Aging guy depression...Anyone else go through this?

[FantasySharer1]

I am 58 and lately, my age has really been weighing on me, because it had struck me that I am a little too close to 60 for comfort. I know that nowadays, if you have good health and take care of your body, been in your 60s is not that much of a limitation, physically, but...
Well, first of all, being in your 60s leads to being in your 70s, and that thought fills me with dread, terror, and depression. But putting that aside for now, I think the depression I'm experiencing has more to do with the sense that at my age there are no more accomplishments to be made, no more goals to strive for--in the sense that none of it would matter since I'm approaching old age. When you're young, time doesn't seem to move, and you are excitedly motivated to achieve or experience this, that and the other. Well, at my age I pretty much already have, and I feel like there's just no point in trying to achieve anything because, as it has been said, it all ends in death.
Do these feelings sound familiar to anyone out there?

Tak to a doctor, consider testosterone therapy. The few men of your age I know who are doing it - it's like they are younger than me and I'm in my 30s. It's not just the muscle and fitness, it's their entire outlook on life. It's amazing and honestly beautiful to see.

 

[nicechat]

Live every day as though it's your last - and hope like hell that it isn't.

At 63 I was given a month or so to live. So far I've managed to stretch that month into more than 13 years.

Good on you !! I wish you well for many more.

 

[ace195008]

Tak to a doctor, consider testosterone therapy. The few men of your age I know who are doing it - it's like they are younger than me and I'm in my 30s. It's not just the muscle and fitness, it's their entire outlook on life. It's amazing and honestly beautiful to see.

I am doing testosterone therapy, had Prostate Cancer, cured , but Testosterone didn’t come back, neither did my little friend ‘George’. So I take shots ever 2 weeks, I feel a lot better for sure working on the sex part.

 

[ImiGirrst]

I am totally alone and invisible to everyone.

You sound like my cousin

 

[ImiGirrst]

Well, first of all, being in your 60s leads to being in your 70s, and that thought fills me with dread, terror, and depression. But putting that aside for now, I think the depression I'm experiencing has more to do with the sense that at my age there are no more accomplishments to be made, no more goals to strive for--in the sense that none of it would matter since I'm approaching old age.

A lot of great information in this thread. I hope my comment is additive...
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Two thoughts come to mind. Happiness is a journey. Many of us get so focused at an accomplishment, we forget that when we obtain that accomplishment, it's momentary. The journey to that accomplishment is 95% of the time. So shouldn't we enjoy or get as much fulfillment out of traveling there as we get from crossing the finish line? If we change how we look at moving toward an accomplishment, then getting across the finish line isn't that big of a deal. If we get to 55%, we did better than average. If we get to 75%, it's most of the way - that in itself is an accomplishment. So consider reframing how you definite success and fulfillment.
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The other thought is the Serenity Prayer. Sure, we tend to think of it as something for 12 step programs, but I think it is applicable whenever we are dealing with being stuck. If we have serenity to accept what we can't change, then we can accept our aging process. If we have the courage to change what we can, then we can do so many of the suggestions that have been mentioned on this thread. And wisdom? Well, I don't know about anyone else, but I always seek wisdom, because it is difficult to know the difference between what we can change and what we can't. Obtaining wisdom is a journey in itself.

 

[Hipshot1554]

I am 58 and lately, my age has really been weighing on me, because it had struck me that I am a little too close to 60 for comfort. I know that nowadays, if you have good health and take care of your body, been in your 60s is not that much of a limitation, physically, but...
Well, first of all, being in your 60s leads to being in your 70s, and that thought fills me with dread, terror, and depression. But putting that aside for now, I think the depression I'm experiencing has more to do with the sense that at my age there are no more accomplishments to be made, no more goals to strive for--in the sense that none of it would matter since I'm approaching old age. When you're young, time doesn't seem to move, and you are excitedly motivated to achieve or experience this, that and the other. Well, at my age I pretty much already have, and I feel like there's just no point in trying to achieve anything because, as it has been said, it all ends in death.
Do these feelings sound familiar to anyone out there?

As long as you have your health you can enjoy life. You have life experience you can contribute. Volunteer for something. Teach the younger ones things that you know how to do. If you are at all handy join Habitat for Humanity. If you just sit around you will be old, bored, and miserable.

