Advice / Ideas for when I tie up my gf

[james2003]

Hi there - my gf & I are talking about tying each other up. We've each done it before, but before we met, and many years ago. I was hoping to pick the group brain for some great ideas of things to do for/with/to her. I'd like to give her a lot of attention and spend a lot of time making sure she has fun. Thanks for any ideas!
- James

 

[Lust Engine]

I guess my suggestion would be to use silk ties or something that might not cut off the circulation. Have cues or pass words that mean NO. It seems as though the both of you have some experience with light bondage so why not discuss them as a couple? Pick her brain... she might have some pretty good ideas too.

Good luck & have a load of fun with it.

 

[james2003]

We'll definitely have safety words - no question about that. It's just a sexy thing for us, not a domination thing. Anyhow I'd just heard good things about ice cubes, feathers, etc. but had never tried any on someone who was tied up, and was wondering about good ideas like that. Also what are some good ideas for her to do when I'm tied up, besides the "obvious" Thanks!
- James

 

[DuckLover]

teasing

Teasing was a key for us! You both KNOW about the "obvious" and expect it to happen, but it doesn't, and doesn't, and comes CLOSE, but doesn't!

It's a great opportunity to explore your partner's body; find out what she likes. You already know the primary erogenous zones (genitals, inner thighs, etc) but seek out others. Earlobe? Nipples? Inner arm? Back of knee? If she's tied up, she can't force the action towards climax, so you have time and opportunity to explore more fully.

Ice and feathers can be fun ways to explore also. We had a lot of fun by putting small squirts of whipped cream on sensitive spots-- her inner wrist, inner elbow, armpit, collarbone, nipple, navel, clit, inner thigh, back of knee, and ankle. I then licked and sucked my way up and down her body. Arousing AND delicious!

 

[bigjacknyc]

this is NOT my idea and i've never done it - yet - but someone here was talking about how they blindfolded their partner and put headphones on. the headphones bit was pretty cool i think - assuming it's pretty sexy/soothing music.

 

[RazeByFire]

I'd suggest you buy a book on bondage. It's not just for seriously kinky people anymore. There are books for those with just a 'little' kinky side. Then you both read it and discuss what you might like such. I bought a book about bondage knots, not because I REALLY want to imobilize her completely, but to find the best knots. Silke ties are actually not such a good idea if you are... umm. rambunctious; For the same reason silk feel so good on skin- It's slippery. It doesn't bind well to itself, so it tends to slip into a tighter knot under tension.
BTW I like the IDEA of bondage because it involves so much more than just -in and out'. You HAVE to THINK about it. And that is just extended foreplay, in my book.

 

[Lust Engine]

Raze has a great idea! Get a book on the subject. Besides just the basic knots & restraints, they could have other suggestions as to other things. Who says that you couldn't restrain her to something other than bed posts? Heck you could play Around the World in your own home!

Excellent suggestion Razebyfire!

 

[Eric623]

Do a search for the Japanese bondage style called Shibari. It incorporates intricate rope work and knots. There are several web sites out there, I just don't have the links bookmarked.

 

[Hecate]

The "tying up" bit:
whatever you use - make sure (as has been mentioned above) that the knots don't involuntarily tighten under strain or movement - danger ere is a cut-off of blood circulation.

Apart from that you may want to reconsider rougher material - I take it you intend this to be an extended expereince and not a quicky, so the fibre has to be aggreeable to the skin and movement for a longer time (metal handcuffs can be damn uncomfortable after a while!)

Make sure yo uhave scissors at hand if you use any material that may "lock" on itself, ropes, nylons, even silk can be a bummer to get loose again if someone really has struggled in the bonds, and you want to be sure to have a "quick escape" should your mother in law consider dropping by!

What to do:
Blindfolds are fun - as long as your partner is not claustrophobic or has other impairments (is that a word) like limited hearing etc. so that is a point I'd discuss beforehand.

Question is whether you are after a "spoiling her" expereince only, or if you want a bit of power play thrown in. So the question is how much sensation is still sensation, and when is it pain?

Something that surprises many women and delights them (if not standard repertoire already) are nipple clamps .. now, that sounds ouchie BDSM stuff, but there are "nipple loops", that do not cause pain at all as they are freely adjustable, but will be causing a different sensation on her nipples while your hands can be busy elsewhere. Plus they are destinctly kinky jewelery to be held in fond memory of a nice event *winks*

If she is a person to keep her pubic hair shaved or trimmed, it might be a thought to do that service for her - while she has to completely trust you, being bound and all

Another fun thing could be to paint her body... make sure you have an old sheet on the bed for that, but cool water color pinted on the body with all sorts of diferent paint brushes is fun and gives nice sensation as it dries ...

