A recent turn of events

[MoMatter]

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this, but I'm sure that you all will let me know. I've been married to for 27 years and things are going okay. We've been through a lot together and see ourselves as a team. That's good and bad. We aren't quite the lovers that we used to be. She's put on quite a bit of weight, and though I still thinks she's sexy, she doesn't. So, long story short, she's not that interested in sex any more. I on the other hand, workout 6 days a week, try to eat right and take prescribed testosterone daily. I'm fucking horny. For the last few years the majority of my sex life is sitting in front of the computer, jerking off porn and, of course, the stories and pics on lit.
So I have a very dear friend with whom I confide everything. She's very attractive, sexy and fit. I've always known that she's been very sexual and a bit kinky, but that was never anything that entered our relationship. Our friendship is too important to risk hurting our families. She's married to a straight guy who doesn't mind watching her lick some other girls pussy, but that's where the fun stops.
Last week that all changed. I was on a 10 day business trip. My wife was being distant, not returning my phone calls or texts. Then I got a text from my friend, asking me how things were going. I told her how frustrated I am in my marriage and how alone I felt being so far away. She knows that I am bi, (so does my wife and she thinks its gross.) I told her that i was actually thinking of going on Craig's List and seeing if I couldn't find someone to fuck. That's when things took a turn. Her next message was, "what would you do if you did find someone? If it were a guy, would you let him fuck you? Would you suck his dick? " Three hours later, we were making plans to meet up when I get back. Se confessed that she wants to fuck me with a strap on. She wants to me to lick her clit and finger her pussy until she comes. She wants to sit my face and grind her pussy into me. We talked about bringing another guy in and he could fuck her doggie style while I lay beneath her licking her pussy and sucking his dick when ever it slipped out. HOLY SHIT! Dreams coming true every where!
We haven't done anything yet. I'm given the task of buying the strap on. I'd really like to do that with her, but timing is an issue with work and family. We also need a place. My wife is going out of town in a few weeks, but my friend will be out of commission as well. The anticipation is an amazing turn-on, but I really, really want to do this. We sext occasionally and I'm continually surprised at how free, non-judgmental and just plain kinky she is. I call her My Sweet Little Perv. she just calls me Baby.
I thought you guys would understand and enjoy my situation. I'd also like some feed back on the best strap ons. I saw the Feeldoe online and it looks pretty good with a lot of good reviews, but I think I trust you all more.
If you're interested, I'll let you know how it goes.

 

[Ahlam]

Hopefully you are prepared to face the potentially negative consequences of this endeavor.

 

[quimsical]

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this, but I'm sure that you all will let me know. I've been married to for 27 years and things are going okay. We've been through a lot together and see ourselves as a team. That's good and bad. We aren't quite the lovers that we used to be. She's put on quite a bit of weight, and though I still thinks she's sexy, she doesn't. So, long story short, she's not that interested in sex any more. I on the other hand, workout 6 days a week, try to eat right and take prescribed testosterone daily. I'm fucking horny. For the last few years the majority of my sex life is sitting in front of the computer, jerking off porn and, of course, the stories and pics on lit.
So I have a very dear friend with whom I confide everything. She's very attractive, sexy and fit. I've always known that she's been very sexual and a bit kinky, but that was never anything that entered our relationship. Our friendship is too important to risk hurting our families. She's married to a straight guy who doesn't mind watching her lick some other girls pussy, but that's where the fun stops.
Last week that all changed. I was on a 10 day business trip. My wife was being distant, not returning my phone calls or texts. Then I got a text from my friend, asking me how things were going. I told her how frustrated I am in my marriage and how alone I felt being so far away. She knows that I am bi, (so does my wife and she thinks its gross.) I told her that i was actually thinking of going on Craig's List and seeing if I couldn't find someone to fuck. That's when things took a turn. Her next message was, "what would you do if you did find someone? If it were a guy, would you let him fuck you? Would you suck his dick? " Three hours later, we were making plans to meet up when I get back. Se confessed that she wants to fuck me with a strap on. She wants to me to lick her clit and finger her pussy until she comes. She wants to sit my face and grind her pussy into me. We talked about bringing another guy in and he could fuck her doggie style while I lay beneath her licking her pussy and sucking his dick when ever it slipped out. HOLY SHIT! Dreams coming true every where!
We haven't done anything yet. I'm given the task of buying the strap on. I'd really like to do that with her, but timing is an issue with work and family. We also need a place. My wife is going out of town in a few weeks, but my friend will be out of commission as well. The anticipation is an amazing turn-on, but I really, really want to do this. We sext occasionally and I'm continually surprised at how free, non-judgmental and just plain kinky she is. I call her My Sweet Little Perv. she just calls me Baby.
I thought you guys would understand and enjoy my situation. I'd also like some feed back on the best strap ons. I saw the Feeldoe online and it looks pretty good with a lot of good reviews, but I think I trust you all more.
If you're interested, I'll let you know how it goes.