 

[Rockymtnman]

Sorry you’re going through this. But, keep up the good fight. See a therapist, your doctor, talk to friends and family. or us.

 

[Windman1]

At 63 I certainly feel the affects of my age and how I lived my younger years being adventurous and taking risk. And while my body isn’t up for what it once was, I redefine what my challenges are these days. I find that in taking care of myself I am still able to be active and enjoy life and embrace my limitations. My wife has aged too and her capabilities and interests have changed too. She no longer is interested in sex or intimacy so rather than resenting her for that I have shifted my sexual interests. There are adjustments to be made for sure, it’s not reasonable to think things don’t change with age. Every season of life has both it’s challenges and rewards.

 

[eomerson]

Yep. Knees and hips hurting after 60 years. It sucks to have to slow down sometimes but the alternative is no fun. I am 60 but I dont feel like I am. If you have depression, see a doctor. Really, you will miss too much if you do not treat it! Good luck!

 

[GHFinSTL]

I can relate to Chili Dip. I've traveled the world over and over, so no desire to do that like other old people. I have ascended to the highest levels of my profession, so nothing left to prove, I've been with more women than I can count, again so nothing left to prove, though I might have ruined myself there a bit, as my expectations now exceed my abilities to find what I'm looking for. I have a wealth of knowledge on some subjects, but I'm not going back to start a new career at my age (should have been a doctor, if I could do it over). There isn't much mystery left in the world for me. I guess my next step is to teach. I've made some inquirers into being a professor. I suppose that's what you do towards the end, pass on your knowledge and experiences to others. Any young ladies in need of an older, wiser, experienced, mid-50s professor type?

 

[KayakJack]

I am 58 and lately, my age has really been weighing on me, because it had struck me that I am a little too close to 60 for comfort. I know that nowadays, if you have good health and take care of your body, been in your 60s is not that much of a limitation, physically, but...
Well, first of all, being in your 60s leads to being in your 70s, and that thought fills me with dread, terror, and depression. But putting that aside for now, I think the depression I'm experiencing has more to do with the sense that at my age there are no more accomplishments to be made, no more goals to strive for--in the sense that none of it would matter since I'm approaching old age. When you're young, time doesn't seem to move, and you are excitedly motivated to achieve or experience this, that and the other. Well, at my age I pretty much already have, and I feel like there's just no point in trying to achieve anything because, as it has been said, it all ends in death.
Do these feelings sound familiar to anyone out there

I am 58 and lately, my age has really been weighing on me, because it had struck me that I am a little too close to 60 for comfort. I know that nowadays, if you have good health and take care of your body, been in your 60s is not that much of a limitation, physically, but...
Well, first of all, being in your 60s leads to being in your 70s, and that thought fills me with dread, terror, and depression. But putting that aside for now, I think the depression I'm experiencing has more to do with the sense that at my age there are no more accomplishments to be made, no more goals to strive for--in the sense that none of it would matter since I'm approaching old age. When you're young, time doesn't seem to move, and you are excitedly motivated to achieve or experience this, that and the other. Well, at my age I pretty much already have, and I feel like there's just no point in trying to achieve anything because, as it has been said, it all ends in death.
Do these feelings sound familiar to anyone out there?

This. I'm 59 and suddenly feeling lost. I've been experiencing various health issues, one of which is a progressive spine ailment, which limits my ability to do things I love (hiking, backpacking, kayaking...sex). Trying to stay positive, however at times I find it hard not to get down.

 

[Intrigued42]

You list your ailment and the issues that limit your activities, however: sometimes it is a matter of working through the pain and/or more exercise or physical therapy. I will be 71 next month. I broke my leg last spring. Doc said 3 months until mobile and 1 year until back to full activity. I danced at a niece's wedding exactly 3 months after the break. I have been hiking in the woods at least 1-1/2 miles each day and walking about 5 miles/day, since. Positive self-talk. Attitude. Work through the issues but if you need help from professionals, do seek them out. Each of us is unique but family, friends and positive, can-do self-talk are important!

 

[TrailerHitch]

Just turned 65, been retired for 11 years, Medicare just began. I don't wake up everyday wondering if today is my last. I live my life doing the things I need to and the things I want to. Am I ignoring the fact that as I get older the chances of dying increase? No, I am not. But let's be honest what benefit is there to contemplate your own death everyday? It will happen, and I am not afraid of death so why dwell on it?

