Ages?

Arianna22

Experienced
Joined
Nov 26, 2006
Posts
61
I dont know if this is posted in the right area of not, so I apologise if its in the wrong place.

I'm curious and really hope I dont offend anyone by asking this.... but how old are people?

The reason i ask is a lot of people on this site (or in BDSM generally that I've read comments by) seem to have children, that in some cases seem quite old/ grown up. Also many people seem to have been married or in previous long term relationships.... so... I was wondering....

If people know that they have kinks when they are young (when they are children, I think this was mentioned on a previous thread) how come it can take so long (or not maybe if people are younger than I think) to 'come out' (for want of a better phrase) or accept that their kinks are acceptable (which was the case for me about 4 years ago).

For example: I'm 28 (today actually! Yeay!) and knew that I liked 'being tied up' when I was small. But it wasnt till 4/5 years ago that i began to realise it was 'acceptable'.

Have other people experienced this? Or taken years to become aware? Or introduced to it?

Hmm... sorry this has turned into a bit of a ramble!
 
I used to live in a very conservative rural area of New Zealand. I got married at 19 to my first sexual partner and stayed that way for 23 years. I had always had fantasies of being tied up and controlled since I was a child. However the place I lived in was too staid and "normal" for me to do anything about that, or my bi-curiosity.

I met my Master Gil_T2 on Lit. He introduced me to BDSM. That was in 2003....in early 2004 I moved to live with Him. We got married in December last year. :)

I have always had a submissive nature, which became a curse when I was married to my first controlling domineering husband :rolleyes: It took me a long time to get up the courage to leave him. In the last 5 years I have been exploring my sexuality and now know that I'm definitely bi, and I've found my place as Master's sub to be very rewarding (and pleasurable ;) ).

BTW I am 48 years old :)
 
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I'm 35 (divorced, mother a zillion times over, etc). I knew I enjoyed the idea of certain things from a young age (but not to what extent); however, I wasn't raised in a very umm... alternative sexuality friendly world. ;) Ya know- the kind of universe where the guilt over having sex ONCE while engaged but not yet married ran through my head as I was considering calling the whole thing off, and tipped the scales toward marriage kind of place. LOL

When I hit 30 I started making a lot of changes in my Life; accepting all parts of me was one of them. :) It would have been loverly if I'd had the understanding at 18 than I had at 30, but I didn't.

Having said that, I do know people who were raised in more accepting environments than most (usually with kink friendly parents), who did start their BDSM exploration pretty much the first second they found a willing partner. (well under the age of 18 ;) )
 
Well, I come from a very strict Baptist upbringing and also a very abusive family including sexual abuse. It took years for me to enjoy sex at all. I went from this to being involved with different groups including uber FemiNazi man-bashing types and also a lot of therapy thrown in. I'm 37 and finally have come to accept myself for who I am and not let others rule my thoughts. Unfortunately, I didn't come to realize how D/s I am until after my marriage to a very vanilla man who finds BDSM disgusting and those who practice it are if not crazy then at least "slightly off." I love him dearly and am still in the closet but slowly working on this.

We all work with what has been handed to us. I think it is wonderful if people can come to know their sexual needs and desires at a young age. I don't regret not being aware of these things when I was younger. There were a lot of other issues to get through first and if I didn't do that then I think I would still be attracting abusive assholes in my life. As long as we aren't stagnant and keep learning and growing then its all good no matter where you start from.

Thanks for starting and interesting thread BTW. ;)

Ivy :rose:
 
I'm 49 and F is 40....for the most part he has been actively into D/s since his 20's...I on the other hand had fantasies about D/s and SM type things from a very early age (something like 5 or 6), but grew up in a very conservative family, was fairly much a loner in my teenage years because my conservative friends I formed during school years were not too keen on the idea i was happy to explore my sexuality once out in the working world...it just became easier to go out alone, keep my private life sort of private. Even though I was more sexually experimental than most in my age group in those younger years, BDSM was not something that was talked about as openly as it is now, so it took me quite awhile to find that things such as bondage and the escapades in the Story of O etc., were more than just fiction for some people.

