A not so hypothetical

[Guest]

 

[Guest]

How pathetic that the first few responses to this were people saying there's no way to mend the problem. And we wonder why there's such a high divorce rate?


.

I didn't say it was not mendable. I didn't say it should not even be considered. And having been married, I think I can speak with a little more conviction.

 

[Dillinger]

My friend - I wish I had advice for you. Just wanted you to know I'm here. And that its high time we talk again... very soon.

 

[Freya]

I didn't say it was not mendable. I didn't say it should not even be considered. And having been married, I think I can speak with a little more conviction.

The essence of the first couple of posts seemed to be that while compromise is a good thing, it wasn't likely to work in this case. That was my read on them anyways, but of course I'll bow to your experience and wisdom. Aren't you in the midst of a divorce?

 

[lavender]

Raindancer has never done anything to you or said anything other than wonderfully sweet and intelligent things on this board. To be so catty and to question her like that is ridiculous. If she is going through a divorce, it's none of your damned business. To throw someone's life decisions that we know absolutely nothing about in her face is ludicrous and mean-spirited.

 

[Guest]

No need to bow. While I admit imperfection, I know it's quite easy to make assumptions and throw opinions around when you know nothing of marriage.
I also know PCG. She and I are friends. So, I don't throw my opinions around easily.

And no, I am not in the middle of a divorce. I am in the midst of a separation.
And since you know nothing of me, I would appreciate that you leave my personal life out of your posts. Thanks.

 

[Calamity Jane]

Just a guess here but you're Spouse #1, right?

Hmmm... ya think?

Dilly, Yes, it is. Next week?

Freya, I think the reason people are saying that it's not mendable is the fact that the problems have been there since the beginning of the relationship. How long would you suggest a person keeps compromising and giving in and adjusting before they decide to save themselves and walk away?

 

[Lost Cause]

First thoughts.....

A true test, think of the other spouse quickly. Do you smile, or frown? If you still think affectionally toward the other, you're in it for life. If the latter response happens, you're basically putting a deceased horse on a resusitator!

 

[Mia62]

If she is going through a divorce, it's none of your damned business. To throw someone's life decisions that we know absolutely nothing about in her face is ludicrous and mean-spirited.

Pot? Kettle? Frying pan?


Back on track, pcg...do what you know you need to do for you. You and I have discussed this issue before. I will ask you some questions that FlamingoBlue once asked me...

Do you feel a ball in your stomach when you hear him come home?
Are you afraid to voice certain opinions in case it might start an argument?
Are you in love with him?
Do your kids know what happens between you? Are they stressed by it?

You will do whatever is right for you...when the time is right. No one can even begin to tell you when that time is.

Good luck...I wish you all the best. PM me if you ever want to talk.

 

[lavender]

*bratcat* - when you posted about your separation I posted that I was proud of you. Not once, have I thrown this decision in your face. The only life decision that I have criticized is your cheating on your husband. That is a black and white issue with me - cheating is wrong (unless you and your partner have made a decision that it is allowed).

So, get off the fucking pot/kettle kick. You're just trying to make yourself feel better by lumping others into your pathetic existence.

 

[Calamity Jane]

Re: First thoughts.....

A true test, think of the other spouse quickly. Do you smile, or frown? If you still think affectionally toward the other, you're in it for life. If the latter response happens, you're basically putting a deceased horse on a resusitator!

I don't know. I can think of several exes that I can think of and smile affectionately. But I'd shoot myself before I'd spend the rest of my life with them.

 

[Freya]

Hmmm... ya think?

Dilly, Yes, it is. Next week?

Freya, I think the reason people are saying that it's not mendable is the fact that the problems have been there since the beginning of the relationship. How long would you suggest a person keeps compromising and giving in and adjusting before they decide to save themselves and walk away?

Then I'd suggest that if someone is getting advice on the boards, they make that point clear. Are you looking for honest answers on how to help save a relationship, or validation for your decision to end it? Either way it's fine - whatever floats your boat. But you posted a scenario and asked for advice - if it was meant to be only directed towards those that know the full story, again you should have said so. When you post asking for advice, and others jump in saying that people can't change, or the situation can't be repaired, do you not see how others, not in the loop, might question their responses?