 

[Deleted member 6666935]

I hope most of you are on the 50-Plus thread I started, but in case you aren’t…

A little over a year ago as I was approaching 60, my wife finally convinced me to get therapy. Truth to be told, I probably should have started it a long time ago. I did go to one person for a few sessions after my dad passed away (about 14 years ago) but it wasn’t a great fit for me, and I didn’t look for a different one. Then about six years ago, I had an aneurysm burst in my head that I didn’t seek medical attention for until 24 hours later, and was immediately run to surgery to get it fixed with a two week hospital stay and four weeks at home recovering with no lasting effects (the survival odds are 50% if you seek immediate treatment, this is what killed my dad), and I probably should have started after that too. But I didn’t. So I started seeing an online therapist, and last Christmas I started taking medication that, it turned out, was causing me difficulty orgasming, but I didn’t realize that for a while. Then I got appendicitis out of the blue, went to urgent care immediately, they sent me it the hospital and after the surgery I was told my appendix was literally falling apart as they removed it… if I’d come in a hour later it would’ve burst.

So still getting therapy, had my med change and it’s not quite working for me yet, and I’ve had some dark times the last few weeks as a result.

Not only that, but I keep getting the feeling that my luck can’t last… if something else major happens, I don’t know if I’ll be able to survive it (and honestly I’ll be amazed if I see 70… I’m turning 61 on the ninth).

So I get it… I already feel like my life has been largely wasted. I haven’t accomplished anything I wanted to accomplish, I’ve had to change careers so many times it’s not even funny, and now I already know I’ll have to do it again in a year or so (I earned a teaching degree but I can only find work as a substitute which doesn’t pay enough and has no benefits, this is my third year as a sub). I don’t even know for sure what else I can get that will pay better as it is. It sucks. Plus I have no ability to retire, either… I just have to keep working until I drop or win the lottery.

I get it, it sucks. I get depressed about it daily. You’re not alone, obviously.

 

[HordHolm]

I am 58 and lately, my age has really been weighing on me, because it had struck me that I am a little too close to 60 for comfort. I know that nowadays, if you have good health and take care of your body, been in your 60s is not that much of a limitation, physically, but...
Well, first of all, being in your 60s leads to being in your 70s, and that thought fills me with dread, terror, and depression. But putting that aside for now, I think the depression I'm experiencing has more to do with the sense that at my age there are no more accomplishments to be made, no more goals to strive for--in the sense that none of it would matter since I'm approaching old age. When you're young, time doesn't seem to move, and you are excitedly motivated to achieve or experience this, that and the other. Well, at my age I pretty much already have, and I feel like there's just no point in trying to achieve anything because, as it has been said, it all ends in death.
Do these feelings sound familiar to anyone out there?

Apologies, your post is quite old and I don't want to necessarily reopen anything that may have gone past, but...

I understand your feelings. I'm 55 and looked at one way, all the best bits have gone by: I won't become an international playboy or man of mystery, and I won't get to own my own castle. So in that respect my life won't be the fantasy I hoped when I was younger.

But then, on the other hand, I take comfort from:

I'm comfortable in my own skin, and I know myself better every day
Age need not defeat creativity
There are actually younger people out there who look to me (me! the crazy party animal who raved the night away in the 80s doing stuff I can't repeat here!!) for wisdom, advice and knowledge
There are achievements and accomplishments for everyone despite age - they only disappear if you surrender to it and let them vanish
Lastly, yes death is coming, but life is here and now

Good luck, and I hope you've managed to find comfort and some joie de vivre.

 

[live4thebj]

Currently 49. I don’t fuck like I used to. I don’t last as long as I used to. I don’t get as much pussy and mouth like I used to. I am getting reseeding hairline. Hair is thinning. Constantly debating if I want to buzz it as close as Jason Statham. I am not as handsome as I once was. I am not many things. But I am okay with that. I look at what I have and achieved. I done many things wrong and still trying to prevent from doing them again. But I accept I am getting older and in the category of old and by the views of some ladies DILF. I am okay with that. I used to be the ones fucking MILFS.

In short can’t stop the clock nor turn it back. I just focus forward and plan what else what I want to do while my heart continues to beat.

 

[Abbafan]

A little bit.

Especially when someone dies that I admired. When someone like George Romero goes, it's a reminder of the finality of death and that my own time isn't all that far off.