Another intmate "action" is to handfeed her fruit or sweets while she is bound ( refrain from too much drinking if this is supposed to be lasting for a bit and you aren't into water sports*g*)

oh well, I'll leave it at that but there are unlimited options ... and then to think we haven't even touched on the power play and pain S/M aspects yet.....


Have fun and hey, tell us how it went *g*

 

[James G 5]

Safety note:

You can buy itens called "Trauma shears" at most medical supply stores
they're what paramedics use to cut stuff off you in an emergency
They're SUPER heavy duty & have special tips that can't cut, poke, or gouge
They will cut thru anything up to & including heavy wire & standard handcuff links (altho cutting thru links will be a 1 time thing & they will need to be replaced)
They're MUCH safer than a knife or razor or scissors if you need to get each other loose in a hurry

Play safe + play HAPPY

 

[Amfig]

If you are going to use rope: Cotton 3 strand cordage is best. But use nothing smaller than 3/8" diameter. 1/2" is better. Nylon would be a rather distant second. Sisal is no good, and jute is seldom available in sizes bigger than string. Polypropolene does not hold a knot well, too slick. Dacron/polyester is expensive, probably second only to cotton. Seldom available in anything but braid on braid or 12 strand, and scarce in larger diameters. Can be purchased from any good store (brick & mortar or online) that caters to the needs of rag sailors.

If you are proficient at plaiting (marlinspike work) you can plait 4 to 6 strands of 1/8" into a sinnett that works nicely. Cotton braid is all right for that and easily obtainable at a hardware store.

Simple knots that are easy to tie and untie, even when they are or have been under strain work best. A clove hitch around the wrist, or even 2 round turns and two half hitches will meet those requirements.

When it comes to rope and knots, ask a sailor.

 

[Lust Engine]

When it comes to rope and knots, ask a sailor.

Boyscouts would be jealous!

 

[ullr]

Definitely use blindfold...!

We'll definitely have safety words - no question about that. It's just a sexy thing for us, not a domination thing. Anyhow I'd just heard good things about ice cubes, feathers, etc. but had never tried any on someone who was tied up, and was wondering about good ideas like that. Also what are some good ideas for her to do when I'm tied up, besides the "obvious" Thanks!
- James

I'd definitely usse blindfolds--increases her uncertainty about what might happen! SUSPENSE is always good when it come to explosive orgasms. Then, I'd add loud music.

And incase you haven't considered it, how about recording the sound of several men's feet on the floor of your place! Then you can re-play it, and convince her that you let strangers in to watch you play and sweetly torture her! (Later, the truth can be revealed if you really fooled her!)

--Orson

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Are you going to tie her to herself or to something else?

If you're going to tie her to the bed but don't have a good headboard, you can use the frame. If you don't have a frame you can use the mattress handles which most mattresses have on the sides.

I myself like nylon rope, big, fluffy stuff, 5/8 diameter or so. I always keep one of her hands just lashed to the bed rather than tied with a knot. (Lashing means just wrapping it around her wrist and the headbaord 3 or 4 times.) Lashing's like a seatbelt catch. It holds against a sudden jerk but if you apply steady pressure it'll let go. So if I drop dead in the middle of the session she won't be stuck there.

Now: There are some people who get off on the actual tying process and who like to take their time and get everything perfect. Once they're done, I don't know whatthey do. Beat off or take a picture or something. Their partners are in no position for sex.

Others like the bondage aspect of it. This is really known as 'erotic restraint'. Once your partner is restrained what do you do? The best thing in my opinion is to pleasure her. Here's your chance to kiss her from head to foot, to spend, say, ten minutes on one nipple, to give her a tongue bath, to learn how to really kiss her mouth. Use your hands, use a feather, a piece of velvet or leather, and rub her all over. Use oil. Use a vibrator. Put a blindfold on her and let her guess what you're going to do.

For long slow teasing you might consider binding her to a chair too. That can be very sexy and stimulating.

Watch out for tying her standing with her hands higher than her head. Circulation problems.

Also, if you're going to have sex, it's almost always better if your untie her legs first. At least that's been my experience.


---dr.M.

 

[MissTaken]

The blindfold while being tied adds to the mystery and eroticism of the moment, in my experience.