Raindancer, I apologize for the catty remark - you're right, it's rude of me to throw that in your face. However, I'd suggest to you that even if a person has never been married he or she may still have some valid points to be made regarding relationships in general. However, it seems as if this wasn't really a reach out for advice, but a reach out for support on a decision being pondered.

Lavender - please, piss off. Honestly, what are you? The fucking unofficial Lit bodyguard? How do you know what Raindancer may or may not have done to me? I'm not saying she has done anything, but how do you know that? That seems to be your stock line everytime, "So-and-so has never done anything to you to deserve that". Do you know every single person on this board completely? And once again, I think it's been proven that there was no need for you to step in and defend those you must consider too weak to do it for themselves - she has a voice and can tell me to piss off just fine, thank you.

 

[sunstruck]

Wow. That was low Freya. Totally undeserved.

But you apologized while I was posting, so I'll hold my tongue.

 

[Freya]

*cue dramatic music*

And from the left, we see enter bodyguard number 2.

And you edited while I was posting so I'll hold mine.

 

[Mia62]

*bratcat* - when you posted about your separation I posted that I was proud of you. Not once, have I thrown this decision in your face. The only life decision that I have criticized is your cheating on your husband. That is a black and white issue with me - cheating is wrong (unless you and your partner have made a decision that it is allowed).

So, get off the fucking pot/kettle kick. You're just trying to make yourself feel better by lumping others into your pathetic existence.

No...the only thing that you and your ilk have done is to constantly throw different user names upon the board. Even tho I didn't hide who I was...nor do/did I need it publicized quite so often. Thanks to you and your loser b/f and others...I now have an estranged husband who likes to stalk my posts and everyone who posts with me. Don't blame me if that comes back to bite you on your ass. You...learning to be a lawyer...should be more aware than others of impending legalities in things.

Maybe you should polish up your pot so as to vilify your pathetic existence yet again.

 

[Guest]

Raindancer, I apologize for the catty remark - you're right, it's rude of me to throw that in your face. However, I'd suggest to you that even if a person has never been married he or she may still have some valid points to be made regarding relationships in general. However, it seems as if this wasn't really a reach out for advice, but a reach out for support on a decision being pondered.

Of course. And, I apologize if my post sounded like one must be married to have valid input. I admit that I posted in haste and came across as dismissive.

I apologize.

And PCG, I apologize for turning your thread into this.

You know my pm box is open, always.

 

[Mia62]

Sorry, pcg...

I am now leaving your thread.

Again...good luck.

 

[sunstruck]

*cue dramatic music*

And from the left, we see enter bodyguard number 2.

And you edited while I was posting so I'll hold mine.

I edited because I didn't see your apology until after I posted. I was just shocked that's all.

I'm not out to get you Freya, I thought you understood that?

 

[Vilac]

The essence of the first couple of posts seemed to be that while compromise is a good thing, it wasn't likely to work in this case. That was my read on them anyways, but of course I'll bow to your experience and wisdom. Aren't you in the midst of a divorce?

Freya...
First off, my apologies for the delayed response since I have been at work. It feels as though I'm jumping into an arguement mid-stream here.

But...since the "first couple of posts" included mine, I feel compelled to reply:

You said that the posts "seemed to be that while compromise was a good thing, it wasn't likely to work in this case." You're assuming, and taking liberties as to what I was saying.

While it's true, I agree that compromise is indeed a *great thing...my point was aimed more to the fact that PCG herself said that "Spouse #1 is never going to feel comfortable with the relationship model that makes Spouse #2 feel secure, and the reverse is also true . In saying this...it shows that on some subconscious level, PCG was coming up with the answer to her own question. Taking this into consideration, (since she knows the background of the situation she's discussing better than the rest of us) she in essence provided *just enough info to suggest that this may be a more difficult task than believed at first blush.

Now...that being said, my responses were just conjecture. Just as yours was to my post.

Anyhow...it's a lot of babble on my part to simply say: I wish PCG the best, and my opinion is nothing more than yet another divorced member of the GB. With any amount of luck, she's dealing with someone who's more open minded than myself.

V~

 

[modest mouse]

Bratcat,

I will forego quoting your post but if you pull me into it then I will respond.

Why you feel the need to tie people together is beyond me. I post independently of anyone else. if you dont like what i say, then thats soemthing that exists between you and I. YOu can drag whoever you want into the fray but the facts remain teh same.