I try not to think about it, though. I don't believe in any organized religion and think most likely when you die, it's over. (I'm not as sure about it as a lot of atheists though. Guess I hold out a little hope.). I'm not one of those non believers who isn't bothered at the thought of dying.

Yeah, it'll be like before you were born, I guess. Nothingness.

But before I was born, I didn't know that death was coming. Now that I'm alive, I do.

 

[dingdongditchding]

Been there done that, it’s called prostate cancer, no fun. I had 44 radiation treatments , 2 yrs of Lupron, removes all you testosterone and if your lucky it comes, mine came back at 59 instead over over 300.

old and wore out. No one has ANY interest in me. Misfit, louiser, outcast

 

[TrailerHitch]

Honestly, the hardest part of getting older for me has been the loneliness. Yes, I have my wife, and we have some casual friends that we go out to dinner with. But I have no true friends like I had before we moved from the Midwest to Tennessee. No body to have a beer with, go shooting with, help work on the car, his or mine, or big projects around the house, his or mine. It gets me down at times but I guess this is my life now.

 

[Michael_Keaton]

I am 58 and lately, my age has really been weighing on me, because it had struck me that I am a little too close to 60 for comfort. I know that nowadays, if you have good health and take care of your body, been in your 60s is not that much of a limitation, physically, but...
Well, first of all, being in your 60s leads to being in your 70s, and that thought fills me with dread, terror, and depression. But putting that aside for now, I think the depression I'm experiencing has more to do with the sense that at my age there are no more accomplishments to be made, no more goals to strive for--in the sense that none of it would matter since I'm approaching old age. When you're young, time doesn't seem to move, and you are excitedly motivated to achieve or experience this, that and the other. Well, at my age I pretty much already have, and I feel like there's just no point in trying to achieve anything because, as it has been said, it all ends in death.
Do these feelings sound familiar to anyone out there?

This thread is over two years old so the OP may not still be on Lit - that happens, people come and go - but whether he is or not I'd like to say something that may (or may not) help others.

I'm 77, looking hard at 78 in a few months. When I think about that I then think that my actuarial life expectancy is now ~85 so I've got at least seven years left. I can get a lot done in seven years! Yes, I've got some ED going on and I miss my sex life. There's still a little going on there but it's sure not like it used to be! I've got some kidney function decline but I watch my diet and BP and my doctor has told me that I've probably got another 20 years before I'm looking at dialysis and I'm planning to be hit by a bus by then anyway. No, I can't play shortstop any more but I've been involved with local HS athletics for 40 years so I have something to do. They can't fire me... I'm a volunteer! I'm blessed that I can still get outside and be active, which keeps my mind off what's wrong with my life and in spite of what I've written here I DO have things wrong with my life. When I start to think about them I think about the last words of the Serenity Prayer, "...and the wisdom to know the difference". I can't do anything about most of them so I remember what Tom Peddy sang, "Most of the things I worry about never happen anyway".

I've done some reading about aging and everything I've read says that everyone needs two things - a purpose and friends. Those things can go together. I strongly encourage anyone who's feeling lonely and unhappy (not confused with depressed, that's another thing all together) to find a purpose. You may not be able to find a job that pays much - or anything - but that -"job" will give you a purpose and in getting that purpose you will make friends. It's a two-for!

Don't give up. Life is worth living. And remember the old saying, "Even God only helps those who help themselves".

I hope I haven't offended anyone with my post. I realize that I'm speaking from my own experiences and everyone's experiences are different. I've read many of the posts in this thread and many of them come from unhappy people. If anyone... or more than one... reads this, takes it to heart and becomes happier my post has been worthwhile.

 

[RightField]

This is a good thread to resurrect. Sometimes it's not health or haunting dreams, it's simple boredom. A change of scenery might be good medicine with many new activities to entertain. My daughter, a young person, was feeling bored and decided that she was going to get a pilot's license. She says it's the best thing she's ever done. Next week, we're going to fly the coast.

 

[Simon_Masters]

I haven't read all the posts, I think we are all suffering to some extent, it was nothing to do with reaching the big 6-0, I've suffered MH problems, pretty much all my adult life, I'm autistic and have ADHD, i can swing either way, when I'm depressed, it tends to be autism, when I'm manic, it's the ADHD.
The anti-depressants have pretty much killed my libido, it's all pretty rubbish really.

