious one)



As posted on the nerd thread recently, how come gamer girls are stereotypically known as girls who pretend to know about video games, but clearly don't? Is this some kind of turn-on to men or something? I am aware not of Morgan and Blair, but that's just 2 girls. How come noone actually mentions real girls with their REAL knowledge?

This is a common thing when viewing the difference between the thought methods of men and women. Most women know what they know, and that's about all there is to that question. There are blatant exceptions, but their goddess recently turned herself into the police after the MTV Awards, so we can ignore them in their flights of wailing and gnashing of teeth for now.

Men, on the other hand, spring forth from the womb with an enlarged sense of inferiority. It's encoded in our DNA. No, seriously. This is why we constantly fight, gete overly jealous, and, yes, fantasize about the girl who would love to learn about video games, but knows absolutely nothing so that we may teach them from scratch and guide their gaming tastes and strengths even going so far as teaching them badly so that we may trounce them at every opportunity, therefore suppressing the inferiority complex...momentarily. I never said this would make sense, and yes, those thoughts you are having are completely correct: this behavior will make someone hate video games almost faster than anything else.

It's a juvenile fantasy, I know. It's so juvenile, I doubt the full thought process actually forms in their heads before they execute the actions based on them. The worst part about all of this is just how crazy it sounds, so that when you try to explain to these mouthbreathers why they're acting like utter retards, they won't get it. So, my advice is don't even try, because they seriously will not understand. If you want to try showing this little rant to them, by all means, go ahead. I'm just hoping they have something above a first grade reading level.

Hope that helps.

 

[Lady Reiha]

This is a common thing when viewing the difference between the thought methods of men and women. Most women know what they know, and that's about all there is to that question. There are blatant exceptions, but their goddess recently turned herself into the police after the MTV Awards, so we can ignore them in their flights of wailing and gnashing of teeth for now.

Men, on the other hand, spring forth from the womb with an enlarged sense of inferiority. It's encoded in our DNA. No, seriously. This is why we constantly fight, gete overly jealous, and, yes, fantasize about the girl who would love to learn about video games, but knows absolutely nothing so that we may teach them from scratch and guide their gaming tastes and strengths even going so far as teaching them badly so that we may trounce them at every opportunity, therefore suppressing the inferiority complex...momentarily. I never said this would make sense, and yes, those thoughts you are having are completely correct: this behavior will make someone hate video games almost faster than anything else.

It's a juvenile fantasy, I know. It's so juvenile, I doubt the full thought process actually forms in their heads before they execute the actions based on them. The worst part about all of this is just how crazy it sounds, so that when you try to explain to these mouthbreathers why they're acting like utter retards, they won't get it. So, my advice is don't even try, because they seriously will not understand. If you want to try showing this little rant to them, by all means, go ahead. I'm just hoping they have something above a first grade reading level.

Hope that helps.

Aw, Thanks ^^

so that'd be why Chronie and his room mate tell me every little detail about every game they play

 

[VandalHeart]

Aw, Thanks ^^

so that'd be why Chronie and his room mate tell me every little detail about every game they play

It is entirely possible, yes.

 

[Lady Reiha]

It is entirely possible, yes.

aw, that's cute ^^


my 2nd question is:




Why do long-distance relationships suck? And why does it seem like it takes forever for someone to save up, so they can move closer to their s/o?

 

[VandalHeart]

Why do long-distance relationships suck? And why does it seem like it takes forever for someone to save up, so they can move closer to their s/o?

I'd like to state for the record that I'm going through this right now myself. With two people. It sucks, and things really do drag.

Tara, Robin, I love you both, and I can't wait to get there to be with you.

The reason everything seems to be going so slowly is because the snippets of time you do get to experience with them just aren't enough to satisfy you. Think about this: the only time you can spend with someone that you're in a long-distance relationship is your free time. Seriously, you have to make sure that you're not at work, you can't be getting ready for work, you can't be doing really ANYTHING else. The phone, the IM window, whatever, it's going to take up all your attention. Patrly because it's hard to multitask with that sort of thing, and partly because you don't really WANT to do anything else. But because of this, you spend every spare moment (and I mean those small bits of time sandwiched by time you have to spend doing something else) thinking of them. This doesn't contribute to good morale much. That's why it sucks and seems like it takes forever. Because nothing is moving and nothing is developing. If ANYTHING is a test of patience, it's a long distance relationship.

For what it's worth, I'm praying for you. Hang in there, love. I'll hang with you.

 

[Daizie]

*giggles, watching missydaiziesexybum shake all around*



Dear SmartHartFart.

Why does MissyDaizieSexyBum always have the HOTTESTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT AVs?!!
And will she do me the honour of doing a wiggledance with me tonight??

Appygirl!!!!!! *wiggledance for the Appylicious*

 

[Daizie]

No matter when you read this, the answer is yes. It is going to rain tomorrow.

Now, slap your forehead as you realize that you didn't ask me where it would rain tomorrow.

In the immortal words of Homer Simpson...."D'oh!!"

 

[VandalHeart]

In the immortal words of Homer Simpson...."D'oh!!"

Exactly.

Did you have another question, Milady?

 

[chronicle_tenko]

You are very wise Vandy poo. Now if only I could read

Sorry, I keep forgetting about that. Getting someone else to read them for you works just as well. Remember that I do not condone the exchange of sexual favors for this sort of thing...I don't disapprove, either, though...I'm just covering my ass.