I had played around with some partners in light bondage, handcuffs, but basically they were also stuck in mainstreamville, so nothing else eventuated. I married, had 2 children, divorced, and began a long journey of self discovery and eventually found the world of D/s. Once I found it was something which was more than just fantasy material, I set out to find a life partner who shared my vision. I was fortunate to be found by F, and as the saying goes, the rest is history. :cathappy:

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/222/508336074_df3eed5e30_t.jpg Catalina
 
*laugh* Thanks for answering everyone, and thanks for the Happy Birthday Cat, although so far today I've spent the day doing statistics, which i hate!
 
This is an interesting thread.

I'm 27 myself and have been actively involved in kink for about 4 years. I do think that the access my generation has had to the internet and forums like this one has made as much of a difference as sexual liberation offline has. Like others, I knew that I had sub tendencies from a young age but took a while to translate them into a sexual desire once I got past puberty. Some of my sub quirks and pleasures go against my generally pro-feminism outlook but I've reconciled myself to the fact that I can enjoy what the hell I and my Sir like as long as it oppresses no woman else.

I think it's a testament to Lit that men and women of all ages and persuasions can find common ground here, especially those who still live in conservative communities.

Btw I've been with my Sir for 9 months and he's my third kinky partner and second long term kinky relationship. I'm his first sub girlfriend but he's gaining knowledge and confidence fast and is a natural. He's 23. Currently we're in a LTR but we're very much in love and looking towards co-habiting before too long.
 
Re: Ages

I'm in my 50s, married once, no children. Unlike many, I knew that I was kinky when I was a child, but I didn't explore it until the age of 19-20. I actually did not believe there were others out there like me. I mostly went to pro-dommes who cater to people's fantasies. I figured that was all it was -- a fantasy for some. I married at 28 and my wife knew about it. She tried to play, but I guess her heart wasn't into it. Divorced after a few years. When the Internet came along, jumped in with both feet. It was like everything opened up and made sense to me. I've now been involved in a local community for ten years, but still am single. I had a submissive G/F for a while, but things didn't work out. I am mainly a sub myself, but have found that I can switch with certain people.
 
Again, thanks for replies... its interesting to see where everyone came from, and how this came into their life.

For me sex was an open discussion aspect of growing up. Any queries I had or things I wanted to talk about I could with my mum. Except my kink. That I didnt mention at all... until in the last 6 months.... when she found a book I had lying around.

Surprisingly, I can talk to her about pretty much anything, except this. She gets very jumpy when I talk about it and worries that 'I'll be hurt' or 'get yourself into dangerous situations'... but at least I could always be relatively open.

*grin* i always thought I was 'really old' to be realising what I liked too.... seems that I'm not too old to discover what I like.
 
LOL, you're never too old to learn something new...problem is there are too many people out there who think there is a cut off age for learning and developing new ideas. I love seeing the stories on the news of men and women in their 70's-90's getting the university degree they longed for and could never do before now....gives one hope that anything is possible if you put your heart and soul into it. :cathappy:

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/216/508066186_f1c4d019d0_t.jpg Catalina
 
at 19, im one of the young ones on lit. i started activly exploring D/s with A when i was 17 (hes 21 btw). i had fantazised about it since i was around 6, acting on my masochistic side more then a few times while masturbating while growing up.
 
Great thread!

I have known of my desires since I was 16 and fantasized about running my nails down a lover's back hard enough to draw blood. (Looking back, tying my little sis up to the bed and threatening her with a bullwhip at the age of 10 was probably the first indication.) Over the years, I did explore light BDSM with various partners, but it was always in a very informal way.

I never felt ashamed of my desires - my sis and I have talked about this - one gift our mother gave us was a lack of shame around sex. And I've always had one or two male friends who were into the gay male leather scene (alas, not until recently did I have any kinky women friends). However, until I broke up with my most recent ex (14 years) and started dating again, I'd never had a partner whose inclination/desire was as strong as mine. (I started dating again about 2 years ago in my late 40s.)

Before I got H, I began exploring with a woman I was dating - she was also switch and had a fair amount of experience as a sub but it ended when I got H because I couldn't, just couldn't risk giving it to her. Then during my temporary break-up with my current SO, I started seeing a bi man with whom I pretty much jumped into the deep end of the BDSM pool feet first. Neither of us felt the need to start with a wade in the shallow end. (Although in retrospect, I'd been "wading" in one way or the other my whole adult life.)

