A submissive's arousal...does it matter?

[Stella_Omega]

I find reading threads where people just slander each other a waster of time.

Then don't waste your time commenting about them, yanno? Since you don't read them.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

Then don't waste your time commenting about them, yanno? Since you don't read them.

Sorry, but if I see people being ........ (I wont rather say what lol), I will always comment that.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Sorry, but if I see people being ........ (I wont rather say what lol), I will always comment that.

Well, that's exactly what people are doing yanno... commenting because bloved has been a nonstop fucktard. (I have no problem saying exactly what LOL)

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

Well, that's exactly what people are doing yanno... commenting because bloved has been a nonstop fucktard. (I have no problem saying exactly what LOL)

Okay.

 

[eastern sun]

My arousal has always been important, but not necessary, in this relationship.

 

[ownedsubgal]

My arousal has always been important, but not necessary, in this relationship.

how and why is it important, if you don't mind sharing?

 

[eastern sun]

how and why is it important, if you don't mind sharing?

He uses it in a variety of ways - he definitely likes the lubrication it offers, but that isn't its most important function. And he doesn't "wait" until I am ready (though, since I find that arousing, it kind of works sometimes. )

He refuses to believe that my arousal is something he can control. He can control my behavior, but my physical responses in the moment are treated as more "honest" and "revealing," than anything I might say I want or don't want.

So, he uses it to gauge my interest in different ideas. He especially enjoys those moments when my body is contradicting my words, and confirming what he thinks he already knows about me. He also enjoys experiencing my arousal when its triggered by thoughts or experiences of other people.

My arousal is like a feedback system. And, when it's triggered (and he feels it in no uncertain terms) it heightens his arousal, and the path we're going to take is determined.

Afterwards, I cannot really deny that I wanted it, even if I am embarrassed or ashamed, and try to.

 

[ownedsubgal]

interesting. but is your interest (or lack of) in something always related to your physical arousal? for instance, is there ever a time when you truly dislike something with every fiber of your being, yet for some odd reason your body may be somewhat aroused?...or times when you are engaging in something you enjoy and appreciate very much, but your body has no response to it?

He refuses to believe that my arousal is something he can control. He can control my behavior, but my physical responses in the moment are treated as more "honest" and "revealing," than anything I might say I want or don't want.

So, he uses it to gauge my interest in different ideas. He especially enjoys those moments when my body is contradicting my words, and confirming what he thinks he already knows about me. He also enjoys experiencing my arousal when its triggered by thoughts or experiences of other people.

My arousal is like a feedback system. And, when it's triggered (and he feels it in no uncertain terms) it heightens his arousal, and the path we're going to take is determined.

Afterwards, I cannot really deny that I wanted it, even if I am embarrassed or ashamed, and try to.

 

[eastern sun]

interesting. but is your interest (or lack of) in something always related to your physical arousal? for instance, is there ever a time when you truly dislike something with every fiber of your being, yet for some odd reason your body may be somewhat aroused?...or times when you are engaging in something you enjoy and appreciate very much, but your body has no response to it?

No, my physical arousal does not always reflect my interests and preferences (at least, as I define them to myself). And, yes, there are things I totally dislike, making me cringe with either shame or disgust, but my body still responds favorably. (Probably because I get aroused by the power relationship between us.)

I have often tried to tell him that I think it's the fact that I'm doing it at his command that triggers my arousal. He hates it when I say that, and chooses to give the authority to my body.

A significant part of our sex life is also devoted to serving his interests. I enjoy getting him off, but don't always respond to what we're doing physically.

He likes the fact that my arousal is unpredictable though. If I get aroused doing something (say, a handjob) that I'd previously been doing without arousal, he figures something new is going on inside my head and demands to know what I've been thinking. Since I have no right to keep my secrets; and there usually is something that happened during the day that is now triggering my response, it's surprising how humiliating it can be to confess some of these very transient thoughts and fantasies. Ideas and desires I don't always want to admit to having had.

He loves it, and then weaves whatever has been revealed into the game.

 

[FurryFury]

So if you are showing physical arousal but you are screaming NO in your head are you aroused?



I believe that studies have shown that animals can display arousal when they are in fact scared or even being tortured. I don't mean scared or tortured in a good way btw. LOL.

 

[eastern sun]

So if you are showing physical arousal but you are screaming NO in your head are you aroused?



I believe that studies have shown that animals can display arousal when they are in fact scared or even being tortured. I don't mean scared or tortured in a good way btw. LOL.

I've heard of more than a few erections during executions. And I would think it's obvious that a rape victim's arousal (if it occurs) is hardly a blessing of the act.


But given this is the BDSM forum, and context is relevant . . .

Yes. In answer to your question, I think, "Yes, I am aroused. But I don't like it. At all." I sometimes get aroused by doing things I don't like.

Actually I don't think that at all. I'm screaming "no." I've just found a relationship where the fact that I get aroused even when I'm screaming "no" in my head has an outlet.

I also want to say that I'm not asked to do things that make me that uncomfortable all the time. That would be emotionally exhausting, and very hard to sustain for long periods of time.

It's more likely that I might be pushed into the places where I'm scared. I still think "no," but it doesn't come out as a tortured scream.

 

[FurryFury]

As someone who was raped and came during it. That lead to quite a bit of confusion. In turn that lead to some fairly tragic choices in my life. I just think that so called physical arousal signs can be a poor indicator of overall arousal. It can also be a fun thing to play with. However, if that's the only indicator one is using, it's likely to be flawed.

 

[eastern sun]

As someone who was raped and came during it. That lead to quite a bit of confusion. In turn that lead to some fairly tragic choices in my life. I just think that so called physical arousal signs can be a poor indicator of overall arousal. It can also be a fun thing to play with. However, if that's the only indicator one is using, it's likely to be flawed.

He looks at my emotional well-being, too. He usually doesn't ask me to do things that have generated a lot of negative emotions in the past, in large part because my emotional upheavals are not that much fun for him to experience.

If I can ask without prying, Fury, what kind of confusion did you feel?

 

[FurryFury]

Yes, I'm sure he does.

The kind of confusion that lead me to think I was in love and should marry, then spend a life time with an abusive rapist. Happily he left me when he couldn't manipulate my feeling or my body into hell so easily so it turned out to only be ten years.