psiberzerker
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Mar 12, 2003
- Posts
- 2,093
Alright, someone's going to have to go round, and round with you to make you understand a few things. If you're going to martyr yourself as a contiecious objector, you might as well do it informed.
First off, you reposted something I said and dubbed it "Obviously abusive." You should have read it. I said accidents happen, and the only scars I mentioned where my own.
You seem fond of the word abuse, but you seem to have a rather broad definition of it. Is pain abuse? humiliation? neglect? THere are those of us that endure these things because we like them.
As I posted in your thread, abuse is in the eye of the victim. You have to ask them if you want to know. Really, if you aren't trying to "push the edge", it should never become an issue. There are plenty of ways to prevent it long before it becomes abusive.
Now, I'm not going to ask for your credentials. I don't really care about your sources, and I couldn't trust them online if I wanted to. What I can question is your methodology. First, you ASSUMED that submissives where once abused and that their lifestyle was some sort of Repetition Compulsuion. (That you didn't use the proper term means you either don't have any formal training, or you don't respect ours. Either way, I'm not impresed.)
In a word, bullshit. The vast majority of the submissives, I have known personally, and played with where bored, and jaded with Vanilla sex. Most of the incest, rape, and so forth that I've known wouldn't even concider reinactment. I've done "rape" enactment, and every one of the "Victims" wanted to know what it was like. Kinda hard to say when you've been there, and given the tee shirt to goodwill.
Dom/mes are a different story. You've got to be selective about who you bottom for because there are some who are into abuse. For lack of a better term, I'll call them "Thatches." A thatch is a personality difficient buff who's into the "I'm god, and you'er shit" trip. They tend to be the ones to ignore safe words, and whip when they damn well please. That's abuse, and it's domination.
You can dominate without abuse, and I will even walk you through it. First, they sit down together, fully clothed, and talk about it. Usually, the best time to do this is during the slow spiral inward that is our mating dance. Each finds out what the other likes, and expects sexually. This is not abusive.
Next, safeties are agreed on. The primary one that should be in every toolbox is safe words. In case nobody has taken the trouble to explain this too you, it's a signal that things are getting a little too rough. I go beyond that to add a spectrum, multistaging it sou you can instantly tell how for over you have gone. That way, you can just slow down rather than shattering the mood by having to stop.
At this point, I should talk about tempo. You don't want to dive into the Mapplethorpe shit right out the gate. Start off by having the bottom on the bottom. Hold their hands, get them used to you being in controll, and talk to them constantly. Bondage is way far off, as is pain, and other "Edge play". PLease them, let them feel loved, and show them that they truly are the center around which the scene revolves. That is not abuse.
Finally, you can work in some pain, and here's where you get to the secret. If you've read this far, I guess you earned it, but here goes. Start softer than soft, build slower than slow. This is what drags scenes out for hours. It's a tantric thing, sustaining arousal through distrtaction, and building endorphins(Chi, whatever) to where pain feels good.
Take my word for it, when your ears are about to burst into flames, and your phallus is bulging out of it's container, the one who's done this too you's teeth feel real good. Start with the pleasure, then add the slightest dose of pain. Just a nip, enough to set off the radar, but not so much as to jam out the pleasure.
That's the real trick to this, you cannot talk about it if you haven't been there. I can't tell you what Ultraviolet looks like, I've never seen it. Don't knock it untill you try it. Then, I'll respect your opinion.
First off, you reposted something I said and dubbed it "Obviously abusive." You should have read it. I said accidents happen, and the only scars I mentioned where my own.
You seem fond of the word abuse, but you seem to have a rather broad definition of it. Is pain abuse? humiliation? neglect? THere are those of us that endure these things because we like them.
As I posted in your thread, abuse is in the eye of the victim. You have to ask them if you want to know. Really, if you aren't trying to "push the edge", it should never become an issue. There are plenty of ways to prevent it long before it becomes abusive.
Now, I'm not going to ask for your credentials. I don't really care about your sources, and I couldn't trust them online if I wanted to. What I can question is your methodology. First, you ASSUMED that submissives where once abused and that their lifestyle was some sort of Repetition Compulsuion. (That you didn't use the proper term means you either don't have any formal training, or you don't respect ours. Either way, I'm not impresed.)
In a word, bullshit. The vast majority of the submissives, I have known personally, and played with where bored, and jaded with Vanilla sex. Most of the incest, rape, and so forth that I've known wouldn't even concider reinactment. I've done "rape" enactment, and every one of the "Victims" wanted to know what it was like. Kinda hard to say when you've been there, and given the tee shirt to goodwill.
Dom/mes are a different story. You've got to be selective about who you bottom for because there are some who are into abuse. For lack of a better term, I'll call them "Thatches." A thatch is a personality difficient buff who's into the "I'm god, and you'er shit" trip. They tend to be the ones to ignore safe words, and whip when they damn well please. That's abuse, and it's domination.
You can dominate without abuse, and I will even walk you through it. First, they sit down together, fully clothed, and talk about it. Usually, the best time to do this is during the slow spiral inward that is our mating dance. Each finds out what the other likes, and expects sexually. This is not abusive.
Next, safeties are agreed on. The primary one that should be in every toolbox is safe words. In case nobody has taken the trouble to explain this too you, it's a signal that things are getting a little too rough. I go beyond that to add a spectrum, multistaging it sou you can instantly tell how for over you have gone. That way, you can just slow down rather than shattering the mood by having to stop.
At this point, I should talk about tempo. You don't want to dive into the Mapplethorpe shit right out the gate. Start off by having the bottom on the bottom. Hold their hands, get them used to you being in controll, and talk to them constantly. Bondage is way far off, as is pain, and other "Edge play". PLease them, let them feel loved, and show them that they truly are the center around which the scene revolves. That is not abuse.
Finally, you can work in some pain, and here's where you get to the secret. If you've read this far, I guess you earned it, but here goes. Start softer than soft, build slower than slow. This is what drags scenes out for hours. It's a tantric thing, sustaining arousal through distrtaction, and building endorphins(Chi, whatever) to where pain feels good.
Take my word for it, when your ears are about to burst into flames, and your phallus is bulging out of it's container, the one who's done this too you's teeth feel real good. Start with the pleasure, then add the slightest dose of pain. Just a nip, enough to set off the radar, but not so much as to jam out the pleasure.
That's the real trick to this, you cannot talk about it if you haven't been there. I can't tell you what Ultraviolet looks like, I've never seen it. Don't knock it untill you try it. Then, I'll respect your opinion.