 

[Sgts19]

Reading this sure makes me feel old I'm 70! How the hell did I get to be 70? I probably do more than people years younger. Walk my dog 4-5 miles pretty much every day, play 18 then hit the gym, plus my wife loves sex so thats 3 maybe 4 times a week. No can't race anymore or run can't winter climb with an ice axe basically can't do a lot of crazy shit I shouldn't be doing at any age. What gets me is my friends passing away! I feel more for them than worry about my age plus the older you get the better you were.

Don't act your age! Do crazy shit! Say what you want to go out in a ball of fire

 

[jay49in25]

I seem to be on the cusp of this and I'm only just about 50. I feel stuck in every part of life. My marriage isn't what I thought it was going to be, I have no room for advancement at work (yet I like what I do), I never had a big sex life...so many fantasies that will never get fulfilled. I'm in good health but I'm not close to being healthy if that makes sense. I think it won't be long until some issues develop due to my lifestyle choices.

I refuse to talk the wife, because in all my years of marriage...talking has never ever helped the situation and I really don't want to expound the energy to go another round.

I like my job and rather than move into an entirely new field at this age I'll take what I'm paid and where I am and stay here.

I'm in an ultra small town -everyone knows everybody else...literally - so there'll be no in person affair with anyone...I never travel without my wife.

If I go to therapy I know my wife will look at it as if it's all on her and then that brings up stuff that doesn't need said and I would cycle directly back to point A.

So I keep my head down, live each day for itself, take whatever win I can find and move along. The what if's hit me at night, especially if I get lost in music. It feels good to feel bad sometimes, you just gotta shake it off with everything else because dwelling on things that are in the past, that you have no control over won't do you any good.

I am reminded that with each choice I made in life I constructed this cage I live in. Just like in "Hotel California" we are all just prisoners here of our own device.

As gloomy as all that may sound I try to remain positive and optimistic. I have a pleasant demeanor although these thoughts lie just beneath the surface.

 

[hugh_jarce69]

I seem to be on the cusp of this and I'm only just about 50. I feel stuck in every part of life. My marriage isn't what I thought it was going to be, I have no room for advancement at work (yet I like what I do), I never had a big sex life...so many fantasies that will never get fulfilled. I'm in good health but I'm not close to being healthy if that makes sense. I think it won't be long until some issues develop due to my lifestyle choices.

I refuse to talk the wife, because in all my years of marriage...talking has never ever helped the situation and I really don't want to expound the energy to go another round.

I like my job and rather than move into an entirely new field at this age I'll take what I'm paid and where I am and stay here.

I'm in an ultra small town -everyone knows everybody else...literally - so there'll be no in person affair with anyone...I never travel without my wife.

If I go to therapy I know my wife will look at it as if it's all on her and then that brings up stuff that doesn't need said and I would cycle directly back to point A.

So I keep my head down, live each day for itself, take whatever win I can find and move along. The what if's hit me at night, especially if I get lost in music. It feels good to feel bad sometimes, you just gotta shake it off with everything else because dwelling on things that are in the past, that you have no control over won't do you any good.

I am reminded that with each choice I made in life I constructed this cage I live in. Just like in "Hotel California" we are all just prisoners here of our own device.

As gloomy as all that may sound I try to remain positive and optimistic. I have a pleasant demeanor although these thoughts lie just beneath the surface.

Mate, I’m sending you a virtual hug . I don’t have the answers, I just have empathy & a willingness to listen.
When I turned 50 I was really down. It seemed so old. But I’ve just gone past the age my Dad was when he died & he looked way older than I do.
Now I look at it that I still run up & down stairs, I ride a bike, I jump about on stage in the band I’m in. It took me till my late forties to finally take the plunge & join a band. I’d dreamed about it since I was a teenager but never quite had the courage to do anything about it.
Maybe there are some new hobbies you could try? Perhaps you’re doing the right thing by coming on here & looking for people to chat to.
I’m in a sexless marriage too & I could never tell my wife what I’m doing on here. I guess I’m just looking for a release for my dreams & fantasies. I’m probably more comfortable with being me than I was years ago & maybe I’ve stopped chasing things.
At least you’re thinking positively & as you’ve found out there’s quite a few of us about. Don’t think there is a magic bullet & if there is I don’t have it for you. But I just wanted to say I read your post & wish you the best in finding a solution