Well it just so happens my Rei-Rei Nerd kitty I own and have read every Wiliiam Gibson Book outside of Burning Chrome. So I can read them to you if you want. And I charge no more than the snuggling I'd be getting anyway.

 

[Daizie]

Exactly.

Did you have another question, Milady?

Yes, I do.

Where can I get a super-cool AV like yours?

 

[Lady Reiha]

I'd like to state for the record that I'm going through this right now myself. With two people. It sucks, and things really do drag.

Tara, Robin, I love you both, and I can't wait to get there to be with you.

The reason everything seems to be going so slowly is because the snippets of time you do get to experience with them just aren't enough to satisfy you. Think about this: the only time you can spend with someone that you're in a long-distance relationship is your free time. Seriously, you have to make sure that you're not at work, you can't be getting ready for work, you can't be doing really ANYTHING else. The phone, the IM window, whatever, it's going to take up all your attention. Patrly because it's hard to multitask with that sort of thing, and partly because you don't really WANT to do anything else. But because of this, you spend every spare moment (and I mean those small bits of time sandwiched by time you have to spend doing something else) thinking of them. This doesn't contribute to good morale much. That's why it sucks and seems like it takes forever. Because nothing is moving and nothing is developing. If ANYTHING is a test of patience, it's a long distance relationship.

For what it's worth, I'm praying for you. Hang in there, love. I'll hang with you.

*hugs* Thank-you. I did really need to hear that : )

 

[Lady Reiha]

Well it just so happens my Rei-Rei Nerd kitty I own and have read every Wiliiam Gibson Book outside of Burning Chrome. So I can read them to you if you want. And I charge no more than the snuggling I'd be getting anyway.

Well then. We have ourselves a deal Mr. Chronie bum. *shakes paws*







Vandy: why do men never give women flowers for no reason anymore?

 

[VandalHeart]

Yes, I do.

Where can I get a super-cool AV like yours?

My Avatar was a prize (one of four) from lil_squirter for a challenge she presented on the Nerd Power! thread to find the nerdiest thing ever. I made a top ten list. I'm sure that she would do the same for you, if you asked her. And if she doesn't, just let her know that I think you're wicked cool, and she'll likely warm right up, even though it probably won't be necessary.

 

[VandalHeart]

*hugs* Thank-you. I did really need to hear that : )

You are ever so welcome.

 

[VandalHeart]

Vandy: why do men never give women flowers for no reason anymore?

Fair warning: you probably aren't going to like this answer.

People like to think that a relationship is a status, not a job. And like any job, you have to constantly evaluate your performance, the level of return you are getting for the work, and the trends that occur in every aspect of it. Let's focus on the trends aspect for a moment.

When a guy buys flowers, it is not exactly cheap. That's hurdle number one. The flowers are not going to give the money back. Second, when a guy starts buying flowers on a regular basis, he has to constantly escalate. If he ever...EVER...buys less flowers than last time, the girl will (usually) jump straight to, "something is up, something is wrong." It will often cause a problem, and guys hate walking into problems that they see coming. And the biggest problem is that for the most part, it only provides a momentary smile from the lovely lady, and after that, it's just another decoration...unless it's completely over the top, in which case we need to go back to the money issue. When it comes right down to it, the cost/benefit just doesn't come out in our favor.

Now, I need to talk to both sides of the arguement. Boy, girl, sit down, shut up and listen.

Boys - if she's bitching about it, fucking man up already. Buy the fucking flowers, for the love of all things beautiful. They don't always even gripe about such things, but the point is, you know that they want them, you want to impress them (and if you don't then just do all of us a favor and take your sorry ass out of the fucking dating pool right now), so get them some damn flowers. It's not that difficult. And if you really want to impress her, go here. If that doesn't impress the shit out of her, NOTHING will, and the bitch needs to go.

Girls - DON'T BE THAT BITCH. While I hate the prospect of girls talking to each other in secretive conclaves, because it usually leads to the girls bitching up such a storm about a guy not being the perfect man that she eventually leaves him, in spite of all of this, if you want to bitch about not getting flowers, you need to keep it out of earshot of the guy in question. Try not to bitch to his best friend, either. Because I know you women. You overthink EVERYTHING. If you bitch to him about it, and then he does it, you'll never stop questioning it. If you bitch about it to his best friend, same thing. "Did he buy these because he loves me, or because he wants me to shut up? Did his best friend tip him off?" Don't be that bitch, seriously.

Boys - take some initiative. With the right willpower and just a little imagination (and seriously, this doesn't take a lot of imagination) you can make her butter in your hands.

Girls - Robert A. Heinlein said "Little girls, like butterflies, need no excuse." Figure that out, hope to the Gods that your guy (or girl, whatever) read this, too, and get back to me. Until then, work it out between the two of you.

Hope this helped.

 

[Daizie]

My Avatar was a prize (one of four) from lil_squirter for a challenge she presented on the Nerd Power! thread to find the nerdiest thing ever. I made a top ten list. I'm sure that she would do the same for you, if you asked her. And if she doesn't, just let her know that I think you're wicked cool, and she'll likely warm right up, even though it probably won't be necessary.

Yay!!! He thinks I'm wicked cool...not just cool but wicked cool!! *Does happy dance* Come on Vandy Heart,dance with me!