Advice for Newbie

[Vi_xon]

My husband has recently expressed a desire to serve me as a submissive/slave would. I am completely new to BDSM, but am rather excited about the opportunity. Does anyone have any advice about how to move into this slowly while not scaring either of us away?

Thanks in advance for your help!

Vi_xon

 

[WantonWench]

Advice

Akasha once wrote a great essay on this, The Good Girl's Guide to Domination, but I believe she's turned her site into a pay site, now.

In any case, first talk a lot. BDSM has a world of room in it. You need to discuss which areas of it interest you, at least to begin with. You'll find those interests grow and change as you explore, but you need a starting point.

Are the two of you interested in service and experiencing a submissive mind set? Then try planning an evening where he cooks or arranges dinner and serves it to you. Have him dress to your specifications, choose the menu if you like, require cut flowers. Have him give you a massage afterwards, or perhaps bathe you, kneeling by the tub while you relax.

Or are you thinking more of sex play? Then simply take control in the bedroom. You don't have to do any unusual activities to start with. Simply order him to strip for you, to kneel in front your chair, to beg you for a kiss. Think of the activities that YOU most enjoy of your current bedroom play, and take them. When you are comfortable with taking what you want, that's time enough to explore new interests.

Are you thinking of some particular fetish or kink activity you want to explore? Then explore it. Read up on it, not porn but real info. There's a lot out there, but be sure to read from several sources and think about it before you try it. Some sources will conflict, and you need to be confident that you have a good idea of how to do whatever it is safely before you try it on him.

Mostly, talk about it. Talk about what you each have in mind before, and some time afterwards talk about how it affected both of you, what worked, what didn't, what was surprisingly fun, what fell flat. Communicate, and explore!

 

[alisonx]

My husband has recently expressed a desire to serve me as a submissive/slave would. I am completely new to BDSM, but am rather excited about the opportunity. Does anyone have any advice about how to move into this slowly while not scaring either of us away?

Thanks in advance for your help!

Vi_xon

You may want to consider collar me. They deal with this topic almost hourly.

Alison
----------------
http://www.alisonx.sensualwriter.com

 

[CutieMouse]

Here's a link to a article on the Good Girl's Guide to Female Domination.

The Sexually Dominant Woman: A Workbook for Nervous Beginners by Lady Green is an excellent resource, also. (Available through amazon.com or www.greenerypress.com)

Checklists are a good place to start talking about what you both want/expect from the situation. If he's looking for bedroom submission, and you're thinking more along the lines of never cooking again, it might be a bit stressy.

Checklists from the BDSM Library thread stickied at the top of the forum:

http://ms.ha.md.us/~tammad/over21/b...-checklist.html
http://smvillage.com/Modules/checklist2/default.asp
http://www.asubmissivesjourney.com/bdsm_checklist.html
http://members.aol.com/MasterNik/BDSMCheckList.html
http://www.domsubfriends.com/library/question1.shtml
http://www.sexuality.org/l/bdsm/checklst.html

 

[Vi_xon]

Thanks you

Thank you all for some great advice, and for the links. I'll be doing my research, and you have all given me some great advice. Thanks again!