I think that I didn't "jump in" until my late 40s not because of a lack of interest or any sense of shame, but because I never had partners with whom to fully explore my desires until recently.

:rose: Neon
 
23 here.

I've always been an alpha male. "Natural leader" so when it came to learning about sex... I just took charge.... and I liked it. A lot.

With that being said I haven't really been able to take it much further than rough sex as at my age... most women don't know *what* they are into.

I started this journey about 8-9 years ago by the way, a bit of an early bloomer... then again about everything I've done is 5.5 years ahead of it's time (My older brother is.... 5.5 years older than me :rolleyes: )

So yeah... owning to the fact that I don't care much for casual sex (and this can't really be all that casual. :p ) I haven't been able to be as involved as I want to be.

We'll see how a relationship I'm considering stepping into works out.
 
To neonflux: Ohhh.... thank you!!! Thats lovely!! (I would hug you but since I dont know you, I'll hug you with apologies in case! *hug* Sorry if thats a bit forward!)

*smile* only a few hours more of stats and the being taken out for Birthday meal with the bf... and then hes said I may also get a treat *grin* I can hope!
 
I have "known" of my desires since I was in at least 5th grade. I thought they were sick or wrong. I continued to think that and wish I were more healthy until just a few years ago.

Currently at 46, I have two teen kids. This is my second marriage. We've been together 18 years or so altogether.

I envy teens who know what turns them on is ok from the get go. I think the internet has helped them in that regard.

My kids can talk to me about anything and hopefully will be able to follow their desires far sooner than I did.

I haven't given them the you can only have sex after you are married and/or you'll know when it's right line which I think has lead so some very bad decisions for quite a few people including myself.

Fury :rose:
 
FurryFury said:
I have "known" of my desires since I was in at least 5th grade. I thought they were sick or wrong. I continued to think that and wish I were more healthy until just a few years ago.

Currently at 46, I have two teen kids. This is my second marriage. We've been together 18 years or so altogether.

I envy teens who know what turns them on is ok from the get go. I think the internet has helped them in that regard.

My kids can talk to me about anything and hopefully will be able to follow their desires far sooner than I did.

I haven't given them the you can only have sex after you are married and/or you'll know when it's right line which I think has lead so some very bad decisions for quite a few people including myself.

Fury :rose:

I work in the field of sexuality education and sexual health in "progressive" San Francisco, and even here, you would be a rarity. Your children are so blessed. What a stupendous gift you have given them!

:rose: :heart: :rose:
 
neonflux said:
I work in the field of sexuality education and sexual health in "progressive" San Francisco, and even here, you would be a rarity. Your children are so blessed. What a stupendous gift you have given them!

:rose: :heart: :rose:

*blushes*

Thanks.

I just think each generation should try to learn from mistakes and success and do better with/for their children.

Fury :rose:
 
Fury:
I can say,from the chats with my mum, that such openness with children is unusual.

I am very open with close friends too and my best friend thinks that the openness me and my mum have is scary. I talk to her (my mum) about most of my sex life (with some bits excluded as I've previously said) but also two years ago when i found out I was accidentally pregnant she was the first person I called... not my then partner. She was also the one at my side when I was in hospital with a miscarriage.

I think that your children are very very lucky to have that, I know I am.
 
i'm 25. Have always known that i liked non conventional sex..was tied up by my first boyfriend at 15..but didn't really get heavy into BDSM untill a few years ago.
 
fury, you kind of remind me of my mother ( i think i may have told you this before). i never got fed the lines eiher, and while she wonders abuot my descision to be in a BDSM relationship, she (and my father) knows and supports me. not that they can realy complain... the apple doesnt fall far from the tree in the BDSM case...
 
First, Happy Birthday!!!

Second, I am 22, raised church of christ in a very small Alabama town. Until I was 20, I never experimented with sex in any form. Then I met the man who has helped me explore every area of my sexuality, especially bisexuality and bdsm. I'm still not very experienced, but my mind is definately open.
 
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