Oldest (and sexiest?) story in the world (and consequently, on Lit). It's infidelity, plain and simple. I say it's sexy because it's an illicit thrill, and thrills are fun, but the previous poster is right. Infidelity carries with it a whole host of other burdens, and I wish you luck. What I'm saying definitely isn't stemming from a lack of empathy, however. It must be tough to be sexual and not gratified, and either way, you've got to rock the boat a bit. Plan B could be to try and seduce the fuck out of your wife and convince her she's still got it, but maybe that's not practical.

Good luck whatever you do.

 

[Noor]

Noor's advice for married men contemplating affairs.

Ignore the stuff about cheating with office mates, in a way this is worse since you know each others families.

 

[MoMatter]

So I judge the company that I keep by how much they laugh, how compassionate they are and how honest they are. I think that I'm in good company here. Obviously I know that what I am thinking of doing is wrong. That isn't the thrill. The thrill is that there is someone who wants this as much as I do. I've always felt out of place, perverted, (in the bad sense,) because I want a little kink in my sex. Now there is this person who is as kinky as me if not more so, telling me that its okay. I have a new found confidence in myself just knowing that I'm like someone else. That is one of the reasons that I keep coming back to lit.
With that said, I would love it if my wife would be willing to play past the vanilla sex. I would like it if we could at least have the said "vanilla sex" just once a week. Maybe Quimsical is right, I need to seduce the fuck out of my wife. Maybe I can slowly guide her towards what I'm needing.

Whatever I do, I truly appreciate the openness and honesty of this group.

 

[Stella_Omega]

try sharing your testosterone cream with your wife. Ask this guy about it.

 

[Netzach]

So I judge the company that I keep by how much they laugh, how compassionate they are and how honest they are. I think that I'm in good company here. Obviously I know that what I am thinking of doing is wrong. That isn't the thrill. The thrill is that there is someone who wants this as much as I do. I've always felt out of place, perverted, (in the bad sense,) because I want a little kink in my sex. Now there is this person who is as kinky as me if not more so, telling me that its okay. I have a new found confidence in myself just knowing that I'm like someone else. That is one of the reasons that I keep coming back to lit.
With that said, I would love it if my wife would be willing to play past the vanilla sex. I would like it if we could at least have the said "vanilla sex" just once a week. Maybe Quimsical is right, I need to seduce the fuck out of my wife. Maybe I can slowly guide her towards what I'm needing.

Whatever I do, I truly appreciate the openness and honesty of this group.

Noor's advice is sound.

Also, whatever's going on with your wife may have some physical health issues underlying or some mental health issues underlying. Try to get her working out with you if at all possible, you'd be amazed at what that can do for someone's POV even when they don't love their looks, it's really good for the brain and libido.

 

[gonewrong]

The trouble with most marriages is that they include at least one person with a pair of testicles, and no balls whatsoever.

 

[lisa7777]

A 10" chocolate dream strap on is awesome!!! LOL

 

[swingofthings]

ALl I am going to say is if there are consequences don't complain. I'd just urge you try communicating first, and would like to underscore Netzach's comments that she may be having health issues that could be remedied. Don't give up on your girl yet! But good luck whichever way you choose.