Dripping an ice cube over her nipples, touching her and leaving her quietly, wondering where you are is very exciting, using toys is also fun. Teasing her mouth or pussy with your cock, then not allowing her to have it is fun as well. Popsicles and other food items can be used for sexual pleasure or simply feeding her grapes as she lies there is a nice touch.

A massage or lotioning of her your bodies can be nice as well.

Yes, I prefer nylon rope as the knots stay in place well. Scarves feel nice but the knots can slip and handcuffs are something I have nearly sworn off. They can cause nerve damage if too tight or if there is any struggle at all.

Have fun and enjoy.

 

[MR.GGG]

OK

First rule is be safe. I think we've covered most of that...soft rope, shears, defibrillators, etc...

Now for some fun!

Look up the spanking section in the GSpot thread - Try This and Report Back.
Head phones are great...Ride of the Valkyries is good...let it build up. She will suffer complete sensory deprivation except for her bum and Gspot. Her WORLD will revolve around what is happening between her legs and on her ass!!

This is something you build up to slowly. Gentle spanks with lots of caressing, clit rubbing, nipple pinching. Build up the frequency and severity s l o w l y.
Build to a frenzy. She'll be sucking air like a race horse and covered in a sheen of sweat. Back off. Go back to slow gentle caresses and slow clit rubs and then build up again.

Repeat until she can't take anymore... go just a little past that point and don't let her wimp out early. Watch her carefully though. If she's gagged you should have a hand signal for "more" "less" "Stop- I'm having a heart attack" Stuff like that.

If you have a muscle stimulator machine (EMS exerciser) put two pads on the inside of her thighs and set the muscle pulse to coincide with your GSpot thrusts. Vary the intensity of that too so she doesn't know what to expect on the next cycle.

She will CUM for as long as you want her to. She will be unable to differentiate between spanks, muscle contractions and GSpot orgasms. They will all flow into one huge pulsing molten supernovagasmS (thanks Don) !!

For those too lazy to go looking ...

OTK
****

I posted a couple of things in the TRY THIS AND REPORT BACK (the G - Spot Technique) thread. Like this one...

For anybody who has tried the GSpot technique and found that it works AND likes a spanking now and then - COMBINE the TWO.

A good OTK and every 10 swats or so give her two to five rapid G-Gasms and then 10 swats. Alternate that back and forth. Keep it rapid and frenzied, pull her hair, lock only one leg down so she can kick the other around, keep one arm firmly over the small of her back so she feels (and IS ) trapped and can't get away. MAKE her submit just a little longer than she wants to. She'll be screaming and begging you to stop. Don't. Part of the thrill for her is NOT knowing if you'll just keep going until she goes completely nutz or passes out from the intensity. I don't think most women can continue this for more than two or three minutes once they start having G-Gasms. It is just too intense. The spanking combines the kinkiness and submission AND the GSpot orgasms can be administered almost like spanks..."WHAT did you call me? OK - That's TEN more!!" At that point in time she won't be able to tell the difference anyway! It is awesome.

Afterwards reward her with a COLD cold cream bum rub. Aloe Vera based
body lotions are great. Put it in the fridge for a while first. When you start spreading the COLD cream over her red cheeks she'll melt. Keep her in that position and spread her thighs apart. Suck her clit (try not to drown) to a nice soft orgasm while she's still face down and your hands are still rubbing the cold cream across her steaming cheeks. She'll more than melt. She'll buy you a car. About a week after you do that for the first time take her out to dinner. Just as the main course is arriving remind her of the Spankings - G-Gasms night and tell her she's gonna get it even "worse" as soon as you get her ass home. By the time you are ready to leave she'll probably be too wet to get up. You'll have to fake a clutzy move and spill a glass of water in her lap so people won't see she was soaked BEFORE you spilled the glass of water.

Been there & actually dun dat.

Enjoy!!

 

[Ljbonobo]

have never done the whole tying up bit.....yet...

But from what my friends tell me honey is incredible b/c its harder to lick off, and just so darn delicioius.

 

[LadyGwenhevare]

For the tying up part all the sex toy shops sell these things I can't remember exactly what they call them - but we bought them

They are a set of straps that go under your top mattress at the top of the bed and at the bottom of the bed. They have those click together clamps. On both the top and bottom straps are traingle loops that the wrist and ankle cuffs attach too. The cuffs are lined with soft fuzzy material and are adjustable with velcro attachments. They are very comfortable to wear and easy to remove when you are finished. The person wearing them cannot get them off themselves however. Think the set was like $40 last year when we bought them.