To claim that anyone on this board is responsible fro your estranged husband is fucked up logic. I have never posted anything that was private because I dont know anything that is private.
At some point you will have to take responsibility for your marriage falling apart. You've blamed Lit, the computer, everyone in the western hemisphere... but last I checked I, nor anyone else you metnion, took those vows.

I don't like you. I think you are devoid of soul. i think you have nothing to offer. I find people of your ilk loathesome. I've always been clear about that. I don't play soem bullshit game. You seem to want sitcom episodes revolving around you. If you want to involve me it will be a boring one. I'll verbally bitchslap you, have a small laugh, and wait for the victim thread.

Many have said it, some seemingly care about you... you need to turn off the computer and address life. Look at yourself before you look at others.

 

[Calamity Jane]

Then I'd suggest that if someone is getting advice on the boards, they make that point clear. Are you looking for honest answers on how to help save a relationship, or validation for your decision to end it? Either way it's fine - whatever floats your boat. But you posted a scenario and asked for advice - if it was meant to be only directed towards those that know the full story, again you should have said so. When you post asking for advice, and others jump in saying that people can't change, or the situation can't be repaired, do you not see how others, not in the loop, might question their responses?

I did make the point that the relationship has been struggling since the begininng, I made that point in my first post. I'm aware that the chances of the relationship surviving are slim. Compromise isn't likely, because in order to 'give in' on the issues, one of us is going to have to be convinced that the way we think it should be done is the 'wrong' way.... not likely.

HOWEVER... I'm interested in any compromise that anyone can come up with. I don't want to be single. I shudder at the thought of having to find someone to spend my nights with when I'm lonely. Being a single mom doesn't sound all that fun to me... there are a lot of reasons to stay together... but that's not an option if we can't figure out where the middle ground lies. That's why I asked the question.

Anyhow...it's a lot of babble on my part to simply say: I wish PCG the best, and my opinion is nothing more than yet another divorced member of the GB. With any amount of luck, she's dealing with someone who's more open minded than myself.

V~

Thank you. And thank you to everyone else... all my 'bodyguards who also wish the best. I appreciate it.

And finally *bump* for the after the holidays crowd.

 

[Freya]

I did make the point that the relationship has been struggling since the begininng, I made that point in my first post. I'm aware that the chances of the relationship surviving are slim. Compromise isn't likely, because in order to 'give in' on the issues, one of us is going to have to be convinced that the way we think it should be done is the 'wrong' way.... not likely.

HOWEVER... I'm interested in any compromise that anyone can come up with. I don't want to be single. I shudder at the thought of having to find someone to spend my nights with when I'm lonely. Being a single mom doesn't sound all that fun to me... there are a lot of reasons to stay together... but that's not an option if we can't figure out where the middle ground lies. That's why I asked the question.



Thank you. And thank you to everyone else... all my 'bodyguards who also wish the best. I appreciate it.

And finally *bump* for the after the holidays crowd.

Sorry hun - I probably wouldn't be able to come up with anything you guys haven't already tried. Basically you're aware that you need to compromise. Besides that, specific how-tos are beyond me. I wish you all the best though.

And god - how bitchy did I sound in that post? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.

 

[Ishmael]

I hate to say this, but Lance was closer to the truth. Find a third way. It is NOT all compromise. Compromise is always built on the lowest common denominator. Nor is the answer one that make all the decisions. That only means that he/she makes all the mistakes as well.

Or you might know where you're strong and where the other is strong, and defer. Where you're both weak find a third respected party to consult. Where you're both strong, well then compromise.

It's an alternative if you can be honest with yourself.

Ishmael

 

[crysede]

I hate to say this, but Lance was closer to the truth.

http://www.emotipad.com/emoticons/jawdrop.gif

 

[Problem Child]

...Thanks to you and your loser b/f and others...I now have an estranged husband who likes to stalk my posts and everyone who posts with me.

And now, the award for the most insane post of the year 2002 goes to....*bratcat*!

*wild cheers and applause*

Yes, the same woman that chased every man at lit and flirted with everything possessing a heartbeat and a keyboard now blames people at Lit for her "estranged husband" "stalking" her here.

This is undoubtedly the most asinine post of 2002 my friends.

And she managed to squeeze it in on the last day of the year!

Bravo! Author, author!

*thunderous applause*

Congratulations cat. You managed to beat such lunatics as REDWAVE and busybody.

You are truly a piece of work.