 

[DomKev]

Not to be a prude but this is a bad idea. You said in your original post you still care about your wife and find her attractive. Do you want her finding out about this? Not just the fact she'd almost certainly divorce you but the pain it'd cause her?

Instead try talking to your wife. Talk about your needs (your human a sex drive is both a natural part of that and healthy) be extremely clear and to the point. Consider seeking out counseling for that matter. If this woman is your partner like you said you owe it to both of you to put in the work not just throw it all away to get laid.

 

[KoPilot]

Sounds like red flags for depression, to me.

I would at the very least try and encourage your wife to consider the possibility and improve her lifestyle to keep it at bay. If you can't get her to exercise or eat quite as good as yourself, maybe some talks about general life dissatisfaction could go a long way. Being engrossed in hobbies, new or old, also does worlds of good for building up general confidence, contentment, and engagement levels, especially if there's a sense of accomplishment being achieved somewhere along the way. If she hates/is bored with her job and is uninspired domestically, that's a major emotional energy sapper right there also.

 

[LittleSparks]

I'm with Dom kev on this one. It's strange to me that you say you still care for your wife and find her attractive, and yet you're not willing to help her and be patient with her. It's not like you've lost all hope with the woman you already have. Though it's been years, and that is understandably very frustrating, if you just talk to your wife more, help her raise her confidence level (like Netzach mentioned), and openly discuss with her what's been going on with you then maybe she'll turn it around. It just doesn't quite sound like the time to give up just yet.

 

[leighannste17]

I think you should just be patient with your wife. I hate it when men blame all the problems of romance, and attraction on the fact that their wives are older and have gained a few pounds.

Women need inspiration to feel good about themselves. Were not like men were we can just pop a boner, and suddenly want to fuck every pretty woman that walks down the street. It takes time, communication, and patience.

Try doing something nice, and romantic for your wife. Buy her some sexy new dresses, and under-ware. If she gets insecure, invite her to the gym with you.

Make her feel special, and slowly, but surely, seduce her back into the idea of enjoying herself inside, and out. It's not hard to do pal, with some long reading, and thinking, you can transform your marriage into one of the kinkiest, most wonderful times of your life. It's so much less drama to deal with, then to go cheat on her and throw away everything you have and promised for in your life.

Good luck though!

 

[Netzach]

To be fair, I don't think dude is actually as hung up about how she looks as she is, it's the opposite problem - but rather than disengaging, dude needs to find a way to engage her and get her relaxed enough to be re-interested in sex.

If that's not possible, I've got no judgement. Some people make it really easy to seduce their minds back into playing around and some people make is completely impossible and I don't know enough to advise.

 

[InsatiableDsire]

I'm always amazed at the amount of judgment that oozes out of this site when infidelity comes up. Frankly, only someone who has been there has any clue, and even then, everyone's relationship is different. OP didn't ask for marital advice, but rather, for strap-on reviews. If we are all so open-minded as to not judge his desire to get pegged, I think we should leave his desire for extra-marital sex unjudged as well.

 

[luvnmyboys]

Are you willing to risk your marriage for this? Things seem to have a way of coming out, so I urge you to think on that first. If you do it, how are you going to feel when you are with your wife knowing you have a huge secret? I understand the fantasy seems awesome to fulfill and you are frustrated. Try to talk to your wife and work on that first. Give her a chance before you go looking elsewhere.

Sorry, I am following the post to not be judgemental. It just sounded like you love your wife but you are stuggling to encourage her along and your unmet needs are causing frustration. I wish you luck to find what works best for you.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I'm always amazed at the amount of judgment that oozes out of this site when infidelity comes up. Frankly, only someone who has been there has any clue, and even then, everyone's relationship is different. OP didn't ask for marital advice, but rather, for strap-on reviews. If we are all so open-minded as to not judge his desire to get pegged, I think we should leave his desire for extra-marital sex unjudged as well.

yeah well-- infidelity isn't one person's happiness but two people's misery. So it isn't about him.