We don't use them alot but I feel they have been worth every penny and we count our pennies here.

We have taken turns being tied up and tried lots of things. You should find out what idea about being tied up is the turn on -
The lack of control, just have to lie there and feel (no need to worry about touching or pleasing the other person) the thought of a bit of force a little rough, the unknown-what is he gonna do next-the teasing.

We have written little scenes for each other such as

In thirty minutes the big bad wolf is going to come upstairs and capture red riding hood and tie her up

The maiden princess is captured by the evil wizard and tied up in his lair. The prince will come rescue her but will be overcome by lust for her....

you get the idea - its so fun to play!!!!

Oh another fun one is the taste test - get flavored lube and put it on your penis, let her taste it if she guesses the flavor she gets a reward if not a suitable punishment. They have many different flavors - she could get lots of rewards or punishments.

 

[Gilly Bean]

The set LadyG was mentioning is made by Sports Cuffs, and sells at almost any adult novelty shop, and even at Spencer's, in some larger cities. The sets they sell rang from just cuffs, to cuffs and teathers (the straps that can go under mattresses, but can also be attached to rings in the wall, hooks, rings on cuffs and collers, etc), blindfolds, and all sorts of other fun things.

They are fairly inexpensive, as far as cuff sets go, because they are made from nylon and some cushy foam stuff, rather then leather.

The cuffs won't chaf, and the only time we've had a problem with our cuffs was when my husband wanted to test the strength of the ring anchored into our wall. When he did, the o-ring that hel the cuffs together came apart, but at the time, he had me completely in the air, tugging on my feet.

The ring was replacable with a quick stop at the local hardware store, however.

As a side note, the sensory deprivation is fantastic, but I would suggest waiting a time or two before trying that. Ease into things, find each other's comfort levels, and have fun.

Bondage can be as light or heavy as you want it, but keep in mind that both partners should enjoy it 100%.


Good Luck!

 

[sweetpea6518]

Did this one nite and was really cool. Tied up and blindfolded hubby. Turned off all noises. Burned some insense. Got my bag that I had prepared earlier. It contained feathers, a comb, velcro, cotton, lofa bar, ice, and whatever else I could find in the house that had different textures. Than I slowly rubbed every item over his entire body. He loved it. It was very sensual. Next time I will rub different food on different parts of my body and have him lick it off and see if he can guess what it is........

 

[DuckLover]

... from what my friends tell me honey is incredible b/c its harder to lick off, and just so darn delicioius.

Um, speaking from experience, I would be judiscious about using honey. Squirting a little on her while she's tied up (or not) and licking it off could be fine. However, honey does NOT make a good lube or food play, unlike whipped cream. Honey is very viscous (thick and sticky) and so doesn't slide well. ESPECIALLY is the man has body hair! <winces at memory>

And Hecate, thanks for the great suggestions!!! I can hardly wait to try some of them out!

 

[His Whimsicality]

I´m thinking of buying some rope mountain climbers use - good material or not?

 

[Amfig]

I´m thinking of buying some rope mountain climbers use - good material or not?

i would not. Climbing rope, like sailboat rope, is an engineered fiber for some very specific heavy duty applications. Climbing rope is rater expensive, like sailboat rope. Clibing rope tends to have a slightly slick cover-hence the fairly elaborate knots used in climbing.

For erotic restraint you don't need an engineered fiber like climbing or sailboat rope. You need soft, non-marring. Yacht grade manile, if you can find it, is quite good. Some jute and some hemp rope is soft enough. Cotton is good. Sisal is bad. Nylon is good, and the stretchiness will not matter as you are using short lengths. Polypropolene is too slick and does not knot well. Polyester is quite strong, but tends to be expensive. Mixed fiber cotton/polypropolene blends are often cheap qand some have enough cotton in them to hold knots well. Look in the hardware store for "sash cord."

If you are using a single strand to bind with, as opposed to multistrand applications, never use anything smaller than 3/8" diameter. Smaller stuff can cut skin and will usually produce rope burns, at the least.

You want to know from rope and knots, ask a sailor, I say.

 

[Amfig]

Boyscouts would be jealous!

Ever looked at a scout manual? Half a dozxe or so basic knots, including the useless sheepshank, and a few lashings. Camp stuff. Sailors tie knots like their lives depend on it. Because they do.

 

[Guest]