Are you Dom(me)/submissive or slave or

[Richard49]

Are you a Dom(me)/submissive (slave) or a Lifestyle Memeber?

In my several year journey here on Lit and other D/s bdsm sites I have had a number of sad ending relationships and some intense confrontations. I realize that many here do not agree with my prespective on the seperation of D/s and BDSM.

I also realize that I have had to come to ask what I use to think were some dumb questions about what word pictures someone saw when they said certain things. I have come to realize that some words no longer have the universal meaning they once had. Like bottoming or even the title of Dom(me).

I hope I have said enough in this preamble to get my question accross.
If I have failed it is me not you.

Let's see you can have D/s without bdsm
and you can have bdsm without D/s

What I am wondering is how many are Lifestylers and are not Ds or subs?

 

[LadyAria]

Are you a Dom(me)/submissive (slave) or a Lifestyle Memeber?

In my several year journey here on Lit and other D/s bdsm sites I have had a number of sad ending relationships and some intense confrontations. I realize that many here do not agree with my prespective on the seperation of D/s and BDSM.

I also realize that I have had to come to ask what I use to think were some dumb questions about what word pictures someone saw when they said certain things. I have come to realize that some words no longer have the universal meaning they once had. Like bottoming or even the title of Dom(me).

I hope I have said enough in this preamble to get my question accross.
If I have failed it is me not you.

Let's see you can have D/s without bdsm
and you can have bdsm without D/s

What I am wondering is how many are Lifestylers and are not Ds or subs?

deleted

 

[Richard49]

I a Dominiant, but I don't think you have to be by strict definition either to be in the BDSM lifestyle. I know plenty of switchers. Bondage can be enjoyed without the strict confines of training. Sadism and Masochism can be enjoyed without the confines of the D/s relationship. The curious never come in predetermined either, but develop through club experimentation. Of course, I'm from a new birth of the European Counsil of BDSM. I get bothered by the word Domme. I think Dom is fine term for use of either sex as the Dominiant partner. You may be more traditional. Also, I believe in observation of Houses for safe play. Groups are more supportive to exploration before one starts on their true journey.

1) what is "through club expermentation?
2) when you speak of clubs and orgainzations are you not speaking lifestle versus being a Dom(me)/sub (slave)?
3) also the idea of a "House" has evolved through the lifestylers rather than through the being

I have read many of your posts and I know you and are are far apart on our prespectives of the "being" versus the Lifestylers

Another example in my mind
(what is left in my mind)
are those that "play" occasionally in the bedroom
to me chances are that neither is a D/s but rather they are at best lifestylers.

I read ads from 18 year olds that claim they have no experence but
and they list a ton of what they like or that they are Dom(me)s or slaves etc.

IMHO they are not even wantabes but just courious about somethign they think they know something about.

ok
floors open for more discussion <smile>

 

[LadyAria]

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[LadyAria]

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[catalina_francisco]

We don't tend to put a lot of emphasis on fitting into labels as far as the public goes, partly because we live a private life where the club/party scene is not part of the equation. F has in the past, before my time, been part of that world and found it was not entirely what he wanted or needed, though he has said at some point he will allow me to see for myself what it is all about on a practical and/or observational level, with his guidance and company of course.

So in essence for us we see ourselves as lifestyle Master/slave as it is not something which happens just in the bedroom, or just when it is convenient, it is in every facet of our lives daily, minute to minute. The dynamics of the relationship remain in good times and bad, and his word is law always, even if it might not be what I would prefer at the exact moment in time. Living it this way day to day also means it is not about what I will or won't do, what I do or don't want, it is about what he wants and what he expects and what he demands, and though he will listen to my thoughts and issues, he continues regardless if that is what he feels is best. It is not a matter of if life takes an unexpected turn we switch back to mainstream like behaviour until things smooth out and become more normal....for us the D/s still remains in place and is observed. For me I find it comforting to know that dynamic remains in place always.

Catalina