Debbie
Persnickety slattern
- Joined
- Feb 4, 2001
- Posts
- 24,213
Damn PCG this is a hard issue.
I applaud the fact that you are trying everything you can think of to be keep your marriage going.
I am no expert and have only had a little life experience when it comes to marriage, lol even if I am on my second marriage already!
(My first sucked and was abusive.
I could not stay, it wasn't safe.)
Something I often think of when it comes to marriage/relationships is how complex they can be.
Two individuals who have had completely different upbringings, life experiences etc are supposed to love each other and survive
staying together forever. (hopefully) Makes me giggle a little.
Is is possible? Especially when there have been some problems since the beginning of the realtionship. Some people do it, some move on/get divorced etc.
Some raise their children in a troubled relationship even when both/ or one is miserable.
Some are incredible happy and stay that way.
My second marriage is completely different from my first.
My ex was cruel.
bigrednz loves me and would never deliberately say or do anything to hurt me. We believe we are soul mates.
We have had some really tough times with him getting sick, issues with my ex etc. We have coped through those times in our own way. No indepth conversations, somehow we just had to get through them.
I love him dearly but he isn't a discussion kind of guy and I am very communicative. We are truly like chalk and cheese.
There is a 14 year age gap between us and even things like the music we both like is very dissimiliar.
We both compromise and someone has to find middle ground in our relationship frequently. It isn't easy and sometimes it is difficult.
Not because we don't love each other but because very different
in so many ways.
Finding middle ground when you are both so different and there is a problem with discussing things to find a middle ground?
Sounds like a very hard issue to resolve.
Will spouse 2 listen to spouse 1? And then 'help' to make a decision that suits you both?
Can middle ground be met in deciding what spouse 2 feels comfortable in letting spouse 1 decide on? IE The running of the household, disciplining the children etc.
Damn, sometimes I blither. My point is sometimes as couples we get bogged down in what are little problems and the big issues become even bigger. Clarifying what is important to each person could help. What is important to you? What is important to him?
I wonder how you have both stayed together and worked things out till now? By the sound of it I am assuming you have done most of the compromising. My best friend does this all the time. Sometimes it gets her down and she rings me, venting. She still loves him, feels he is a good provider and wants them to stay together. She is one of the most amazing people I know.
She does not cowtow to him. (as in beg, bow and scrape)
What she has told me is that he is an incredibly proud man and likes to think he is the head of their household. He doesn't tell her what to do but voices his opinion as to what he would like to see happen and she makes sure it does in a roundabout way, meanwhile ensuring what she wants happens also.
I don't have any suggestions but hope that you can work things out so that you and your children are in a happy environment.
I applaud the fact that you are trying everything you can think of to be keep your marriage going.
I am no expert and have only had a little life experience when it comes to marriage, lol even if I am on my second marriage already!
(My first sucked and was abusive.
I could not stay, it wasn't safe.)
Something I often think of when it comes to marriage/relationships is how complex they can be.
Two individuals who have had completely different upbringings, life experiences etc are supposed to love each other and survive
staying together forever. (hopefully) Makes me giggle a little.
Is is possible? Especially when there have been some problems since the beginning of the realtionship. Some people do it, some move on/get divorced etc.
Some raise their children in a troubled relationship even when both/ or one is miserable.
Some are incredible happy and stay that way.
My second marriage is completely different from my first.
My ex was cruel.
bigrednz loves me and would never deliberately say or do anything to hurt me. We believe we are soul mates.
We have had some really tough times with him getting sick, issues with my ex etc. We have coped through those times in our own way. No indepth conversations, somehow we just had to get through them.
I love him dearly but he isn't a discussion kind of guy and I am very communicative. We are truly like chalk and cheese.
There is a 14 year age gap between us and even things like the music we both like is very dissimiliar.
We both compromise and someone has to find middle ground in our relationship frequently. It isn't easy and sometimes it is difficult.
Not because we don't love each other but because very different
in so many ways.
Finding middle ground when you are both so different and there is a problem with discussing things to find a middle ground?
Sounds like a very hard issue to resolve.
Will spouse 2 listen to spouse 1? And then 'help' to make a decision that suits you both?
Can middle ground be met in deciding what spouse 2 feels comfortable in letting spouse 1 decide on? IE The running of the household, disciplining the children etc.
Damn, sometimes I blither. My point is sometimes as couples we get bogged down in what are little problems and the big issues become even bigger. Clarifying what is important to each person could help. What is important to you? What is important to him?
I wonder how you have both stayed together and worked things out till now? By the sound of it I am assuming you have done most of the compromising. My best friend does this all the time. Sometimes it gets her down and she rings me, venting. She still loves him, feels he is a good provider and wants them to stay together. She is one of the most amazing people I know.
She does not cowtow to him. (as in beg, bow and scrape)
What she has told me is that he is an incredibly proud man and likes to think he is the head of their household. He doesn't tell her what to do but voices his opinion as to what he would like to see happen and she makes sure it does in a roundabout way, meanwhile ensuring what she wants happens also.
I don't have any suggestions but hope that you can work things out so that you and your children are in a happy environment.