I don't define infidelity as sexual cheating alone, mind you-- it also can be financial, social or emotional cheating. Whatever understandings two people have, they need to either honor those or start negotiating to change them-- or own the fact that circumstances have put them in the cheat role. Which is not easy, lord knows!

 

[seven_of_nine]

You've been married 27 years so I assume that any kids you have would have left home by now? This can impact hugely on mothers, who are often left grieving and without purpose, it's called 'empty nest' syndrome. If your wife is retired or out of work, that can cause depression if she doesn't have a enough of a social circle and other interests. Perhaps she's still in work and wishes she could retire? All I'm saying is that you need to look at her life as a whole and take the time to identify where she might be struggling.

It may be that she's comfort eating, it may be her slowing metabolism, it may well be the menopause. Try to open a dialogue with her and encourage her to get checked out medically and take other steps to enrich her life or improve her lifestyle.

A lot of couples reach retirement with an 'empty nest' and discover they're a lot less compatible than they thought. If you really don't want to spend your twilight years with this woman, you owe it to both of you to be honest about that, so you can both move on.

This friend of yours is offering it on a plate and I can understand your eagerness but you're gambling with a great deal here. Even if you manage to keep things quiet to begin with, there are no guarantees down the line that she won't want more or that you won't slip in some way.

Given that you're on prescribed testosterone, your wife must know that you're perpetually horny. Try changing things up instead of repeatedly banging the 'I wanna fuck' drum. She probably thinks you just want relief and that you're not really attracted to her. That's a mindset you can work to change. Try introducing date nights, wooing her again. Try doing some DIY or housework, finding areas where you can lighten her load and leave her with more energy for sex. Run her a candle-lit bath. Take her clothes shopping or for a beauty treatment. Take the initiative in more than just ripping your pants off.

Don't even think about negotiating for kink yet, just focus on getting your wife to see herself as a sexual being once more.

A good friend of mine is in this rut and she's not even 30. She has young kids and never gets to spare a moment's thought for her own needs. I've had similar chats with her husband but he's proving slow on the uptake.

Just thoughts.

 

[njlauren]

Insatiable desire:

Telling someone of the consequences of them having sex outside their marriage isn't judging them, no one is waving the bible or telling the OP he is immoral, etc and as far as no one knowing what he is going through, I do, and i understand his frustration and desires, I lived with it for many years, so I am not exactly unsympathetic, yet those who promote infidelity as a way to get desires met either don't think of the consequences, or dom't care because it is another person, at least at times...and I also know how easy it is to get caught up in the excitement of finding something, finding happiness, joy, etc, and I also know how hard it falls when the shit hits the fan.

For the OP, I understand, more then understand, your feelings. I'll be married 25 years in June and to be blunt, a lot of those years we had a lot of love, partnership, parenthood, and a practically non existent sex life, and I took know what it is like to live up in my head, wank off, and want to experience things and I am not judging you at all for thinking of taking your friend up on the offer, but I also personally did things that damn nearly blew our marriage to kingdom come looking back, so I also understand the consequences, and also the regrets......

I think you need to talk to your wife, I am no professional, but what you describe could be depression, the gaining weight, the lack of sex drive, that can be symptoms and side effects of it....if she is really different, if she isn't doing what she needs, that could be an issue..

The other thing could be her hormones, if you have been married 27 years, she may be in perio or full menopause, and that can cause weird things..her hormones could be out of balance, and it can cause physical issues like dryness, and it also can tank sex drive and desire...my wife tried some OTC stuff a female MD hawks that seemed to work, but I would recommend maybe she should get her hormone levels checked, it could be part of this....

One of the things that jumped off the page was when you were on your business trip, you said she was distant and non communicative, that doesn't sound normal to me. Is something going on with her otherwise? Could potentially perhaps she is thinking of or is going outside the marriage (I apologize, I don't know her, I don't know you, so I am bring stuff up?). It is just that being away like that as you were, and her being distant, not returning calls, doesn't sound normal to me, and quite frankly, it is something I have heard in real life, not just in stories, that could mean something is up (and it could be pure speculation, more then likely is)...but still, when you have travelled before, has she been like that? Is she also more distant when you are home? It could be she was depressed you were away and didn't want to talk, but it almost sounds like she either was angry at you, or had something else on her mind.......

As others have said, this is a tough time, we face that this fall and I think it is a big test for us, with the sort of renaissance that has hit us, we will be empty nest with our kid going away to school, and it is a hard time. It could be that she is feeling that, and feeling older or less attractive, and if it is depression, could explain a lot.

My advice, FWIW, is work on your relationship with her and see what is going on. Outside sex, is everything else okay? Is she doing her normal things, or does she seem to have fallen out of her groove? Are you spending time happily together, or do you find yourselves doing your own thing? Those are questions you should be asking yourself IMO..again, I am not a professional, not certified in anything, just someone who has had their own hells to deal with....

Instead of sex, I would talk to her, for example, about why she was so distant when you were away, and ask her is she is okay, that she seems to be down or not caring about things, or whatever, reach out and don't let her say "everything is okay' because quite honestly it doesn't sound like it is, ask her what she is feeling, ask her what you can do. It sounds like you really love her, and I really think that she may be off her game and that you need to talk to her about it. It will be interesting to see when she goes away if she is as distant with you, if it were me I would make it a point to keep in touch with her, let her know you missed her, etc and see what happens.

I wish you well, and that things work out. I can't guarantee anything, but if our weird story can have something of a happy ending it seems to be heading for, then there is hope

 

[SirVPL]

Contemplating

Noor's advice for married men contemplating affairs.

Ignore the stuff about cheating with office mates, in a way this is worse since you know each others families.

If you love her, dont.
If she loves you, dont.
IF you love one another, discuss it.
LET YOUR NO BE NO AND YES BE YES

 

[Netzach]

I'm always amazed at the amount of judgment that oozes out of this site when infidelity comes up. Frankly, only someone who has been there has any clue, and even then, everyone's relationship is different. OP didn't ask for marital advice, but rather, for strap-on reviews. If we are all so open-minded as to not judge his desire to get pegged, I think we should leave his desire for extra-marital sex unjudged as well.

I'm with you on this, only this guy seems like a fairly reluctant and sad philanderer who isn't totally committed to fun time. My philosophy is that nobody understands anyone else's life beyond what they're telling you and everyone reads their shit into other people's shit, and fundamentally the creepy obsession Americans have with fidelity and a kind of ownership of one another is a toxic and possibly lethal thing.

However, like I said, I really didn't read this guy's post as "ready."

Believe me, I'm with you.

 

[intothewoods]

I'm always amazed at the amount of judgment that oozes out of this site when infidelity comes up. Frankly, only someone who has been there has any clue, and even then, everyone's relationship is different. OP didn't ask for marital advice, but rather, for strap-on reviews. If we are all so open-minded as to not judge his desire to get pegged, I think we should leave his desire for extra-marital sex unjudged as well.

I really try to come from the perspective of hey, this is what I went through, here's a perspective to consider, though when someone is in the thick of that lust spell, it's tough to pull them out anyway. I mostly feel judgy about those expressions of OMG, my BDSM relationship is so special and amazing and life-changing and full of true love forever and my spouse is "vanilla" and therefore not worth a moment more of my time. This poster isn't giving that vibe though.

 

[annayarnkitten]

My two cents.

Well I have been in a slightly similar situation. I was married for 20 years and I tried everything I could think of to fix my marriage. My Ex-Husband was and still is an Alcoholic. Through counseling he blamed me and refused to take responsibility for his drinking.
To sum it up, BOTH partners need to be willing to change. It sounds as if your wife has no interest in changing, or listening to what her husband would like.

A

 

[Primalex]

Because you don't have sex with your wife, you want to get fucked in the ass and suck a dick.


Yeaaaaaaaahh, sure.